Turks Party 16 - Merry Keg Party
By: Zeng Li

Reeve came home from the work day while the sky was still lit up with rays of daylight. The sun itself was rarely visible over Midgar, and blue sky was more of a myth than a reality in the city. He went to park his car along the curb outside his house, only there was a tanker truck in the way. He didn't think much of it until he realized that the hose leading from the truck went into his backyard.

He parked the car hastily behind the truck and climbed out, almost forgetting to take his keys out of the ignition. He hurried to the back yard where the black serpentine hose ended in his swimming pool. A very full-of-himself Reno was standing poolside, grinning ear to ear. What was in the pool was certainly not water. It smelled distinctively like...

"Beer!?" Reeve shrieked, realizing what all the golden stuff filling his pool was.

"Relax," said Reno. "It's for the party!"

"What party!?"

Reno rolled his eyes. "You know what party. The one we have every Friday night. And tonight, dammit, we're gonna have that Merry Keg party that I wanted a long time ago, only Elena screwed my first attempt up with all her cosmetics."

"I can see there's no stopping you, even if I were to declare that I'm kicking you out onto your ass tonight."

Reno just grinned and knelt down beside the pool. He dipped his head into the pool and drank. "Mmmmm...! You can swim in it and drink it all at the same time."

"I don't think so, Reno. How much is this costing you anyway?"

"Me? Who said it's costing me anything?"

"I did...because I sure as hell ain't payin' for it!" Reeve threw his jacket over his arm and walked into the house via the patio door. "RENO...!!!!" he yelled.

"Oh, I guess he found all the kegs," Reno said to the guy unloading the beer into the pool.

= = = =

Reno greeted the first wave of party guests at the door with his fingers contorted around four glasses of beer, his jubilance causing him to spill some onto the floor. Rufus walked in, and his eyes opened wide at the sight of the dozen kegs lined up all along the living room.

"Reno, baby! I'll see that dad gives you a raise for this!" he hugged Reno playfully, making the unsteady Turk spill most the beer that had remained in his hands.

"Hey, hey, get off, or people will get the wrong idea about us!" said Reno.

Rufus let him go and kneed him in the groin. Reno was unable to defend himself, as his hands were looped around the four beer glasses. He dropped them all as he fell to his knees at the front door. Tseng walked in behind Rufus.

"Darn," said the lead Turk. "Rufus got to you first, eh? You'll have to take an I-owe-you on the swift kick in the nuts you've earned from me."

Reno looked up from his doubled over position on the floor. "Me? What'd I ever do to you?"

"Plenty. And I'm sure more's gonna happen tonight judging from all the kegs of beer I see here."

"Remind me…I owe you a jock strap as your door prize for the night."

Tseng turned around. "Save it for yourself. You'll need it."

Elena walked in and stepped her pointed-heel shoe down on Reno's shoulder, forcing him to stay way down near the floor. "What have we here?"

"Ugh…get off of me and get drunk already! All of you!!" Reno growled.

Rude walked in next and pulled Reno up to his feet. "Merry Keg party?" he asked.

Reno grinned. "Right on! Enjoy, my silent friend. And there's plenty of barf bags to go around when you've had too much."

Rude walked in to enjoy the party, and Reno pushed the door shut. Before it latched, it was thrown violently back his way, knocking him clear across the foyer.

"Don't forget about me!!" a female voice screeched.

Reno collected his bearings and looked up. The dazzling red dress screamed the name of it's wearer loud and clear. The blonde mess of hair up top confirmed it.

"Ugh…Scarlett. No such thing as a Merry Keg party without you," Reno said coldly. "At least someone'll be here to sponge up all the left-overs."

"I don't want the kegs…I want the swimming pool!"

At that, Reeve grabbed her by the back of the dress and tossed her out the patio door. "In that case, start drinking. There's 10,000 gallons of beer in there that's gonna go bad in the warm weather if no one drinks it." Scarlett splashed into the pool and immediately began drinking the beer.

Rufus, alcohol, and darts turned out not to be the best combination in the world. Tseng was listening to a very drunk Elena flirt with him when a stray dart narrowly missed his shoulder and stuck into the wall. "Hey!!" he yelled at the VP. "Watch where you throw these things!"

"Yeah!!" Elena followed him up. She grabbed the dart out of the drywall and tossed it back at Rufus. The young VP dropped to the floor and covered his head. The dart sailed over and crashed into the glass front of Reeve's entertainment center.

Reeve, having not had as much to drink as the others, grabbed Reno by the back of the shirt and threw him down at the kitchen table. He took the pad of paper at the center of the table and a pen. "All right, Reno. This is your official tab for the night, not to mention the cost of the beer…kegs and otherwise. Let's see… one broken glass door on the entertainment center…"

"Hey!! I didn't break it…! Elena did…!! Charge her!"

"This whole party's your fault Reno!" There was another crash of breaking glass from the living room. Reeve put his pen back to the paper. "One dinner plate… Why stop there? I should just charge you for all 8 since they're probably all doomed to be broken by the end of the night."

To be a smart ass, Reno picked up the plate on the kitchen table in front of him and frisbeed it across the room. It hit the laundry room door and broke into several pieces. Reno just grinned as Reeve leaned his head on his hand wearily, taking a guess as to how much a complete set of dinnerware cost these days.

Rude puked into a potted plant. "…Fertilizer…" he said, turning back to Rufus as if it justified what he'd done.

"Hmm… I'll have to remember that."

It was like having a house full of little children…but worse, Reeve figured. At least children were scared of adults when they got stern. The Turks on the other hand…were fearless. Reeve knew the best way to get through the night was to pretty much just bury his head and survey the damage later.

Elena got out her lipstick vial and went to a mirror on the wall. Instead of applying make up to herself, she turned it on the nice, clean white wall and wrote…

"E…L…E…N…A……W…A…S…"

"What'chya doin', Elena…?" asked Reno.

"…H…E…R…E."

"Elena was here!?" Reno read the stupid message. "You know, you're not the only one in this world named 'Elena' and you're not the only one who was here," he said.

Elena slapped him across the face. Reno turned his head and put a hand to his burning cheek. She turned the lipstick on him and drew a goofy curly mustache and goatee on him in red. She stepped back and admired her handiwork, deciding the red lipstick matched Reno's crimson hair very well.

Tseng just shook his head, watching the spectacle. He looked over at Reeve at the kitchen table and decided to stroll over. "Looks like you need a drink," he said to the poor home-owner who looked more than weary at the moment.

"Very funny," said Reeve, rubbing his forehead.

Tseng put his glass down. "At least someone's staying sober. Wish I could say the same for myself. I'm already sure I'll have quite the hang over come tomorrow morning. Too late for me. At least save yourself."

Reeve shook his head. "You're right, though. I should be the one drinking. Though getting oneself drunk never cleans up the mess the next morning."

"Don't worry. I'll see to it that Reno helps fix this place back up. I'll even excuse him from his job if that's what it takes."

Reeve tried to laugh. "He's the one always lookin' for a day off…"

They looked out at the living room to see what kind of mayhem was ensuing. Just then, the sound of Reno's newest toy buzzed to life.

"Here…! Two separate sofas for you!" Reno said over the noise of his Skil saw. He was about to put it to the long sofa when Tseng jumped up from the table.

"You complete and total idiot!!" he screamed, diving at Reno before the spinning saw made contact with the sofa. Some how, he knocked the saw out of Reno's hand without hurting anyone.

The saw hit the floor, blade-side down, and proceeded to zoom across the carpet like a motorized unicycle, blazing a trail in the rug along the way. Party-goers leapt onto nearby furniture as the runaway saw buzzed their way. It's erratic path was gouged in the carpet behind it. Finally, it had traveled too far for the power cord to reach. It yanked its cord out of the wall socket, and it's trail of destruction came to an end.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and climbed down from the safety of their perches.

"Reno…that's the stupidest thing I think you've ever done!!" Tseng screamed at him.

"Hey, hey…that one was your fault! I was just gonna saw the sofa in half, but noooo…you had to come along and make that!" he pointed at the gouged carpet.

Tseng grabbed Reno by the collar, but the young Turk pushed off with his foot in order to topple the both of them to the floor. They crashed down onto the coffee table, breaking the rather cheap piece of furniture with no effort. Tseng's hand found a wine bottle, and he poised to hit Reno in the head with it.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" said Reno.

"And why not…?"

"Because I've used up all my sick days for the year. I can't afford to be out…"

"But it's only February! Maybe if you stopped faking illnesses…"

Rude took the wine bottle and pulled Tseng to his feet before any more violence escalated. Reno stood up, faltering once as the alcohol surly had its grips on him already.

"Sorry…" Tseng put his hand to his forehead, battling with his own sanity.

"This is supposed to be a Merry Keg party, remember?" said Reno. "What do you say we all get together and sing…"

"I'm not singing…" Tseng said dryly, but it was too late. Reno had an arm over his shoulder, and the other arm over Elena's. Elena strung herself to Rufus, and Rufus held onto Rude.

Reno started them off…

"Yo…listen up…here's the story,
about a little Turk who lives for his parties.
And all day, and all night and every where he sees,
it's just booze…for him, and all his comrades…"

Rufus picked up the next verse, continuing to butcher "Blue" in similar manner.

"Booze in house…with his booze in the morning,
and his booze at night, and every thing he sees,
is just booze…for him, and all of us around,
'cause he ain't never, with no one, to drink with."

The happy drunks all joined together,

"It's BOOZE, da-ba-dee-da, da-die-bee-da-ba-dee-da-ba…"

Reeve just rolled his eyes, listening to them slaughter a perfectly good song.

Finally, they started gabbing incoherently, all out of sync with each other to the point Reeve wondered if he was in a psych-ward. Their little chain broke up as Elena couldn't stay on her feet any longer. Tseng broke free and landed safely on the sofa. Reno staggered across the room and rammed into the wall, obviously misjudging his distance to it. He managed not to hit anything else.

Tseng pushed himself up to his feet and walked possibly crooked to the kitchen table. He collapsed into a chair, almost missing his target. The view whirled before his eyes, and he put his most recent drink down.

"Reeve, do me a favor…?" he asked.

"Yes…?"

"Don't ever let a disaster like this happen again."

"Don't worry. I won't. Mostly because after he's sobered up a little, I'm gonna kick Reno out of my house. It's about time he found himself a new apartment anyway, before he burns my place down. Speaking of which, with all this alcohol here, it would be best to confiscate his lighter sooner rather than later."

"If the floor would keep still, I just might go over there myself."

Reeve stood up and pat Tseng on the shoulder as he walked past. "I'll do it. He's so drunk, I could probably take him in a fight about now."

"Good luck…"

Rude stayed half sober by periodically puking, though the potted plants couldn't take too much more. He staggered outside where there was plenty of grass needing fertilizing should he have the need to spew more. He got distracted by a slurping sound and looked around, unable to find its source. Finally, he traced it to the swimming pool…which was remarkably empty!

Scarlett was at the bottom of the 4-foot deep inground pool, lapping up the last of the beer that Reno'd had trucked in. She sat up, looked up at him, and hiccupped. "Got any more booze…" she asked, her body rocking around in circles momentarily before she passed out at the bottom with a thud as she hit the concrete floor.

When Rude returned indoors, hardly a one of them was awake.

"Looks like you're the designated driver tonight, Rude," said Reeve, tossing a sealed vial of frost-blue liquid his way.

Rude looked ruefully at the Remedy, but he understood his obligation to get the precious Vice President back home without a scratch. He nodded and drank the solution.

He picked Rufus up over one shoulder, and the passed-out Elena over the other. He turned back to Reeve. "My car can carry one other. Which of 'em do you want me to take out?"

Reeve looked at Tseng passed out so blissfully with his head down on the kitchen table. Tseng had driven his own car there and would surely have to get a ride back to reclaim it later. Reeve then looked across the room and saw the limp form of Reno sprawled unconscious on the living room sofa.

He gave it some thought. "Take Reno and put him somewhere appropriate. This is all his fault."

Rude nodded silently and carried the first two out the front door. Reeve sat at the kitchen table and clasped his hands around his head. Rude came back and hauled Reno out then returned inside to say good night.

Reeve looked up, his mind distracted in its own thoughts, clouded by a share of the alcohol as well. "Thanks, Rude. Don't worry, I'll be sure the boss man has a comfortable place to sleep tonight."

Rude bowed and left.

Reeve sighed away the tension he'd been retaining all night. Across from him laid the last of the evening's casualties. Silky black hair spilled across the Turk leader's shoulders and ran onto the table top. Reeve wanted to just leave him like that so he could stare at the beauty of the slumbering man, but he shook his head clear of selfish thoughts. Clearly, Tseng would wake up incredibly sore in the morning slumped over like that.

Reeve walked behind him and lifted him under the arms. Tseng was hopelessly passed out and was nothing more than dead weight as he was dragged upstairs to a more comfortable bedroom to sleep.

Reeve laid Tseng out on the bed, his eye catching every angle of the man who was certainly more beautiful than even Reno. For how many times recently Reeve had seen Reno asleep, he never thought for a moment that the image of Tseng would push the young man aside so easily.

He's incredibly sick…Reeve reminded himself, rolling Tseng onto his side and positioning his arms in a way that he hoped would be somewhat comfortable.

He pulled one of his last two vials of Remedy out. Surly Tseng would need one, as would Reeve himself. Reeve was all ready to drink his when he had a thought…

It took a lot, but he managed to wake Tseng up. Tseng was groggy to say the least and in danger of losing consciousness at the drop of a hat. Reeve put the vial to Tseng's lips and slowly tipped it. Some of the solution dripped down Tseng's chin, but the Turk did manage to swallow some.

Reeve took the half empty vial away and drank the remainder for himself. He didn't want to totally rob Tseng of his hang-over. Besides, the Turk was fast asleep by the time Reeve had finished it.

He pulled the covers over Tseng and brushed the smooth black hair back. The feeling as his fingers ran through it sent chills up his spine. It was something new and more exciting than the times he'd put Reno to bed in a similar manner.

No… He shook the thoughts away and stepped to the bedroom door way. He looked back from a distance to make sure Tseng looked comfortable, then he shut the light out.

Downstairs, Reeve grabbed his coat and cell phone. He dialed up Rude.

"Hey, Rude…? Where'd you deposit our prodigal drunk?"

"Reno? In the usual place," came the reply. "Why?"

"Never mind…" Reeve hung up the phone and got into his car. Before driving off, he checked to be sure he had the last remedy in his pocket. Certainly, Reno would need a full one.

= = = =

Tseng woke up in Reeve's spare bedroom the next morning. He felt fine until he twitched the first muscle he attempted to move. Then, the headache came, feeling like it would split his skull in two. He grasped the sides of his head with both hands, pressing firmly against his temples to get the pressure points to alleviate the symptoms even in the least.

The sunlight was bright…too bright, as it seemed to penetrate his eyes straight through and gouging a path into his brain. His head pounded, so he rolled over hoping to get the blood to flow a little differently. When he turned, he bumped into something. Another body, in the bed with him.

He wasn't surprised, as it was Reeve's only spare bedroom, and it was the one Reno'd been staying in since boarding with Reeve after the fire that destroyed his own apartment. But instead of seeing red upon the pillow, Tseng saw a stitch of yellow.

He sat up, headache forgotten for a brief moment, and he looked down at his bed partner. He couldn't see too well with blurry vision and all, so he pulled the sheet back all the way.

Then, he let out the most horrific scream he'd ever yelled in his entire life. Lying in the bed next to him was Scarlett, dressed only in her bra and panties.

Reeve awoke to Tseng's horrific yell, kind of knowing when he'd gone to bed that such a thing was gonna happen. He figured Tseng would eventually come to his senses and realize that the both of them had been so drunk and passed out that certainly nothing had happened between them. Reeve just hadn't been willing to sleep with Scarlett himself. Which was all the better.

He rolled over and put his arm around his own bed companion. Reno was still hopelessly passed out under Reeve's arm, despite the Remedy that he'd taken the night before. Reeve held the young Turk closer to him, feeling the warmth exchanged between them. Nothing had gone on in his bed either, as his partner was out like a rock as well. He just cuddled Reno closer and whispered in the unconscious ear:

"Reno, you bastard, you… I'm still gonna throw you out after you wake up. Forgive me…but I have to. You lunatic Turk, you… I love you so much…" He kissed Reno behind the ear then put his head back down on the pillow. He figured he wouldn't get in Tseng's hair until later in the morning. By then, hopefully the Turk leader would be much calmer after his rude awakening.

THE END, for now…

An original story based on characters from Final Fantasy VII © 1997 Squaresoft Ltd. This work of fiction is intended for mature audiences only. © 2000. E-mail me if you have any comments or ideas for other party themes: Zeng Li