How To Compliment A Cat...

 

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We humans often make the mistake of assuming that what is to us an insult is an insult to cats as well. My research, however, has shown the opposite to be true. Indeed, some of our most heated derogatives are in fact the height of flattery... from the cat's point of view.

Flea Ridden: The ability of a cat to maintain a consistent flea population regardless of the frequency or amount of toxic, smelly, messy flea treatments given.

Homicidal: An indicator of a cat's fierceness, courage and sadism regarding small rodents, birds and human hands.

Lazy: A cat's ability to sleep at will and maintain a state of sleep in the face of opportunities to do other things - such as playing with the expensive new toy the human dragged home.

Mangy: The ability of a cat to shed at will, particularly when shed hairs contrast in color to the surface one is shedding on.

Rotten: The general willingness and ability of a cat to annoy, harrass or otherwise bother a human. Syn: Horrible, terrible, irritating, pesky, exasperating, vexatious, etc.

Stinky: The ability of a cat to produce vile substances from a bodily orifice at will. Syn: Smelly, malodorous, fecal, putrid, vile, foul, rank, offensive, etc.

Ugly Butt: The general ability of a cat to stick its butt in your face.

Useless: The fact that the cat serves no purpose, contributes not one whit to the family's income, food or shelter.Syn: Good-for-nothing, no good, feckless, superfluous etc.

Vain: A cat's awareness that it is the most beautiful being in the Universe. Syn: conceited, haughty, arrogant, big-headed, etc.

In summary, the next time you scream that your cat is a rotten, stanky, flea ridden cat who'd sooner bite you than lift a paw around the house, please consider that you've just praised the ungrateful wretch to the high heavens!

 

Email me with your favorite cat compliments and I just may add them too the list!

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