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DEAD MEN DON'T PARTY
by William Spear
Summary
Lawrence Garnett, Commanding Officer of the Fighting Ninth, abandoned his command when his platoon was ambushed. But the
only other survivor of the attack has tracked him down to make him pay for what happened. However, the souls of the Fighting
Ninth have their own ideas about revenge. Find out who's really responsible, and for what, in DEAD MEN DON'T PARTY.
Cast (In Order of Appearance)
1. Lawrence Garnett--Survived ambush of Fighting Ninth of Central New Jersey by abandoning command. Directly led to deaths
of 30 soldiers. Consumed with
supporting surviving family members of Ninth.
2. Miriam Evans--Sister of deceased member of Fighting Ninth of Central New Jersey. Sweet, gentle, and unassuming.
3. William--Fell asleep on guard duty the night of the ambush but does not realize this; he has been looking to hold Garnett
accountable. Hears voices of spirits of Ninth.
4. Leader and All--Background voices at party and spirits of soldiers killed in ambush.
And now, DEAD MEN DON'T PARTY ...
MUSIC: THEME: RISE AND ESTABLISH: UNDER TO BED ...
ALL: (OFF MIKE: LAUGHTER AND CONVERSATIONS)
MIRIAM: Great turnout for the dedication.
GARNETT: Too many people Miriam.
MIRIAM: Friends and families, the press, and enough politicians to start a small country.
GARNETT: Way too many people.
MIRIAM: And the Governor's here to present your award.
GARNETT: But I haven't done anything.
MIRIAM: What're you talking about Larry? You've helped all of us for years.
GARNETT: Maybe. But it's not worth an award.
MIRIAM: When the Fighting Ninth was killed we hadnothing. We were suffering. If you hadn't survived, some of us might
not have gotten through.
GARNETT: I should do more.
MIRIAM: You miraculously survived being ambushed, came home and worked around the clock, seven days a week to support
the survivors. What else can you do?
GARNETT: Every year it seems like there are voices telling me to do more.
MIRIAM: Come and let our voices thank you. Ready for the dedication?
GARNETT: I hate speaking in public.
MIRIAM: Think about the statue. It's the Ninth Platoon marching. Think how they would've wanted it dedicated.
GARNETT: Hmmmm marching. Try this-(CHANTS) You don't know what I've been through ...
SFX: GARNETT STOMPS TWICE.
GARNETT: (OVER SFX) ... seven eight. Just to give this speech to you ...
SFX: GARNETT STOMPS TWICE.
GARNETT: (OVER SFX) ... seven eight.
MIRIAM: That's not what I had in mind.
GARNETT: (CHANTS) Have some champagne in a glass ...
MIRIAM: Don't go there Larry.
WILLIAM: Or I'll have to kick your ...
SFX: OFF MIKE: BITE CUE: DOORBELL RINGS.
MIRIAM: That was close.
GARNETT: I'll get it.
SFX: GARNETT FOOTSTEPS.
GARNETT: (OVER SFX: CHANTS) Have some champagne in a glass or I'll have to kick your...
SFX: OFF MIKE: KNOCK ON DOOR.
GARNETT: I'd like to finish that verse once. (CALLS TO DOOR) Hold on.
SFX: GARNETT WALKS TO DOOR AND OPENS IT.
GARNETT: (GASPS) I thought you died.
Copyright © 2004 William Spear
All Rights Reserved
~~End of DEAD MEN DON'T PARTY excerpt~~
TAKE THE D.O.A.-TRAIN
by William Spear
Summary
What if you were married for nine years and your spouse was cheating on you the entire time? What if your spouse’s
most recent fling called you and cried that your husband broke off their affair? Instead of leaving your husband, you plan
his murder with the jilted lover by buying him a ticket to TAKE THE D.O.A.-TRAIN.
Characters (In Order of Appearance)
1. Sherry Williams - One of Teddy's ex-girlfriends/mistresses; she is a timid, clutching, obsessive person. Young and
naive, Sherry had a brief affair with Teddy and he promptly dumped her.
2. Dana Sagamore - Teddy's wife; Dana is sarcastic and strong without moralizing. She has a sense of wrong and right
and Teddy, her husband, long ago crossed the line of wrong. Dana sees in Sherry an opportunity to deliver Teddy's justice.
3. Teddy Sagamore - Lying, cheating, two-timing sack of humanity; Teddy is a stereotypical male lout. He is a habitual
skirt chaser, boozer, and obnoxious. His attempted murder, while possibly cause for legal actions or moral concerns, would
hardly draw much reaction from the community at-large.
And now, TAKE THE D.O.A.-TRAIN ...
SFX: QUICKLY ESTABLISH COUNTRY SETTING - OWLS, HOOTING, DOGS BARKING, ETC. COME ON MIKE: AUTOMOBILE. ENGINE STOPS, TWO
DOORS OPEN.
DANA: Come on Sherry help me with Teddy.
SHERRY: He's your husband. Besides he's still passed out from his drinks at The Crow's Nest.
DANA: We've got five minutes to get him out of his car and onto the railroad tracks.
SHERRY: What's the rush Dana? The train isn't due for another half-hour.
DANA: I don't want to be here when it runs him over. I want to be home where the police can find me and give me the
news that my husband has been killed in a tragic accident.
SFX: SOUNDS OF DANA AND SHERRY STRUGGLING TO GET TEDDY OUT OF THE CAR.
TEDDY: (DRUNKENLY) Too bad about your Corvette Sherry; leave it in the parking lot and we'll get your engine started
later.
SHERRY: My engine's fine.
TEDDY: You must be cold out here in that tiny little skirt. Let's have a Bloody Mary like old times.
SHERRY: Sure Teddy. Like old times.
TEDDY: Vodka's in the trunk and I picked up cocktail mix at the Crow's Nest. Now where'd I put the bottle of mix?
SHERRY: I'll get it.
TEDDY: Where's the bottle?
DANA: Grab his cocktail mix and let's get him on the tracks.
TEDDY: What're you doing here Dana? Where are you taking me? I want to get back in my car.
SFX: TEDDY DRUNKENLY STRUGGLES WITH DANA AND SHERRY.
DANA: (STRUGGLING WITH TEDDY) Sherry hand me the bottle.
SHERRY: Here.
DANA: I didn't plan it this way Teddy but you're not getting away with it this time.
TEDDY: Sherry and I are having ...
SFX: BITE CUE: DANA RAPS TEDDY'S SKULL WITH COCKTAIL BOTTLE.
TEDDY: I'll kill you for ... this ...
SFX: SOUND OF TEDDY'S BODY DROPPING ONTO PAVEMENT.
SHERRY: Not bad. Let me carry the bottle and when he comes to I'll give him another.
DANA: Take it. But only if he wakes up.
SHERRY: Thanks. ... (VICIOUSLY) Take that ...
SFX: SHERRY POUNDS TEDDY'S SKULL WITH COCKTAIL BOTTLE.
DANA: Sherry what're you doing?
SHERRY: What should've been done years ago.
SFX: SHERRY POUNDS TEDDY'S SKULL WITH COCKTAIL BOTTLE.
SHERRY: (OVER SFX) And that.
DANA: Stop.
SFX: SHERRY POUNDS TEDDY'S SKULL WITH COCKTAIL BOTTLE.
SHERRY: (OVER SFX) And that.
DANA: Sherry stop it right now.
SFX: SLAPPING SOUND. BEAT. COUNTRY BED.
SHERRY: (TIMIDLY) Dana do you think he's ... dead?
DANA: After what you did he's probably better off.
SHERRY: I didn't mean to hit him so hard.
DANA: This was supposed to look like an accident. Teddy gets drunk, passes out on the tracks, and gets run over by the
train. Nowhere is his ex-girlfriend supposed to pound on his skull.
SHERRY: He deserved worse.
DANA: Plus you splashed Bloody Mary mix all over my suit and I just had it dry cleaned.
SHERRY: You're not much of a grieving widow are you?
DANA: You wanted to throw yourself in front of a train when he dropped you. And for what? A few more nights on his
nine-year hit parade? Welcome to his "skirt of the moment" club.
SHERRY: Maybe if he had more to come home to he wouldn't have been looking for a "skirt of the moment".
DANA: Maybe if any of you had more to offer than long legs and open apartments he would've stayed for more than a couple
nights. All of you got what you wanted. Get rid of the bottle and help me put his body on the tracks.
SFX: SHERRY AND DANA DRAG TEDDY'S BODY ONTO RAILROAD TRACKS.
SHERRY: (GASPING) Done. Let's get out of here.
SFX: WAY OFF MIKE: LONG WHISTLE OF 12:25 TRAIN.
DANA: And there's the twelve twenty-five. (TO TEDDY) Pleasant trip Teddy.
SFX: WAY OFF MIKE: TRAIN WHISTLE. ON: TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS START OFF.
TEDDY: (OFF MIKE) O-o-o-w-w have I got a headache. I need an aspirin.
Copyright © 2004 William Spear
All Rights Reserved
~~End of TAKE THE D.O.A.-TRAIN excerpt~~
WHICH BOYFRIEND TODAY?
by William Spear
Summary
Daniel Rivers tries too hard to connect
with his family. His adventures as a father and husband are comic endeavors. In this episode, Daniel is trying to figure
out his teenage daughter's boyfriends. Imagine Abbott and Costello raising a daughter and you've got WHICH BOYFRIEND TODAY?
Cast (in order of appearance)
1. Daniel - Father of Emily. Perpetually frustrated about fitting in with
his family.
2. Emily - Daughter of Daniel. She takes great humor at Daniel's misadventures.
And now, WHICH BOYFRIEND TODAY? ...
MUSIC: THEME: ESTABLISH THEN OUT.
SFX: COME ON MIKE: FOOTSTEPS.
DANIEL: Hi Emily.
EMILY: Hi Dad. I didn't
see you.
DANIEL: I just got home. Was that another boy walkingyou home? He's the fifth one this week.
EMILY: He walks with me on Fridays. We're just friends.
DANIEL: You have lots of friends.
EMILY: A few.
DANIEL: It's been a different boy each day this week.
EMILY:
But it's nothing serious. We just hang out.
DANIEL: Just hang out?
EMILY: Just
hang out. We're friends.
DANIEL: Do your friends have names?
EMILY: Yes Dad they've
got names. But they're pretty rad.
DANIEL: You mean funny?
EMILY: No no no--not
funny--awesome names ...swee-e-e-t names ... rad names. You wouldn't understand.
DANIEL: I can be rad.
EMILY: "Sad" maybe but not rad.
DANIEL: What are their names?
EMILY: Just names.
DANIEL: Like what?
EMILY: Dad.
DANIEL:
Tell me. I want to know the guys walking you home.
EMILY: Okay but remember--you asked. Who walks
me home on Friday, What is on Thursday, and I Give Up is Wednesday.
DANIEL: That's what I want to find
out.
EMILY: I said Who's on Friday, What's on Thursday, and I Give Up's on Wednesday.
DANIEL:
Let's try this again. Were you at school today?
EMILY: Yes.
DANIEL: You walked
home?
EMILY: Yes.
DANIEL: And a boy walked with you?
EMILY:
I know.
DANIEL: So who walked with you?
EMILY: Yes.
DANIEL:
I mean the boy's name.
EMILY: Who.
DANIEL: The boy.
EMILY:
Who.
DANIEL: Your friend.
EMILY: Who.
DANIEL: The boy that
walked ...
EMILY: Who walked me home!
DANIEL: I'm asking you who walked you home.
EMILY: That's the boy's name.
DANIEL: That's who's name?
EMILY: Yes.
DANIEL: Well go ahead and tell me.
EMILY: That's it.
DANIEL: That's who?
EMILY: Yes.
DANIEL: (BEAT: REGROUPS) Okay okay just hold on for a minute.
Copyright
© 2004 William Spear
All Rights Reserved
~~End of WHICH BOYFRIEND TODAY? excerpt~~
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