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W.A.Y.L.A.C. WIFFLEBALL We Put The F U In Fun

Can you hit my pitches?

I already know the answer to this but if you are planning on attending my tourneys and you make it deep enough to play me in the finals, rest assured you will see each of these pitches at some point. Many have asked about the secrets to the pitches below but few have lived long enough to pass them on. Some have staked out my pitching practices to only be stupified by the space-time distortions that occur during my super human feats. Give it up, it is too late. No amount of practice can hlep you now. All you can hope for is that I forget my glasses at home and can't continue my offensive assault on your primative pitching prowess. Good luck and see you at the dish.

If the Midnight Runer is "on", you have no shot!

Where do I start? I throw this with two shoulder slots. Sometimes I lead with the shoulder and it gives me a little more spin. That makes it break late and sharper. I model this one after Satchel Paige and his Midnight Creeper.

The Matrix: where you think it is, it aint.

Sit on the Midnight Runner and it is all over. This is the pitch Einstein was talking about when he spoke about Wave-Particle Duality in his ground breaking paper on General Wiffle Relativity in 1916. The bottom line is when you expect this or that, here or there: it is that or this, there or here.

The Spruce Goose just hovers above the ground.

Just when you think this ground hovering pitch is going to dirve itself into the ground, it starts to take off. Just like the great plane designed by Howard Hughes, this cumbersome pitch gets just enough lift to enter the strike zone. Don't give up on it because you will be left grabbing some pine.

The Nipsey Russell keeps you honest.

Finally I developed a screwball. I don't throw it often but when it is thrown correctly it will just nip the outside portion of the strike zone. Don't give up on it because it won't give up on me.

The Death Star will plummet from the sky at you.

You see it 15 feet above you just after I release it. You know as it gets about 5 feet from you it is going to start dropping from the heavens. You know you have to swing at it. Yet all your efforts are meaningless against the Death Star.

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The Mighty Tighty Whitey is the punch out pitch.

0-2 or 1-2, you better hunker down. It starts 10 feet up and out and will finish in the zone. Stand at the dish long enough and you will see why I call it the Mighty Tighty Whitey.

Three Doors Down has amazing late break.

This is my only double movement pitch. It is as if it enters one room then realizes it needs to come back out and go three doors down. Just when you think it is going one way it jumps back the other direction.

The Fizzy Lifter almost breaks straight upwards.

I have no idea how you can hit this thing. Just like Charley and his father floated straight up in the Wonka movie, this pitch appears to be pulled by a string upwards just as you start your swing. It will baffle and amaze you when you are half way through your swing and you notice you are going to miss the pitch by 12 inches. Hope your friends dont see your embarassing attempts to hit this pitch.

The Big Blue Ox has still eluded me.

This holy grail of wiffle pitching has at this point still eluded me. Not to say I won't have mastered it by the time you step to the dish against me. So be ready at some point to see me add this pitch to my arsenal.

W.A.Y.L.A.C. WIFFLEBALL We Put The F U In Fun