Sam's The Man

C.J.: Sam knows the difference between right and wrong and so do you. Would it make my life easier if he wasn't friends with this woman? Absolutely. But Sam is a grown up, and I don't get to choose his friends, and your readers don't get to judge them. And I'll tell you what else--there's something commendable about Sam's behavior here. Don't ask me what, but there is, and I'm sticking by him until the President orders me otherwise, and I'm going to look very unfavorably on those who seek only to make us look like fools, Danny.

(A Proportional Response)

C.J.: You are a very good teacher, Sam. I want you to know that in this....
Sam: Your time of vulnerability?
C.J.: Yes. I appreciate it.

Josh: The President's daughter, Chief of Staff's daughter, a Georgetown bar and Sam. What could possibly go wrong?

(Mr. Willis of Ohio)

Sam: Say, you mind if I skip the coffee? I wanna nail this thing.
Leo: Oh, forget it. Your first draft was fine.
Sam: I wanna nail it, Leo.
Mallory: Sam, the President was in on it. Your first draft was fine.
Sam: Yeah, but still....
Mallory: You wanna nail it.
Sam: I do.
Mallory: You're so exactly like him [Leo].
Sam: Well, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Thank you.

(Enemies)

Sam: Oh, for God's sakes. It's Gideon v. Wainwright, 372 US 335. You cite the precedent, you cite Black's opinion for the majority.
Laurie: Thank you for that display of geek bravado....

(The State Dinner)

Harrison: I was courted. Now you have me taken to school by some kid.
President Bartlet: That Sam is young drives me nuts too, but he took you out for a ride, sir, because that's what I told him to do.

(The Short List)

Mandy: Sam, I think you are the one senior guy here who is more interested in getting things done than beating the other...
Sam: That's not true, Mandy. Josh and Toby are just as committed.
Mandy: Not lately.

(Lord John Marbury)

Mallory: Abbey!
Abbey: You've got an itch for Sam Seaborn.
Mallory: I do not have an itch.
Abbey: A little itch.
Mallory: Abbey!
Abbey: Want a nickel's worth of free advice?
Mallory: Sure.
Abbey: Don't go for the geniuses. They never want to sleep.

(He Shall, From Time to Time)

Attorney: Jerry, who do we know who's got the ear of the President?
Bobby: Sam Seaborn.
Jerry: You know Seaborn?
Bobby: I used to beat him up in high school.
Jerry: You're kidding me.
Bobby: No.

(Take This Sabbath Day)

Leo: He's [Judge Mendoza] driving from Nova Scotia to Washington?
Sam: Yeah.
Leo: How's a person do that?
Sam: Oh, my guess is, he'll take the Trans-Canada Highway to New Brunswick, then maybe catch the 1 and take the scenic route along the coast of Maine. 95 through New Hampshire to the Mass Pike, and then cut over to the Merritt Parkway round Milford.
Toby: Something really kinda freakish about you, ya know that?

(Celestial Navigation)

Toby: Mr. President, Sam has always been completely above board about his relationship with Laurie.
Bartlet: Laurie's the girl?
Sam: Yes, sir.
Toby: He told us about it right after his first contact with her nine months ago. The fact that she was putting herself through law school under circumstances that were less than good has to mean something, as does the fact that Sam's word is unimpeachable.
Bartlet: Toby, are you in here sticking up for Sam?
Toby: I know it's strange, sir. But I'm feeling a certain big brotherly connection right now. You know, obviously, I'd like that feeling to go away as soon as possible, but for the moment I think there's no danger in the White House standing by Sam and aggressively going after the people who set him up.

(Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics)

Josh: Toby, come quick! Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!
Toby: Ginger, get the popcorn.

Bartlet: Did you see Sam get pureed on Capital Beat last night?
Leo: I didn't see it, but I have heard tell.
Bartlet: He got sliced and diced by a woman named Ainsley Hayes.

(In This White House)

After asking Sam to take her with him to meetings on the Hill...
Ainsley: I'm just going to sit there and learn.
Sam: Look....
Ainsley: From the master, Sam. I want to learn from the master.
Sam: See, women think that kind of thing works, but it doesn't.
Ainsley: It really does, Sam.

Sam: I'm going to take Ainsley to the Hill with me for the meetings.
Leo: Good.
Sam: She wants me to teach her a couple things.
Leo: Good.
Sam: She called me the master.
Leo: Get out.
Sam: Okay.

(The Lame Duck Congress)

Steve: C.J., will the White House be meeting with leaders of the Christian community to hear their input?
C.J.: Yes, we will. In the following days, we'll be meeting with the Reverend Al Caldwell, members of Beijing's embassy and INS agents. The President has asked Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn to run these meetings, so it's entirely possible that by week's end we will have alienated Christians, China and our own government.

(Shibboleth)

Bartlet: Who was the idiot who set off the smoke alarm?
Josh: Well, sounds a lot like you're talking about Sam, Mr. President.

Reading part of his speech for the breakfast...
Bartlet: "We've lost sight, perhaps, of the greater truths. There's a lot more that unites Americans than divides them." That's good. "There's a lot more that unites Americans than divides them." Remind me to tell Sam that's good.

(The Leadership Breakfast)

Preparing her friend Stephanie for a meeting with Sam...
Donna: Okay, listen...when we're in with Sam, mention what you just said before, that from everything you've heard, he's the man. He'll want to impress you and show you that he's got access to the President.

Stephanie: (to Sam) And from everything I've learned, you're the only person to speak to about this. That you have the ear of the President.

Donna: Where've you been all afternoon?
Sam: I've been around. Then I came down here to practice my sugar tossing. 'Cause if you don't practice, then you might as well give the clarinet to a kid who'll use it.
Donna: Stephanie's upstairs. I put her in your office 'cause Josh is back.
Sam: When she said that from what she's heard I'm the one to talk to, that I have the ear of the President--you told her to say that, right?
Donna: It was--this was so important to her...I, I wanted to give...yes. I did. I'm sorry....
Sam: I don't know why you'd think I was like that. I mean, for fun, but...I don't know why you'd think I was like that.
Donna: It was wrong.
Sam: Yeah.

After Sam says he'll consider her grandfather's pardon in three months...
Stephanie: Everyone was right about you, Sam.
Donna: Sam's the man.

With Sam in his office...
Toby: Let's go.
Donna: Where are you going?
Josh: Toby and I are going to get Sam drunk and then put him to bed.
Donna: I'll come.

(Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail)

Talking to an intern from the General Accounting Office...
Sam: Listen, you're talented. When you get out of school you should come see me for a job.
Winifred: I suppose you're not a complete loser. And you write very well. So when I get out of school, you should come see me for a job.

(The Stackhouse Filibuster)

Sam: Can you set up a meeting for me?
Leo: Yeah.
Bruno: I want one of my people there with him.
Leo: At the meeting?
Bruno: Yeah.
Leo: Why?
Bruno: 'Cause I do.
Leo: Sam can do this.
Bruno: I'm not saying he can't, but I want one of my people there to make sure I get the story straight.
Leo: Sam will have the meeting and report back.
Bruno: Sam will have the meeting, and one of my people will be there, and they will report back. Time to distinguish between the White House and the campaign.
Leo: Sam does this for us.
Bruno: Does he do it right?
Leo: Oftentimes.
Sam: You guys know I'm sitting right here, right?

(Ways and Means)

Toby: You're a good deputy, Sam.
Sam: What do you mean?
Toby: That.
Sam: You won money on football today, didn't you?
Toby: Yeah, but I mean it anyway.

(War Crimes)

Abbey: Sam Seaborn's very funny.
Jed: Which one's he?
Abbey: The young one.
Jed: They're all young.

(Bartlet for America)

Celia: Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be chummy with a woman who wasn't sexually appealing?
Ainsley: He would be able to, but that isn't the point.

(Night Five)

Bartlet: Sam, you're gonna run for President one day. Don't be scared. You can do it. I believe in you.

(Hartsfield's Landing)

Sam: Now you think I'd make a good physicist?
Dr. Millgate: No. But you're not bad for government help.

(Dead Irish Writers)

Fitz: Wait a second. Hang on. You're telling me that foreign policy of this magnitude is conducted through Sam and I'm still alive?
Sam: We're pretty impressed ourselves, Mr. Chairman.

Bartlet: Sam?
Sam: Yes, sir?
Bartlet: Nice job.
Sam: Thank you.

(Enemies Foreign and Domestic)

Leo: Toby, an encouraging word from you to Sam wouldn't be totally out-of-line.
Toby: Sam doesn't need to be patronized. He'll shake it off.
Leo: It'll make him feel better.
Toby: I don't want him feeling better. I want him feeling mad. Is there anyone you'd rather have as a blood enemy less than Sam? That's how I want him.
Leo: You know, it was a screw-up. But I gotta say, I love the way he did it full speed, bam. Like there's a Sam Seaborn-shaped hole in the wall.

(We Killed Yamamoto)

Josh asks Sam to staff the President...
Sam: There are going to be any number of areas in which I can't give him expert advice.
Josh: Welcome to the club, partner. We got jackets.
Sam: All right. I'm not going to let you down.
Josh: You never do.

After the President's speech, in which he addresses the pipe bombing...
Bruno: When did you write that last part?
Sam: In the car.
Bruno: Freak.

Mallory: Shmutsy pants.
Sam: I know that voice.
Mallory: I was at the dinner.
Sam: I didn't see you.
Mallory: Nice job on the speech.
Sam: What makes you think I wrote it?
Mallory: "We did not seek, nor did we provoke. We did not expect, nor did we invite..."
Sam: A little thing called cadence.
Mallory: It works for you.

(Twenty Hours in America)

Sam: Janet. Or Jeanette as I sometimes like to call you.
Janet: Sometimes I like to call you cupcake. Is that okay?
Sam: Totally.
Janet: Deductibility for tuition.
Sam: You've had a leadership briefing?
Janet: Yes. And I'm so happy I could dance in a musical, I swear.
Sam: That'd be a tough ticket to get.
Janet: It's wonderful. And I can only assume that it was your idea.
Sam: As a matter of fact, it was Josh and Toby, but I can see where you'd make the mistake. It does have the flavor of me. The insouciance.

Leo: It's that I don't know what winning looks like. What does it look like? Is it...I mean is it honestly the U.S. flag flying over Mecca? Is that what's gonna straighten this out? And if that's the case, why are we postponing that? What are we hoping's gonna happen in the meantime?
Sam: That somebody will think of something before we have to do the unthinkable.
Leo: You're one of the big minds of your generation. Have you thought of anything yet?
Sam: No.
Leo: Neither have I. Neither has the President of the United States...also a pretty good mind.

Sam: I was thinking about what you asked me before about have I been able to think of anything, and I said, "No." And you said, "Neither have I and neither has the President."
Leo: What about it?
Sam: I wouldn't speak for anybody else, but you know I'm not done yet, right?

(The Red Mass)

Referring to the debate prep...
Toby: That was good, Sam. Stay up in his face. Don't back off.

Josh: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Josh: Can you walk with me a second?
Sam: Yeah.
Josh: Well, you were right, I was wrong.
Sam: More often than not, it's gonna be the other way around, so....

(Debate Camp)

Girl in bar: We love you!

(Game On)

Reporter 1: So, who is this Sam Seaborn?
Reporter 2: He has been an integral part of the President's inner circle since joining the Bartlet campaign after several years at a New York law firm, Gage, Whitney, Pace. He is a graduate of Princeton....

Wanting to know why he should run for the seat in Orange County...
Sam: (to Amy) Why?
Amy: Well, I picked a trifecta with the California 47th, a sheriff's race in Arizona and the Tulsa Family Court.
Sam: Well, can I just give you the money and....
Amy: I also think you'd be a home run choice. You're gonna raise a lot of money, I'm gonna help you, and I have a hunch the President, who just won a landslide,will be making some visits as well. You'll be the best-funded Democrat ever to run in 47. You're not gonna win, so you can't lose.
Josh: I think you'd energize the state party. We're not gonna let you look like a fool. We won't allow it.
Sam: (to Toby) What do you think?
Toby: I don't think you should do it. Energizing the state party is good. A well-funded airing of the issues is good. So is mollifying House Democrats. But you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? You're gonna lose. A Democrat's always going to lose in the 47th. Can't just pick up and try someplace else. They have a name for that.
Sam: I don't know. I don't know. I worked in a state assembly race in Manhattan in a district where Democrats outnumbered Republicans 16 to 1. But everywhere we went there'd be one lone poster of a right wing nutbar who wanted to eliminate the income tax. He was holding up signs and canvassing everywhere and bugging the local reporters until we had to comment on it. So I introduced myself to his campaign manager and I said, "What are you doing? Your candidate doesn't have a chance and neither do your issues." He said, "This is what I believe, and no candidate gets to run in my district without speaking to my issues." I came this close to voting for him. So I don't know about what you just said.
Toby: Then I think you should win.

(Process Stories)

Bartlet: You going to campaign on prescription drugs?
Sam: Our prescription drug bill -- yes, sir -- and our Medicare reforms and the Bartlet Energy Plan.
Bartlet: Sam.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: It's okay to run away from me when you need to.
Sam: I would never, Mr. President. I simply would never do that. That's not how I'm getting votes.
Bartlet: I appreciate that, but that's not what I'm talking about. You disagreed with me on Medicare. I remember the meeting right here. Then you wrote a five page memo. Run towards yourself. I'm wrong about that. Walk. You're not going to be used to your surroundings.
Sam: Yes, sir.
Bartlet: If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you. I'll just kill you, Sam.
Sam: Yes, sir.

(Swiss Diplomacy)

Toby: (to Leo) You're like the guys who say, "Are you telling me you could only find one African-American speech writer good enough to work at the White House?" I'm amazed I found that many. "Good enough to work at the White House" is a pretty small population to begin with. And guys who can write entire sections of a State of the Union Address? I'd be as surprised if there were as many as nine of us. Sam was one of them.

(Arctic Radar)

Leo: What about Sam?
Toby: A promotion. It's well past time. Make him a Senior Counselor, take the knucklehead stuff off his desk the way he did for me for four years. Let him concentrate on the President and the country.

Bartlet: Sam's going to be promoted to Senior Counselor if he loses the 47th.

(Inauguration: Over There)

Discussing whether or not to announce the Democratic tax plan from Orange County, which would hurt Sam's campaign...
Bartlet: But let's lean toward Sam and say we smile and keep our mouths shut in California and then come out fighting Monday morning.

Bartlet: And how long do I have to stay quiet, Toby?
Toby: You're the leader of the free world, sir. You can speak anytime you like.
Bartlet: And not kill Sam?
Toby: No. For that you gotta shut up for 50 hours.
Bartlet: And so I shall.

C.J.: He's got youth and vitality....

(The California 47th)

Referring to Sam on the beach...
C.J.: He looks youthful...
Toby: Yes.
C.J.: ...and energetic.
Toby: Yes.
C.J.: He looks youthful and energetic. Do we have anything he can jump over?

(Red Haven's on Fire)

Teleplay credits: All teleplays written solely by Aaron Sorkin except for the following: Eli Attie & Kevin Falls (Swiss Diplomacy), Aaron Sorkin and Paul Redford (The State Dinner, Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail, Enemies Foreign and Domestic, Game On), Ron Osborn & Jeff Reno (Enemies), Aaron Sorkin & Patrick Caddell (The Short List, Lord John Marbury), Aaron Sorkin, Paul Redford and Lawrence O'Donnell Jr. (Take This Sabbath Day)