I want = I want
We need = I want
You want = Shut up
You wouldn’t understand = I don’t understand
I love you = Go down on me
I need you = My hand is tired
I’m sorry = I’m not above begging for sex
You’re beautiful = I’d do you
It’s a guy thing = It’s not my fault
I’m not yelling = Yes I’m yelling because I know you’re right and I think if I scream loud enough I’ll win
I could’ve taken him = If he was asleep and I was in my car
It didn’t hurt = HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT FUCKING HURT!!!
Yes, I’d love to go shopping with you = I’m gay
I’m not homophobic but... = I just hate faggots
You’re not a dyke are you? = Can I watch?
We need to talk = I’m dumping you
Let’s just be friends = I want to sleep with your friends
It’s just not working out = You’re not putting out
Yes = Yes
Maybe = Yes
No = Not with you
It’s not what you think = It’s what you think
What would you like to do = Where would you like to do me
Women’s rights, the ERA? = They let women into that gun club?
Of course I support feminism = Dykes gotta have rights too
I like independent women = That way I don’t have to spend the night after I do her
What’s your sign/what’s your major/can I buy you a drink = God I hope she swallows
That’s a nice dress/shirt/hair/eyes/shoes = Nice breasts
Why are you upset/angry/depressed/crying = It must be PMS
I’m not drunk, I can remember everything that’s happening to me = I’m drunk
You’re not fat = Finally a question I know the right answer to
Yes dear = (no thought, conditioned reflex)
I’ll make dinner tonight = I’ll order pizza
I can fix it = Seventh grade I made a lamp out of a pop can; I can fix anything
We’re going to have a guy’s night = I feel the need todrink, talk about sex, belch and scratch myself in public
I don’t know if we can afford that = It’s not something I want
Don’t worry = Miracles can happen
I like a woman with a sense of humor = ...on her knees
I don’t need to masturbate = I just do it cause I like it
I won’t tell anyone = Except all the guys I know
I’m different from all the other guys = I’m not circumcised
What he really means in bed:
Did you come? = I’m done
Let’s be romantic and cuddle tonight = I can’t get it up
Oh God baby you’re good = Damn I’m good
Let’s turn off the lights = You’re ugly
Don’t worry, I’ll pull out = Afterward
Why are you laughing = Tell me I’m huge