I thought I would add this section and update it from time to time to let folks know how I am getting along without my Rossie Pup.

Today is Saturday, 12/10/05.

How am I doing? I'm not sure how well I am SUPPOSED to be doing, after losing someone so precious to me.

It has been almost three months since I said goodbye to my Puppy, and there have been only four or five days that I have not cried at least once.

My mind flashes on memories of him, and I am overwhelmed with an unbearable sadness. These memories sometimes literally take my breath away and paralyze me. I have never before known such sorrow in all of my 56 years.

I still laugh sometimes, but my laughter no longer comes from deep inside. I still smile at times, but my smiles no longer originate in my heart. There is still a light in my eyes, but there is no longer a sparkle.

I hope that there will be a lot of healing with the passing of time, but I know that I will never be the same again.

I know without doubt that Ross Allen is in heaven, and I know that I will be reunited with him. I don't think I could handle this grief without this hope.

Ross Allen was truly my soul mate. I will never be complete without him.

2/16/06

It's coming up on five months since that awful day when I lay there in the floor of the examination room beside my Puppy and said goodbye to him.  I will never forget those final moments.

I still cry almost every day, but only for very short times, usually five minutes or even less.  Things have definitely become much more bearable.  I know that as time goes by, the healing will continue.  I also know that I will never forget my Rossie Pup, and I wouldn't even want to.  So, there will be some pain the rest of my life, and I accept that.

If you are in the depths of despair over that precious little friend that you have just lost, please know that life really does go on, and that there really is such a thing as recovery, though it is a long process.

4/15/06

In four more days it will be seven months since I lost my Puppy.  Even after all this time my life still does not seem complete without Ross Allen.  I constantly feel that something is missing, even when I am not specifically thinking about him.  I guess what I am saying is that I still haven't become "comfortable" with life without my soul mate.

I have not mentioned it up until now, but I adopted a puppy on November 22, two months after I lost my Rossie Pup. 

I knew that there would be no replacing Ross, and I wasn't trying to do that. I was very lonely, and I thought that adopting a puppy would bring a little joy into my miserable life.  I knew that there were plenty of dogs who would be destroyed, if they were not adopted soon, so I figured it would be a good deal for me and for the puppy, if I adopted one.

It seems to have turned out to be a good move on my part to get a puppy.  His name is Hank, and we are becoming very good friends.

I had trouble opening my heart to him at first, because I didn't want to be disloyal to Ross Allen.  I knew better than that, because Hank can have his own place in my heart without crowding Ross Allen one little bit.  Even though I knew that, it was still hard to really open up to Hank for a while.  I think I have finally done it, and Hank will have his chance to be special to me.  He is a sweet little pup with a heartful of love to give me, and I will accept his love and love him in return.

What I had with Ross Allen can never be duplicated, but that doesn't mean that Hank and I cannot have a wonderful relationship, and it might even be just as sweet, even though different. 

You know, I honestly believe that Ross Allen led me to Hank.  I have taken Hank Jeepin' with me a few times, and he loves it.  He behaves himself very well, and he is going to make me a real good Jeep dog. I think Rossie Pup knew that I would need another Jeep buddy, since he couldn't be with me. 

If I somehow end up loving Hank as much as I love Ross Allen, then Ross would be pleased. All he ever wanted was for Grandpa to be happy.

Having Hank and loving him has not stopped me from thinking about Ross Allen. I still think of him every day and cry over him for at least a short time just about every day.  No matter how much I end up loving Hank, I will NEVER forget my Rossie Pup.

1/14/07

I am way overdue in updating this section.  I can go for a few days at a time now without crying over Ross Allen.  Oh, I think of him EVERY day, but I can remember him without crying most of the time. 

It took 11 months for me to get to the point that I wasn't  crying just about every single day.  I don't know what happened at the 11 month mark, but it seems that things really got better about that time.

I still have my crying sessions, usually as I am talking to him and telling him how much I still love him and how much I miss him.

That sweet little Hank is a real blessing to me.  My love for him has grown and continues to grow.  He's a great little dog.  He adds joy to my life that I would not have without him and helps me to go on without my Rossie Pup.