Posted 11:34 PM



Wooo, one o'clock in the morning, and I am still awake.

Where to begin... how about with what hasn't happened yet?

So I'm going to a Hatrack shindig on Saturday. Really looking forward to it, as it's been so long since I've been out amongst people who were not Roger. (Julie, you don't have to call me to remind me. Thanks anyway!)

But I am scared. I am scared because it is New People. Which is a good thing because, Hey! Different! I like different! But it's people, and the stupid codependency says that I have to worry about whether or not they will accept me. Am so afraid I will go and be laughed at. Silly fear. I know it. But it's there, and I can't quite seem to get away from it.

And another thing about the codependency... it's worried that no one will have a good time! It's telling me that maybe I should bring Roger's GameCube along, or Richochet Robot, or any of a million things. Now tell me, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE HAVING A GOOD TIME? It's not even at my house! No. I am NOT responsible. Am only responsible for myself. So I am going, and I am bringing the Kahlua truffles because I want to make them, and I am bringing my zills because I was asked to, and that's it. I am not bringing anything else. And we will have a good time, dammit, and I'm not going to worry about it.

Okay. Got the codependency issues taken care of. Now, about that eating disorder...

There's going to be FOOD there. Well, of course it is, it's a party after all. But there's going to be good food. Lots of it. My favorites. And I know I will probably be a bit tense because it's new people, and I will try to deny my feelings by eating. I am so. FRELLING. SCARED of the food on Saturday, because I know I've been binging lately, and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop.

ARGH!!!!!

*sobs in Raina's fur*

Okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay. I think I will come up with some sort of food plan for Saturday or something. Maybe eat only at lunch and dinner, and a snack in the afternoon or something.

Whatever, it'll work out and I'll survive it.

I was going to write more, but can't get the words out. Maybe later.

talk about it

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Posted 3:58 PM

Finally fell asleep around 4:30 this morning. Woke up briefly around 8:00, but didn't fully wake up until 11:30.

I'm feeling much better today. I think the cold is busy migrating from the head to the chest, so today I'm feeling a bit ill, but capable of moving. Cleaned up all the Kleenex, threw the garbage out, returned library books that were due today, and mailed back some Netflix DVDs.

Now I'm flipping through the phone book, looking for companies I think I might like to work for. I figure it's about time I try the blitz method of job searching: send a generic letter to many, many companies, stating your availability. Heck, I'm running out of time, so I've got to do something

What the heck is an "Entertainment Bureau"? I'm a bit leery of them, since they come after "Entertainment--Adult" in the phone book (definitely NOT an industry I want to get in to), but some of them might be okay. Does anyone know? I like the idea of working for a place devoted to fun. I just don't want it to be too much fun.

Anyway, I've found about twenty companies so far, and I'm only up to the G's. Now, let's hope I can actually write a letter and get it in the mail.

I think I will make myself a baked potato for dinner. Maybe that will soothe my stomach. I'm all queasy, probably from all the Cherry CHeesecake Newtons I ate the past two days.

talk about it

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Posted 1:45 AM



I have a cold. Waah. And I can't take any medicine for it, because it all interacts with the Prozac. Which is why I'm awake at a quarter to four in the morning. Spent the day littering the floor with Kleenex, sleeping for an hour or two at a time, eating, and checking Nocturne Alley. Gah, how boring.

Did play some "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" on the Playstation. My boyfriend gave it to me before he left for Japan. He also gave me this cold. How sweet of him.

Guess I'll go try to make it to DADA class on time.

Note to self: stop trying to self-medicate with food. It simply doesn't work.

talk about it

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