Frustrated with his duties as of late, especially his exclusion from all discussions about the threat of mad cow disease in the U.S., Sam has written this letter, which the webmaster is happy to publish here.

November 30, 2001

Dear Mr. Sorkin,

Can you please help me? I am a graduate of Princeton, where I was Recording Secretary for the Gilbert and Sullivan Society, as well as Duke Law School. I had a successful career in the private sector (making $400,000 a year at Gage, Whitney, Pace) before joining President Bartlet's staff as Deputy Communications Director. I crafted significant portions of President Bartlet's stump speech during the campaign, his acceptance at the convention, his inaugural address and his first State of the Union Address. You may also remember that I helped put Roberto Mendoza on the bench. I can recite the members of Congress in alphabetical order and I have excellent dental hygiene. Should you need the route for driving from Nova Scotia to Washington, D.C., I'm your guy. The President himself has complimented my skill in crafting important speeches and birthday messages. Toby Ziegler can attest to the fact that I am a good deputy, and Donna Moss will tell you that I am the man. I also have my very own website at www.samseaborn.com.

Despite these qualifications, I have been locked in the steam pipe trunk distribution venue for some time now, learning interesting facts about the penny and babbling about seat belts. It's hot enough to grow papayas in here, and with Ainsley permanently locked in Leo's closet, I'm getting a little restless. Plus, I ate a hamburger earlier that's making me a little queasy. Could you let me out of here, Mr. Sorkin? Please? I promise not to accidentally sleep with a call girl or confuse Kyrgyzstan with Kazakhstan again. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Samuel Norman Seaborn