Sample Marked Up Page #3
Sample Marked Up Page #3
This page illustrates both cutting a small scene and dialogue while trying to clarify the points I want to make.
The handwritten remarks in the upper left that reads Need to make it clear how Cassie is viewed by others in the U. G. (underground)" is a note to make sure by the time I get to this point the audience knows how important others felt Cassie was. This is something I might write on your script and then in the analysis or followup conversation take the time to explain it in more detail and suggest ways it coud be done.The middle section I crossed out because I felt I didn't need it to start with a static scene, that it would be more effective to cut in to the more active action.
Count up 7 lines of scene description from the bottom and notice at the end of that line where I changed the word "negotiating" to "negotiates." I'm a big believer in using the most active verbs possible and I'm relentless in making sure you do the same. Too many writers use passive, ineffective verbs in their writing which results in flaccid writing.
