Thoughts To Ponder

The following is a selection of pithy phrases and quotations selected from

the multitude of same floating around out there. They are, of course, the ones

that I find particularly amusing or meaningful. These are useful for stuffing

fortune cookies or as a tag line for email signatures. I use them as the latter.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability tolearn from the experience of others, are also remarkable fortheir apparent disinclination to do so.  -Douglas Adams

Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Stupidity got us into this mess ... why can't it get us out?

The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced. - Frank Zappa?

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick

Those who beat their swords into plowshares usually end up plowing for those who didn't.

Save the apartheid boycott of the lesbian Nazi lettuce growers for Jesus of the nuclear whale.

I say No to drugs, but they don't listen.

Love your enemies and drive 'em nuts.   -Brother Dave

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Let's not be too hard on lawyers. In all fairness, 99% of them give the rest a bad name.

To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature,and it remains premature today.  - Isaac Asimov

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Gravity is a myth: The world sucks.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full of doubts.    -Bertrand Russell

If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Nuke The Gay Baby Seals For Christ

Dilbert's Law:  Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.             - H. L. Mencken

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. - Benjamin Disraeali

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right moment, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. Another theory states that this has already happened.

The bureaucratic mentality is the only true constant in the universe. - Leonard "Bones" McCoy

Politician's Credo: If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

I'm not a complete idiot ... some parts are missing.

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. - Isaac Asimov

A computer without Windows is like a birthday cake without mustard.

A man younger than 30 who's not a liberal has no heart and a man older than 30 who's not a conservative has no brain. - Winston Churchil

The Constitution wasn't perfect, but it was better than what we have now.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets. - Will Rogers

Democracy is a ... belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. - H. L. Mencken

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Sturgeon's Other Law: There're more ways to futter a cat than just to stuff its head in a sea boot. - per Larry Niven

We're being too hard on the French. In the final analysis they've always been there when they need us.

Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen." - Pliny the Younger

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. - Noel Coward

Whom the Gods would destroy they first make horny. - Nelson Demille

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. - P.J. O'Rourke

Ideologies are ... systematic ways of misunderstanding the world. - Fred Reed

Journalism : A profession whose business is to explain to others what it personally does not understand. - Lord Northcliffe

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Life is tough, [but] it's tougher if you're stupid - John Wayne