Turk Party 30

Turks Party 30 - Friendly Competition (part 2)
By: Zeng Li

"It's just some friendly competition," Reno justified before his boss, Tseng Wulong.

"Between formerly sworn-enemies," Tseng added.

"So? What's the big deal? Who really cares anyway?"

"The media!" Tseng barked. "They're all outside, wanting desperately to get in here for all the dirt and what-not! The Soldiers were told not to shoot anyone, but I couldn't promise the president that they'd all adhere to that."

"I say let 'em in. Charge pay-per-view rates and make a killing. Who knows... Maybe we can draw in enough money to revitalize Palmer's precious space program that no one cares about any more."

"And what if Avalanche kicks our butt?" Tseng argued. "Do you really want bad press like that to get out, telling the public that the Turks are a bunch of senile old wussies who can't catch fly balls or score on a power-play?" He picked up his jersey, giving Reno a glance before putting it on. "Are you gonna get dressed or stand around in that jock strap all night?"

Reno looked down at the single article on his body. "I am dressed!" he insisted.

"Reno, we're playing ice hockey! I would think that you, of all injury-prone people, would want to wear more than just a jock strap."

Reno sighed, grabbed a helmet, and placed in on his head.

Tseng just looked at him again, pausing before growling, "Do I have to dress you myself!?"

"Okay, okay!!" said Reno, grabbing parts of his proper outfit for the sport. "I just thought we could pull in more money if we made the game a little more risqué."

"For the last time, they are not televizing the game, and you are not going out there naked!!"

Reno wrestled into his pants and leg armor. "Fine. Then how many bones am I allowed to break?"

"NONE!!!"

Reno finished dressing, the armor and padding under his hockey uniform bulking the tall, skinny man up two-fold. He grabbed his left-handed stick and walked out of the locker room alongside his boss.

When they launched out onto the ice rink, Tseng nearly had a heart-attack. The stadium seating around them was half full of spectators, and television cameras were on and taping from various locations around the rink.

"What the hell happened!?" Tseng demanded, disliking the immediate circumstance he'd worked so hard to prevent.

"Oh, the president decided it would be a good fund-raiser for Shinra," Elena said as she skated by the rink's newest arrivals. "Pay-per-view, and all that."

Tseng looked suspiciously at Reno, but the young man bolted away in order to warm up before the start of the game. His attention was diverted when, to his horror, he saw Rufus suited up, minus a helmet, and skating on the ice.

"Sir Rufus!" Tseng called, skating up to the young man. "Should you really be playing ice hockey, sir? It's a dangerous sport, and you could get injured."

Rufus shrugged. "I'd worry more about Reno than me. Besides, I can't shy away from everything dangerous in the world. This'll put me a step up on my lard-head father who sits on his fat ass all day flirting with Scarlett."

"But please, sir. At least wear a helmet." Tseng fetched him one from the bench area, making sure to take one with a full face shield so that nothing would happen to the VP's good looks.

"No, Tseng!" Rufus squirmed and protested as Tseng placed the thing on his head and fastened the chin strap as if he were the boy's father. "I feel like a dork."

"Imagine how dorky you'll look with three or four missing teeth and a crooked nose," Tseng said.

"Yeah..." Reno skated by. "Who would love the pretty boy then? Perhaps some nerdy farmer's daughter, if you were lucky!"

Rufus poked his stick at Reno's belly, but the Turk easily deflected it's jab.

"While you're at it, Tseng, why don't you check to be sure the kid's wearing a cup. Y'know...or else he may be the last of the Shinra blood line an' all..."

Rufus swung his stick up between Reno's legs until it came to a fast stop upon it's target. Reno hardly flinched, relishing the opportunity to be sure that the protective gear they sell for men are of as good of quality as they claim.

"Oops... Looks like Reno's wearing one," Reno said of himself. "Now don't mind if I check out your marbles..." his hand moved tantalizingly closer to Rufus.

Tseng shoved Reno aside. "Can I remind you this is on television! I don't think the president would much appreciate the world seeing your hand exploring...touching...well, you know!"

"Ratings, Tseng. It's all about ratings." Reno skated off.

Tseng scanned the rink. He recognized the opponents right away. Cloud, Cid, Tifa, Yuffie, and Scarlett made up the opposing team with a mystery person in goal. His own team seemed to consist of himself, Reno, Rufus, Elena, and Reeve. The goalie seemed to be Heidegger, given the long black beard hanging out from under the mask.

And if that wasn't enough, they even had an official referee in a striped shirt rovering around the rink. "Hey," Tseng said to Reeve as the executive skated by. "Isn't that Richard Dean Anderson?"

"No," said Reeve. "That's MacGyver. We called Richard Dean Anderson, but he couldn't make it."

Tseng just looked puzzled, but Reeve was out of range for any more questions at the moment. He looked across the rink and watched the opposing team's goalie spontaneously loose his footing and plop heavily onto the ground. No doubt about who the opponents had in goal.

"Maybe this won't be totally humiliating defeat after all," Tseng decided. "But why is Rude on Avalanche's team and not ours?"

The ref blew his whistle, and the players assumed their positions. Tseng, Reno, and Reeve made up the front line for Shinra while Cid, Cloud, and Tifa made up the front line for Avalanche. Tseng found himself directly opposed to the grouchy pilot, who was the only player not wearing a helmet. (And the only player with a smoke between his lips.)

Doesn't mean I'll go easy on him, Tseng thought to himself, looking back briefly to make sure that Rufus had sensibly kept his proper headgear on as ordered. The puck was dropped as he was looking back, and it left the stick of one of the centers and slid towards Tseng. The Turk missed his chance to react, and Cid ended up stealing the puck.

Tseng clamored to join the fray. As no one playing was on the level of what could be considered 'professional' hockey, the scuffles for the puck tended to be greedy and disorganized.

The puck got loose and to the stick of Cloud Strife, who was definitely the main threat possessed by the other team. The nimble youth dodged Reeve and headed towards Shinra's goal. Rufus positioned himself between Cloud and the goal.

"No, Sir! Look out!" Tseng yelled, skating with amazing speed to push the young vice president out of the way. Rufus was safe, but Cloud rammed hard into Tseng, both of them sliding into Heidegger and the goal net and pushing the net off its mounting.

The ref's whistle blew to stop play.

Tseng pushed himself up, realizing suddenly that he was lying right on top off Heidegger's fat belly.

"Get off of me!" the huge man bellowed, and Tseng jetted, shaken but uninjured.

"Tseng! You messed me up! I was gonna get him!" Rufus whined.

"I'm sorry, sir. I think the Turks and I are just too well trained to look after you at all times."

"Whoo-hooo! Look at the size of this one!!" Reno said back at center-ice, skating in circles with his stick between his legs.

"Well, most of us are, anyway..." Tseng added.

The teams set up by the left goal circle near the Shinra net. Reno won the next face-off, and Shinra controlled the puck, skating towards the Avalanche goal. Yuffie and Cloud trailed Reeve, who made a sloppy pass to Reno as they crossed center-ice. Reno lunged to keep control of the puck, hastily setting up for a shot on goal.

He whacked the puck like he'd seen the pros do so many times on television, but it wasn't a good shot and clearly missed both Rude and the goal.

"Kyaa haa haa haa...!" Scarlett laughed, slapping Reno's cheek as she skated by the dumbfounded Turk. "Turkie can't even score when a klutz like Rude is in the goal!"

As if on cue, Rude fell onto his butt again.

"Why, you bitch!!" Reno ignored the existing scuffle for the puck and plowed right into Scarlett, squashing her against the sideboards in a body check that got the crowd cheering.

But the ref blew the whistle and stopped play. "Penalty, number 5! Charging. Two minutes."

"What the hell!?" Reno protested. "Didn't you see her slap me first!?"

"No," said MacGyver. "Now get into the penalty box!"

Reno was ushered into the little cell, throwing his stick against the plexiglass wall.

The game resumed with a power-play benefiting Avalanche. Tseng took the face-off in Reno's place, and Shinra suddenly found itself desperately on the defense as 5 attackers skated into their zone.

Scarlett broke away with the puck and slid it right towards the Shinra goalkeeper.

"Scarlett, sweetheart!" said Heidegger, dropping his stick and greeting her with open arms.

"Heidegger, darling...!" Scarlett also dropped her stick and opened her arms. She skated into a hug with him as the puck, alongside of her, glided unobstructed into the Shinra goal.

Tseng whacked his stick into sideboard in frustration, and Rufus dropped to his knees, muttering curses at Heidegger. On the other side of the rink, Avalanche cheered, having had their least-likely-to-succeed player scoring the first goal.

The goal allowed Reno to escape from the penalty box before his 2 minutes were up. He, too, had a lot of unkind words to say to the tub of lard, but instead, he ran his mouth for other things.

"When ever a team scores, each player has to take off an article of clothing!" he announced loud enough that the television cameras picked it up.

Giggles emitted from the crowd, but what they didn't realize is that Reno was serious in his own sick little mind. Referee MacGyver just stared at Reno, unamused. Reno made a face at him.

"Oh, go create a nuclear bomb out of chewing gum and paper clips or something," Reno pushed his luck.

Avalanche won the next face off. After the usual amateur scuffle, Cloud broke free and whacked a great slap-shot at the Shinra goal. But Heidegger's tub of a body was in the way. The puck went deep into Heidegger's fat belly and shot back out at twice the speed. Some players ducked as the puck blazed through the air, past center-ice, and right over Rude (who'd fallen down again) and into the goal.

The Turks, Rufus, and Reeve cheered. "All right, Heidegger!" Rufus pumped both fists in the air. "I take back all the mean things I said about you a minute ago!"

Heidegger slammed his stick down in front of the VP. "WHAT kind of things did you say about me!?" he growled.

Rufus swallowed his tongue and hurried off away from the sasquatch.

"Time out, referee!" said Scarlett, going over to the player's bench. She fetched a rather large flask of liquor and gulped it straight from the bottle. "Okay...That's better. Can't think straight when I'm sober..."

She turned to resume the game but noticed something moving on the ice by her skates.

"Eeeeeeeek!! A bug!!!" Scarlett smashed the liquor bottle on the ice, crushing the large green insect in the process.

The ref blew his whistle. "Number 45! Penalty - death!!"

"Whoo-hoo!!" Reno cheered. "Capital punishment for the bitch!"

"Yes!!" Rufus added, dropping to his knees and reaching and looking up towards heaven. "My every prayer has been answered!!"

"No, not capital punishment," said MacGyver. "Penalty for causing the death of a poor innocent bug."

"It's a fucking bug!!" Scarlett protested, the liquor already going to her head. "It's icky and creepy, and it deserved to die!"

"Bugs have every right to live! Same as bald eagles, and black rhinos, and oh yeah...even human beings!"

"But that stupid bug MADE ME SPILL MY LIQUOR!!!"

"You're a murderer!" MacGyver lunged at her, hands around her neck, toppling them both to the ground. Scarlett immediately responded with one of her patented slaps to the cheek.

Reno shrugged and looked at Tseng. "Well, I guess this wouldn't be a real hockey game without a brawl or two." He shed his gloves and punched Cloud Strife for no particular reason. To the left, Cid immediately struck Tseng, and to the right, Tifa kicked Reeve with the toe of her skate.

The defenders came forward and started beating on the opposite team for the fun of it. While they fought amongst themselves, MacGyver and Scarlett slapped and scuffled. The spectators cheered on the fight as if it's what they were waiting for the entire time. Gloves and helmets were shed, littering the rink like large-scale confetti.

The punching, kicking, and shirt-pulling went on for a minute until suddenly a large chunk of ice was vaporized by a high level Fire magic spell. All fighting immediately ceased as eyes looked around to see who was responsible.

Reno couldn't escape the stares, as he was the one standing away from the main brawl with a bangle full of materia orbs.

"Reno, you idiot! You melted half the rink!" said Cid.

"And," Tseng added, "you almost got me with that fireball!"

"Wheeeeee!!!" Yuffie flew across the frozen part of the rink and glomped Reno, both falling to the ground. "You have materia!!" she squeaked. "I love a man for his materia!"

"Urgh...get off..."

But it was too late. She'd swiped his bronze bangle and all the materia in it.

"Don't worry! Yuffie will fix the ice!" She cast an Ice 3 spell and refroze the large crater, which MacGyver and Scarlett were currently still scuffling in. "Oops..." Yuffie cringed as she noticed that the two got frozen into the ice like entombed cavemen.

"Well, that was handy," said Reeve. "The two most annoying people in the game, taken out in one shot."

Reno snatched his bangle back from Yuffie. "Yeah, there's just one problem? Our opponents' team is now one player short."

"That's an easy fix!" Yuffie hopped up. "We just have to even the score by getting rid of one of your players." She grabbed the nearest stick and slashed Reno in the leg with it.

"Ow! What are you doing!?"

"Trying to injure you so you have to sit out the rest of the game." Yuffie whacked him again in the same spot. "After all, you only hurt the one you love..."

"What are you say...ow!!"

Yuffie whacked Reno in the leg over and over as he parried. "Give me back the materia, or I'll break both your legs and take it for myself!"

"I'm wearing shinguards, you idiot! You'll probably break that stick before you break me."

"Okay!" She aimed higher, and Reno deflected the slash with his arm. The several repeated shots merely struck the arm guards under his jersey until Reno caught the stick in his hand and yanked it out of her grip.

"Go pick on someone else for a while. I may be injury-prone, but everyone knows I only get hurt on the job...never while I'm having fun." He turned his back to her and skated away, but something hit him in the back of the head, knocking him out cold long before he hit the ice.

Yuffie reacted to the glares that shot her way by scrunching her shoulders, not-so-innocent hands behind her back. The puck laying on the ice next to Reno's head was a clear indicator of what happened.

= = = = =

"Oooooh...I need a beer..." Reno groaned upon waking. "Or maybe I had one too many..."

"You didn't have any last night," a voice next to him said.

"Huh...?" Reno opened his eyes, which were crossed and blurry for a while. A warm hand touched his.

"How do you feel?" It was Tseng's voice.

"How do you think I fuckin' feel!? My head's splitting open and my brain is oozing out," Reno clutched his head and squirmed. "What the fuck am I doing in the hospital again?"

"You have a concussion. The doctor will fill you in. Oh, but perhaps you'd be happy to know that the 'friendly competition' hockey game of yours ended in a 1-1 tie, humiliating as it is to think that the only people credited for scoring goals are Scarlett and Heidegger."

Reno grabbed his head again and wailed, this time not over the pain. His groaning caught the attention of a nurse passing by the room. Tseng waved her off.

"Well, a tie is no good," Reno decided. "We still need to prove who can kick who's butt. Good thing Cloud and I agreed to a 'best 2-out-of-3'."

"You did what!? No way, Reno! We're not going out there and playing ice hockey again! Bad enough we looked like a bunch of amateurs, it was televised on the worst-value-for-your-gil pay-per-view known to man......"

"Relax, Tseng. We're not gonna play the same game twice. The next competition in line is Tekken Ball...a sport you and I are both good at."

"No way, Reno! You have more injuries from that sport than you do on-the-job!"

Reno laughed. "Aw, come on. You know I made most of them up just to get a day or two off from work!"

"You did what!?"

"Oh...uh...sorry... Must be the concussion talking..." Reno put a hand to his forehead and closed his eyes innocently.

"Right..."

Tseng backed off as the doctor came in to check on Reno.

"No broken bones this time," the doctor told Tseng after looking over the young man. "With the materia treatment, he should heal in 24 to 36 hours, though his head might be sore for a while where he got hit."

"Hear that, Reno?" Tseng talked past the doctor. "That means no Tekken Ball tomorrow."

"Fine. Our next competition isn't until next Saturday anyway," Reno replied. "I need a little more time to plan a mischievous twist to the usual game."

"I guess I can't stop you..."

"You won't. You enjoy these little games, and you know it. Deep inside of Tseng Wulong's head is the desire to break free and be reckless every so often."

Tseng said nothing and walked back into the hallway. Down the hall was the waiting room where most the other players were sitting, waiting to hear about Reno's condition. As Tseng entered the waiting room, he was nearly run over by a fast-moving wheelchair.

"Whee-heeeee! Can't catch me!!" Yuffie yelled, propelling the wheelchair she occupied faster than was probably safe for the given model.

"Oh yeah...!" Cloud zoomed by in his own chair, cutting Tseng off again. "We'll see about that, Materia-Girl."

Rufus jumped onto the back of Cloud's wheelchair and pushed off with one foot as though it were a scooter to get it to go faster. Tseng just shook his head, hoping to find one sane person in his group.

Across the room, Rude sat down in a wheelchair as if to see if he could have as much fun as the others were. He grabbed the wheels and gave a push, but instead, the chair did a wheelie and flipped over backwards, dumping Rude onto the floor.

"Where's Elena...?" Tseng wondered aloud, fearing for what kind of mischief she was getting into.

"Right here," she said, appearing next to him with Daniel Reeve. "I got some coffee." She held the tray with 6 cups out, but suddenly realized all the cups were now empty.

"Uh...sorry..." said Reeve, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"You vampire!" Elena whacked Reeve with the tray and chased him around the room.

"I think I'll go back to Reno's room for some peace and quiet..." Tseng decided, turning his back to the commotion.

TO BE CONTINUED...

As usual, the characters used in this story are copyrighted intellectual property of Squaresoft. This fic is not used for monetary gain and should not be reposted without my written or verbal permission.