On a fast-food restaurant: "My boss told me to put something up here, so I did!"

On the trucks of a local plumbing company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
 

In a no-parking zone of a church parking lot: "Thou shalt not park here."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

On a hotel in a college town:  "Fall asleep in class."

At a dry cleaning shop: "How about if we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot?  Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
 

Over a supervisor's desk: "The answer is NO!  Now what do you want?"

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
 

Outside a laboratory: "Management parking only.  Violators will be experimented on."

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
 

Over the sales manager's cluttered desk: "Don't clean up my desk.  You'll screw up my system."
 

At a restaurant's parking space for take-out orders: "10-minute parking only.  All others will be crushed and sold as scrap metal."

On a travel agency: "Go away."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry.  Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a propane filling station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

Outside a hospital: "We take patience."
 

At a hospital check-in desk: "Unattended children will be given an espresso and a new puppy."