turkparty21

Turks Party 21 - Turks Festival
By: Zeng Li

"How much do these parties cost you, Reno?" asked Elena tentatively poking a fork into the roasted pig that Reno had prepared and catered to his most outlandish party yet.

Reno shrugged, shoveling another fork full of salad into his mouth before swallowing what was already in there. "I dunno…" he mumbled.

"What do you mean you don't know!?"

"I haven't paid a credit card bill all year."

"Don't they send debt collectors to your apartment?"

"Yep…" said Reno, failing to elaborate. The pause helped build up Elena's curiosity.

"Well…?"

"I deal with them my way." He pushed an entire slice of buttered bread into his mouth so to relinquish his obligation to speak to her.

"I'm sure you do deal with them, Reno," Elena said as she casually walked away from the buffet table with her food. "Probably the same way you deal with Reeve…"

Reno nearly choked as he hastily swallowed his bread. "I'll have you know I don't fuck with every man that comes to my apartment!! Cement shoes take care of debt collectors very nicely, thank you very much!!"

Elena just eyed him as if to say, "Sure……"

"What was that all about?" Tseng asked Reno as he arrived to the buffet for seconds.

"I don't know… I'll tell you tonight when we go upstairs to fuck each other."

Tseng's flying fist struck Reno so hard, the young Turk went sliding across the floor of the Shinra Mansion's hall, stopping in a crumpled heap against the staircase banister.

"Your ill humor isn't always appreciated, Reno," Tseng snarled.

Reno clutched his upper arm where Tseng had struck him the hardest. "I do believe I've just been challenged to a duel," said the crimson haired trouble maker. "Chocobo jousting in the yard at noon?"

Tseng eyed Reno maliciously. "Yeah, Reno… Chocobo jousting…"

The medieval themed party was held during the day on a Saturday instead of the customary Friday night at Reno's apartment. They'd all been in Nibelheim for the past week and decided to host a party that would also include the attendance of the soldiers that accompanied them.

Rufus and Heidegger were milling around the old mansion as well. Scarlett decided to play the part, donning her skimpiest dress and calling herself "Scarlett the Willing Wench." Surely her intent was to seduce one of the men and spend the evening with one upstairs, rocking the bed until either it broke or they did. However, all in attendance were perfectly okay with the idea of her waiting on them and cleaning up after them without the added burden of having sex with her.

Reeve was having himself a joyful time. He was about the only person alive who could eat messy, sauce-covered spare ribs without getting any of it in his beard or mustache. His cheeks were flushed a little red as he'd had not enough caffeine and entirely too much alcohol.

Rufus paraded around the courtyard behind the mansion, dressed in his "kingly" outfit. A short velvet-lined cape, tasseled shoulder décor, and metallic embroidered collar and vest made him look more like an admiral from some fantasy imperial armada. His polished white shoes gleamed in the sunlight as he strutted along, nose in the air like the rich spoiled brat he was.

Which made it all the funnier when he stepped on a rake the grounds keepers had left carelessly lying around. The handle sprung up and whacked him right between the eyes. Rufus stepped back. "Call my royal executioner and have the head cut off of the man who left this rake here!" he yelled to cover up his humiliation.

"Yes sir!" said the three nearest soldiers, who all ran inside to call on Tseng Wulong.

Rufus grinned. "Hmm…" he said too quiet for anyone else to hear. "This could be fun…"

Rude staggered upstairs to lay down. The pitcher full of Jack Daniels that Reno had served him wasn't settling well with his stomach. It was hard to tell what was worse, laying down or standing. He paced around the bedroom nearly tripping over his own feet, leaning a hand carelessly against a stone fireplace. A hidden door unlatched, and he fell into a downward spiral staircase leading to a basement. The big, strong, and bald Turk bounced down the wooden spiral on his head, on his butt, and just about every other part of himself before landing at the basement floor.

"Ugh…" Heidegger doubled over clutching his plump belly. "What is in this food, wench!?" he demanded.

"Oh, Heidegger, honey…" said Scarlett, flitting around nearby. "Forget the food. Why don't we go upstairs and…"

Heidegger turned to one side and emptied his stomach contents all at once.

"Well…" Scarlett said defiantly. "It's not MY fault that you ate the wax centerpieces instead of the actual buffet food."

Reno stood up on the long table outside. "Ladies and gentlemen," he announced loudly, getting even Rufus' attention. "Tseng has challenged yours truly to a jousting competition!"

"No, I didn't, Reno!" Tseng yelled from the back door where he sought shelter from the afternoon sun.

"I was gonna suggest that we used our stiff, er…" Reno looked around and spotted a few young soldiers who were likely still virgins. "…manhood as lances, until I realized that I'd be fighting an unarmed opponent."

The soldiers laughed while Tseng seriously reconsidered just having good clean fun with the duel. The longer the soldiers laughed, the more he sought blood.

"King Rufus," Reno turned to the vice president. "Would you sit and watch our honorable competition, sir?" He bowed flamboyantly.

"Why, yes, Serf Reno, I will," said the young VP. "If only to watch you get your ass kicked."

The soldiers laughed again, but Reno didn't appreciate being the target this time. He hopped down from the table to go prepare for his stupid competition.

"Yo, wench!" a soldier called to Scarlett, holding up his glass. "More wine!"

"Yes, more wine…thank you very much…!" Scarlett put the flask to her lips and gulped a big, intoxicating swallow of the purple liquid. She staggered, nearly tripping over her own feet, then plodded drunkenly along without refilling the soldier's cup.

Reeve came out of the Shinra mansion dressed in a costume that Reno had obviously picked out for him. The young Turk had followed Reeve out into the back yard festivities as the head of urban development showed off his new wardrobe.

"This is King Arthur Reeve," Reno introduced the tall handsome man to everyone. "I will be His Highnesses champion in the joust this afternoon!"

"Hey!" Rufus protested. "I thought I was your royal Highness!"

"You are in bed, baby…" Reno grinned, winking at the Shinra VP. It earned him having a ripe zucchini flung at his head, but the fast Turk dodged it.

Reeve had on a chain mail and leather outfit from the mansion's basement armory where they stored old combat armor. In one metal gauntlet, he held a sword, also plucked from the wares.

Rufus wouldn't be outdone, and the look was in his eyes. He flicked his hair back defiantly. "Is that right? Well, then I call on my champion, Tseng Wulong to do combat with you and lead the Rufus J. Shinra empire to victory!"

The soldiers, obviously bored of their shifts guarding Nibelheim and its Mako reactor, got all excited about the promise of the event to come.

"And what ever that thing you brought along is…" Rufus disdainfully waved the back of his hand at Reeve.

"Sir, I'm Head of Urban Development for Shinra…" Reeve said defensively.

"No you're not!!" Rufus yelled, putting Reeve back into character for the moment. "For now you're a king from a rival country. The loser of this competition and his followers must leave this festival!" He looked over at Tseng who was showing that he'd be more than glad to leave the obnoxious environment that had been created in recent hours. "Uh…no. Never mind that. Who ever loses the competition must be Scarlett's slave for the rest of the day."

Both Reno and Tseng recoiled simultaneously. Scarlett howled and shook her booty while the two Turks just winced.

"There!" said Rufus. "Now that I have your attention, and now that I know you will both take this competition very seriously…"

Scarlett just danced around, a constant reminder to the players what their fate would be if they should lose the competition.

Chocobos were brought out from the nearby stables for the tournament while the participants got dressed for the occasion. Tseng selected fitting things from the armory in the basement. Breastplate, fauld, gauntlets, greaves, and riding boots. The helm he selected was one that did not hide his face nor the long sweeping black hair that trailed down his back. Surprisingly, Reno hadn't joined him in the armory for his own costume gear.

Reno, of course showed up later, at the far end of the backyard where his chocobo was hitched. He had a red cloak wrapped ominously around his body and a closed helm over his head, the visor latched down over his face. When the soldiers in the audience, and the respective 'kings' acknowledged him, Reno flung the cloak off himself to reveal underneath…little to nothing. The sun light reflected off of the polished metal he wore.

Tseng laughed. "That's right, Reno. I always knew your wee-wee could fit comfortably inside a thimble."

Everyone, even Reeve, laughed. Reno pushed his visor up and looked down at the scant piece of armor he wore over his groin. "Very funny. But I have my reasons." Reasons that included knowing that Tseng wouldn't want to seriously injure the Turk who wasn't wearing body armor, therefore allowing Reno to take a clearer shot at his own opponent.

Reno and Tseng climbed onto their chocobos, and lances and shields were handed up to them. Reno closed the visor of his helm and aimed his lance. Tseng positioned his shield and settled onto the edgy ride under him. At the crack of a starter pistol, the chocobos charged.

As Reno had predicted, Tseng had to carefully aim for the near naked Turk's shield, otherwise the lance could easily kill the rider. Tseng was sharp, though. He didn't want to be Scarlett's slave any more than Reno did. And despite Reno's perverted nature, he knew that the young Turk would do everything possible to avoid the consequences.

Both lances broke as they struck their opponents' shields, but it was Reno who didn't have the strength to hold up against the force of collision. He fell from his ride while Tseng stayed mounted, turning the chocobo around to see his fallen foe.

The crowd went crazy, and Scarlett was just about ready to strip all her clothes off when Reeve stepped in to intervene.

"Wait a minute!" he demanded before the crowd silenced him. "King Rufus, you were the one who made up all the rules of this competition. I want to make one of my own! It's only fair that I get some say!"

Rufus leaned his cheek against a propped up hand. "What is it…?" he said in a bored tone.

"I say the best two out of three competitions to determine the winner."

Rufus just laughed. "All right. But I don't think your 'champion' has much life left in him."

Reeve turned around and saw Reno lying on the ground, his helmet visor open and his face twisted in pain. Elena and two soldiers were at his side, already working on replacing Reno's dislodged shoulder joint back where it belonged. After resetting the dislocation, a soldier cast Cure 3 on the injury to heal it rapidly.

"Try not to get hurt again, Reno," said Elena. "The materia crystal will require a few hours to recharge enough to cast Cure 3 again."

Reno slowly rose to his feet, realizing that his body wasn't gonna hurt any more for now. "So, uh…what's next then?"

Well, according to Reeve, it was an archery competition. It gave the competitors a chance to show off other skills while minimizing the possibility of another serious injury.

Reno was always the marksman, though, which is why he got to shoot his arrow at the apple on top of Rude's head while Tseng had to shoot at Heidegger. Much as Tseng wanted to shoot Heidegger right through the brain, he knew there'd be hell to pay if he did, and it wouldn't be worth it. Being too careful, he shot high and just barely nicked the top of the apple.

Reno, still dressed in his jousting 'armor' except for the helm, took aim at Rude. "Yo, my best buddy. If this doesn't go well, I'll drink a pitcher of rum for ya!"

Rude still fretted, but it was over very quick. The arrow pierced the heart of the apple, easily winning the competition for the Turks' marksman.

"Ah, most interesting, King Arthur Reeve. Seems your bony champion is good for something after all."

"Oh, he's good for other things, too…" Reeve shifted in his seat.

"What's that?"

Reeve perked up. "Uh, nothing, Sir."

The final element of competition was hotly debated. It seemed everything they came up with wouldn't work, as one or the other would have a definate advantage over the other. Rufus must've been too drunk when he agreed to a human-Chess tournament.

The board was made real quick and last minute on the lawn using ropes crossed over each other to make 64 squares.

The soldiers in blue uniforms lined up as Tseng's chess pieces. The captains in red uniforms lined up on the board for Reno. Armor and accessories from the armory were given to the live chess pieces so that they could tell who was supposed to be what piece.

Needless to say, Reeve was totally riveted. Rufus yawned and fell asleep, the alcohol having its effect.

Rufus pretty much woke up as if on cue when he heard Tseng say the tell-tale phrase: "Check mate."

If there were a physical chess board in front of him, Reno would have grabbed it and toppled it over, scattering the pieces all over the floor. But, he didn't have that liberty. Instead, he went off on some temper tantrum, whining and moaning that it wasn't fair and that he wanted a second chance.

Tseng just sat back and grinned. While Reno was stamping his feet and nearly convulsing in frustration, Scarlett homed in on him behind his back. Ignoring the new company present, Reno swatted his hands at table center pieces, glasses, and other loose objects.

He stopped abruptly when he felt the belt holding up his 'garment' come undone. The metal armor slid down from his hips, leaving his manhood exposed for a moment until the shock of what had happened registered with his drunken mind.

He turned around and saw Scarlett eyeing him. The nude Turk turned and ran back into the mansion. Scarlett gave chase, keeping up with the barefooted Turk. Reno ran into the town center by the old well but tripped over a raised cobblestone in the path. He rolled over in time to see Scarlett take a flying leap at him in some obsessive move to pounce on him. Survival instinct made Reno roll to one side, and Scarlett flew over him and down the shaft of the well. Her screaming voice echoed all the way down until a plunk and splash was heard as she hit bottom.

Reno got up and looked down the dark shaft, unable to see much in the deep pit. He smacked his hands together and returned to the mansion to get his regular clothes back on. He returned a while later to the banquet, where things were settled down once again.

He sat down next to Tseng and Reeve. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be Scarlett's slave for the day?" asked Tseng.

"Yeah," Reno replied calmly, sipping some red wine.

"Well, where is she?"

"She, uh…went for a swim. She didn't order me to join her, so I came back here instead. So I guess losing this little competition of yours wasn't so bad after all."

Tseng went back to his drink, having a feeling Reno was up to no good anyway. The sun began to dip closer towards the tree tops, and everyone was still having a good time. There was more food being brought out for dinner. A few soldiers with hidden talents performed for them.

And before things were all done and over with, a soggy wet wench returned to the party, slimy old leaves from the bottom of the well still stuck all over her. With silent vengeance, she fetched a pitcher of ice water and approached the unsuspecting Reno. She pulled the loose collar of his shirt and dumped it all down his back.

Reno bolted up screaming, fists closing as he prepared to counterattack.

"Hey, what do you know," said Reeve, his nose flushed red from the sunlight and alcohol. "Scarlett's returned from her swim."

"Yes, and since Reno IS her slave for the day, we can't hold him here," added Tseng. "Go on, Scarlett. He's all yours."

"B--But…!" Reno protested.

"A deal's a deal, and you lost. Now go on…" Reeve shooed Reno away.

Tseng just listened as Scarlett dragged Reno back into the mansion. He was quite sure that Reno was genuinely bawling over his fate. He wasn't seen again until the next morning, leaning on crutches because his abused hips were stiff and sore from the torment of going on all night with Shinra's resident bimbo. The muscles in his legs were about as supportive as jelly, and he was covered in numerous bruises and hickeys, telling one and all what a night it had been. He had even come into his work place in clothes that were ten times sloppier than usual, and his hair was a helpless tangle of red shooting off in all directions.

He could hardly sit down in a chair, his hips protested so badly. Tseng was amazed the usual hypochondriac came into work at all. Unless there was some kind of male ego that had to be satisfied in showing off just what kind of activity-filled night he'd had the day before.

"I'm sure you could've gotten away from her if you tried," Tseng said, a bit apologetic that Reno was the one that had to take the abuse.

"I think I was too drunk. Besides, she's outright unstoppable when she's determined to get what she wants."

"Now you know how I feel when I'm subjected to your lunacy at all those parties I've been your target at."

"Yeah, but I never abused you this badly."

"Oh, the invisible mental scars…"

"Yeah, well…" Reno just sighed, having used up most his energy limping his way into work.

Tseng squeezed Reno's shoulders, eliciting a few groans of pain. "Tell ya what…I'll send you to the spa for the day. Loosen you back up and all."

"The spa, Tseng…? It's stuff like that that put me in this shape."

"No, not that spa… Besides, you never know when you'll run into Rufus in there. You can go to a normal one."

"Thanks, Tseng…"

Tseng held Reno for a little bit longer, but then shook his head to snap himself back to reality. He walked off thinking to himself, damn pretty boys…

More to come…