Disclaimer: Characters and situations are the property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Sage_Theory for the beta and EstiRose for help with the title and general moral support. Much like the show, pairings depend on how hard you squint and what color your glasses are.
The Doctor isn't so sure why it's a long journey through the vortex this time, but it is. He finally crashes two and a half of Jack and Rose's days into the journey, and wakes in the middle of what Jack calls "ship's night."
He sighs, planning another lonely "evening" while his human friends sleep. While the clock indicates that it's time for a midnight snack, the Doctor is more interested in breakfast, so he pads off to the kitchen.
He doesn't think much of his attire when he hears Jack and Rose giggling, just enters. "What are you two doing up? It's late."
They're seated at the table, passing a mixing bowl between them. Jack facing the door, Rose with her back to it.
Jack leaps to his feet, pulling Rose to him and covering her eyes.
"What?" Rose says, trying to pull away.
Jack holds her firm. "Doctor, for pity's sake, go put some clothes on. Do you want to blind Rose?"
"Let go of me," Rose says, trying to push Jack's hands away.
"What's wrong with these boxers?"
"He's wearing boxers? Jack, lighten up. I'm nineteen for heaven's sake."
"It's not your virtue I'm worried about, it's your fashion sense. They're orange with turquoise... what are those, Doctor, Sea Monkeys?"
Rose giggles, trying to push Jack's hand away again. "Do they still have those in the fifty first century?"
"Classic toys never die," Jack replies, pulling her closer to maintain his grip.
The Doctor stood straighter, indignant. "They're not Sea Monkeys, they're not even monkeys. They're hyperintellegent crustaceans from the planet Nyos. These boxers are a representation of their highly sophisticated dance rituals."
Rose squirms, and Jack shifts, holding Rose tighter, more protectively.
"You want to hold me tight, Jack, fine, just uncover my eyes!" Rose giggles.
"Your retinas will thank me later," Jack replies, trying to shift his grip a bit.
Rose nearly convulses with laughter, causing Jack to stumble. Rose breaks free, immediately looks at the Doctor, and nearly doubles over laughing.
"You see?" Jack asks.
"You've been exposed longer than I have, maybe you'd better look away," Rose says, reaching up and covering Jack's eyes. Jack reaches out, grabs Rose's waist, and gently pulls her to the side. Rose screeches with laughter.
The Doctor approaches them, not sure how to join in on the fun.
"Go put a dressing gown on, Doctor," Jack says, grin wide, laughter barely contained. He backs up towards the kitchen island, pulling Rose with him.
"You'd better do something before you get too close," Rose giggles, not even *trying* to hide her amusement. "You don't want to give us radiation poisoning from those things, do you?"
"All right, all right. If it's not the jumper it's the boxers. I can't win!"
* * *
The Doctor returns a few minutes later, fully dressed. He sits next to Jack. "Do I pass inspection, Captain?"
"That'll do." Jack grins, passing Rose the mixing bowl.
Rose reaches into the bowl, and pulls out...
"Is that cookie dough?" the Doctor asks frowning.
"Yup," Rose says, munching the ball of dough in her hand.
The Doctor grabs her hand, pulling the rest away. "The two of you are going to give yourselves Salmonella!"
"We didn't put any eggs in it, Doctor," Rose says, rolls her eyes, and snatches back her ball of dough.
"How are you going to bake it then?" the Doctor asks.
"We're not," Rose and Jack say in unison.
The Doctor looks from one to the other in confusion, then shrugs. He rises, pulling down a bowl and a box of cereal.
"Where was I?" Jack asks.
"Hermione Davies," Rose prompts, leaning forward on her hands.
"A lot of the other girls in our class were always giving her a rough time. She was the first one to wear a bra, so they would snap the straps."
"And you never did," Rose says, a note of disbelief in her voice.
"Just once; let's just say she reacted poorly and I never did it again." Jack flushes a little. "But that was the nicest thing they did to her. Some of them she wouldn't even talk about--they happened in gym class, and damned if I know what was going on. But she wanted revenge and I was up for anything that involved disrupting class. We had computers built right into our desks that could be used for multimedia for various lessons. So we programmed Marietta Brooks's desk to start blasting Y.M.C.A. during math."
Rose roars. "They still have the Village People in the fifty first century?"
"Frightening, isn't it?" Jack smiles, arching an eyebrow. "We disabled the mute button too. Mrs. Enrile was *furious*, Marietta had to take notes by hand for a month."
Rose leans on her hand, bowl of cookie dough forgotten. "And the worst Shareen and me ever did was to TP Catherine Levine's flat after she stole Shareen's boyfriend."
"Oh?" Jack asks, looking at Rose expectantly.
The Doctor sits, pouring milk on his cereal and shaking his head. "I've picked up a couple of juvenile delinquents I have."
"Doesn't seem to be the first time." Jack smirks. "I found a formula for some kind of explosive in my room."
"Nitro nine?" the Doctor asked, worried. It was careless of Ace to leave a copy of that just lying around.
"Is that bad?" Rose asks.
"I used Nitro Nine to blow up your shop."
Rose shivers, and Jack wraps an arm around her shoulders. "You cold?"
"No, just..." Rose trails off.
"So who left the formula, Doctor?" Jack asks, trying to take Rose's mind off of explosives.
"Ace," the Doctor stirs his cereal fretfully.
"Is she all right?" Rose asks, looking at him with concern.
"Fine, fine," the Doctor says, "last I looked her up she had finished her A levels in chemistry."
"Let's just hope she doesn't end up with a job working for the government," Rose says, leaning into Jack a little.
The Doctor frowns. "I think UNIT might have a position for her when she finishes with school."
"Tell us more about her," Jack prompts, looking at Rose sideways.
"Well, there was the time we went to the circus..."
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