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St. Peter Revisited
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Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find
themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are
each asked a question by St. Peter.

 "When you are in your casket and friends and family are
 mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say
 about you?", asks St. Peter.

 The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I
 was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

 The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a
 wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
 difference in our children of tomorrow."

 The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......
 LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

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Ten Dollahs
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Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland,
 Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and
 every year Stumpy said " Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get
 a ride in that theah aihplane." and every year Martha
 would say "I know Stumpy, but that ihplane ride costs ten
 dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs." So Stumpy
 says " By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go
 this time I may nevah go." Martha replies "Stumpy, that
 there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten
 dollahs."

 So the pilot overhears them and says "Folks, I'll make
 you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can
 stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I
 won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars."

 They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of
 twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard,
 he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.

 He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says "By
 golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to
 holler out, but you didn't."

 And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something
 when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!