Sample Marked Up Page #1
Sample Marked Up Page #1
This is a page from a l-o-n-g first draft I wrote of a script about telepaths in a near future society. I tend to be wordy in my first drafts, so a lot of the deletions have to do with getting rid of excess words, both in screen direction and dialogue.
The note in the middle that reads Need a more clever bit here using their telepathy is typical of a note I'll write to help you take something that is only "okay" and push it to the next level where it will really shine. Because this was a note for my own use, I only wrote this general comment. For your script I would make a more specific suggestion of improvement, either here or in the analysis or in the follow-up conversation (see, you get three chances for me to make comments and suggestions). And yes, if I'm writing comments for other people other than myself, I write much more legibly! P. S. -- Notice the header up at the top calls this a Pre-First Draft. I knew this was going to be a very raw first draft, so that's what I labeled it.
Sample #2 --------------- Sample #3
