I've noticed I've been behaving oddly this week. I'm lurking message boards frequently. Well, actually that's normal. What's strange is I've been posting at them. A lot. We're talking five posts a day. This from a girl who normally makes five posts a month. I even posted my picture at one such board.
I also asked for a review of my writing board. I started blogging again. And I created an archive for Hatrack.
There is only one thing to conclude: my self-esteem has taken a nose-dive. I'm craving attention.
A little bit of attention seeking is probably normal. But I'm worried it's getting too big. I'm worried I'll turn into my great-aunt Helen who once made me cry on Christmas by cornering me in an empty bedroom and asking me what I really thought of her.
I do not want to make children cry. But here I am, posting my woes on my blog. Drawing attention to myself.
Damn.
Candied Chicken?
I love chicken-salad sandwiches, when they're done well.
Alas, it is difficult to find a decent chicken-salad sandwich. Usually they're too sugary.
Now, I love my sugar--most people know that--but I do not understand why you would want to mix sugar with chicken. Oh, a little honey is okay, but regular table sugar? Yuck.
The same is often true of pasta salads. Today's lunch of ham-and-american on multigrain was paired with a rotini pasta salad that was full of sugar. Bleargh. Give me tangy any day. A little zesty italian or a cream dijonnaise and I'm in heaven.
Playing Dress-up
TsuKata is coming over tonight. We are hitting the thrift stores in search of suitable clothing to create our Harry Potter costumes, woo-hoo! I'm thinking I'll be Madame Hooch. Her name just kills me.
Logically I knew it was, but it didn't hit me until I saw the datestamp on today's blog. And I'm suddenly reminded that this morning I was humming "Time in a Bottle", which isn't a bad song, but it's very Muzaky, which, of course, has been known to cause episodes of psychosis. Make it stop. PLEASE.
But, really... it's August? Where has the year gone?
Now you're probably thinking that yeah, the year is going by, but it's not like it's over yet, since technically we're only two-thirds of the way through it. But see, my birthday is next month, and birthdays make you reflect on where your life is headed. And August is traditionally your last month of freedom before school starts up again. August has always had a touch of melancholy in it.
I had great plans for this year. Well, really it was just one plan, but it was great: I was going to get published. Theoretically I still could, but time's a-wasting and nothing's getting done, though thankfully I am writing again (and any writing is good, even if it's in prissy voice, which is what I feel I'm writing in now).
Maybe this is why I'm feeling a sudden urgency to move forward in my life. I'm thinking again of finding a new job. Of redecorating the house. Of redesigning the blog. I feel the need for a fresh start. Whether I'll actually find one or remain stuck in the same old routine remains to be seen.
Here it is, the past few months of my life in a nutshell:
Got drugs, moods smoothed, feeling normal, busybody me!, early risings, bills paid, work stress, shopping therapy, ohno overspent!, now broke, more stress, stomach drug, less burping, moods diminishing, late period, panic attack, friends gather, false alarm, sobbing session, sitting still, productivity nosedive, feeling drained, too much, made call, bad drug?, shift times, oh YAY!, stuff done, writing again, HAPPY JOY!!!
A little bit of OCD in my life...
I can be a bit obsessive at times. Especially in creative endevours.
Been thinking about having a LOTR DVD party. That would require obtaining a DVD player, which may be difficult because of my financial situtation. But that's actually not what I'm worried about. As soon as the thought of the party entered my mind, so did dreams of decorations.
A few balloons and streamers would be enough for a normal person. But as we all know, I'm not normal. No, for me there's got to be party favors and themed rooms and window painting and all sorts of stuff. Which leads to a funk because my brain is more talented than my body. Sure, I can dream up of the perfect fanart for my favorite books, but actually draw it? No way. It's terribly frustrating sometimes to see these grand images in your head but be unable to create them.
I'm doing it again. TsuKata and I have a road rallye this weekend. It's a Harry Potter road rallye.
We LOVE Harry Potter.
TK is thinking of going in costume. As soon as she said that, I was off on the web, looking for production photos from the movie. I've already sent her email on how to reproduce two of the costumes using ordinary clothing you could likely obtain from the Salvation Army thrift store. And I'm determined to make a kick-ass costume for myself.
Except it's Thursday, which means gaming, which means getting home late, which leaves Friday evening and Saturday morning for costume making. This sounds dangerous, especially since I'm notorious for underestimating the amount of time it would take to do things.
So I will likely not have a grand costume this weekend. I might have a good one. I might have a simple one. Or I might resort to carrying a stuffed Hagrid around. We shall see.
One good thing about being obsessive, though -- in your search for knowledge, you sometimes stumble upon pictures that cause TK to shiver.
