The Rime of the Blubbering Vampire
Mean Lisp and Gaping Love
The Severed Half
And Your Style
Today I Wish a Grammy
Immaculate of Epic Proportions
The Rime of the Blubbering Vampire
It is an ancient VampireAnd he impresseth all but me
--"By thy full black hair and emerald eye,
Now whyfore stopp'st thou me?"
"The Castle's doors are open wide
And I am next in line
My ID is checked, friends are met
Must I stop to hear you whine?"
He holds me with his bone white hand
"I speak of pain!" Quoth He
"Hold off! Unhand me, Gothic loon!"
Tragic, but cute was he.
I shifted weight and sighed "Why I?
Do I look like Sally J. Rafael?"
"Alas, alack, I do not know
But I like the smell of your fruity hair gel."
The two of us sat on a stone
After I went to pee
And thus spoke on that Vampire tale
Starring Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Stephen Rea.
The wine was bought, I paid not
And he told me of his tale
"Before George Bush, before TV,
Before Cyber Pets were stale,"
"As I wondered wretched-weary
Out of the brush came he
Grey handed god, a loathsome clod
Sucked most of the blood from me.
He left me for dead, next night at my bed
Lestat a visit he paid me;"
"Oh whiny neighbor, I've done you a favor!
What lately have you done for me?"
"My senses shed their mortal mask
A brand new world I see
But in the shoes of a killer I walk
I moan, lament, I should grow a goatee.
Night after night, night after night
My thirst of blood doth grow
I curse Lestat, I curse Anne Rice
For writing this rambling freak show.
Mortals, mortals everywhere
I should try and call my shrink
Mortals, mortals everywhere
Nor any drop to drink.
My very deep did rot: Oh Christ!
That ever this should be!
The dote on life ravished its plague
And took my soul from me.
Until one night a child did lie
Upon her dead mother's breast
Lestat stood laughing while I was starved
And I think that you know the rest."
--Oh no you didn't what is this smut?
Have you nothing better to do?
Start surfing the net, I'm sure you'll find
A pedophile web page, nasty yahoo!
I fear thee, Blubbering Vampire!
I fear Miss Rice's writing hand!
The book is long, and pall, and cloy
As is American Bandstand.
I fear thee and thy Dahmer eye!
And thy jagged teeth, Freak Clown!
--"Fear not, fear not, thou Skeptic Queen,
Perhaps you should sit down.
She became a Vampire, too
Thanks to the famed Lestat
She made a boring novel good,
Or so the reader thought.
Alone, alone, all, all alone
Alone on a wide, wide sea
And never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony."
--My, you are a pathetic sort,
I said to him with a sigh.
But if not for your perverted ways,
You might be a pretty cool guy.
So let me get this story straight:
You feel you must suck blood
If you do not, or if you see day,
You say your name is Mud?
--"By George, I think you've got it now!
I have successfully told my tale!
One more thing, if you would not mind,
Could I extract from you a cocktail?"
--As much as I would find that swell,
I am afraid I must decline.
Surly you can find some underage goth
Who would donate her eager bloodline.
--"Righto then, I must be off
And you have a club to fill."
With a pleasant kiss, he disappeared
To search for his next kill.
And so, close friends, and strangers, too
If you hear a Vampire whine,
Please tell him 'Hi,' but if he looks wry,
Remember, he's on a deadline.
1997
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Mean Lisps and Gaping Love
An antsas in panthasAs moorings drew clear
And coherence grows near
Digits dance pretty
Through goob and a ball.
Turn novels quickly
In case circuits break.
Can't peak in pages
Daily, so nightly embrace.
11/2/98
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The Severed Half
The severed half you hated and drove you off a cliffIs the same half that curls my buried anger
Of the severed half missed.
Re-reading the chapters you'd soon kill and forget
In the only story I know
With monsters joined from fools
And youth's sickened haste.
So Resurrected Half, you ask,
"Where is the poem for me?"
I keep it locked tight in soles of shoes
Almost beneath my feet.
The poem that breathes
Is not too fond of playing in the grass
And singing in the Old Opry.
That song speaks not of you.
Unlocking now, the severed half
Lying on the bathroom floor
Or the reflection in the restaurant
Smearing tomatoes across my mouth.
Although the pastor made that call
You thought you were doing right.
Your severed half had another half
Who knew the wrong along.
The pastor's guilt is still very plain,
No single finger is pointed.
But the pastor has remained the same
And thus easier to predict.
Would you like me to untie the shoe
Unlock the severed sole?
Do you need a poem so badly,
Or an overlooking tale?
If it's the tale you'd like, I'd do it rather gladly.
Now how would you like that story served,
Tarred, feathered, or fried?
As long as the severed half
Stares me in the eyes
The poem locks tight in my weather-worn shoe
Until I can stop the severed's reprise.
11/24/98
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And your Style
And your style in the Laundromat sceneDwindled towards bopdom
And generation styles
Now really
Just naked people around
So proud running laps
And proclaiming our place
In your darling abode
Did I say yet that I love you?
Did I say that I will slave for you?
Lustful endearing and hungry hip poems surviving
Champ chomp fanciful arms delighting
In gift baskets of Oscar's envy.
2/13/98
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Today I Wish a Grammy
And today I wanted to go fly my box kite thatI spent all those years in jail making with the toothpicks
I scored in the solitaire matches played with
Imaginary friend Billie.
And today was cloudy just like yesterday and
Two weeks ago and six months from
Now where I lay watching sitcoms and eating
Salad because it is good for me even though
Sally Jesse has nothing on the menu without
A full stock of empty calories.
And today I decided that
It was time to quit the futon circuit and apply
To run with all the big boys because I have fought
them all me life. Just like Sofia say,.
Dumb child ain't safe in a family
of brains. . . and yes, it took me far too
Long to get through that book--it took a movie.
And then some!
And today I wound up sleeping
and struggling to stay there
Because the days might decide to grow
Longer till they get up to
Be forty hours long if I let them sleep enough.
Somehow I managed to get all my
Chores done even slopped the hogs,
And you 'un know jus' how dem
Hogs luv to be slopped
And there buttermilk run over them ears to crust.
And today I could go on and wonder
Why Miss America hasn't called me to
Take her place, just cause she
Didn't want it anymore, she just felt like
Doing the work for me--and the same
With Patty La Belle--she wants me to sing
All her songs so she can win all the Grammies
Just for me, and because I think singing
Just might be a barrel full of monkeys
SO much I can't drive with out
Belting out a tune or two.
Say goodnight Janie
Goodnight Janie.
4/28/97
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Immaculate of Epic Proportions
Immaculate of epic proportionsAnd figuring to type
Literary muses and fabricated arts of work
A calendar to keep says the times of point
Celebration for passage of too much time
With no predictable future
Write she says write!
Write like the wind
But with no immovable wrought iron past
And no pain from the poison of empathy
Does she burst forth a fountain
Of explosive puzzles
While waiting for the birth
Of outlandish word turns
Or turns of phrase like
She always yearned
Stood jealous by the barn
And Wished for the day
Of applaud that was sincere.
And words that were right.
4/28/98
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