Turks Party 9 - The Company Picnic
By: Zheng Lee

Tseng drove Reno, Reeve, and Nathan in his car on their way out of the city to the location of the Shinra executive company picnic. Being that it was a sports coupe, the back seat had little room for passengers.

"Reeve, you're squashing me!" Reno complained, fighting to shift his legs into a more comfortable position behind the front passenger seat.

"Sorry, Reno. I'm a little too tall, and the seat's up as far as it'll go without killing me."

"I'm tall, too. Tseng's the shortest of us. He should have to sit back here!"

"Reno, if you're thinking I'll actually let you drive my car, you're dead wrong," said Tseng. "Now, knock it off. I don't hear Nathan complaining."

"Oooh…can we stop here!?" Nathan asked suddenly, grabbing the back of Tseng's seat.

Tseng looked out the window and wondered which place Nathan was all excited about. "Where? The bakery?"

"Yeah! I love their apple tarts. I have to have one! Please…?"

Tseng rolled his eyes and hit the brakes to slow down his speeding vehicle in time to turn into the bakery. He got out so Nathan could squeeze out from the back seat, and Reno followed. "Oh, what?" Tseng asked him. "Do you want an apple tart, too?"

"No. Are you kidding, if I ate anything, I'd be unable to contort myself into that small space you call a back seat." Reno stretched his legs that had been cramped for almost an hour.

"Hurry up, Nathan," Tseng grumbled, looking at his watch while Nathan got his damn apple tart.

Nathan came out of the bakery munching on his precious apple tart and with a bag of half a dozen more.

"Nathan, there'll be plenty of food at the picnic. What are you doing with all those apple tarts?" Reno inquired as they wedged themselves back into the car.

Nathan shrugged. "Cyrus never lets me get them. May as well enjoy them while we're here. Besides, he's a little sore about my apple tarts since a certain incident involving them and a ralley car race he was trying to win. He says my insistance that we stop and get apple tarts cost him the win. I keep trying to tell him that it was just a very convincing dream he had, but he won't hear of it."

They arrived at the park a few miles outside of the barricade sealing off the slums of lower Midgar. Shinra had the park all to themselves with tables upon tables of food and several barbeque grills going.

Palmer helped himself to the entire plate of a dozen hamburgers, much to the annoyance of the others in attendance, and especially those who were waiting for a burger.

"Just say the word, and we'll forcefully restrain him," Tseng told Rufus.

"Hmm… I was wondering," said Rufus. "If we let Palmer eat enough, maybe his body will just explode, and we'll never have to worry about him again."

"Think of the cost of the food, Ruf," Tseng replied. "It would just be cheaper to hire the Turks to knock him off."

"Eh, but for free, I could get Heidegger to scare him away. Yo, Heidegger!!!" Rufus called and wandered off.

Reno, meanwhile, was slobbering away on an ear of corn on the cob. Next to him, Elena neatly held her fork and knife and tried to cut the corn off the cob real neatly. Reno looked up at her, bits of corn and smears of butter around his mouth. "What the hell are you doing, Elena!?" he commented.

"What?"

Reno reached over and forcefully extracted the silverware from her hands. "Just pick it up, dammit!" He picked up the cob and tried putting it in her hands.

Elena backed away as if it were poison. "Eew! Get it away! You eat it!"

"Fine," said Reno, taking another sloppy bite of his over-buttered corn before attacking hers.

"So…" Tseng said to some of the other execs. "You guys wanna play team-Tekken Ball, eh?"

"Yeah," said Reeve. "Turks versus the executive board."

"Tseng! Reeve!" Rufus came running up to the group. "It's Scarlet…"

"Shut up, pip-squeak!" Heidegger roared at the young Vice President.

"Heidegger, you can put that terrorizing voice away. You already gave Palmer a triple heart-attack for hogging all the food."

"Sorry," Heidegger mumbled.

"So, anyway, Rufus," Tseng continued. "You're just in time for us to set up Tekken Ball teams."

"Wait a minute!?" Heidegger demanded. "What's this about Scarlet?"

Rufus smiled and blurted out, "Scarlet fainted!"

Heidegger also fainted.

Tseng looked scornfully at the young VP. "What is your problem, Rufus? Do you think any of us cares a damn about that scrawny bitch?"

"Sorry, but I think it's the sun light. It's been so long since Scarlet's been outside of Midgar, and her skin is so pale, she probably got sunstroke?"

"So?" asked Tseng. "Reno's pale as a sheet, too, and I don't see him keeling over."

"Yet…"

"And I assume Heidegger passed out because he's so fat the heat got to him already?"

"So, all the less idiots playing Tekken Ball with us," said Rufus. "All right, Tseng. Let's go round up the others. You be captain of your team, and I'll be captain of mine."

"Okay…"

And so, the teams were: Reno, Rude, Tseng, and Elena against Rufus, Nathan, Reeve, and Hojo.

"And who ever the ball goes out on has to take off a piece of clothing!!" Reno announced right before the first volley got off.

"Forget it, Reno!" Tseng snapped at him. "You'll be dropping the ball at every turn!"

"Yeah, and besides," said Rude, "who the hell wants to see Hojo naked?"

There was some silence followed by Reno saying, "Well…I do." His team mates pretty much tried beating him to a pulp before the game even started.

In a sand court, they had the net set up, and they played volley ball. The hard white orb was too much for Hojo to handle, his frail wrists cracking in two the first time he made contact with the ball.

"Now how do we even up the teams?" asked Reeve.

"The teams are even," said Reno. "With Elena over here being pretty much worthless."

"Hey…!!" Elena slapped him.

"Come on, you two!" Tseng demanded order.

Eventually bored of the game, they went back for more food and drink. Reno had a bruise under his eye, a result of his inattentiveness while trying to shake sand out of his shorts while the ball bee-lined his way.

"I'm surprised that's all you hurt," said Elena as Reno held ice from the cooler against his cheekbone. He reached in and got a handful of ice and cold water and tossed it violently at her. "Hey!!!" Elena squealed, shielding her eyes.

"Shut the hell up," Reno grumbled.

"Hey, Reno…" she taunted from a few steps away. "Gonna take off all your clothes for everyone?"

Reno got up and chased after her. Elena ran and vaulted into the V-shaped trunk of a large tree and climbed up a few branches. The red-head followed her, and she jumped out just as he got close to her. Giggling, she pranced off to the safety of the main party area where she could take refuge with Tseng.

Pissed off at her, Reno pulled off his sweat-drenched t-shirt and threw it to the ground, but he remained in the tree where no one could easily bother him.

Nathan kept looking out into the parking lot. Reeve noticed and wondered what the young man's curiosity was. "Oh, nothing…" Nathan insisted. "It's just that Cyrus has followed me so many places lately, I'm afraid he's going to show up."

"Don't worry," said Reeve. "The park's closed to anyone who's not a Shinra employee…or is gotten in by a Shinra employee such as yourself."

"Well, if I see a blue car pull up, I'm hiding."

"Blue car?"

"Oh, all of Cyrus' cars are blue. To him, there are two colors in the world: blue, and not-blue. He refuses to own any car that's 'not blue'."

"He's a little strange. Makes Reno seem normal."

"You can say that again. But if you ever met Jazel…she's the one who makes Palmer seem sane."

Reeve shuddered. "Ugh… I hope never to meet her."

"Hiiiiiiii…!" a female voice squealed, sending Nathan jumping to inhuman heights. Scarlet put her hands on her hips. "What the hell is wrong with you, you little twerp?"

"Sorry…" said Nathan. "You sounded like someone we were just talking about."

"Oh, really? Who's that?"

"Scarlet, honey…" said Heidegger. "Are you coming?"

Scarlet giggled shyly. "Coming Heidegger, honey…!" she trotted off, wriggling her butt flamboyantly behind her.

"Ugh…" Nathan shook his head. "One guess what they're doing."

"Yeah, I know," Reeve said neutrally. "There are so many places out here to sneak off to." He quietly looked over at Reno sitting topless in the tree, his knees drawn up to his chest.

Tseng hovered around Elena, trying to smell her perfume that kept getting lost in the breeze. She only wore it on social occasions, as certain stealthly missions mandated to perfume, cologne, or other scents that would give the stalking Turks away.

"Wanna go for a walk, Elena?" asked Tseng.

"No."

Tseng circled her slyly. "Come on… It's a nice day, out of the stagnant city air."

"I said, no. I mean, what if we run into Heidegger and Scarlet? We all know why they scurried off all of a sudden."

"We can go somewhere else," Tseng grinned, trying to sneak in a kiss to her cheek.

Elena side-stepped him. "Is that all you ever think about?" she said, catching on to him.

"No. Especially since the opportunity only rarely arises. And, when it does, you're usually senselessly drunk."

"No, I'm not," she allowed him to trap her in his arms. She tapped his nose with her finger, and he pulled her in for a kiss. Afterwards, she pushed away. "I gotta set us up for the water balloon toss game."

Tseng let her go and made a little purring sound in his throat.

Meanwhile, Reno scratched his inner thigh and realized there were ants on the tree limb that were beginning to crawl onto him in areas he wanted them no where near. He jumped up and quickly stripped off his shorts without much thought. He brushed himself off to make sure tha ants hadn't gotten far. He lowered himself to the ground and retrieved his shirt too and shook both articles of clothing out good.

He looked ahead and saw Elena filling up water balloons at a water fountain. Hmm…his sick mind thought as he walked her way in just his sandals and underwear. He took a filled up balloon from her stash and pulled the waist of his boxers forward.

"Eeew!! What are you doing!?" Elena freaked and stepped back.

"What's it look like? I wanna go show Tseng that I'm a lot bigger than he thinks I am."

"Dammit, Reno! He's seen you naked at your damn parties so many times, I think he knows how helplessly petite your wee-wee is."

Reno's cheeks lit up red. "You know that's not true. You've seen, too."

"You're right. I have. And I've also seen Tseng's, and I stand my ground on the comparison."

Not to be outdone, Reno dropped the plump water balloon into his boxers and immediately jumped. "Yeeoooow!! That's fuckin' cold!!" he screamed, swatting a free hand at it to dislodge the balloon. Instead, the over-filled balloon burst, sending the cold water trickling down his legs and soaking the front of his boxers.

Elena started giggling so hard she nearly wet herself for real. Her hysterics drew the attention of others in the area, including Tseng. Reno hastily got back into his shorts to cover up the easily mistaken embarressment and to warm the area back up.

Meanwhile, Elena dropped to the ground, nearly splitting a gut laughing. Reno grabbed a few of the balloons and pelted her with them, exploding the cold water all over her back. Her laughs turned into shrieks.

"Laugh at me, will you!?" Reno growled.

Tseng came over, grinning ear to ear as well. He restrained Reno's arm as he was about to hurl another water balloon at point-blank range. Tseng couldn't help but desperately stifle his laughter as Reno whirled around, and he saw that the wetness was seeping into the front of the young man's denim shorts as well.

Reno looked down and saw it too. "Fuck it all to hell!" he snarled and stormed off to the sanctuary of his tree. He hid on the opposite side of the thick trunk away from anyone else.

Reeve looked around since he was with no one else at the moment. He put down his beer and walked away from all the tables with food.

Reno batted at his shorts, hoping the breeze would dry it quickly. His mind ran through feelings of bitterness towards Elena, as it was all her fault.

Reeve rounded the tree and interrupted his silent fury. Reno moved a hand to try to discreetly cover up the mark. Reeve just laughed. "I saw it. It was hilarious."

"Leave me alone," Reno grumbled and walked a few paces to the other side of the tree.

Reeve followed. "Reno…please…"

Reno dodged him again, returning to where he'd been against the tree. Reeve followed again. "What the hell's your problem, Reeve?"

Reeve trapped him quickly and claimed his lips. He kissed Reno hard and relentlessly for a while. He pulled away, and Reno, significantly calmed down, had to catch his breath.

"Shit, Reeve," Reno panted.

"You know I love you," said Reeve.

"Watch it…half the company execs are here, and some of them don't know."

"It's all right. We can still save ourselves…you know…"

"You don't really want me, do you, Reeve? I mean…I'm the ultimate 'used car', if you catch what I mean."

"We all know about you, Reno. So what if you'll sleep with the stuffy, coffee-holic head of urban development. Some of us wonder if you've gone as far as Rufus…"

"Ha! Not on your life! No way I'd let that prick push my buttons…and he's too fuckin' proud to let himself be taken by unrefined scum like me."

"Well then…" Reeve said slyly. "What about Tseng?"

"Tseng…?" Reno swallowed hard. "Th-those were all just jokes. He's too straight to want me anyway."

"All right…come on, Reno. Let's go back to the picnic. Maybe we can get into some trouble by, say…, shaking up all the cans of soda in the cooler and putting 'em back."

Reno grinned. "I can see grape soda dripping off of Elena's hair right now. And, with a little luck, maybe one'll drench that pretty-face Rufus, too."

"I wanna see Tseng get it. Maybe it'll knock a few of his hairs out of place." Reeve clamped an arm around Reno's slight shoulders as they walked back to the tables.

THE END

An original story based on characters from Final Fantasy VII © 1997 Squaresoft Ltd. This work of fiction is intended for mature audiences only. © 2000. Edited version © 2001 to remove offensive yaoi content. Zheng Lee