I want a garden gnome. My wife won’t let me have one. I’m not sure that I really wanted one when I first brought it up, but I can be obstinate when I don't get my way. I was thinking the kitsch factor. She was apparently thinking the tackiness factor. She won. And I suppose I can see her point. Where do you draw the line once you’ve opened that door? Garden statuary becomes an obsession for some. Start with a simple gnome and next thing you know, you’ve got mushrooms, cherubim, squirrels, a herd of deer and you’re desperately searching for that next fix…er, I mean object.

 

Anyway, I will bow to my wife’s wishes on this one…sort of. No gnomes will be cluttering our yard in the immediate future.

 

 

 

However, this little fellow will soon be taking up residence in the woods. In a rare coupling of kitsch and high-technology, I plan to play a kind of hide and seek game with him. Once a suitable location is found, I will mark the latitude and longitude with my new GPS and post the coordinates here. Then, if you have a GPS, you can go visit him. And my wife will be none the wiser. Stay tuned…

 

Got a GPS unit for Father’s Day and now, to the mild annoyance of my family, virtually every step I take is tracked by a high-tech network of satellites to a precision of several feet. No doubt the novelty will wear off in time, but for now I can assure you that there is absolutely no chance that we’ll be getting lost on our after-dinner walks around the block. Plus, there are the statistics! Odometer, average speed, ETA, ETE… The mind boggles. The family grumbles. Technology is bliss.

If the springtime woods is like a puppy – always doing something cute, precocious or surprising – by mid-June it’s turned into a dog. No less lovable, mind you, just more mature, more predictable, more tick-ridden. Still capable of surprise, of course, but more even-tempered and less demanding of your constant attention.