Turks Party 29 - Friendly Competition (Part 1)
By: Zeng Li

Featuring the Turks and Avalanche

"May I remind you of something, Reno?" Tseng asked with the usual neutrality in his voice. Reno, of course was only half paying attention, his feet propped up casually on his desk. "These parties and nights out that we take once a week are suppose to be to alleviate stress, not cause it."

"What do you mean? We usually have a great time!"

Tseng folded his arms across his chest. "Food fight in the cafeteria?" he guessed blindly.

"No…but you may have given me an idea. Naked food fight of course…"

"Reno!!"

"Okay, okay…" Reno snapped out of his thoughtful musing.

Meanwhile, Elena appeared in the open doorway to his office. "Ready to go, Reno?" she asked, a laced-together pair of skates draped over her shoulder.

Tseng turned to face her, but Reno literally leapt on top of him and covered Tseng's eyes with his hands. "Reno, you idiot!" Tseng fought the burden on his back.

Reno grit his teeth and jerked his head to one side as if to tell Elena "get out of here." Elena just looked quizzical.

"Meet us there," Reno finally said. "I'm gonna torture Tseng a little longer." Elena walked away in time, as Tseng freed himself.

"It's Friday, Reno. Will you please tell me what tonight's party theme is!?" Tseng's fists clenched, knuckles turning white. A few of his hairs even popped out of place.

Reno grinned. "Ooh…has Tseng finally cracked? Dying to know what horrible plans for humiliating him that I have in store for today?"

Tseng unclenched his fists and tried to put on a calmer façade, but Reno knew he was stressing inside. The young Turk laughed.

"Why is it such a surprise? And had I known everyone else was in on it, I would've tormented them to tell me earlier in the week."

"But it's so much fun to see you uptight like this," Reno put an arm across Tseng's shoulders, feeling the subtle tension building up inside his superior.

Tseng ducked free of him. "Yeah, well maybe I don't want to go to your party tonight then." He started to walk towards the exit of Reno's office.

"Coward."

Tseng stopped. Reno'd said a magic word. After a deliberate pause, Tseng turned to him. Reno was, of course, grinning ear to ear.

Tseng was trapped. "Fine. I'll play your sick, twisted game."

Reno went back to his desk and retrieved something from a top drawer. "Okay, one more bit of fun before we go."

"What are you doing?" Tseng took a step back as Reno approached.

"Geesh, Tseng. Wait 'til the rest of our team finds out how wussy you've been lately. This is harmless, I swear. Be a sport." Reno blindfolded Tseng with the black fabric he had in his desk drawer.

"Is that one of you ties, Reno?"

"Actually, yes, it is."

"It smells a bit musty."

"That's because I don't wear it. It's been in my drawer for months."

"No kidding."

Reno finished securing the blindfold over Tseng's eyes. "Okay. Let's get going." He took Tseng by the hand to guide him, but the Turk seemed hesitant to move. "Aw, come on. Just trust me."

"Fine. If I live through this, I'll decide on your punishment."

"There you go," Reno touched Tseng's back then leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek. He immediately dodged the fist that launched his way. "Sorry, sorry. I promise, no more jokes. Now let's go. The others will be there waiting for us."

Tseng allowed himself to be lead down the hallway, to an elevator, and into Reno's car. From there, he just tried to use his sharply trained senses to figure out where Reno was taking them.

After enduring fast corners, Reno's cussing other motorists, and sudden stops, Reno pulled the car slowly into a parking space and shut down the engine.

"All right, you big baby. You can take off the blindfold now."

Tseng lifted the tie around his eyes. "Roller skating?"

"Yep."

"You spent all week torturing me and hyping this up, and it's just roller-skating?" They walked into the rink, which was relatively abandoned, as Reno had obviously secured the entire site for a private party.

Reno laughed loudly and roughly slapped Tseng on the back. "Yep! That's all it was! You wanted a more relaxing party, and I wanted lots of beer. I think this is an acceptable compromise," he pointed to the bar off to the right. "You…uh…can roller-skate, can't you?"

"Of course I can. It's Rude that I'm worried about."

Reno looked out to the rink, and there was Rude, clinging to the railing along the back wall, slowly shuffling his feet around but going basically no where.

"Oh, man! Thank goodness the general public isn't here to see that. Who'd respect and fear the Turks with an idiot like that out there?" said Reno.

Tseng smiled. "Yes, perhaps this will be refreshingly entertaining after all."

"Is this the party!?" a rough voice boomed behind them. Reno and Tseng were shoved aside by big, hairy hands. "Gyaa haa haa haa! Come, Scarlett. No Turks of mine are partying tonight without their lovable commanding officer!"

Scarlett walked between Tseng and Reno, who were just recovering from Heidegger's shove. She neatly slapped them each on the cheek as she walked by like the pompous snob she was.

"I'd kill her if I didn't have Heidegger to answer to," Tseng muttered.

"Who says Heidegger would be around to do anything about it?" Reno made a fist, his sleeve riding up enough to reveal several orbs of attack materia in his wrist bangle.

"Reno, my man!" some obnoxiously dressed string bean of a man approached them. He put an arm across Reno's shoulders and pushed his hip against the Turk's. "I was wondering where you were. Is this the fraidy-cat you dragged in?"

"Gay friend of yours, Reno?" Tseng asked coldly.

Reno escaped his friend's hold. "Steffan, I'd like you to meet Tseng Wulong, leader of the Turks, and my total opposite."

"You don't say…" Steffan shook Tseng's hand. "You gonna skate in that three-piece suit, man?"

Tseng pulled his hand out of the over-zealous pouf's grasp. "Reno didn't exactly give me time to be prepared."

"Better get the show on, Steffan. Heidegger and Scarlett are draining the kegs."

"Aw, crap…!" Steffan ran off.

"He's the DJ. Don't worry, Tseng. You'll be fine."

Elena skated off the rink and up to Tseng. She twisted her skates outward to spin in a circle around him a few times. "Glad you could make it!" she finally glomped him.

"You two have fun. I'm gonna go put my skates on." Reno left Tseng to the mercy of his newest rookie.

DJ Steffan kept out of their way, delivering the songs to dance to over the loud speakers, and even taking requests. Everyone skated around in free skate, even Tseng, who a few of them made bets on whether he could skate or not. Rufus and Reeve handed cash over to Reno, as they'd obviously lost the bet.

"Poor Rude," said Elena as she and Reno skated idly by the tense Turk along the back wall.

"Loosen those legs up, Rude! You look like a kid who's got to piss!" Reno shouted over the music so the bald Turk would hear.

Rude kept his knees together and grabbed the hand rail, propelling himself forward a few feet before losing his nerve.

"Geesh! What do I have to do liven him up?" Reno asked, rummaging through his jacket pocket. He pulled out a fist full of little thin paper cylinders. "Watch this."

He flicked the flame up on a lighter and lit the twine of fuses connecting all the paper rolls. "What are you doing!?" Elena stopped abruptly. Reno chucked the bundle across the floor near to where Rude was clinging to the hand rail.

"Fire in the hole!" he squat down and put his fingers in his ears.

A barrage of closely-timed cracks echoed at an ear-splitting volume over the already-loud music as each firecracker exploded and scattered across the floor. Rude let go of the hand rail and tried running, but the wheels of his skates just rolled under him, making him go no where. Finally, he just fell flat on his butt.

Reno laughed hysterically, tears forming in his eyes. He skated straight into a wall, leaning his head against one arm and pounding the wall with the first of the other. His insane cackling was audible from just about anywhere in the rink.

"That's a fucking classic!!" he managed to say over all his hysterics.

No one else was as amused.

"It would be even funnier if Reno pissed his pants right about now," said Elena as she and Tseng watched the maniacal Turk have a grand ol' time by himself.

Reeve looked off in the distance in his own little world. "I wonder if I could get Cait Sith to roller-skate…"

Scarlett slapped his face as she and Heidegger skated by. "Kyaa haa haa haa haa…!"

Reeve rubbed his cheek and gritted his teeth, tempted to go after her. But the big green-suited blob skating next to her was too much of a deterrent. "Well, at the least…" he said, "the surprise guests I've invited have just shown up."

A group of silhouettes entered from the brightly lit lobby and stepped into the colorful atmosphere of the crystal ball and rink lighting. Reeve skated over to greet them before anyone else spotted them.

"You didn't tell us Reno was gonna be here!" Cid Highwind grumbled.

"Come on, Cid…" Reeve insisted, sensing the pilot was on the verge of leaving. "At least if he trashes anything tonight it won't be your airship this time." He grinned stupidly.

"Well, the kid does deserve an ass-kicking," Cid punched his fist into his palm.

"I don't do roller-skating, man…" Barrett folded his arms stubbornly.

Cloud and Tifa, on the other hand, looked perfectly content to have a fun evening. Yuffie burst in behind them, skates already on and zooming towards the wooden floored rink.

"Weeeeeeeee…!" she squealed to get attention and flew to the nearest person she could find with open arms. That person happened to be the party host himself, Reno.

"Ack!! What the--? Who are you?" Reno pulled the petite body off of him and looked into the deceptively innocent eyes of a rather nasty thorn that seemed to plague his side every once in a while. "Yuffie!?"

"She's had a few drinks already," Cloud told Reeve as they all watched the spectacle.

"I'm going back to the car for a weapon or two," said Cid, disappearing for a short while.

No sooner was Cid outside when Reno skated up to Reeve, coming to a smooth stop on the flat carpet. "Reeve, are you inviting party-crashers again? Send them away this instant! Especially the ninja girl that gave me my first headache of the evening!"

"Weee-heeee!" Yuffie pounced suddenly on Reno from behind.

"Get off! Go bug Rufus or something!" Reno skated away with the obnoxious girl clinging to his back.

"Come on in and join the party. It hasn't been crazy enough yet," Reeve said with a slight smile. "I'll tell the deejay to cue up the pair-skating music. That should knock Reno down an insanity level or two right away."

Another barrage of firecrackers exploding echoed through the rink, and everyone covered their ears.

"I'll hurry," said Reeve, skating off for the DJ booth.

Cid returned in time for the obnoxious music to fade away. The lights dimmed so that the crystal balls could shine, scattering their hundreds of points of light across the walls and floor. A romantic duet began to play.

"All right, kiddies!" the deejay was heard over the speakers. "Partner up with your sweetie, and if we're a little short on sweeties tonight, just make do. Right, Reno?"

Reno grinned sheepishly, not all too enthusiastic about getting creative around so many people. Yuffie spared him the agony by instantly claiming him as her partner. She skated off with him so fast, he nearly lost his footing.

Cloud and Tifa, who hadn't left each other's side since entering, paired up. Elena claimed Tseng very quickly as well. Heidegger and Scarlett pairing up was fine with everyone, as no one wanted to end up with either of them as partners anyway.

Reeve smiled at Rufus and held his hands out. Rufus tried to shrink away, but he couldn't skate backwards fast enough. "Not in front of Cloud and Barrett…" Rufus protested.

"So what?" said Reeve. "I'm old enough to be your father anyway. I won't hurt you."

"Aw, crap…" grumbled Cid, covering his eyes with his hand after looking at his 2 remaining choices.

"I ain't goin' out there and skatin' with no guy," Barrett declared, and there was no one willing to argue with the one-handed man.

"I'll trade partners, Cid!" Reno yelled across the rink, fully entangled in Yuffie's petite, yet all-encompassing grip.

"Oh, no you don't, Reno!" she squeezed him harder. "I saw you first!"

Cid sighed and skated onto the rink without taking anyone's hand, but suddenly, there was Rude, nearly falling into Cid as his clumsy skating skills became apparent.

"I ain't skating with a bald Turk who can't tell his right foot from his left!" Cid tried to push Rude away, but for some reason, the Turk magnetically returned to him. "Arrgh! What is wrong with you!? Ain't you supposed to be some big-ass, scary Turk or something?"

"Oh, shut up and skate," said Tseng as he and Elena skated past the imperfect couple.

Once Cid stopped his audible whining, the rest of the romantic pair-skate went fine, some couples taking it more seriously than others. The love song faded out, and an upbeat salsa tune started blaring.

"Time to LIMBO…! Reno-style…!!" the DJ said.

On cue, Reno pushed up the right sleeve of his sportscoat to reveal his materia-loaded bangle. Green wisps of spirit energy encircled him as everyone wondered just what spell he was about to cast, and why. Reno launched the effects of the magic, and the emerald energy transferred from his materia and enveloped Heidegger. The fat man fell over in the main avenue at the front of the rink, asleep thanks to Reno's materia.

"All right, everyone! Let's see if you can jump over the big tub of lard!" the DJ said.

Scarlett made a fist at him. "I'm gonna tell him you called him that!!"

Skaters continued circulating the rink in a counter-clockwise motion. As they approached the prone form of Heidegger, they leapt over him.

Elena aborted her first try at it as Reno jetted past her and sailed clearly over the fat man with plenty of height to spare. Tseng and Rufus were no slouches at the jumping either. Reeve made it with little room to spare, and Rude was so busy clinging to the back wall, he never even gave it a go.

Behind the Turks, Avalanche skated around, happy and delighted that they got to poke fun at the slob they had always hated. Yuffie put all the others to shame as she did an aerial somersault while flying over Heidegger's protruding belly. Cloud leapt and did a fast aerial split, touching his toes with his hands. Tifa did a spin in mid-air.

"Come on, Barrett. Why don't you try it?" Cid asked the large man.

Barrett shook his head.

"Sorry. I forgot elephants can't jump." Cid sped off as Barrett lunged at him. With nothing but air to catch, Barrett fell to the floor with a huge thud. Reno skated by and jumped over Heidegger and then Barrett.

"Why, you twitty Turk!" Barrett made a fist, wishing he'd brought along a gun attachment for his arm.

Cid jumped but couldn't clear Heidegger's body. His skate caught on one of Heidegger's brass buttons, and Cid slammed into the floor and skid right into Barrett. Barrett forgot his anger and laughed loudly at the clumsy pilot.

"Aack, shut up…! I need a smoke…" Cid got up and skated to the entrance so he could go outside for a bit.

Scarlett remained the last person who had yet to jump over Heidegger. "Don't be shy…" Reno said to her. "Here. I'll help ya'!"

Reno grabbed her arm and pulled her into the center of the rink. He spun himself round and round, pulling Scarlett along on the outside of the arc.

"Reno!! Stop!!!" she shrieked. "I swear, I'm gonna slap you!!"

Reno let her go, on a bee-line course right at Heidegger. Scarlett's reaction froze up, and she just screamed a shrill scream before plowing straight into the fat man and landing on top of him.

"Whoo-hoo!! Let's up the ante!!" said Reno, unleashing another Sleep spell from his materia.

Yuffie made some strange trilling sound as she zoomed by to be the first one over the added height. She cleared it easily with another mid-air flip. Cloud jumped and did a half turn, landing backwards and continuing on that way.

Reno's eyes narrowed, and his boss caught sight of the sign of displeasure it meant.

Elena was the next one to take a spill as she couldn't get over the 2-person stack. "Tsk, tsk, tsk…" Rufus mocked her as he skated by.

Reeve made his approach, but aborted, knowing darn well he could not jump over the both of them. "Maybe if Scarlett's boobs weren't so damn big…" he made his excuse.

"Yuck! What are you looking at them for?" said Tseng.

Reno completed his speed-building circuit and broke away to vault over the obstacle. As he sailed over them, a hand grabbed his pant leg. He slammed heavily into the hardwood floor and was mocked by a familiar cackle behind him.

"Kyaa haa haa haa!!" Scarlett delighted in the cocky Turk's spill.

Reno just glared at her while mentally assessing if his body was still in once piece. Heidegger had awakened, too, so their fun little game of upwards limbo was over.

A small hand reached down to Reno, and, blindly, he took it. Yuffie pulled the Turk to his feet and hooked him unexpectedly into a spontaneous kiss. Reno pulled himself away from it after a few seconds. "I swear…what has gotten into you, ninja-girl?"

She flicked a finger playfully into his cheek and skated off.

"Now you know how I feel when you do it to me," Tseng calmly said, skating up along side him.

"Did you put her up to this? Being as you're both Wutanese, I wouldn't doubt it."

"That has nothing to do with it."

"All right. Time to shift the attention a bit and introduce our new party game." Reno turned to the windows of the DJ booth and made a hand motion to Steffan.

The music quieted, and the DJ spoke over the loud speakers. "Okay, we're gonna play the 4-Corners game. I'm going to play music, and while it's playing, you skate around. But, when the music stops, you're to go to one of the 4 corners of the rink. Each corner is marked with a number. I will draw a random number from my jar. Now, if we were playing this game normally, anyone in the corner that gets called would be 'out' for the rest of the game. But, we don't have enough people to play it that way."

Tseng glanced suspiciously at Reno. Reno just grinned.

"In tonight's version of the game, who ever is in the Unlucky corner must remove an article of clothing. The first person to take everything but their skates off gets a 1000 Gil gift certificate."

"I knew it!" said Tseng.

"Wheeeeeee!!!!" Yuffie flung her shirt off.

"Not yet, you idiot! Wait 'til the game starts!" Rufus picked her shirt off the floor and tried to wrestle her back into it.

"She's worse than you," Elena commented to the red head Turk. "Maybe the two of you are a match made in heaven after all."

"Shut up, Elena." Reno skated off, and the music started playing. Everyone started skating around in the counter-clockwise circuit. Cid returned to the rink, reeking of cigarettes.

"We're playing Strip 4-Corners, Cid!" Tifa said as though it were a good thing.

"What!? Is this that troll-headed Turk's idea again!?"

"Just go along with it," Tseng said as he caught up to them. "Reno's good at winning these games. I'm sure he and the DJ have this all worked out. Just, whatever you do, don't go into the same corner as him. And, errrr….you may not want to go into the same corner as me, either."

"I won't even ask…" said Cid, slowing down to let distance increase between him and some of the other skaters.

The music stopped, and people began flocking to the corners of the rink. For the first time all night, the place went dead silent. "Uh…would some one go put Rude in a corner…" the DJ said.

All eyes turned to Rude, who was still in the center of the back wall area, clinging onto the rail for dear life. He sensed the stares coming at him from all sides. He let go of the rail and tried to propel himself forward, but instead, he fell flat on his butt.

Laughter filled the room, and Reno skated out to fetch the poor soul. He dragged Rude to one corner. "Just stay here, and take off a piece of clothing if the DJ calls corner number 3, okay?" Reno returned to the corner he'd come from.

"And the first unlucky corner is…corner number two!"

"Whoo-hoo!!" Reno leapt into the air as his corner was called. Cloud and Reeve, in the corner with him, were less than thrilled with the outcome. Reno and Reeve shed their sportscoats, and Cloud took his denim vest off. The music started again.

All eyes were on Reno, as it didn't take the suspicious bunch long to learn. When the music stopped again, everyone flocked to corners as far away from the crazy Turk as possible. Reno didn't fail to notice that he was all by himself.

"And the next unlucky corner is…corner number four!"

"Ha, ha!!!" Reno pointed to the little cluster of people in corner number four, all of which had to take off a piece of clothing.

Tifa, Elena, and Rufus timidly shed the most convenient item they could, and the music started again.

"So, you all thought that I had the game rigged, did you?" Reno asked Rufus and Elena as he skated backwards by them. "Avoid the corner Reno's in this way you don't have to take anything off. Well…see where it got you? Ha ha!"

Reno was blind-sided with a slap to his right cheek. He fell to the floor and had to listen to Scarlett's obnoxious cackling. Cid lightly kicked the Turk in the head as he skated by. The music stopped while Reno was still getting up. Everyone gravitated to different corners, leaving Reno alone in the middle of the rink.

"Hmm…what corner to pick…" he said aloud while tense corner-dwellers watched cautiously. He eyed them all, loving the torture he was inflicting on each mind as his gaze scrutinized them. He skated towards corner four but veered over to three instead, which was the present home of Rude and Tseng. Tseng tried to skate off, but Reno grabbed him by the arm. "Oh, no you don't!"

"Reno, what do I tell you every night these days regarding these retarded strip party games of yours?"

"You tell me that you lose, I'll be subjected to another week from hell."

"Yeah, well it's gonna be 2 weeks from now on, and I'm sure you remember the last time well enough, don't you?"

"And the unlucky corner is…" the DJ hesitated so to torture them all. "Corner number three!"

Tseng punched Reno in the gut, and the red-haired Turk doubled over, only half prepared for it. Tseng did take his sports coat off like he should before skating off.

Reno grabbed hold of Rude as he straightened up. Rude just looked at him with mousy eyes. "Sorry, Rude…" Reno said. "You're in corner number three, so I'm afraid you'll have to take something off." In one swift move, Reno pulled Rude's trousers down to his ankles. "There you go, Rude! Much better."

Reno skated off, leaving Rude still clinging to the wall with his white-with-red-polka-dots boxers showing. Reno discarded his white shirt onto the pile of clothes that was growing every time a corner was called.

The next time the music stopped, Reno found himself standing in a corner with nothing but fully clothed people. Yuffie, Heidegger, Scarlett, and Cid surrounded him.

"Don't think that I don't notice what you're doing," said Reno. "Is there some collective intelligence at work around here?"

The DJ announced the next unlucky corner. "Corner number four!"

Groans came from Cloud and Tseng as they were forced to even the score with Reno.

"That's not fair!" Yuffie shrieked over the music. "When do I get to take some clothes off!?" She sped across the back of the rink and leapt onto Reno's back.

"What are you doing!?" the Turk asked, trying to skate and get rid of her at the same time. She smelled strongly of alcohol even though she was underaged.

"I want to take my clothes off! Hee hee!"

"Sorry, ninja girl, but Reno wins all the strip games around here," he said of himself. "Now get off of me before I turn around and plow you straight into a wall somewhere!"

She let go, but not before swiping the sunglasses off his head.

"Hey!!" But Yuffie was halfway around the rink by the time Reno thought to pursue.

The music stopped, and everyone went scrambling into corners. "The next unlucky corner is…corner number one!"

"Weeeeee!!!" Yuffie squealed as Reno looked on from the nearby corner number two. She flung off her shirt followed by her mini-skirt and didn't stop there. Before long the floor was getting littered by every piece of clothing and jewelry she had on. After her bra took flight, there was only one piece left…

That's when Cloud and Cid together tackled her to prevent the unthinkable from happening. It took both of them to hold her down.

"Reno, you're corrupting a minor!" Elena reprimanded him.

"What!? She's 18 now, isn't she? Besides, maybe after this you guys won't mind me so much."

"Don't bet on it," said Tseng.

Cloud and Cid removed Yuffie from the rink and attempted in vain to get her dressed. They finally resorted to covering her with Cid's jacket since her own clothes were a bit too skimpy to try to get her into while she squirmed.

Barret laughed at the group of Turks that were together near the one corner. "So, this is what the big, bad Turks do in their time off? Play foolish adult games and get senselessly drunk?"

"Not to mention that one over there…" Tifa added, indicating Rude, his bare knees knocking together as he tried to stay on his skate wheels.

"Yer all pathetic! Shinra should be ashamed of you!" Barret turned away from them, and soon after, something smacked the side of his face. He growled and turned towards the assaulter.

Scarlett stood there defiantly. "Shinra can kick Avalanche's ass any day!" she declared.

"Oh yeah?" Barret approached her. "I'm gonna snap you like a twig."

Reno skated by and bumped Scarlett away from Barret's reach. "Much as we'd all like to see that, I'm sure Heidegger would snap me like a twig if I allowed that," he said. "But how's about we get together next week and have a little friendly competition to settle it, hmm? Turks vs. Avalanche."

"Yer on, you little match stick!" Barret told Reno.

"Sure thing, you big baboon!"

Barret eyed him and growled deeply. Reno backed off and retreated to his little band of comrades.

"Reno, what did you just commit us all to?" Elena asked.

Reno grinned sheepishly. "N-nothing…"

"Oh, brother…" Tseng sighed. "Reno, you do realize that this is not just going to be a game? We have a reputation to defend, and if you sour it by goofing off in the little game of yours…"

"Relax, Tseng. You're taking it far too serious."

"Of course I'm taking it serious! Imagine the Turks losing to Avalanche, and the rumors that will fan out in its wake. All of Shinra will know…then the media will find out and broadcast it to the world…!"

"You're over-reacting!" said Reno. "Don't worry. I'll have it all sorted out by next Friday. K?" 

TO BE CONTINUED…

This Turk Party fic was written by Zeng Li, the fireworks idea submitted by Mini-Rude. As usual, the characters used in this story are copyrighted intellectual property of Squaresoft. This fic is not used for monetary gain and should not be reposted without my written or verbal permission. © 2003.