in the beginning - Drums beat, the Om sounds, and Shiva begins the Dance...3 AM - The music's too loud and someone calls the cops.

in the beginning - The Blessed Lord Krishna said: "This imperishable science of yoga I taught to the sun-god Vivasvan. Vivasvan taught it to Manu, the father of mankind, and Manu in turn taught it to Iksvaku."...next morning - Iksvaku pulls a hamstring muscle.

thousands of years B.C.E. - The dormant goddess Kundalini awakens and rises up through the chakras to the thousand petaled lotus at the crown center...moments later - She looks around, sees her shadow and goes back to sleep for 6 more weeks.

1200B.C.E. - Hanuman, monkey-god and the essence of pure devotion, prepares to cross the ocean to rescue the beautiful Sita, who was kidnapped by a demon...moments later - Hanuman spies a banana grove and was last seen swinging through the trees, eating bananas. 

500 B.C.E. - The Buddha sits down under the Bodhi tree, vowing to remain until he attains enlightenment...later - He watches an apple fall and discovers the law of gravity instead.

500 B.C.E. - On the night before battle Arjuna surveys the opposing army, unaware that Lord Krishna  is about to reveal to him the very secrets of existence, in what will become one of the greatest spiritual epics of all time (The Bhagavad-Gita)...later that night - Arjuna defects to Canada.

200 B.C.E. - Patanjali unveils the exact nature of consciousness itself in his brilliant work, The Yoga Sutras...2000 years later - Unfortunately no one can understand a word it says.

1920 - Meher Baba reveals his true identity as Avatar of the Age saying, "I have come, not to teach but to awaken"...next morning - Baba shows up late for work after he oversleeps.

1927 - Pattabhi Jois discovers and helps to decipher the Yoga Korunta, an ancient and  priceless text outlining the formidable practice of Ashtanga Yoga...later - the Yoga Korunta disintegrates after he leaves it in his pants when he put them in the wash.

1929 - J. Krishnamurti shocks his followers by renouncing forever his title of "The Next Messiah"...later - "No room for advancement," he says, "and no vacation or sick leave."

1940 - Millions of devout Hindus begin wearing the exact same tilak pattern on their foreheads as their beloved guru, Krishnamacharya...years later - When asked about the symbolism of this pattern, Krishnamacharya replies: "Tilak! What tilak? I was painting the lawn furniture and got some paint on my face that wouldn't come off."

1942 - Paramahansa Yogananda establishes the Hollywood Temple in Los Angeles as a part of his Self-Realization Fellowship... years later - Yogananda gets his own star on the sidewalk of Hollywood's Walk Of Fame.

1946 - Paramahansa Yogananda writes his classic story,  Autobiography of a Yogi...a few years later - It's made into a  movie , starring a previous incarnation of Tom Hanks.

1947 - The violence stops, India becomes independent, and Mahatma Gandhi - the Great Soul - ends his long hunger strike. The world is on edge awaiting his next move...moments later - Gandhi orders a large pizza with everything on it.

1952 - Baba Hari Dass takes a vow of silence and has not spoken since...years later - when asked how he is able to do this Hari Dass replies:"               ".

1963 - Kermit Michael Riggs leaves his home in Laguna Beach to live in India as the wandering holy man, Bhagavan Das... 7 years later - in a surprise career move, he moves back to Santa Cruz to become a used car salesman.

1965 - His Divine Grace, Acarya Srila AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, sets out for America to establish the International Society For Krishna Consciousness in New York. His followers (the Hare Krishnas) soon begin giving out incense and copies of the Bhagavad-Gita at the airport...two years later -  In a surprise merger, United Airlines begins giving out incense and copies of the Bhagavad-Gita to all their First Class passengers.

1966 - B.K.S. Iyengar publishes Light On Yoga, showing his phenominal mastery of postures...the following year - Iyengar has a milk moustache, appearing in soy milk ads.

1967 - Neem Karoli Baba gives Ram Dass the instructions that awakened an entire generation - " Be Here Now"...years later - due to a mistake in translation it was discovered that he actually said: "Boy is it hot out!"

1967 - Ram Dass reaches the pinnacle of yoga - enlightenment!...the next day - Ram Dass visits his parents.

1969 - Swami Satchidananda chants om with 500,000 hippies high on sex, drugs, and rock and roll at the Woodstock Music Festival....next day - Swamiji says "These are the leaders of tomorrow"?? 

1970 - Thousands of Sikhs dressed in white faithfully practice the rapid breathing known as breath of fire, after seeing a demonstration by Yogi Bhajan...months later - When asked about the benefits of  this practice, Yogi Bhajan replies:" Breath of fire? I was having an asthma attack!"

1970 - Thousands of blissed out premies - devotees of the child Guru Maharaji - gather at the Houston Astrodome to hear him give the evening address...later - Maharaji fails to show  because it was past his bedtime.

1970's - Millions of yogis are in bliss from the direct transmission of shakti by Baba Muktananda...months later - Following senate investigations, shakti is reclassified as a controlled substance and sale or possession is made illegal. Customs inspections increase to prevent shakti coming into the country from India.

1971 - The Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, guru to the Beatles, attains the power of levitation...a week later - the Maharishi is released after being treated for minor injuries sustained when he crashed into a treetop.

1972 - Yoga goes mainstream as Lilias debuts her long running television program, "Lilias! Yoga and You", giving the viewing public a much needed message of peace and harmony...30 years later - Unfortunately, her program is now shown between Cops and America's Most Wanted.

1973 - Scientists are astounded at the ability of Swami Rama to sleep on a bed of nails...later - It's actually a very healthy practice, says his acupuncturist.

1981 - Renegade guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh proclaims the way to God is through sex...the next day - Interest in spiritual practice increases exponentially!

1982 - History is made when Iyengar's most famous student, violinist Yehudhi Menuhin, conducts the orchestra while standing on his head....unfortunately -  several of the musicians also turned their scores upside down and it sounded terrible.

1985 - Sathya Sai Baba performs one miracle after another, with his ability to manifest small trinkets, ashes, religious symbols from  thin air...that evening - Unfortunately he is still unable to program his VCR.

1987 - Demonstrating mind over matter, Sri Chinmoy lifts 7063 pounds over his head in a miraculous one-arm lift...the following year - His picture is featured on a box of Wheaties.

2000 -  Seventy million colorful pilgrims head toward Allahbad for several days of singing and dancing and celebration in Kumbamela - the greatest religious gathering in  history...later - When asked why they came, two young people answered "Kumbamela? We thought this was a Grateful Dead show!"

2001 - Yogi Amrit Desai becomes the first to offer a master's degree in yoga studies to those who complete his yoga teacher training...two years later - In the first graduating class, the valedictorian delivers the commencement address while standing on her head.

2001 - In a moving tribute, Ravi Shankar plays the sitar as his friend, George Harrison, is dying...later - A new career opens up for Ravi Shankar playing weddings, funerals, and bar mitzvahs.

            - Paresh