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A solitary figure walked quietly through the corridor, head down and eyes low.
Unable to sleep, she decided to go for a walk to clear her head, however, dwelling on the
situation only made things worse. She tried as hard as she could to keep those thoughts away,
only to have them stay stubbornly in her head, and regrets of how things were handled became
overwhelming. This wasn't the first time she felt this way, but at least she now had a place to
get these feelings out of her system. While turning a corner, then walking on, her eyes started
welling up with tears. 'Not now, they need their sleep.' She thought as she forced herself to
control her emotions. 'They're all going to have a really rough day tomorrow. Besides, I can't
burden them with my problems. It wouldn't be right.' She exhaled softly. 'If only I could have
done something.' She told herself while holding her mouth closed tightly with her fists
clenched. 'Just something!'
It took all of her strength, but soon arrived at her destination. She stopped near
the empty dwelling from across the tunnel. 'How could he have done this to us?' She pleaded
within herself. ' How could he have been so clumsy and careless?' She inhaled deeply and
shook her head. 'No, this was my fault, I fell through, and now everyone is going to suffer
greatly because of my failure.' Tears began rolling gently down her cheeks as she leaned
against the wall, then slid down to the floor. 'How am I, how are we ever going to get through
this?' was all she could think about as she continued crying quietly.
__________________
I stared up at the pattern of the rocks on the ceiling. I couldn't sleep. Too much stress from that
day, not to mention the unrelenting fear I had to deal with was more than I could handle. It
plagued my mind like some sort of nightmare, but it was unfortunately real as my life gets. I
thought that if I kept hidden, and staying inside, I would never have to see Hopper again. But as
luck would have it, I'd moved from the protection of a large colony, to this one, much smaller in
numbers. I could only hope that the adage was true that to most bugs, all ants look alike.
Then my mind went back to the events of that day, and the more I contemplated them, the more
restless I became. Suddenly I had to get out of bed, to keep my mind centered. I began pacing
the floor to my chamber, but that soon grew to be fruitless, and before long, found myself
thrusting the leaf door aside, and quickly strode down the tunnel to nowhere in particular.
"Why?" I called out to no one in particular. "Why did it happen to be in this place, where I've
finally found a colony who will accept me, where I can get a fresh start?" I grumbled to myself,
just quiet enough not to be heard. "And why didn't anyone keep an eye on that idiot. If he was
such a menace, then why didn't anyone keep tabs one him!" Then as I turned a corner, another
victim came into my mind. "And why didn't /she/ do anything more, just stood there, babbling
on, without saying a word!" It was no use. But then it was my nature at that time to blame
everyone else for mistakes, and to ignore my own hand that was involved in them. After all, the
main reason I had to fear Hopper was my own doing. Well, Shamrock's and mine, anyway.
But as I plotted down the tunnel, I couldn't help but hear a faint sound just ahead of me. The
sound became more distinct, and I could distinguish what I was hearing. Someone was crying,
rather softly, but it was a painful sounding cry. I was just about to had back the way that I came,
but curiosity got the best of me, and so I slowly crept around the corner, and took a quick look to
see who was there. Strange for me to think that, since I'd only been here for a couple of weeks,
but in this case I was able to distinguish the person immediately.
It was Princess Atta. She didn't see me standing there, well not at first anyway, but as I shifted
my weight, just a little, she sensed me, and looked up to see if someone was there. I so much
wanted to sneak back to my chamber. Especially since I was targeting her as one of the reasons
I'd had so much stress that day. Now I was feeling guilty again. I had known she was having
trouble, but I didn't know it was affecting her to this degree. Then I was reminded of how
Amber reacted the same way when I found out how much I had hurt her.
She looked up at me, with sad, red eyes. And instantly recognized me, and in doing so I could
tell she regretted coming down here in the first place.
"Oh, Basil, I'm so sorry, did I wake you?" She asked as she wiped her eyes and began to get up
to her feet. I quickly went over to offer her my assistance in getting up, not because I felt guilty,
but it seemed the expected thing to do for a member of royalty.
"That's okay, I was just taking a little walk tonight, couldn't sleep, anyway. I offered, in an
attempt to pacify her."
"Thank you." She offered as I assisted her to her feet. "I can only guess why /you/ couldn't rest,
I'm sure."
"Well . . . " I began, trying to find the right answer.
"It's because of earlier today, because of Hopper right?"
"Exactly, I'd hoped to never see him again." I held my hands balled into fists, but my trembling
was much more obvious.
"Oh, I knew it. I am so sorry. I failed you." The princess gave me a pleading expression, as she
looked down to the ground, with a little moisture in her eyes.
That really hurt me inside. It was like looking at Amber as I did before, then being reminded of
how badly I treated her. I couldn't say anything for quite some time. By then she began to lift
her head up, and I could tell she wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
"I really shouldn't bother you with my problems, my mistakes." She said in a berating tone, and
before she made a turn to leave, she muttered, "I'm so sorry I failed you, Basil." And turned to
make her way down the tunnel's length.
Again I was reminded of Amber, as she left the office, how hurt she was. And I doing nothing,
nothing to help or comfort her. I was not about to let that happen again.
"I don't see how today's incident with Hopper was your fault."
"You heard him." She stopped, turned to face me, and countered my comment quickly. "First
rule of leadership. Everything is your fault!" She quoted word for word verbatim
"I've known Hopper for a long time, and he is the last bug I'd take lessons in leadership from."
"But it is my fault!" She called out in frustration, a frown increasing steadily on her face. "If I
could have stood up to him . . . "
"I don't think it would have made any difference." I quickly cut her off, feeling a frustrated
fever build within me. Normally this kind of disrespect would not be tolerated, but I couldn't
stand and listen to her criticize herself according to such a low standard.
"But you don't understand, the whole colony is going to suffer because of my inaction." Princess
Atta held out her hands toward me in a pleading action. "Especially you, since you can't even
rest!" She then turned away from me and stared down the tunnel. "How am I ever going to do
this?" Then she looked back at me with a deeply sorrowful expression, then a dramatic inhale.
"Basil, I feel like my abilities are as hollow as the tunnels of the colony."
If she wasn't looking at me at that moment, I would have shown the most excruciating
expression. Here was yet another innocent individual suffering because of Hopper's selfishness.
Then it occurred to me that I was part to blame for her pain.
"It's not your fault I can't sleep tonight. It's mine." I managed a weak smile, hoping to calm her
frazzled nerves.
"What happened?"
"Back when we were 19, Shamrock and I, he was called Rocky for short. We had grown tired of
Hopper and his gang's abuse of our colony, or rather the colonies lack of retaliation. We had
such a large group. It made no sense to either of us why we didn't retaliate. But nevertheless,
Rocky and I came up with an idea to get rid of them once and for all. We both knew that the
gang was held together by the leader, and if we were able to convince him that it was too
dangerous to come to our colony, they would not return.
"Just a short distance away for the anthill was a bird's nest. It was located beneath an
outcropping, and covered by a rosebush which kept the colony protected. Rocky and I decided
to contract out a spider to create a web, and then to lure Hopper into it." Princess Atta stood and
listened attentively as I continued. "I made it specifically clear that he was not to be killed, just
frightened away. No matter who he was or what he'd done to the colony, I would not be part of
his death.
"Rocky agreed to this, and together we made all of the arrangements. Upon the day of his
scheduled arrival, I decided to make a last minute inspection and upon glancing at the web, it
was much stronger than we had discussed. I spoke with the arachnid, and she told me that this
was according to my friends specifications.
"I then spoke to Rocky, who in essence told me: 'Basil, you are too soft hearted for this kind of
work. I needed your assistance in getting this plan put together in time for their arrival, but I
knew you would not agree if I told you I intended on ending that wicked hopper's life.' I began
to retaliate, but even I knew that even then it was much too late, because before anything could
be done, Hopper and his gang flew in and descended. Then the spider appeared, and lured him
into her web.
"All I could do was stand there, and watch. I knew it would have been life threatening to say
anything, because either way, Hopper would have probably finished us both off if he knew what
we were doing. I didn't witness the events myself, but Hopper managed to escape, and figuring
it was the two of us involved, being the only ants outside the colony at the time, grabbed Rocky
and flew off with him, to exact revenge."
I stopped speaking momentarily and had to collect my thoughts and my breath. This was one of
the very rare times I'd told anyone about what happened that day.
"They flew out of my view, which was the last time I saw my friend alive. For upon returning,
Hopper threw his lifeless form to the ground at my feet. I collapsed to my knees, sobbing over
the death of my friend, and as I heard Hopper approach, I believed my time was at hand. But
instead of flying off with me too, he towered over me, and in a threatening manner, stated.
" 'This is what happens when your mindless ants retaliate." He took a swing at me, and I
tumbled over several times. Then as he approached, at first he laughed, but grew a deeply
angered expression, and told me 'I've left you alive for only one reason. To tell your colony that
this kind of behavior will not be tolerated, for they will suffer the same fate as that one did.' He
exclaimed as he pointed to Rocky. 'And, you better hope our paths never cross again, or I
promise that you will suffer the same fate as he did.'
I had to stop and reclaim my emotions after that. My heart was racing, and I could feel the same
wetness in my eyes the last time I told anyone about the loss of my friend, several years ago.
"After his group gathered the grain, they flew off. The worst experience of my life, was having
to tell Rocky's family what happened. It was about this time I stopped socializing with the other
members of the colony. Choosing not to understand or associate with anyone. Well, accept my
family anyway."
It suddenly occurred to me that I was displaying such emotions in front of a member of the royal
family. This would have been very inappropriate. I turned and very nearly excused myself,
when I felt her hand rest softly on my shoulder.
"Oh Basil." She spoke in a deeply hushed tone. "I am so sorry to hear about what happened to
your friend. It's no wonder you can't sleep. You must have been terrified out of your mind."
My mouth then flew wide open. What was happening was beyond my comprehension. The
princess, a member of royalty was trying to comfort me! I turned back and looked at her, with a
genuine smile. "Thank you." I managed despite my highly emotional state. "That is very kind
of you." I then took in several deep breaths, and had to wipe a couple of tears away.
It was at this point that fatigue was overtaking me, and noticing this, Princess Atta offered for us
to both took a seat upon a rock that was located beneath a phosphorescent mushroom. She
looked quite fatigued as well. She gave me some time to calm down to a better relaxed state.
"At least you had a good reason, I mean, had your heart in the right place." She proffered a
weak smile in return. "My mistakes only seem to make things worse." She cast a painful
expression toward the ground.
I tilted my head, and gave her a slightly confused look, to which she nodded and began telling
me about a personal experience she had, one that very well might have been the cause for her
insecurities at becoming Queen.
"I was about fifteen at the time when my mother decided to go on a diplomatic mission to
another colony. She was only planning to be gone for three days, but she didn't return for nearly
two months." Princess Atta gave a weak sigh, seemingly feeling the same emotions she did at
the time of the event.
"During that time, the members of the council did what they could to help keep things together.
But soon it became evident that the colony couldn't survive without a leader. So I had to begin
the training at a much earlier age than was anticipated. For about six weeks, until she finally
returned, I had my nose buried in books and I observed the function o the colony for many long
house in order to help me learn the responsibilities of a monarch of the colony." She paused
momentarily, then a slightly lighter expression was shown.
"Oh, my mom had given me several pointers growing up, that the members of the colony were
the most important that I was not better than any, despite being the princess. But there was so
much responsibility, and so much at stake if I failed as Queen, with so many lives on the line,
that I ended up spending late nights and early mornings trying to learn as much as I could. I got
little rest.
"But the worst part was when Dot became injured on the anthill. I was trying to learn some of
the procedures in the harvest, when Dot started heading into the anthill. She got about a third of
the way up, lost her balance, and tumbled down, breaking her arm in the process. I immediately
took her to the infirmary, and she was fine afterwards. But when my mother finally returned,
bruised and looking just horrible, all I had to show for my efforts was Dot's broken arm and a
poorly run colony.
"To this day she has never told me what happened to her, only that we should never venture off
from the colony. That it was too dangerous for ants to leave their homes."
The princess looked blankly toward the wall across from the tunnel. "Ever sense then I've
known my inadequacies in being the leader. I don't know how we're going to get through this."
My lips went firm, and I released a soft sigh. Of all the leaders, bosses, and other people in
positions of authority, this individual has shown more concern for the colony, for me, even. It
was hard to hear her chastize herself that way. Especially after what I'd done to others when I
was in a position of authority.
"Wow, nothing." I muttered under my breath.
"What?"
"Oh, I mean that you Mother never said anything about what happened to her."
"Yeah, she recovered quickly, but I guess I never did." She stated in a deep exhale.
"Your highness, I want you to know that I think you're asking too much from yourself. I mean,
that must have been a terrible experience, you had so much on your mind, I don't think anyone
could have held it against you."
"They didn't"
"Then why are you?"
"I have a greater degree of responsibility than the others do. I can't be held to the same level as
the others."
"And yet you don't feel you are superior to the others."
"What is your point, Basil?"
"I just wish that you could see how hard you are on yourself."
"Oh." Her eyes grew wider and her eye ridges softened into a look of curiosity. "Let me ask
you a question, how did your last colony handle this situation, dealing with Hopper and his
gang?"
"Essentially the same way as yours does. Supply the food, hide so as not to infuriate them, the
same usual routine, you know."
"No," She shook her head again. "I'm very sure that your Queen or Princess does a lot better
job than I do." She then looked down at her feet. Her emphasis on 'I' was awfully sharp, even
for her.
"I'm imagine that she's had a lot more experience than you have. How long have you been..." I
couldn't think of the word I wanted to say.
"In training?" She replied.
" Yeah, it training."
"This is my first season."
"Okay, there you go." "You certainly can't learn everything overnight, no one can. I know I
sure didn't"
"But there is so much responsibility." She paused and gave me a very sad, pleading look. "I
don't think I'll ever get the hang of it." She then began to pace back and fourth down the length
of the tunnel. She began mumbling all of the different responsibilities she had. "First there is
the harvest, have to get that before the grasshoppers come, which I failed to do. Then you have
to keep the others calm in a panic situation, which I also failed . . ." She was numbering them
while holding up a finger for each item she mentioned. She began to become very upset and
overwhelmed.
"I know it's a lot of responsibility, but it just takes time. You can't expect yourself to be the
perfect queen from day one. No one here does." She stopped and looked at me for a long
moment. She was just about to say something, but nothing came. She put her right hand down.
She was about to gesture with, then looked down the tunnel at nothing in particular.
We both simply stood there for a moment thinking about what each other had said.
While we sat with our backs resting against the wall, bathed in the glowing light of the
mushroom, she let out a fairly big exhale, as did I. One that was a little louder than intended. I
felt a little self conscious, and apologized. "If you're half as tired as I am, I think you're fully
entitled." She titled her head a little and forced a smile. She then took a few seconds to put into
words what was on her mind.
"You've had experience with leadership, haven't you." I nodded to the affirmative, to which
she continued. "What was it that you did before you came here?"
"Tunnel construction supervisor. I made sure the work progressed safely and at a productive
speed." That was true. Safety was always a high priority with me, getting someone hurt was not
only bad on you as a supervisor, but much more important, I hated to see anyone get hurt, no
matter how much I may have been frustrated with them. I never wanted to see harm come to
them.
"How many workers were you responsible for?"
"Oh, about 25."
"About 25, didn't you know the exact number?"
"No. I never worried about that as long as the work was done." I tried for the longest time to
convince myself I cared about more, but as more and more people back home told me, I became
convinced I probably never did. I Just couldn't admit that I'd let my frustrations affect my
judgement, and how I treated them. They just didn't deserve it.
"That's too bad." She said as she looked strait ahead. The statement wasn't intended as a
judgement call, just contrary to how she was raised, and considered as a good leadership skill. "I
think that a good leader would get to know the workers they were responsibly for."
'Uh.' I muttered to myself in anguish. She was absolutely correct. But placing myself in the
same sentence with, 'a good leade'r, was the highest epitome of oxymoron. I was no leader, and
I never was one. I had to think about that for several seconds, feeling just horrible. "I
wouldn't consider myself a good leader. In fact, I doubt I can give you any really good advice
on leadership."
"But you do have experience."
"I don't think you want the experience I've had." I had to look away. This whole attempt at
helping her was quickly becoming a dismal failure. I should have just let her go back to bed.
I'm sure all I'd done was make things worse for her, and that she certainly doesn't need, or
deserve.
"Oh." She looked across to the far wall from us. I felt bad not being able to help more. Then an
idea came to me.
"Why don't you go talk to your Mother, I'm sure she'll be able to give you the advice you
need?"
She exhaled slowly. "Basil, I've considered that a number of times before, to many times,
actually. I've already bothered her with enough as it is. I know she would be disappointed with
me if I didn't start learning some of this on my own."
"Believe it or not, I think I can understand how you feel. She turned her head with a look of
disbelief. I continued with a weak smile on my face. When I started, you know, as a supervisor,
I was extremely worried that I was driving my superior's nuts the first couple weeks of work,
what with the seemingly constant barrage of questions I had." I laughed as I remembered what
that was like. She smiled back with a look of understanding. I could imagine she'd felt the
same way as I did.
"Look. What can I tell you? I was terribly worried and upset at first. It wasn't easy, thinking
about everything that could go wrong, and in how many ways it could. But what I found out was
that most of the time, things worked out well. When they did go wrong, it was rarely as bad as I
though it would be." I was starting to feel a little more enthusiastic about what I was telling her.
Can I give you a little advice?"
She nodded quickly to the affirmative.
"Things are rarely as bad as they seem. It gets overwhelming, thinking about everything you are
responsible for. But before too long, you do start to get the hang of it. You'll feel more
comfortable in your position." She smiled again, with a barely perceptible look of relief. At this
point I felt a sincere desire to let her know what I felt was her strongest trait. I paused
momentarily. "I'd also like to mention that you have one character trait that I sadly never
learned. You care about the others. Not just as workers who get the job done but I can tell your
first concern is always about the other members of the colony. You have even shown concern
about me, and you hardly even know me. Thank you."
"I can't imagine treating you any different, even though I don't know you that well." She paused
and took in a deep breath. "Much of what you've told me my mother has already suggested, but
you have given me quite a bit to think about. Besides, I think I just needed someone to talk to."
She then stood up, and I followed suit.
"I really hope I could be of some help." I told her as she turned to face me. I really doubted I did
anything at all. Just words, I told myself. 'They're probably of little value anyway.'
"I think you were more helpful than you realize." She gave me the biggest and deepest of smiles
I'd seen since I'd arrived here nearly two weeks ago.
I guess she must have been more upset, or at least more appreciative than I though to do what
she did next. She took a few steps toward me, and gave me a light hug and a big smile.
"Thanks, Basil. I really do appreciate what you've said."
'I can't believe that I've been hugged by the princess!' This was all I could think about. My
mind was swimming at the whole experience.
"Oh, and I want to tell you about a couple of good traits I see in you. "You listen, and you care,
not everyone posses those qualities."
All I could do is look at her, wanting to argue the point, but simply couldn't. I never figured out
why.
"I think we both better get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow." She turned and walked
down the tunnel again. She paused and looked back at me. "Good night Basil, and try to get
some rest, okay?"
"Okay, and good night, princess." I called back just before she went out of sight around the bend
in the tunnel. I stood there for several seconds, the events of that little conversation and what
not. I tilted my head slightly and felt a smile come across my face. I kinda shook my head at the
prospect of such an affectionate person. But there was yet another kind leadership skill.
I then turned around and walked back into my chamber.
I climbed back into bed and curled up under the leaf. I had a feeling of regret at some of the
things I had done wrong in the past, and my assumption of not helping much. 'I'm still not very
good with people, am I?' I exhaled again, but then couldn't help smile. It felt good to have
someone show some concern for me, even if I didn't feel like I deserved it at the time. I rolled
over and finally drifted off to asleep.
Princess Atta headed back to her chamber at a much more buoyant pace than when she arrived.
As she walked, she blew out a fairly big sigh. Then a smile grew across her face. "That was so
sweet for him to say what he did." That night she had the deepest sleep in several days.
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