Turks Party 6

Turks Party 6 – Who Wants to be a Fairy Queen?
By: Zheng Lee

Another week, another party. Another Reno-party, that is.

As usual, Tseng picked Reeve up at his apartment and drove to Reno's for the party. The black sports car sped down the freeways to Sector 3.

"Do you suppose Reno's sick of playing those strip party games?" Reeve asked half way there.

Tseng shrugged and passed another motorist. "He seems to be losing them most the time lately. I think he wants to win for a change."

"Games or not, he's been taking his clothes off at these parties a lot lately. I suppose the guy has no shame, not even in front of the Beta team members and your rookies Rod and Elena. Well, not my problem, really. At least it's not me who's winding up in the nude each time."

Tseng's face turned red. "Yeah, easy for you to say. I see things a little differently."

"Oh, come on, Tseng. It'll be someone else's turn eventually. It might even be me, for all we know, so I wouldn't get too stressed over it just yet."

Tseng shook his head. "I suppose you're right. Statistically, it should be someone else’s turn by now."

They soon arrived at the young Turk's apartment. Reno had specified to all invited to not wear their best clothing to the party. Tseng had no clue as to why, but happily complied in case Reno had invited some lunatic comedian who sledge hammered watermelons or something.

"And Tseng wins the door-prize today!" Reno announced the instant his superior stepped through the door.

Tseng groaned and took the unfamiliar thing from Reno's hand. "What is this? Lipstick?"

Reno grinned. "Eh, it's a free sample that came in the mail, and I didn't know what else to do with it. Though you might find it may come in handy sooner than you think."

"I'm surprised you haven't tried it on first," said Tseng, brushing past the host.

The usual stock of beer was missing, and instead, there was lots of hard liquor. Obviously, Reno wanted his guests to get real drunk real quick. Tseng tried to keep away from it, knowing that he couldn't get too drunk otherwise they'd really pick on him.

Also missing were the Beta team members, having been dispatched back to Junon for the week much to Reno’s disappointment. It hardly mattered though since Rodney was there. One more tender young rookie to humiliate.

Reno clapped his hands together. "All right, everyone!" he announced. "Strip!! That’s right, down to your birthday suits!"

All eyes turned to Reno, and no one saw Elena make a swift, but silent, exit out the front door. There was no way she'd get involved with all guys at such a party. Heck of a night for Lené not to show up.

"What!?" Tseng asked as if Reno had said something wrong.

"You heard me! Strip! Take off all your clothes…everyone! It's all part of the game tonight. And, if you don't play, you don't get any of it back."

“How’s about we just stay dressed in the first place?” Rod suggested in vain.

Oddly, Rufus was enthusiastic…and drunk. His clothes were flung off by the time Reno drew in his next breath. Reeve was hesitant, appearing shy as he got out of all his clothing except his underwear. Rodney had more alcohol than usual, and robotically complied even if it was a while after Rufus’ display of enthusiasm. Tseng, on the other hand, outright refused.

"Oh, Rude…!" said Reno. "Can you take care of our shy little boss, here. Seems he doesn't want to play my twisted little game."

"Your twisted little game!?" Tseng echoed. "You're twisted, all right, Reno. And, I'm not playing your stupid game. I'll probably lose, and you won't give me any of my clothes back." He looked up and saw Rude still advancing on him.

"It's all in good fun," said Reno. "Go on, Rude. Help him along…"

"Go away!" said Tseng. "I can take my own clothes off. Geesh." So, he joined the rest of the inebriated party-goers and went nude. By then even Reeve had stepped out of his shorts.

"Excellent." Reno gathered up all the clothing that had accumulated into a pile and tossed it all into the burning fireplace. Several gasps came from his guests. "Now, now…don't any of you worry. You'll all be sent home clothed, but you have to wear what I give you."

"I swear, Reno…if this is all rigged against me…"

"Tseng-sama, you're entirely too paranoid," Reno replied. "This is going to be a game of skill and knowledge. If you want clothes, you'll have to use your brains. It's really not so hard." He unfolded a square game board onto the coffee table.

"Trivial Pursuit?" Rufus asked, looking down at the circular game layout with a central hub. “Last decade called, Reno…they want their silly board game back!”

"Yeah, what ever. Keep working on the act, vice prez…you just might be funny some day." The red haired Turk sat down on the love seat next to Rude. "Hey, wait a minute…someone's missing."

They all looked around, but Tseng figured it out first. "Elena… Reno, you scared the poor girl away."

Reno just shrugged and gave one circular-shaped piece with 6 wedge-shaped slots to each player. "Okay. We all know how this game works. However, one minor change in the rules. Not only do you earn colored wedges for each question you get right on the six special spaces, but you also earn back a piece of clothing. Any questions? Good. Let's start. I know some of you are anxious to get some clothes back on."

"You're not funny, Reno," said Tseng.

"Come on, boss! I figured you were sick of strip games, so I did something different today. Reverse-strip Trivial Pursuit!"

"You're demented," Tseng muttered one last comment before the game began.

And so, the game went on. Players rolling dice and moving their token until they landed on one of the special spaces in which they had a chance to earn a colored wedge…and an article of clothing.

Tseng was the first to hit a special space. "All right! Hurry this up. I want some clothes back."

"Let's see…" Reno dragged Tseng's misery out a little longer. "Pink. That category is…Media and Entertainment. Here's your question. Which video game system was a total flop because it's advertising campaign just showed people dancing around instead of the games?"

Tseng put a lot of thought into it, and took a stab at the little-heard-of TurboGrafix 16.

"You're right! And much to my disappointment, you win your first piece of clothing." Reno retrieved a brown shopping bag and held it out to Tseng.

"Reno…?" asked Tseng. "Why does that shopping bag say 'Wall Market' on it?"

"Do you want some underwear or not!?"

Tseng decided not to pursue the issue and reached into the bag. "Aaaaah!! Reno! Was this meant for Elena?" he shyly attempted to hide what he'd taken from the bag.

"Sorry. They're all like that." Reno put the bag away. "It's that or nothing."

"I want my clothes back!"

"Too late. The fireplace finished with all that a while ago. Hey, it's something, Tseng. And it’s small enough to cover up that…excuse for manhood of yours."

"It’s sometimes hard to figure out what’s more humiliating…" Tseng put on the frilly pink girly underwear.

"Uh…Reno?" Reeve asked timidly. "Did you say that all the underwear is like that?"

"Yeah. So? Come on, Reeve. Loosen up. We all know you got drawers full of stuff like this at your place."

And so, the game went on, and others won their girly underwear. All except Reno, who just couldn't seem to answer questions right. Rodney was first up for a chance to win the second piece of clothing.

"Category…Automobiles. Here's your question, although it’s a bit unfair that you know so much about cars, motorcycles, and all that stuff. Oh well, maybe my Arts and Leisure question will be about porn, so we can at least be even," said Reno. "Anyway… Which manufacturer made cars with a 3-cylinder engine, a spare tire in the engine compartment, and 13 mechanical flaws at the time it rolled off the assembly line?"

"Oh, that's easy," said Rodney. "Yugo."

"Hey!" whined Rufus. "Since when are there other auto makers in this world aside from Shinra!? What’s dad trying to hide from me!?"

"Here…" Reno brought another bag for Rod to reach into. "Your next piece of clothing."

"Tights!?" Rodney shrieked.

"Here, have another drink to go with that and it won’t bother you so much," said Reno. "And by the way, they're not tights…they're pantyhose."

"Even worse!"

"Reno, this game of yours is insipid!" said Tseng. "I'm going upstairs and getting some of your clothes to wear home."

"Rude…stop him!" Reno snapped his fingers like some sly mobster.

Rude lumbered up the stairs behind the renegade game-player, the whole scenario looking strange as both men had on nothing but girly underwear. Tseng was a little too tipsy to do much against Rude, and he was soon hauled down the stairs and placed back at the table where they were playing Reno's variation of Trivial Pursuit.

After another hour of play, most everyone had the first several pieces of the outfits Reno had picked out for them. Tseng, in his desperation to cover up his girly undergarments, excelled at the game.

"Which Atari game was so pathetic, they buried the unsold cartridges in the desert?" Reno gave Tseng another significant question.

"E.T. Phew! At least everyone knows that one!"

"Yeah, I know…” said Reno. “Bad timing. Okay, Tseng, here's your fourth piece of clothing."

Tseng reached into another Wall Market shopping bag. "Aaaaaah!" he yelled, tossing what he'd pulled out back into the bag. "NO!! Absolutely not, Reno!" He reached across the table and clasped his hands around Reno's throat.

Rude jumped in and got him off the young man. "Come on, Tseng," said Reno. "Wear your dress like a man…"

"Reno! Men don't wear dresses!!"

"Well, it's either that, or you can go home in your panties and bra. Think of it as a kilt if it makes you feel any more manly. Although kilts ARE skirts, so if you ask me there’s little difference."

Rufus grinned and posed in his girly undergarments. "Y'know. I kind of like this. It's different, and it'll totally piss dad off. I'll have to dress like this at our next meeting."

Reeve blushed and looked down at his bra. "This is kind of fun," he laughed, a little too intoxicated as well to be sensible.

"Hey, Reno," Rod observed. "Why are you still naked? Can't you get a single question right?"

"I can get them right. I just…can't seem to land on one of the six spaces where I can earn the stuff."

Competition stayed fairly even. The next thing players began winning was high heel shoes. "I fear to know what the last thing is," Tseng muttered as he was one piece away from winning. Reeve was right behind him, having just won his own high heeled shoes.

Reno rolled the die, and found that he could land on a special space…or pretend he didn't notice and go elsewhere. But , to keep others from getting mad at him, he moved to the special space.

"See…?" he said. "I might catch up to you all yet."

"Okay…" Reeve picked up a question card. "You category is…People and Places. Question: Who is responsible for the time & space phenomenon known as the Bill Charlesverse?"

"Uh…umm……I should know that one…" He got several looks from the surrounding players telling him to knock off the stalling. "Uh…I think that would be my 5^th grade teacher…what was her name…? Face T. E. Fenton Misses Lever Obliterated?"

"What kind of answer is that!?" Tseng demanded, pounding his fists hard enough on the table to jostle a few player’s tokens. "Try again, Reno."

"But," Reeve protested, "we have to go with the first answer someone gives."

"Now is not the time to be by-the-book, Reeve! Geesh!"

"Oops," said Reno. "Guess I still don't get to put on any clothes?"

"That does it!" said Rufus. "From now on, Reno only gets questions from the kids' cards. This way he can't get them wrong. And if he does miss them, we’ll send him back to that Obliterated Lever lady."

"Yeah," said Reeve. "Let's give him a question from the kids' deck now. All right, Reno. What's the color of orange juice?"

"Uh…well, at Wall Market it's blue, so I'll say blue."

"RENO!!" everyone said in unison.

"We can't even discuss the color of orange juice with you, Reno!" growled Reeve.

"I know what's up!" said Tseng. "Reno wants to humiliate us all by making us put on dresses, but he doesn't want to put one on himself!"

"I kind of like mine…" said Rufus, doing a curtsey in his.

"You would, you little pouf!" said Rude.

"I'm not a pouf! You are!" Rufus got up to fight Rude. Rude stood up and met him, but he couldn't stay balanced on the high heel shoes, promptly falling over onto his ass.

"Hey, stop fighting!" yelled Reno. "There's still a big prize for the winner, and there's some of you that are just one question away from it!"

Rude knew he was one of them. He had Rufus by the collar, a fist cocked back to punch the wily Vice President. "Like what, Reno?" asked the bald man.

"Like, if you keep on playing, you'll find out."

Tseng was the first up for his last colored wedge, and presumably the last piece of women's clothing. "All right, Reno. I'm ready."

"Okay, then. Your category is brown…Arts. Your question…who wrote the song 'Der Kommissar'? Hey, that’s not right! Fuckin’ hardest category in the game and he gets the one and only EASY question in it."

"It was Falco."

"Falco!?" asked Reno. "It was After the Fire, you moron! What, don't you want to win?"

Tseng folded his arms confidently. "It was Falco, Reno. Trust me. He just isn't the first one that people think of and give credit to, because his version was sung in some obscure foreign language."

"All right, fine…" said Reno, turning the card over for the answer. "What!? I don't believe it!!"

"It's Falco, isn't it?" asked Tseng.

"Yeah! Damn, Tseng, you're right. Well, then…here's your prize!"

After Tseng inserted the last colored wedge into his token, he reached into a smaller bag and drew out the final thing to humiliate him. "A tiara!?" he said, holding up the item.

"A diamond tiara, Tseng! You got the best one in the bag, and it's yours to keep!"

"You spent an awful lot of money to humiliate me, Reno!" Tseng growled, looking oh-so cute in his new tiara.

"Money? I got this stuff for free! Seems one shop vendor offered rewards to spy on the competition in Wall Market. So, being a Turk, I took the job and did it very well. As a reward, he gave me the diamond tiara and a few others with glass gems."

"Well, I guess it'll make a good birthday gift for Elena," Tseng tried to see the bright side.

"Hey, the game's not over yet. Now, you have to get back to the center and answer a final question right to get the big prize!"

"You're so evil, Reno…" Tseng said plainly.

"Don't you know it! Now, come on…"

The game went on, and Tseng was the first one back to the center with a token full of all 6 colored wedges. He hoped it would be a good question.

"Oh, come on…" Reno whined. "Another one that even I can get. All right…it's multiple choice, Tseng. A peanut is…a- a bean, b- a nut, or c- a fruit. Geesh…where'd they get this question from, the kids' section?"

"A bean," replied Tseng.

"Huh…?" Reno was stunned. "Look, Tseng…you want the grand prize, yes or no!? Or are you finally playing like me and intentionally getting the answer wrong!?"

"I knew it!" said Rod. "Reno, how could you…!?"

"I, uh…didn't want to wear a dress. I'd rather go nude. Now, hey…back to the question, Tseng! You moron!" Reno turned the card over. "Huh!? What the…!? A peanut…is a bean! I don't believe it!"

"Told you…" Tseng narrowed his eyes. "Now, where's my grand prize?"

"Here. A free pass to the Honey Bee Inn."

"What!? What kind of grand prize is this!?" Tseng got up, eyes red with fury. Reno just shrugged. Tseng lunged across the table at him, scattering all the other tokens and colored pieces. He gripped Reno's neck.

"Hey, defenseless naked guy here…!" Reno yelled, protecting his exposed manhood.

"This is the last time, Reno!" Tseng clobbered the young Turk while Reeve, Rude, and Rufus fought to restrain one or both of them. Rodney, meanwhile, did a silent Elena-style escape and hurried to his parked car, hoping no one would notice him in a dress.

It took everyone's strength to hold Tseng back.

"It doesn't matter. I didn't have a dress for myself anyway," said Reno, making Tseng attempt another lunge at his throat, but the others held him back again. Reno went over to where he'd discarded his clothes and put on his boxers and jeans.

Tseng, meanwhile, was looking like a jilted princess trying to break free. He remained restrained by the others, his muscles shaking with effort to get free. "Arrgh…." He growled, bowing his head. "Reno…!!”

Those holding Tseng let him go and backed off. An aura surrounded him, fading from blue to violet to red. Tseng reached out to his sides then drew his hands to his chest.

“Don’t do it!!” the dress-clad Rude practically clobbered his boss, recognizing signs of the man’s limit technique being conjured up.

Reno stepped back into the corner behind the pool table, cowering for good reason from Tseng's limit technique. The aura flared around Tseng for a while before dissipating. Tseng slumped, but Rude’s arms held him up.

"I couldn't help it," Tseng said, finally gathering his feet under him. “Although if it’s not a problem, I want some proper clothing now.” He glared over at Reno before turning to Rufus. "I have a spare Turks uniform in my trunk. Can you get it for me?”

"Hey, wait! I'm not going out there looking like this. What if the neighbors see?" Rufus protested, despite his earlier displays of being rather entertained by the fact he was wearing a dress.

"Get my uniform, and I'll drive out and get decent clothes for the rest of you. I promise.”

Rufus went out timidly, careful not to turn his ankles because of the horrible unbalance the high heeled shoes created.

Rude walked off upstairs to the guest room where he had his pajamas in the night stand for the times that he crashed at Reno's place when he was too drunk to drive home. Anything to get out of the girly stuff.

It seemed Rufus was taking his time, and Reeve finally went to the window to make sure the little runt hadn't driven off on them. Before he could pull the blinds back, Rufus poked his head in the front door. “I got your uniform, Tseng…" the young V.P. said. He laughed drunkenly then slammed the door and ran off.

"Hey, he he’s wearing my Turks uniform!!" Tseng yelled, running after Rufus. The high heels were impossible for running in, so he kicked them off and continued his pursuit.

Out in the parking lot, Rufus climbed into his own car, tossing Tseng's keys at him. Tseng caught them and jumped onto the hood of Rufus' car. The VP backed out of the space quickly, smoking the tires. Tseng couldn't hold on and rolled off the hood and onto the unforgiving pavement. As Rufus sped off, Tseng dashed for his own car. Despite having feet bare except for thin pantyhose, Tseng relentlessly piloted his stick-shift sports car in vicious pursuit of the little runt who'd stolen his clothes.

It wasn’t long until Tseng returned, with Rufus in tow.

"Ow…let go…stop!!" Rufus wailed as Tseng dragged him into the living room.

"Give me back my clothes!" Tseng held the young VP down and stripped the Turks uniform off of him. Everyone else maintained a safe distance while watching the one-sided battle.

When Tseng was finished, Rufus had nothing on but the pink girly underwear. The Turk paddled Rufus' behind with his palm and the VP scuttled into the kitchen.

"You couldn't have just driven home and gotten into better clothes there?" Reeve asked.

"And let that little twit get away with what he did? Hell no. I should have a talk with his father about giving him a personal week from hell. Especially since I had no choice but to wreck both our cars in order to stop him. It's pointless to try running from a Turk…especially me." Reeve parted the blinds to look at the smashed up wreck the once-nice black car now was. But, unlike Rufus' car, it at least still ran. "I'll drive you and the little runt home, if you don't mind the broken windshield."

Reeve shrugged. "That’s okay. Rude would probably drive us all home."

Rufus came out of the kitchen wearing the table cloth around his waist. Tseng took him by the ear.

"Come on. I'm taking you back to daddy." Tseng led the way off from the eventful evening.

The End