Z.H. Reviews the Mall of America


Okay, this isn't a definitive review or anything. I just had the editors get their friends with no lives together and run around the Mall of America harassing the people who work there. They went from March to May, only during weekday afternoons and evenings--so it wasn't busy and there was no reason they shouldn't have gotten excellent service. Five stars is the best possible review, one star is absolutely awful. Someplace did manage to get no stars, though I hadn't planned on a rating that low. The stars reflect customer service; below are the comments of the reviewer(s) on the store. A note about Mall employee discounts: many of the stores at MOA give discounts to people just 'cuz they work at the mall. All one must do is ask for the discount--sometimes they ask what store you work at and once in a hundred they ask for a paycheck stub.


5 - 7 - 9 ***
It's a clothing store. Pretty good, but the employees got a little snotty.

Air Traffic ***1/2
It's a kite juggling card game dice and other stuff store. They kindly let us play with all of their toys. The employees can actually juggle. They were not very good at handling multiple customers.

Baker's *
It's a shoe store. The lovely employee's of Baker's confused the hell out of the poor reviewers and the rest of the customers by impatiently not helping anyone, swearing in front of everyone and generally knowing nothing.

B Dalton ****
It's a book store you dummies! The employee found exactly what I was looking for when I asked him about "Musashi, I'm not sure if it's a title or an author" and even tried his darndest to find "that one book about the girl who was raped and it had a red cover" which of course I made up.

Banana Republic **
It's a clothing store. This would be a wonderful place to visit if you were in to a bland clothing selection and enjoyed rude employee's. On the other hand they had funky store music and gave good direction's to their competitors (which we gladly took).

Camelot ****
It's a music store. Try as they might, they were unable to come up with the song I was looking for (in which I gave a ridiculously vague rendition by humming a few bars). They did receive a kick butt grade for actively searching everywhere imaginable and offering suggestions as to what it could be.

Disney *1/2
It's a . . . ah you know. Considering the employee walked away from me in the middle of a question to go help another customer I think Disney got a favorable review. After all, I was in the store wandering around looking for help and no one offered so I grabbed the nearest employee and she walked away! Ahhhhhh, Mickey sucks anyway.

Eddie Bauer ***
Clothing store. Employees gladly helped show their expensive selection . . . for a little while. Then they got annoyed. We gave 'em leeway 'cuz I asked for pants for my boyfriend and when they asked his size I held out my arms and said, "Well, when I hug him he's about this big."

Freshens (no stars) varied MOA disc.
Frozen yogurt and ice cream will occasionally be sold here. Worst customer service any of the reviewers have ever seen. A line of eight customers can extend into the hall while one employee half-heartedly rings and two others whole-heartedly mop and ignore the rest of the world. Often out of pop, or ice cream, or large cups, I have no idea how they stay in business. They give a 50% MOA discount on soda, but the torment and strain on your patience is not worth it. All reviewers give ten middle fingers down. *(see below)

Gap **

Another clothing store. Don't buy anything here--the clothes are hideous. Having said that, the service wasn't that bad--when you cornered an employee, they did what you told them--but the employees were just obnoxious teenage snots who said things like, "She doesn't, like, actually wear those clothes all the time!?!" to my friend who was also reviewing. This is called bad customer service.
Learning World ***1/2 10% MOA disc.
Toy store. Good customer service but the employee just didn't know much about kids. A little pricey.
Macy's **

Department store. After going through all three floors and most every department on a dead Monday afternoon, only one employee could take the time off of her busy schedule to inquire if I needed help. I even tried sitting on the display chairs and playing with all the kitchen wear. The woman who did finally help me in perfume only came after about three minutes of wandering through the toxic atmosphere. I expected more, but it was cheaper than Nordstrom.

Market of Pier 1 ***** 10% MOA disc.
Nick-nack store. The only store to rate five stars, Market of Pier 1 had all sorts of cool stuff, like candle holders and. . . just stuff! that wasn't as expensive as we expected. The lovely, kind, warm and generous employees gladly offered suggestions to our obnoxious questions and helped us find everything we needed. Yay!

Nature Company ****
Nature nick-nack store. I didn't get a lot of help, but that's 'cuz the employee working the floor was busy showing some other people all the cool rocks. I wandered and picked up all their little toys and they politely answered my questions.

Nordstrom **
Department store. The supposed king of customer service. . . sucks. Of the four departments we visited, two of them stalked us, thinking us to be shop-lifters (oh, yeah, I could stuff that suit up my t-shirt) and in one we actually got help. The man kindly pointed out some shirts that we liked and insulted some other shirts that we agreed were ugly. We were forced to conduct an all-out search in perfume to get help. The employees will help you--if you can just hunt them down and they're not too busy patting you down. Ungodly expensive.

Readwells ** 10% MOA disc.
Book store. I must say in their favor that all New York Times bestsellers, both paperback and hardcovers, are 25% off. When two employees were alone behind the counter, two reviewers went and barraged one of them with questions simultaneously. He looked confused while the other just ignored the situation, and eventually just waved one away with faulty information (lying bastard). Didn't seem to know much about books for booksellers.

Sam Goody ***1/2 10 MOA disc.
A music store. Both reviewers received decent customer service and were offered alternatives when their needs could not be met. The selection was what you might expect of a mall music store. They did find a group and album when asked about that song that went "dadaadadaaadaaad bottle of smoke."

Warner Brothers **
You know, Bugs & stuff. They weren't actually rude, but it appeared that they would enjoy their job much more without the customers. Moving things around and spinning in circles with blank expressions just could not draw them from their appointed tasks. Maybe they're just really dedicated to the job at hand.

Zero Gravity ****1/2 10% MOA disc.
Another nick-nack store, with bizarre stuff. Good customer service, handled two customers at once really well. Willing to explain the aforementioned bizarre stuff and pull it from their glass cases for inspection without even needing to be asked. Yay!


Restaurants


Gatlin Brothers ***1/2
The food was a little pricey, but the portions were large. We liked how the server brought our refills without us conducting a manhunt, or even having to ask. The server was nice, but got confused on who ordered what, twice with our table and with the table next to us (the only two tables occupied, so he wasn't overwrought). Be warned: they do play country music here.

Planet Hollywood ***1/2
The service was wonderful when we went. The food however. . . was not. Yummy appetizers did not represent the main dishes. Two out of the five reviewers present had the server replace their dishes with a different meal after they were found to be really icky (which the server gladly and cheerfully did). So no, we don't recommend the ribs. Cool stuff hangin' on the walls and televisions showing clips of movies to watch and talk about while you wait. Be prepared to spend lotsda $$$.

Rainforest Cafe *** 10% MOA disc. Mon-Fri
Their frozen non-alcoholic smoothies were absolutely delicious. The other food was alright, but nothing stunning. The place is great fun to be at, with vines and trees covering the ceiling and wait for the thunderstorms. Our main server was cool, but the server who brought some of the food was a snot. Overall good service, great atmosphere, and food that won't make you barf.

Tucci Benucch ***1/2 20% MOA disc.
Chairs hang from the ceiling. In a good way. The food was really good, the service was friendly and accommodating. True, it's a little expensive, but the food is really nice and that 20% takes the edge off--definitely making it worth while, and if you like Italian food, this is a must.

Twin City Grill **** 20% MOA disc.
Formerly the Twin City Diner, the food is pretty good, I've fallen in love with the vinegar fries. They have wonderful customer service and it's a nice, cozy environment. I eat there and you should too.


* Shortly before publication we learned that Freshens' upper management fired all the managers and the employees. While we think this is a good idea, and when we pass by we actually see the employees working, we all refuse to go there ever again. We feel in necessary to point out that people have said the service is good now.


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