On being TG

Transgendered!

I don't even remember where I first encountered the word, and now that I am finally comfortable with it I am begining to experiment with the concept of "bi-genderism".

For years I lived amongst words like Crossdresser, Transvestite, Transsexual and the ever vague Trannie. Words, labels, names; these are important things in a young girl/boy's life, and as I am continuing to discover, they maintain much of their significance as I grow older.

Where does all this lead? I'm not sure. I guess it means that what I say here is merely my attempt to explain what all these labels mean to me, where I fit into the gender rainbow, and how I feel about my place there. I will make the occasional reference to TG's at large and possibly many will disagree with me. That is a risk I will take, and one you will have to tolerate if you wish to hear what one crossdressing, transgendered person has to say.

I have tried to keep this page on the light-hearted side. After all, what could be more fun than dressing up! Well, while the clothes and make-up can be a lot of fun, the reason's behind why we [TG's] enjoy them are sometimes anything but.

To explain what Transgenderism is, I would first have to explain what gender is. For starters, gender is the most misunderstood concept I could imagine. Gender is not having breasts or a penis. Gender is not a physical characteristic at all. The simplist way I can put it is: Gender is a state of being.

Now I know that is really over-simplifying it, but were I to go deeply into the meaning of gender, this page would go on for days. In the interest of brevity lets take a few relatively controversial concepts for granted here. If you care to debate them with me at a later date, I've included a biblography I suggest you consult first.

Ms.Vars' Rules of Gender

Gender is a Sociological trait, not a Biological one.
Gender and Sexuality have nothing to do with each other.
People can choose their gender identity, but not their gender [or their sexuality]
Society is responsible for gender labels, people are just who they are.
Everyone has the right to express their gender as they see fit.
"Everyone is born naked, and the rest is Drag"

Of course these rules are not cut and dry, but they give us a common reference point to approach the subject of being Transgendered. You are welcome to disagree, but that will not get us anywhere

It's hard not to vent or sound angry when I talk about transgender and crossdressing issues sometimes.

I should not though. Crossdressing is a virtually universal theme. Many people cross dress with regularity.

Females cross dress with relative impunity. Almost no one is bothered. Many people think it is really "sexy" or just plain "cute" for a female to wear "men's" clothing, others simply recognize the ossasional practicality of it. And there are those that simply do not see a woman in jeans and a man's shirt with a pair of combat boots as crossdressing. On the other hand, unless the cross dressing individual looks convincing, a male who cross dresses is in for social disapproval which can vary from minor to massive.

For the most part, the primary motivation for most heterosexual crossdressers is an outward expression of inward feelings. Something natural to the person concerned needs to find overt expression in the public behavior of the person.

This inner feeling takes the form of cross dressing. We feel a natural preference for feminine clothing and behavior the same way a typical female feels the need to express her femininity with her clothing. It is our nature as is our attraction to all things feminine.

To me, being transgendered means that I was born biologically male, and I more closely relate to what our society has labeled feminine.

And just what does that mean...?

Well, I will assume that the biological part is clear, or at least I am not going to explain it to anyone. How do I explain feeling feminine.

I am more comfortable in a dress, or skirt. I like heels over work boots. But it is more than that. I am more comfortable around women, I prefer their company, always have. I relate to people better, more openly, more honesty when I assume a feminine role. I like to be expressive, emotional, bubbly. I like to dance, to sing, to smile and hug my friends. I like pretty things and quiet moments, shopping for [womens'] clothes and going out for coffee. I like being pretty, sexy, cute and fun.

I do not feel comfortable being these things as a man. I feel liberated and free as a woman. I feel happy and comfortable with myself. No doubt there are countless therapists out there who are ready to tell me that I can be made comfortable as a man. Fine, but I still prefer to wear skirts.

I used to dream of being a ballerina

For the most part, the primary motivation for most heterosexual crossdressers is an outward expression of inward feelings. Something natural to the person concerned needs to find overt expression in the public behavior of the person.

This inner feeling takes the form of cross dressing. We feel a natural preference for feminine clothing and behavior the same way a typical female feels the need to express her femininity with her clothing. It is our nature as is our attraction to all things feminine.
To me, being transgendered means that I was born biologically male, and I more closely relate to what our society has labeled feminine. And just what does that mean...? Well, I will assume that the biological part is clear, or at least I am not going to explain it to anyone. How do I explain feeling feminine. I am more comfortable in a dress, or skirt. I like heels over work boots. But it is more than that. I am more comfortable around women, I prefer their company, always have. I relate to people better, more openly, more honesty when I assume a feminine role. I like to be expressive, emotional, bubbly. I like to dance, to sing, to smile and hug my friends. I like pretty things and quiet moments, shopping for [womens'] clothes and going out for coffee. I like being pretty, sexy, cute and fun. I do not feel comfortable being these things as a man. I feel liberated and free as a woman. I feel happy and comfortable with myself. No doubt there are countless therapists out there who are ready to tell me that I can be made comfortable as a man. Fine, but I still prefer to wear skirts.	I used to dream of being a ballerina

I know there are those who still will not believe me, or get it. I just wish they would stop e-mailing so many pathetic attempts at pick-ups. It has been said many times, by many CDs/TGs, but *most* men know nothing about women, let alone how to pick them up.

*No wonder there are so many single women out there...*

Perhaps that is the best reason for women to give TGs a second look. You will not find a more sensitive, less chauvanistic man anywhere. I'm sure there are sensiive non-TG men out there, but they are a minority. Trust me ladies, find yourself a nice crossdresser or TG.
And what about sexuality? Crossdressing is quite apart from a sexual activity for most crossdressers. While gender, sex and sexual preference lie at very deep, natural levels of who we are, they are in no way connected.. These elements of the total person (especially sex and gender) are indeed closely linked in most people. In fact, our language does not even have a clear verbal differentiation. We wrongly uses the terms "Gender" and "Sex" interchangeably. I am straight. I am attracted to women, and only to women. For some reason there are a lot of men out there that simply can not seem to get this. They ask: "Don't you want to experience what a real women does?" - No! "What about with a real pretty Crossdresser?" - No! [Some days I really feel sorry for straight women.] I like women. More specifically, I like my wife. I am, as many TG's are, a very happily married heterosexual man. Call me a lesbian if it helps you, most of the T-Girls I know well are in fact attracted to women. That is part of why we dress this way. To me, it makes no sense for someone that is so strongly attracted to femininity to be also attracted to men. But, I know that there are people like that.

ARRRGGHH!

Why do so many people feel threatened by crossdressers and transgendered people?

I do not have a good answer. We are just people. How can it possibly matter to one person how another chooses to express their gender?

Given, most people will agree there are some basic guidelines "for the sake of so-called decency". But if a person's clothes are within the limits of local obscenity laws, with the only possible exception being that they were intended for a person of the oposite sex, how does that affect your life?

Can't we all just stay out of each others britches, unless invited?

There is so much more I want to say about Transgendered issues.

Why is it OK to be a Tomboy, but not a Janegirl? [I just made that up!]
If women can wear mens jeans, boxers, T-shirts, why can't I wear their skirts and dreses?
The personal benefits to expressng yourself and accepting others
etc...

I should write a book someday, if only for myself. Speaking of books, check out my reading list below!

Just a few of my favorite books, in no particular order.

Phyllis Burke, Gender Shock
Leslie Feinberg, Transgender Warriors
Anne Moir & David Jessel, Brain Sex
Michael Kimmel & Michael Messner, Men's Lives
Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaw
Chris Bohjalian, Trans-Sister Radio
Helen Boyd, My Husband Betty

There are so many more, but if you haven't read these, you really should.

And what about movies?
There's -To Wong Foo!, Gentlemen prefer Blondes, My Life in Pink, Normal...

		Transgendered! I don't even remember where I first encountered the word, and now that I am finally comfortable with it I am begining to experiment with the concept of "bi-genderism". For years I lived amongst words like Crossdresser, Transvestite, Transsexual and the ever vague Trannie. Words, labels, names; these are important things in a young girl/boy's life, and as I am continuing to discover, they maintain much of their significance as I grow older. Where does all this lead? I'm not sure. I guess it means that what I say here is merely my attempt to explain what all these labels mean to me, where I fit into the gender rainbow, and how I feel about my place there. I will make the occasional reference to TG's at large and possibly many will disagree with me. That is a risk I will take, and one you will have to tolerate if you wish to hear what one crossdressing, transgendered person has to say.
I have tried to keep this page on the light-hearted side. After all, what could be more fun than dressing up! Well, while the clothes and make-up can be a lot of fun, the reason's behind why we [TG's] enjoy them are sometimes anything but. To explain what Transgenderism is, I would first have to explain what gender is. For starters, gender is the most misunderstood concept I could imagine. Gender is not having breasts or a penis. Gender is not a physical characteristic at all. The simplist way I can put it is: Gender is a state of being. Now I know that is really over-simplifying it, but were I to go deeply into the meaning of gender, this page would go on for days. In the interest of brevity lets take a few relatively controversial concepts for granted here. If you care to debate them with me at a later date, I've included a biblography I suggest you consult first.
Ms.Vars' Rules of Gender Gender is a Sociological trait, not a Biological one. Gender and Sexuality have nothing to do with each other. People can choose their gender identity, but not their gender [or their sexuality] Society is responsible for gender labels, people are just who they are. Everyone has the right to express their gender as they see fit. "Everyone is born naked, and the rest is Drag" Of course these rules are not cut and dry, but they give us a common reference point to approach the subject of being Transgendered. You are welcome to disagree, but that will not get us anywhere It's hard not to vent or sound angry when I talk about transgender and crossdressing issues sometimes. I should not though. Crossdressing is a virtually universal theme. Many people cross dress with regularity.
Females cross dress with relative impunity. Almost no one is bothered. Many people think it is really "sexy" or just plain "cute" for a female to wear "men's" clothing, others simply recognize the ossasional practicality of it. And there are those that simply do not see a woman in jeans and a man's shirt with a pair of combat boots as crossdressing. On the other hand, unless the cross dressing individual looks convincing, a male who cross dresses is in for social disapproval which can vary from minor to massive.