Act II: One Dragon and One Less Saint

Devil Doubt: In comes I again, Little Devil Doubt,
Your attention I crave, or I'll sweep you all out!
Two heroes have battled, but neither has won,
Too long this tiresome fray hath run.
Yet a champion we must get,
By divination, chance, or bet.

Dragon: In comes we, the Supreme Dragon,
With slimy claws and fetid flagon.
Our heads are made of iron, 
Our minds are like steel traps,
Do you have a riddle hard for us to solve, perhaps?

Devil Doubt: Yes, I have a riddle, I will tell it unto thee,
The answer, if you find it, will solve a mystery.
Which of two men, heros both, 
Shall be our champion sweet?
One fellow will the winner be, the other you can eat.

Dragon: Oh, easy-peasey, that's not hard, 
Our brains are barely spent,
Your champion shall be the one who is least succulent.
Come-come, bring them on, I'll have a taste of each,
Some spare bit, a limb, a head, to test upon my teeth.

Saint Al:In comes I, Saint Al, behold this . . .
OW! My arm!

Dragon:  Ummm! Delicious, a bit like ham, 
With undertones of claret,
I'm ready for the next hero, 
Just let me cleanse my palatte.

Saint George: In comes I, St George, 
With my . . . WHOA, big fella!

Dragon:Ewww! Disgusting! Dry and hard! 
Splinters in my tongue! 
Saint Al by far is tastier, more popular, and fun.

Devil Doubt: Gadzooks, Dragon, you've gone awry, 
The verdict was untoward,
You munched not on St. George's arm, 
But on his wooden sword!

Dragon: Oh, poor St Al, how cruelly wronged, 
I own it's down I've let him.
The verdict was too hasty, 
But . .  too late, I fear I've et him.

[exits]

Saint George: Here stands I, Saint George the Uniter!
I'm not a divider, but I sure am a fighter!
Without a battle I whupped my foe, 
Yet landed not a single blow!
And all because the other guy,
Was better season-ed than I!

Well, that's dispatched, that weren't rough, 
now on to other, boring stuff:
Naming a court, ruling, and all,
I know just who I ought to call.

[Little Dick enters]

This here's my Little Dick Cheney,
I called him cause he's so brainy.
My rule is off to a splendid start, 
As strong and firm as Cheney's heart

Miss Mandate: In comes I, Miss Mandate O'deVoters,
Have you got the stuff to start my motors?
You say you rule, but you know you can't,
If you can't make this lady pant.

Devil Doubt: Hello, Missy! What a charmer!
I lust for her, but I won't alarm her.
Restoring morals is my will,
I mus'n't act like Turkey Bill.

Miss Mandate: Oh! Turkey Bill, now THERE'S a man!
Any day he wants me, that man can!
He's not a weedy thing like thou,
You couldn't make love to a cow.

Saint George: Oh, please come closer, I'll not offend,
Your dulcet tones please speak again,
Whisper softly in my ear,
Your adoration let me hear!

Miss Mandate: In your ear? Up your chute!
I'd rather choke upon a boot!.
You think you're hot? I've got news, sir.
Take a hike, you are a loser!

[exits]

Saint George: My heart doth thud, my tongue doth loll!
To have Miss Mandate must befall!
Saddle up, Dick! A quest, a quest!
To bring Miss Mandate to my love nest!

[exit]