Emily opened her eyes and rolled over to face Tony. He was still sleeping with his fists tucked under his chin and his dirt y blond hair clinging to his ruddy cheeks. He looked so peaceful. The naked pillow pressed into the soft curve of his neck and his knees were pulled up almost to his chest. Emily noted his fetal position with mild surprise and remembered the Tony she'd fallen in love with, the one that would caress her with soft lips when they made love and compliment the way the breeze carried her hair from her face. He was almost that Tony now, sleeping like a helpless child in the bed they'd shared for the last three months.
She got up and went to the window. The New Mexico sun silhouetted her shapely body in her white nightie, but the shadow hid the bruises. She looked out at the yard and noticed the trampled, dying grass. Her thoughts drifted to her mother's tulips in Minneapolis.
It would be cold in Minneapolis now; the streets blanketed with snow and downtown lit up for Christmas. Her mother's voice on the phone last night still haunted her this morning and she suspected it always would. The tears and the anger dancing together through hundreds of miles of phone lines. Emily repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again knowing that it would never be said enough.
She turned to look at Tony again and stared at him resentfully. She could remember what she loved, but not why. She could remember the day he took her from Minneapolis and brought her here, so he could have her all to himself. She was willing to go with him, so eager and naïve. It was only three months ago, but she felt she has matured three years worth since that day in September.
***
She was sitting on the couch, waiting for him. Always waiting for him. Her elbow was propped on the rolled up sleeping bag and in her palm she held her forehead.
"Emmy!" he yelled at her from upstairs. "Got my cigs down there?"
"Yes." She answered quietly.
He didn't hear her. He never hears her. "Emmy!" He yelled louder this time.
"I got yer damn cigarettes!" she snapped back. She pulled her hand through her bleach blond hair.
He stood at the top of the stairs now, a duffel bag under his arm, a leather coat hanging about his shoulders, and his feet clad in combat boots. "What's your fuckin' problem? Got a stick up your ass?"
You! You're my problem! I've been waiting on your slow ass for an hour now!" She stood up, picked up a duffel bag from the couch and threw it over her shoulder and picked up the sleeping bag. "What's in the bag, Tony?" she asked.
None of your damn business." He came down the stairs. "Ready to go?"
She sighed, "Yeah." She eyed the bag suspiciously. "Let's go."
He kissed her on her forehead and they walked out of the house together. His Camaro was parked in front and the trunk was already open. She unloaded her arms into it and got in. "Gimme a smoke," he said from the driver's seat and held out his hand.
She took a pack out of her breast pocket and fished one out. She put it to her painted lips and with the Camaro's lighter lit up. After a small drag, and making sure she didn't leave behind any lipstick, she handed it to him.
"Thanks, Babe." The car roared to life.
As he pulled away from the curb, Emily stared out at the house she grew up in. For the first time, she noticed how run down it was with its lonely eyes staring out into the street. Her mother's herb garden by the front walk was buried under the autumn leaves, and the tulip patch, many months dead, trampled over by the neighborhood children. The trim that wasn't falling off the house needed to be painted, and the shingles fell from the roof like hair from a balding man.
"Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Maybe I should leave her a note and let her know that I'll be okay."
He slammed on the brakes so hard her seatbelt locked up across her chest. "Damn, woman! You backing out on me?" he yelled.
She recoiled into the passenger's seat a little. No," she whined, "but I just don't want…"
You don't want WHAT?" he snapped.
"Her to worry."
"Do you love me?" He glared at her with ice blue eyes.
"Tony? What kind of question is that? Of course I do."
"And your mother don't. She hates me. I you wanna be with me. I mean really with me, we hafta gitcha outta there."
"I know, but I just…"
He put the car in gear and sped away from her house. "Shut up Emmy, I'm warning you. We ain't talking about it no more."
"Can I call her from New Mexico?"
"How dumb are you?" he snapped. "I thought you were the one with smarts here. She could have the phone call traced. They could find us. Or is that what you want!?"
"<o!" She sighed. "I just don't want her to worry. We could write her a letter and mail it when we got there."
He sighed now. "Emmy, you're not thinking. Postmarks."
She smiled suddenly. "What if we mailed it from Iowa or something?"
"Emily!"
She knew to drop the whole subject. Tony never gave third warnings. It was the first day of the rest of their lives together and she didn't want to start a fight.
The passing houses took on a life that she had never noticed before. The children in the yards, phones ringing in the kitchens, somebody left the light on in the bathroom. The houses she had passes every day of her life filled her with loneliness. She wondered if she'd ever see them again. She looked at Tony with his long hair blowing about his shoulders, and reached out to touch it. A smile made its way to her lips and she was sure everything would be all right. It didn't matter if she ever saw this neighborhood again. She would be with Tony now and she loved him and he loved her. He was her guardian angel.
"Why don't you lie down here and put your head in my lap?" he said out of the blue, and brushed a hand across her knee.
She dug a pillow out from the back seat and put it over the parking brake. She then laid down and put her head on his right thigh. He began to tousle her hair.
"Look, I'm sorry I yelled. But yer ma . . . She doesn't understand us."
"I knew."
"Everything is gonna be fine. We'll get settled and get a house . . ." He gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze.
"Yeah . . ."
"You don't need yer ma to take care of you, Emmy. Not anymore. You got me for that now."
"I know." She smiled. "I know we'll be okay."
"No more rules. No curfews. No more being grounded. You're too old for that bullshit." He unbuttoned the top two buttons of her flannel and slid his hand under her bra, over her breast.
She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Later, Emily sat up and opened her eyes, surprised to see it was getting dark.
"How long was I out?" she asked as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"About four hours. We're in Iowa."
"Oh. You thirsty?" She was climbing over the seat to the cooler in the back.
"Yeah, get me a beer outta there, would ya, Babe?" He reached over and grabbed her rear.
A beer? She thought. But after how hard she pressed him about her mother, she knew she had better let him win this one. She found a Miller for him and a Coke for herself.
As she turned around he slid a hand up her thigh. "How 'bout we find a dark rest stop and have us a little lovin' in the grass?"
She pulled his hand away and gave him the beer. "Tony, I don't much feel like it."
"Whadda ya mean you don't feel like it? I'm taking you away from all this, your knight in shining armour. You oughtta want to repay me somehow." He leaned over and cupped her breast in his right hand.
"Stop it." She pushed his hand away. "I don't want to."
He swerved the Camaro over to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes.
"What the hell are you doing?" Emmy yelled at him. "You could kill us with your driving!"
"You are going to make love to me on the shoulder, baby." He killed the engine, turned on the flashers, and started to get out.
"No!" she screamed at him. "I don't want to have sex."
But he was already opening her door and dragging her out. He pulled her to her feet and caught the back of her neck in one large palm. He planted a fierce kiss on her lips, pushing his tongue in between them. When he let her go, she got a good look at his eyes. They were glazed over with a shine that reflected the interstate lights and the whites were alight shade of pink.
"You asshole!" she yelled at him and pounded her fist on his shoulder. "You're high!"
"Use your fuckin' head, bitch. All my pot's in the trunk. How am I gonna git it outta the trunk while I'm driving?"
"Then what the hell are you on?"
"Baby, I'm high on you." He tugged her to him and began planting kisses on her neck.
She tried to push him away, but his arms around her waist were too strong. "Tony, stop it," she whined, but she knew it was futile.
He pushed her down on the damp grass and began to unsnap and unzip her faded jeans. "You know you want me." He thrust a hand down her front. "You're even wet." He licked her ear.
Emily sighed heavily and gave in. It wasn't worth fighting over. He would win anyway, it was just easier to let him have her.
He pulled off her jeans and went into her. She laid on the ground, the smell of freshly cut grass filled her nostrils, as she counted the stars.
***
Tony moaned in his sleep and a startled Emmy spun around to face him. "Don't you wake up on me." She whispered out a warning while shaking a finger at him.
As if he heard her, he nestled down into the covers a little more. Emily turned back to the window to catch another glimpse of the morning sun. God, it was beautiful down here. She looked at her watch and knew that she had to get started. It was getting late.
The first thing she needed to do was get dressed. She would have loved a shower, but was worried that the running water would wake Tony. She'd skip one for now. She quietly slipped into a pair of jeans and an old T-shirt and then went to the bathroom to comb her hair that was growing in brown at the roots. Emily looked at the mirror and her reflection scared her. Dark circles rested below her eyes and the tan she had worked so hard for the fist month she was here had faded to a gray-yellow. She could make out four small, light amber bruises that ran down the left side of her neck under her ear. She had a matching one on the right side where his thumb was. She shook her head in disgust at the person who stared back at her from the other side of the looking glass. She wished she could crawl in there with her and be safe. She wished she were as brave as the girl in the mirror once was, but he had stripped her of that.
"You bastard," she said aloud. Her hands clutched the edges of the sink and her eyes filled with anger. She hung her head between her shoulders and broken memories of the night before tiptoed in as gracefully as a stalking cat. She wasn't even aware they were there until she heard in her mind the echoing thunderclap of his backhand across her face. The slap had sent her staggering into the corner as he shouted fire at her. She could still hear the clatter of the plates hitting the floor one by one. He was disciplining her for not having the dishes done when he returned from wherever he had gone that night to get drunk.
She looked up at the mirror and shoved those memories out of her head. This was not the time to get weary-eyed. She had things to do.
She washed her face, brushed her teeth and combed her hair as quickly as she could so that she could get away from the girl in the mirror. That girl scared her too much.
Emily circled the small house and collected her things. She packed them into the same bags that she had packed just over three months ago to come here. Once she had them all packed she set them outside of the front door. She was almost ready.
She crept slowly back into the bedroom as quietly as possible. Tony hadn't moved at all. He was still sleeping in his innocent fetal position. She slowly opened the drawer in the night stand and found what she was looking for right on top. His handcuffs. She hated those handcuffs. He'd cuff her to the bed on the nights she gave any type of resistance. "Shut up and take it like a real woman," he'd snap at her as he forced himself into her.
She gently closed the cuff around one of his wrists and raised his arm over his head.
Please don't wake up. Please don't wake up!
She smoothly began to pull the arm he was lying on up towards the headboard. Her heart pounded in her chest and beads of sweat broke out on her forehead.
Please don't wake up, she pleaded with him in her mind.
She looped the empty cuff through one of the bars on the headboard and closed it on his bare wrist. A wave of victory covered her as she stepped back to admire her work.
Good job.
She spotted his dirty jeans balled up on the floor. She went to them and began to rummage through his pockets. He had $230 in cash stuffed in one of the front pockets.
"Thanks Tony." She whispered and the money traded from his pocket to hers. "This will come in handy." In his other pocket she found the keys to the handcuffs. "And these won't." She whispered as she shoved them into a pocket of her own. "But I'll take them for safe keeping."
Emily left the house locking the doors behind her. She walked to the street and threw the handcuff keys down the gutter. She turned and began to walk away.
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