When I think about it I have to say that my upbringing had severe repercussions upon my well-being.  For then you know I wasn’t raised in some desolate location, some ruins hidden away in the mountains—and naturally I wasn’t able to object to this, not even so much as one word.  Despite the risk that nobody will have any understanding for this, not a single person from out of the long line of my “teachers,” I would have been happiest and would have simply loved it if I could have been a resident upon some small, insignificant ruin:  upon a char that was expelled from the sun eons ago—and then the sun would still have shined down there in the desolate rubble, my tan would have been magnificent from the sun shining upon me from all different angles, there amongst the lush ivy... and even though I may well have been weakened beneath the burden of my better qualities which, all the same, would have been able to sprout, growing tall and waxing outwards hither and yon with the force of rank undergrowth.  ** 

When I think about it I have to say that my upbringing had severe repercussions upon my constitution.  This reproach I level against an entire hoard of people:  namely my parents, a few of my relatives, different chance visitors to my home, all sorts of authors, one cook in particular who took me by the hand to school for an entire year, a great heap of teachers (all of whom I have to press tightly together in my memory as otherwise one or two of them might escape but since they’re so scrunched up together the whole lot tends to crumble and segments threaten to dislodge from around the edges).  I’m not about to accept any counter-arguments regarding this, none!—as I’ve already heard far too many refutations and since the vast majority of these refutations do have merit, so I’ll simply add all of these refutations in along with everything else that’s addressed in my argument and, so, I clarify this matter once and for all that my upbringing and these refutations have taken a very severe toll upon my constitutional well being.  **

I’ve thought about this a great deal and I always come back to the same ‘Satz,’ that my upbringing has had all kinds of severe repercussions upon my health, both physical and moral.  This accusation I level against a hoard of people, to be sure they’re all standing together and just like it is in group pictures they don’t have so much as a clue as regards to what they’re doing together, they don’t even consider casting their eyes down upon the ground and due to their anticipation of the flash they don’t dare attempt to smile.  My parents are there, some relatives, some teachers, one cook in particular, some girls from my dancing class, a few visitors from former times, any number—hoards upon hoards—of perfectly awful authors, my swimming instructor, the ticket collector, the school inspector, there’s some people whom I met in the alleyway and also quite a few whom I can’t even remember right now… and, likewise, a goodly number whom I’ll never be able to remember and finally all of those teachers whom I managed to ignore totally, in short, there’s so many there that one has to be particularly careful that one doesn’t count any of them twice.  And against all of them together I cry out my accusation:  Do make yourselves known to one another but don’t you dare attempt to refute me on this!  For then, truly, I’ve already had to bear more than enough of your refutations and seeing how the greater portion of them have merit so there’s nothing left for me to do other than gather up all of these refutations and throw them into the cocktail, that right along with my utterly horrid upbringing these refutations have had serious repercussions upon my well-being.  Are you expecting that I was raised out in the countryside?  NO—right in the middle of the city I was raised right in the middle of the city.  Not, for example, in some ruins upon a mountain or along the seashore.  ** 

I’ve thought about this quite often and I allow my thoughts to take shape all on their own, without my becoming involved in the least, and always, no matter how I turn things, always I arrive at the exact same conclusion:  that there’s so many ways that my upbringing has done me serious injury, indeed, more ways than I shall ever even be able to recognize.   As regards my external appearance I’m a person like anybody else for my physical constitution was determined, like most everybody’s, with a fair amount of lassitude, nothing extra-ordinary, just the average—and so too is my physical body, and even if I’m somewhat short and perhaps a little fat, all the same many people find me attractive enough, even the ladies.  There’s nothing left to be said in that regard.  But, all the same, somebody did say something that was quite sensible:  <<Ach, könnte ich sie doch nackt sehen da müssen Sie erst hübsch und zum küssen sein>> that’s what she said—for she spoke German—and let’s hope that nobody attempts to refute me on this!               

            (What might be called a "free translation" from Kafka’s diary)

From:  Essential Kafka -

   Rendezvous with 'otherness' 

     Seven Stories & 1 Excerpt: 

     Judgment, Metamorphosis, In the Penal Colony, A Report to the Academy,

The Burrow, Nocturnal Investigations, Investigations of a Dog or On Substance

             - & - Josephine the Songstress or The Mouse Folk