Kat Scratch Fever
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My Immortal

Love and loss

Title: My Immortal
Author: Kat
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own.
Notes:  This is set after "Laura" died, but before Jack goes to solitary. This is mostly a Jack/Syd piece.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

Jack unlocked the door and ran a hand through his unruly hair. He dropped his keys on the table as he passed it. Slumping on the couch, he looked at the bottle in his hands and sneered as he caught his reflection in the glass. The face that stared back was blank and hopeless. It was old. There had been so much in such a short time. He closed his eyes and leaned back, too tired to do anything else.

The events of the past few days had been too much, too overwhelming. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to him. He had everything just a few days ago, but it had all been cruelly snatched away within minutes. His life would never be the same without Laura there to guide him. He had never realized how much he truly depended on her.

If you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

He opened his eyes and his gaze landed on the mantle above the fireplace. Her picture stood out from all the others and the tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about when it had been taken. It had been one of their first dates and she had looked lovely as ever. There were reminders everywhere. His beautiful Laura was forever gone. He would never wake up to her teasing caresses or her smile ever again.

He could still hear the echoes of her laughter as he would come home from work and gather her in a huge hug. It just didn’t seem right that he would never be able to experience that ever again. Those moments were gone. She was the presence that kept him going, the spirit that inspired him to become a better person.

He sighed, throwing the bottle to the ground. Drinking wouldn’t help him at this moment. He had to be able to think clearly about this. He had to figure out how he was going to manage everything from now on.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

He hurt. There was no other word to describe it. He felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest. Laura had been a part of his life for so long. There were still things he had never been able to tell her, things that she needed to know.

He had never told her just how much he cherished her, how grateful he was that she had given him a chance. She had opened him up to new experiences, new love.

And he could never tell her.
There had been so much time together. It was all lost. Moments that had been taken for granted, and now, they were lost.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still held on me

The echoes of her laughter haunted him as he stood and entered the kitchen. She had spent so much time decorating this room to make it bright and cheery. It held no appeal at the moment and he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

The entire house was reminder of what was, and more importantly, what never would be. They had made so many promises to each other, each one more loving the last. Each time, Laura would touch his cheek and promise him that she would never love anyone more then him at this moment.

He never realized he could be so moved by the actions of one woman. Her tears had always frightened him. He hated to see her cry, whether they happy or sad. In the case of Sydney’s birth, the odd combination of both had shocked him. He hadn’t been quite sure how to react to the situation. To comfort her or revel in the beauty of the life they had created together.

You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

He was startled out of his thoughts when a small hand grabbed his pants leg. He looked down to see Sydney and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his daughter. He picked her up and she settled into his embrace, snuggling against his shoulder. “Daddy? Why are you up so late?”

He smoothed her hair down and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead. “Daddy needed to do some thinking. What did you need Pumpkin?”

She looked up at him, her little forehead screwed up in concentration. “I missed you Daddy.” She slipped her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly.

Jack swallowed past the lump in his throat. His little girl was starting to notice his absence. “Don’t worry sweetie, I’m not going anywhere.” She nodded sleepily and he could hear her small yawn. He slowly carried her toward her bedroom and set her down on the bed. He tucked her in and placed one last kiss on her forehead.

She didn’t deserve to have to grown up so fast. He stood and stared at her small form, amazed at how much she resembled her mother as such a young age. He stroked her hair and settled down in the rocking chair in the corner of her room, content to just watch her sleep.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

Sydney's room. He leaned his head back against the rocker, eyes shut. Even then, he could see every little detail of his little girl's room. Laura. Together they had spent so many hours in this room, arguing over design, colors, and furniture. Finally, Jack had deferred to Laura's wishes. He couldn't say no to her. So it was her colors, her painting, her toys and teddy bears. When they had finally brought Sydney home from the hospital, they had spent the first night just staring at their little miracle. She had been so tiny, but so perfect. She matched the perfect room Laura designed. And together, they spent hours in that room, marveling over their little girl.

He had never seen Laura happier. He’d never been happier. Looking at his daughter again he couldn’t help but smile. She was all he had left and he wasn’t going to take it for granted.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still held on me

He didn’t know what time it was when he finally left Sydney’s room, but he knew it was late. He couldn’t sleep, the memories still too fresh in his mind. He had done his best to shelter Sydney from having to see the memorial. He didn’t want her to become confused about her mother.

She knew that Laura was gone, and she was confused. He just hoped that she would be able to cope better than he was. He was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to take care of his daughter on his own. It scared him to feel so helpless in this situation. He wasn’t sure how to deal with everything.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But tho you're still with me
I've been alone all along

He returned to the kitchen and made himself some coffee. He knew that if he attempted to sleep, he would only be restless. He had been given a week off of work and he intended to spend all of that time with his daughter. Sydney needed him now, more than ever, and he wasn’t going to let her down if he could help it.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand thru all of these years
But you still held on me... on me... on me...

One of my few songfics.  I have strict rules about them, lol.  Usually if I hear a song enough times, I'll cave. 

JJ owns the characters, Evanescense owns the song