Love is a funny thing.
I remember my first love . . . June. The good ones always have the names of months. April, May and of course, June. Yeah, months are good but the really, really good ones are named after seasons. I'm dying to fall in love with an Autumn and Lord help me if I get my hands on a Summer.
Anyway, back in the spring of 1991 I fell for this brunette named June. Ever since the night she walked into the Underground I had it for her bad. She had the kind of body you always had wet dreams about. I mean really, really wet dreams. Her hair was a little past shoulder length and she would always casually brush it out of her face in that no nonsense way that drove me crazy. Literally crazy. She didn't wear make up and didn't need hair spray. I think now I can come out and say that at the time I had never wanted to nail anyone as bad as I wanted to nail her in my entire life.
That was her, this is me. Average looking, average height, average weight, pretty good dancer, moderately funny, one hell of a nice guy. I made up my mind to hide in the corner all night until she was gone.
It almost worked too if it wasn't for Matt. Ever have one of those friends who are constantly trying to hook you up with one girl or another. Well, Matt somehow got it in his head that I was attracted to her. Maybe it was the fact that my hard on was always pointed in her direction. Whatever the reason he headed over to talk to her and her two friends. Ever notice how gorgeous girls always hang out with butt ugly ones. Must be to make themselves look better.
If I had any clue that Matt was going to tell her all sorts of malicious lies about me I would have just ended his life then and dealt with the consequences later. You see Matt isn't all that good looking but women love him.
He's loud and obnoxious, a complete asshole and his relationships always end up bad. Like I said, the women love him. For some reason because I'm not any of those things he has to tell the potential girls he hooks me up with all sorts of crap. So when I saw her move that gorgeous bod over my way I didn't know what to expect.
At least I got the courage to speak first. "Hi." Well, it was a start.
She smiled and I almost fainted. "Hi. Do you wanna dance for a while?"
Fuck yes! On the inside. "Sure." On the outside. We made some ridiculous small talk over the music by screaming into each others ears until we finely gave it up and just danced. I was pleasantly surprised when the fast songs ended and she grabbed my hand for a slow dance.
The second her body pressed against mine there were problems. Someone wanted to talk to her very bad and kept jumping up to ask certain questions that would get me slapped. It took an enormous amount of will to suppress Russle. You know, the love muscle. I went through all the tricks. I thought of dead puppies, my sister naked, kissing my grandma, getting a blow job from that really fat chick over there.
Finally, finally, finally did I manage to deflate the wood meister. If she ever noticed my near psionic duel with my penis she never mentioned it.
Now that the music was calmer and my inner struggle was over we were able to talk. This is where I do good. After a few short minutes she began to see what a nice guy I am. A few quick jokes I have rehearsed down to an Academy performance and she was cracking up in my arms.
"You know, I am a disgustingly nice guy." I told her.
"That's what they all say." I had to admit she was right. Every guy will say it but I actually was. "No, I mean it. It's really sickening how good I am to people."
"What if I don't like you cause your too nice." She said.
"Well, in that case I'd just have to kick your ass." I got a snort laugh smack in the arm for that.
Then it got better.
We dated for about a month and I was really getting tired of Matt telling me I owed him for setting me up with June. One night June and I were at her parents place when I got hit with some really hard fucking questions. Not from her parents but her little eight year old sister. Right at dinner too.
"Have you seen my sister naked?" She asked with wide eyed innocence. Her name was Jessica and that night it was a synonym for hell.
I really had my shit together that night and thank God for small favors. I didn't even choke on my milk when that one came out. What the hell could I say though? If I told the truth, which was no, then her father would think I was lying and hate me for seeing his little girl naked. If I lied and said yes then her father would hate me for seeing his little girl naked. I needed a joke that would be an answer that Jessica wouldn't understand and yet a subtle hint to the parents that hey, don't worry I haven't nailed your daughter. Instead of that I said, "No, the lights were off."
I don't know how the hell that came out so deadpan but there it was. I got four different reactions from four different people. A snort laugh from her father that June inherited, a wide eyed shocked look form her mother, a blank eyed stare from Jessica and a "In your dreams" from June. Damn fucking right in my dreams.
Then it got worse. June's father decided to like me and her mother decided to hate my lecherous ass (as she called me when I wasn't around). Let's clear this up. In every stable family the mother is in charge. The father might think he's in charge but we all know the truth. If one of the two parents are against you make it that father. That way while dad rants and raves about how some young, pimple faced little prick is boinking his daughter mom can be the cool voice of reason. This way the cool voice of reason was cutting a hole in my back while dad just sat around and said "Yes dear."
Soon both parents would be against me, which is better than just having mom hate you because then June would get fed up with both of them for using their first amendment right of free speech to blaspheme against me and do her own thing. All I had to do was hold out for a few months until dad hated me too then we might go somewhere with the relationship.
Confused yet? I hope not becaause the complicated part has just begun.
Sex.
We had been going out for a few months (ask June if you want to know exactly how long down to the metric second) when we decided we loved each other enough to have sex.
Oh, you know how kids are. Love is given so freely in a relationship between the ages of 16-21. It's pretty sickening from what I remember. Oh, June. You passed your midterm with a B. I love you. She would have some equally lame excuse to tell me she loved me. We just ate it up. Don't get me wrong. I honestly believe that young people can feel true love but 99 percent of the kids who say "Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know what love is", don't know what love is. I just happened to be in that 99 percent thank you very much.
By now both parents hated me and that made June love me all the more which brought us to this momentous occasion. I'm not saying we were angels or anything. Before the most glorious day, we made out all the time and did some other fun things. Touching and feeling, a little of the oral thing. Now it was time to go all out. Thank God neither of us were virgins. At least we knew not only what we wanted to do but how to do it.
It was June 1st and what a perfect day for the most glorious event to take place. It had been the topic of discussion for nearly a week and I finally had to fall back on the old reliable.
"I'll wait as long as you want to." I told her. Now, ladies, how the hell can you be so intelligent and fall for the stupidest shit. Don't you know what that means? Here let me try to explain. When a guy want to get laid he says he'll wait as long as she wants because he knows it makes her feel all good inside and she'll cave in faster than if he would have never told her he would wait. I'm sorry to break it to you ladies but no matter how nice the guy is, how sweet, how innocent, how unbelievably fucking clueless he is, he's always thinking of one thing. How to get you in bed. That's a fact.
That night old reliable came through. We were going to my house. My mother was out of town for the weekend and it was Saturday night. We just came back from a hard night dancing at the Goldrush with all our friends. I couldn't wait to get back to my house to rip her clothes off and fuck her brains out. Of course, what I said was something like, "June," Then I gave this dramatic pause to make it look like I was pondering heavy over some big decision. "I've been thinking of how wonderful you've been to me." That was a good start. Now maybe I should tell her of all the positions I had in mind for her tonight.
"You've been wonderful to me too." She said.
"I wanted you to know how much I care for you. You've really turned my life around." Another one of those pauses like what I was about to say was just coming off the top of my head, and yet, was stunningly romantic and beautiful, "I've fallen in love with you June. I want you to know from the moment I laid eyes on you I've loved you." I think the key word there was laid.
That pretty much wrapped it up. Remember, no matter how unoriginal the line is young women in love fall for pretty much anything, and everything. The rest of te car ride was silent but I could see the moistness in her eyes. Guys when you've made your girlfriend cry because of how happy you've made her you're in like Flynn.
When we got back to my house it started out normal enough. Talking, kissing, laughing, but always touching. Remember that men, women love to be touched.
Suddenly June just sort of took off her shirt. Man did I try to control my lust at that moment and take it slow and natural but some things just aren't meant to be stopped.
Anyway, both of us sort of lost it then and the clothes went flying. Between flying clothes and heavy breathing I told her we needed protection, she assured me she was on the pill. God I love a woman on the pill.
We both must have had a simultaneous thought of forgetting the foreplay since that's all we've been doing for the past few months. Our clothes were off and she was in my bed. I was the gentleman and let her take top.
About twenty minutes later 6,376,936 of my sperm died in June.
Return to sample stories page.