Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters or the show
Summary: Everything changes, everything I believe falls
A/N: This can be blamed on listening to two of Sarah McLachlan songs. Stupid and Push. Go listen, they’re
good. Just so you know where this story is, Piotr and Remy are at the mansion, they’ve been there for a few months or
so. And *hugs* and huge thanks to all you reviewed the last story. I really do appreciate the feedback. And again, I’m
still learning with the accents, so bear with me. Also, I’m trying a new style of writing, so forgive any mistakes in
POV. I may have missed a few things.
~*~ Part One: Lies ~*~
You’re no good for me. Deep down, Ah know
that it’s true, but Ah don’t quite want to believe it. The only person who ever bothered to treat me like a pretty
girl can’t be all that bad. Sure, boys noticed me, but the makeup and clothes scared most of them away and the bold
ones went running when Ah raised my brow and introduced them to mah fist. An’ that was how Ah liked it.
you. Ya went outta your way to give me little things. When we would meet in the danger room, ya just smiled that damn annoyin’
smile and always managed to slip a card inta the most inconvenient places. I swear, if Kitty saw half of the places they came
from, Ah never woulda heard the end of it.
Maybe that’s what keeps me fascinated. Ya always come back no matter
what happens. It’s like ya have a death wish. A part of me is flattered, but the other part just wants ta kick ya in
the head and get it through your thick skull that Ah can’t touch.
Not that the “no touching” rule
has stopped ya. Ya managed to kiss me quickly and walk away. Swaying, but that’s beside the point. Damn you. Ya manage
to give me hope. Ya make me want to believe that Ah could find happiness. And then Ah look at ma hands and Ah begin to think
that it’s all ma imagination.
Why would a guy like you want a girl like me? You’re cocky and confident
and Ah doubt a girl has ever turned ya down before. Maybe that’s the reason. Ya jus’ want to see if ya can play
with the untouchable. It’s the only reason Ah can think of. And it makes me feel stupid. Stupid for ever believin’
Everything Ah ever believe in has been a lie. Why should this be any different?
2: Hurt ~*~
Ignoring ya is like trying to ignore an elephant standing right in front of your face. When Ah refuse to
talk, you throw cards at me or put your arm around mah waist, draping yourself over mah body. Were ya always this annoying
or am Ah just special?
Pushing ya away, Ah scowl as ya return to mah side, leaning as close as ya possibly can and
whispering in mah ear. Forcing myself not to listen, Ah begin to tune out the sound of your voice. But then Ah become aware
of the feel of your hand lightly stroking mah hair. Suppressing the urge to growl, Ah turn suddenly, hoping to get rid of
ya. Of course it doesn’t work, but short of throwing ya into a wall, Ah doubt ya would get the hint.
Ah find myself wondering if ya have a death wish. Ya always find a way to touch me. It makes me nervous. Ah’ve trained
myself to be aware of mah personal space and ya’re constantly in it.
Ya grab mah hand and Ah jerk away, hoping
to make it to mah room before Ah do throw ya into a wall. Slamming the door behind me, Ah lean against the wood, sighing softly.
Why do ya continue to play with me? Ah don’t want to be hurt again and hurt is the only thing that ever happens to me
when Ah trust.
~*~ Part Three: Alone ~*~
Ya’re skilled at getting under mah skin. Once ya caught on to
mah ignorance, ya only tripled your efforts. And Ah’m pretty sure ya got Kitty and Jamie to help ya. Kitty thinks the
whole thing is romantic and Jamie practically worships the ground ya walk on. It’s sickenin’.
For the past
hour, Ah’ve hidden in the library, the one place Ah’ll be guaranteed privacy. And Kitty will keep her damn mouth
shut this time if she doesn’t want that precious laptop of hers ruined. Ah haven’t threatened Jamie yet, mostly
because he can be easily bribed. All it took this time was a little blackmail that Ah had on Bobby. It pays to live with Jubilee
and Kitty sometimes.
Sitting in one of the bay windows, Ah lean against the glass and watch ya and Kurt. Ah love Kurt,
Ah really do. He would do anything for me. And when ya add in food, it makes for a great show. At the moment he was stealing
your bo staff and tossing it to Piotr. Piotr is a wonderful man. He understands mah need for solitude and knows just when
to distract ya. He has saved ya from being pounded more times than Ah can count.
Closing mah eyes, Ah blow a wisp of
hair away and began to relax. It would probably be wise to rest up now. Knowing ya like Ah do, Ah’ll probably only have
another half hour of peace.
Oddly enough, Ah was beginning to feel lonely. Maybe Ah should get Mr. McCoy to check me
out. Ah never minded being alone before, but after the past month of listenin’ to your lines and having mah personal
space invaded, it doesn’t feel the same. Damn ya. Ya better hope that Ah’m just sick and not thinking clearly.
Part Four: Dissapointment ~*~
A light is shining in mah eyes and someone is laughin’. Blinking to regain mah
vision, Ah see that Jamie has stumbled upon mah hiding place. Glancing at the clock, Ah see over two hours have passed and
Ah can’t help but feel disappointed. Quickly looking out the window, Ah see no one and turn back to Jamie.
just what is so funny?”
He smiles at me and Ah allow myself to smile back. Sitting up, Ah brush my hair back
with mah hand and rise, walkin over to him. “Ah take it they sent ya to find me?”
He nods and Ah wonder
if he was awed by me or scared stiff. Either way, it worked to mah advantage. Taking his hand, we left the library and headed
down the stairs. He starts to tell me about what he and Bobby did all day and Ah smile, knowing that Ah actually did mah good
deed for the day. Terrorizing Bobby just made it less painful.
Reaching the bottom of the staircase, Ah realize that
Ah’ve held Jamie’s hand the entire time without flinchin away or even really noticin it. A little shocked, Ah
look around and notice that ya aren’t around. Ah feel another wave of disappointment hit me, but Ah refuse to let it
show. Takin a seat next to Kitty, Ah sit quietly, letting Jamie finish his story.
When he finishes, I notice Kitty
starting at me with a smile on her face. Ah glare at her and she just laughs. Logan grunts in our direction an we take the
hint to start eatin. Ah start to wonder just where ya could be before Ah remind myself that Ah shouldn’t care. But why
do Ah keep lookin around when no one is watchin?
~*~ Part Five: Thoughts ~*~
After dinner, Kitty follows me
up to mah room, intent on makin me smile. Even though she now rooms with Danielle, she always comes to visit, to “cheer
me up”. Ah know she sees me roll may eyes every time, but she is determined to keep me from wastin away in mah room.
Her words, not mine. Ah’ll never admit it to her face, but Ah do appreciate her tryin. Even though we always argue,
she’s still one of mah best friends. Another thing Ah’ll never admit to her. But Ah think she knows.
been quiet today.”
Startled, I turn and face her. “Nothin much to say.”
“You mean a
certain someone wasn’t around to make you swear like a sailor.” She begins to laugh and Ah begin to wonder why
Ah put up with her.
“Kitty, be a dear and leave.”
“Not until you spill.”
be the day.”
“Come onnnnnnnnn.” That whine could drive the Professor to drink, Ah swear.
whinin’ gets ya nowhere with me.”
She smiles, and Ah know Ah’ll be stuck in here for a while. “Rogue,
either you tell me or I tell Jubilee just where Remy sticks all those cards when you two are in the Danger Room.”
scowled. “How the hell do ya know about that?”
“I’m not blind, Rogue. And I did ask him once.”
hate ya, Kit.”
“You love me. Just be glad I never told Kurt or Mr. Logan. They would tear Remy apart.”
Ah would hate that why?”
Rolling her eyes, she sighed. “You are in denial.”
talking. Ya blush whenever Piotr even glances in your direction.”
“That’s different.” She started
to get defensive.
She started to rant on about the differences and Ah slowly started to tune
her out. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice. Ah had some thinking to do. Mostly about how ta kill a certain Canjun for makin
me feel so confused.
~*~ Part Six: Realizations ~*~
Two hours later, Ah still wasn’t sure what Ah was
gonna do. All Ah knew was that Ah was more confused than ever. Kitty had left, blushin and in denial about a few things and
had finally given me some peace. But now, Ah was stuck with these thoughts.
Why are ya suddenly on mah mind? And where
are ya? It’s not like you to leave me alone. Usually you’re sittin on mah balcony, teasin me until Logan threatens
to gut ya. Makin mah way to the balcony, Ah find myself starin at the grounds. The sun is just startin to set and the sky
is full of gorgeous colors. It’s times like this that Ah find myself thinking back to mah time with Irene.
what Ah do, it’s hard to believe at times that she was all a part of the plot with Mystique. Ah thought that she had
loved me. But how would Ah ever really know? Betrayal has a way of makin ya rethink your life. Pickin it apart and tryin to
figure out where it all went wrong. It also makes ya keep your distance.
Ah’ve been hurt too many times. Ah know
Ah’m jaded, but it’s safer. If Ah begin to trust again, how can Ah know it won’t end in betrayal? Ah can’t.
But lately, Ah’ve realized just how lonely life can be. You’ve made me realize that. But Ah’m not ready
to become a giggling little fool for ya. But Ah won’t take out all of mah frustrations on ya. At least not all of them.
a little, Ah noticed the temperature drop. It was one of the things Ah hated about New York. Ah could faintly hear rustlin,
but brushed it off as the leaves. When an arm snaked around mah waist, Ah sighed, thinking that Ah should have known better.
Of course ya would pop out of nowhere when Ah least expected ya to.
“Miss me, Chere?”
Ah miss the snow in summer.”
“Not as much as mah fist in your face.”
fingers tightened around my waist and I gave up on tryin to push him away. Not like it does any good.
quiet? Usually, Remy be hittin the ground by now.” “Swamp rat, just shut up before Ah make ya shut up.”
knew ya would be smirking, but Ah just rolled my eyes. Together we watched the sun set in silence. Maybe Ah could get used
to this. Ya aren’t half bad when you’re mouth stays shut.