:: xnera's ghost ::

:: Tuesday, August 20, 2002 ::

A pathway through the night

One of my questions has been answered: I am no longer alone in this plane. It appears one of the cabra I frolicked with last week decided to follow me home, as its specter is now grazing outside my door. It appears friendly enough, so I have decided to allow it to remain in my presence.

Unfortunately, my poltergeistic nature has returned. I found myself revisiting the investigation proceedings on the horrific string of murders Milagre has been experiencing, upon which I posted insults of the townsfolk, implying they are not smart enough to solve this mystery. In reality, I have the utmost confidence in them. I myself have not been able to make sense of the clues; I am sure one of the townsfolk will.

Still, it is disturbing that my prankster self will not go away. I am impressed by its spirit, though, as by its studies it has shown itself to have an orderly mind. Perhaps it is not so bad to learn more about the traditional customs of ghosting. In any case, it will give me something to do whilst I determine a path for my future.

:: 1:03 PM [+] ::
...

Land of confusion

I spent a relaxing few days out in the grasslands. I spent a good part of it bobbing over the capim, watching the cabra graze, appreciating my closeness to the ecological systems of Lusitania. Not many people are allowed such freedom.

It was easy to pretend I was on an adventure and become caught up in my surroundings. However, my state of relaxation melted away immediately upon returning to my empty home, which is already beginning to show signs of disrepair. It was only on seeing my once spotless house show signs of dirt that it finally hit me: I am dead.

I spent the rest of last week cowering in the corner where the giant bunny once sat, wondering what I was to do next. It is all so unknown. In life, I had a definite plan: continue to work hard at the brick factory, be promoted to supervisor, and hopefully start a family. But my dreams died with my death, and I am left lost and confused. How long do I have in this afterlife? Is this eternal or am I in some holding state? And am I destined to be here alone, or will others join me?

Hopefully it will all start to make sense soon. In the meantime, I must pull myself together and start planning how I want to spend my death.

:: 9:07 PM [+] ::
...

Temporary Insanity

This morning there was a message on the terminal from my ex-boyfriend. He offered to do all the heavy lifting around the house since I no longer have muscles and cannot do it myself. Apparently he believed me when I said I'd get back together with him over my dead body. I am disturbed that I became angry enough to call for his lynching, as I consider myself to be a level-headed sort of person. I am becoming more and more alarmed at the changes in my behavior, and will continue to monitor it closely.

Upon reflection, I came to the conclusion that the knowledge regarding the bunny's fur was not to be trusted. After all, what harm could there be in touching a bunny, especially one with such sad, pleading eyes? Thus last night I gave into temptation and cautiously stroked its fur once.

The bunny charged me!

Recoiling in shock, I turned and fled from my home, yet the bunny still followed. I flew through town: past the church, behind the brick factory, on towards the xenologer's habitats. I was getting closer and closer to the electric fence that guards our compound, the bunny close behind. I had no choice but to float through the fence, even though I was not sure the piggy forest was safe to me. Amazingly, the bunny hopped right over the fence! Scared out of my wits, I cowered against a nearby tree. The bunny came to a stop, and, looming over me, reached down and gently touched my head.

"Tag, you're it," the bunny said.

Clearly I have gone mad.

I am floating out to the grasslands for a few days of rest. Hopefully the solitude will help me clear my mind and bring me back to my senses.


:: 12:16 PM [+] ::
...

Transistions

I spent the weekend adjusting to my new predicament. I am no longer surprised when my fingers slip through the doorknobs or when my coworkers don't greet me when I float into the brick factory. It is strange, though, not to feel hungry or sleepy. I miss the sensations; their lack only reminds me that I am no longer corporeal.

I am still alarmed by the dichotomy of my two selves. If I concentrate on what I am doing, then my thoughts are rational and civilized. Yet the moment I relax, my poltergeistic nature emerges. Today I found myself writing limericks on the unfortunate change that has overcome Lusitania. I am horrified by my disrespect for the dead--myself included.

And the giant bunny still sits in the corner of the room. I had hoped it was a hallucination caused by my journey to the afterlands; however, I have recovered from my initial shock and the bunny still remains. Only I can see it: the people sorting through my belongings make no indication of its presence. I wonder how it is that I know not to touch its fur. I cannot say who told me, or even that it came from some verbal command; rather, it is simply known to me, as if some primal instinct. I am not sure I trust this instinct, as I can hardly trust my own actions these days. I shall continue to ponder this strange command.


:: 6:55 AM [+] ::
...

Piece of toast?

And anyone can see the road that they walked on is paved in gold
It's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry, they'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere...

This morning I was brutually murdered. My organs were removed from my body, still attached, and placed around me. If that wasn't bad enough, my throat was also slashed. Only 27, and already dearly departed.

I think I am in shock. I must be, for everything is hilarious to me. Like the fact that my name is rather fitting right now. xnera. ex-nera. Hoo haa haa, I'm peeing in my pants.

It's weird here in the afterlife. I can still see Lusitania around me, but it's like I'm viewing it through infrared glasses. It's rather eerie to see the trees so much lighter than the sky. There's this giant bunny in the corner, and I've been warned not to touch his fur. And time keeps fluctuating: sometimes the world looks like it's zooming by, and other times I'm the one zooming through a town of fleshy statues.

I cannot help but wonder if the townfolk will discover who is behind my death. I wish I could help them out, but I find what little communication I have with them is limited to bad jokes. I fear I am to become a poltergeist. Me, who was always so pure and innocent, now forced to be a prankster. It's almost more horrible than the manner in which I died.


:: 1:13 PM [+] ::
...