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Well, just for clarification, my name is Macadamia Reed Tunneler. And despite any earlier feelings of inhibition, I've decided to try to maintain this journal. To be honest, if felt like quite a stupid idea. I mean, who's gonna read this thing? But then as I was about to become separated from my family, and all in behalf of that idiot. Durian. Not Durian Root, my dad's friend. Durian Oaken.
That man has got to be the most egotistical jerk I've ever met! Oh, but the point my choosing to write. It's giving me the change to sort out my feelings regarding this whole matter. So I had trouble with his daughter. We got over that quite some time ago. But I guess some people just have a hard time letting go more than others. Well, what can I say? I do too. But my letting to his much more painful than his. I mean, my family is what I'm losing. He's just had his pride wounded! Well one consolation, is that they will be able to visit from time to time. It sounds like they want to establish a home not too far from here. But with the way things are in the city, its obvious that not too many ants can come at one time.
So, my plans are as follows. I will head back to the city, and I hope Terry and her brother Patrick will be able to have me stay with them. I'll probably have to keep a low profile for the first little while, considering what's happened involved in the groups expulsion from the city. Lousy bugs. Why can't they see that ants aren't really that different then they are. We all want the same things.
I've been living with Terry and Patrick for the past several weeks. It's a good accommodation. I've also managed to keep low, and hope soon to be able to make more use of the city. I haven't been able to find work, such as circumstances are, right now, but I've been keeping an eye on Patrick as Terry works. She feels more comfortable with me watching her brother, than some of the other bugs in the building. Well, there is one regretful situation involving our arrangement. Terry, I feel, is much to protective of him. He's has some kind of illness, but I'm convinced that he could just get out a little more often, get some exercise, and get his lungs stronger, then he'd be able to pull out of it.
Unfortunately, it's the doctor that Terry has decided to put her brothers care into. I don't think, anyway, that's he's worth his weight in rubbish. I haven't had any medical training, as Terry has reminded me on occasion. But I don't know. I just have this feeling that the doctor really doesn't know that much, and that Patrick would be in better hands if she'd could find another doctor. But as she's told me before, the ones that she's turned to for help will not treat him because she doen't have the means to pay for the rather high costs.
And here I thought that just ants weren't treated as equals in the city. But I guess those whom have either a higher stature, or the financial situation to back them up, only recieve such luxuries. So, Terry was forced to go with this other doctor. I'm almost sure that I've got better medical knowhow that this nut does. She's told me that she herself saw amazing things that the doctor has done, yet I just have this odd feeling around him. He's been unusually nice to me, an ant, which sentiment, by and large has felt rather artificial. But no matter what I say, I can't persuade her. Hopefully, either Patrick can get better with or maybe better yet *despite* the efforts of this so called physician.
Today wasn't the best day, to say the least. I've been bugging Terry for the last few weeks to let me take Patrick out and have a little fun. The poor guy is so cooped up in the apartment, I just couldn't stand to see him waste away like that. I finally got her approval on letting him go out for a while, and well, we lost track of time, and he's rather sick now. I think it's just a matter of adjusting to more activity. Terry is really upset with me right now. She's concerned that my ‘carelessness' could put a serious damper on Patrick's health. If she would just go and get a second opinion.... But I'm afraid that I've pushed her too hard on that matter, and now she won't even listen to me. Anyway, I've got to go look for a job in the city because Terry keeps hinting at needing to find a more experienced baby sitter to watch him. I'm sorry for any risk to his health I might have caused. He's becoming a good friend to me as well.
Well, I've been summarily dismissed as far as watching Patrick any more. He was getting much better, I'm sure of it. But without Terry's approval, we spent some time in a little physical activity, and he fell into a puddle and got really wet. He loved it! But I guess it took more out of him than any of us could have realized, because he's sick again, and Terry will not have me spending any more time with him, beyond us living under the same roof. I keep telling her, that he just needs to get out more, but that lousy doctor she has him going to just seems to be clueless to all of this. Okay, I know that sounds rather arrogant, but still. It's a gut feeling. But more than now that I remember.
We, and by we I mean life with the nomad ants, we had a few kids who were sick, like Patrick, and getting them a little activity now and then gave them marked improvement in their health. I realize I might have been pushing him a little hard. And, I admit, I don't know everything about someone with Pat's condition but still. I can't seem to even get Terry to listen to me on the subject anymore. Well, I'd better go look for work. I'm not sure she's going to let me live free and clear if I'm not going to be watching her brother any more.
Well, this situation keeps getting worse and worse. Pat's looking really pretty bad right now. Terry blames me for my ‘selfish and reckless' treatment of Pat. I was doing what I thought was right, but now, it's not looking to good for him. He's much weaker and pale than normal. I just made my final and most emotion filled plea with Terry to have him taken to another doctor. But she threatened to throw me out into the streets if I so much as do more than touch him. Things haven't calmed down as far as the city's attitude with ants, so I have little choice in staying out of the way as far as my two friends are concerned. I just hope that Pat pulls out of it.
Meanwhile I've found a job working in the cities public offices. Right now I'm mainly in passing mail and messages to the other employees, and getting supplies from the store room. It's not the most glamourous job, but it gives me the support I need, as well as the protection from the other bugs, after all. How good would it look if an employee was hurt under the cities mayor, huh?
This very well might be the hardest thing I've ever written. Patrick has passed away. I feel really sick over the whole thing. I pleaded with Terry, to simply get another opinion, but she wouldn't even listen to me. I feel somewhat responsible for having pressed her before. But in the long run, there was little I could do about it. Terry won't speak to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I'm not too keen on speaking to her either at the moment, but I don't really hold any grudges against her. I don't think she can say the same for me. I'll just lie low for the next little while and let this situation calm down. Terry and I have been friends for too long, and I can't imagine she would end our friendship, even though this has been a horrible thing for both of us. I've lost a good friend, and she's lost the last remaining member of her family in contact.
As I've looked through my father's entries, I realize that neither of us have mentioned how Terry and Patrick came to the city in the first place. Their father was a brutal insect who treated them terribly. They came to the city to escape him, and to improve their lives. I can't imagine a parent treating their children that way. Even Durian Oaken loved his kids. It's just so hard to relate. I wish things could have been different for them.
I can't believe what's just happened! Patrick was laid to rest this morning, and as soon as we got back to Terry's place, she asked me to leave. I thought that she wanted to have some time to herself, but I was wrong in my assumption. She's thrown me out of her apartment, forcing me to live in the city, out in the streets. There is still a great deal of anger toward the group of ants my family and I were part of, so no one is willing to rent to me, at least not an amount that I can afford. I've been given offers of as much as three to four times the cost that another bug would pay for the same place. So, for the moment, I'm having to find shelter in the empty alleyways, and at times, the outskirts of the city. I've managed to sustain myself, but I'm not sure what I'm going to do about a home.
I'm so angry with Terry right now. I tried to do what I thought was right, and she blames me for the death of her brother. Still can't see it was that stupid ‘so called' doctor that was the cause of her brothers demise. But , what can I do? I'm now at the mercy of the other bugs in this place. Maybe I need to teach them a thing or two about ants.
Okay, after being laid up in the hospital for the last week or so, from getting into a confrontation with a rather large group of grasshoppers, I've determined that showing them that ants can be respected was a waste of time. It was a stupid thing for me to do, and it looks like it will probably cost me my job as well. The mayor has no intent on employing anyone who can't be a responsible citizen. I explained my situation to him, and while he as some sympathy, he's more worried about some no account ant ruining his reputation and keeping him from being re-elected. And he told me this himself. I was so shocked! I've worked there for so long, I thought I'd become something of worth. I guess I was wrong.
So, I'll have to make provisions then look for other work, assuming it will come up. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I sure had to learn the hard way that ants are probably never going to be considered as equals in this place. I've also tried to talk with Terry, but she's still really upset about her brother. I didn't ask if I could live with her, I just hoped we could still be friends, but as far as she's concerned, I no longer exist. I guess I can't blame her, but as I seem to keep learning, as I get into other bug's ways, there is little I can do, but try to survive. Injustice!
I've found refuge in a small can outside of town. I also have found a new job, but it's really awful work. I've been hired at this place called the Tin Can Bug Bar. I uh... I clean up the mess after the riotous bugs get done destroying the place. I have the honor of wiping up the seemingly endless spills of alcohol and messes there. So far I haven't been hurt in any of the brawls, but I was nearly arrested, for what reason to this day I have no idea. The job might not be so bad, if the menu didn't include that poo poo platter. But I digress.
It's been tough, living on my own all this time, being without family and friends, but I'm doing okay. I don't have to worry about the winter illnesses the ants gave back and fourth to each other, some crazy dictator, or wanting for food. I do hope things will get better with time.
Not much to report this past year. My family payed me a visit a couple of times, they can only stay for about a week, then have to be going before the arouse suspicion, and there are a number of ways that can happen, including the amount of food I have to purchase. I've decided to buy a little more from visit to visit so as to avoid this particular situation. Duran Oaken is still in power, and as against me being with them as ever. I can't say I'd care to be under his jurisdiction, but all the same, it might be a little less hazardous.
Another year has passed by. My family could only stay for one day, due to the unusual amount of rain we've been having. I've managed to secure a better job at the bar. I order the food and drinks as they are needed, but it looks like the best job I'll be able to get at that place, since anything better would have me out on the floor, and as rowdy as it gets, well... It's better for me as well as business.
It's been five years since my last entry, and not much new to report. My family manages to come by now and then, a couple times a year. They've been able to finally find an ant colony, but somehow Durian Oaken has managed to make his way into the council. My dad sees little hope that they will accept me, since he's convinced the others he's only interested in the needs of the colony. But, no matter, I've lived here in the city long enough now that I think I'd rather stay here than have to live under the rule of that ant again.
Four more years now. I know I really should keep better track of this thing, but little changes. Well, accept I lost my job. I think the new owner just wanted to get rid of me, saying a number of derogatory comments about ants. Well, his justifiable reason was that the till was short and I was the one who stole the money. I had no way of proving my innocence, so I was let go.
On a side note, I really do miss my family I think I'd be ready to go live with them now. I ‘ve finally gotten over what Durian Oaken did to me. But I can't go back There are no other ants in the city, well let me take that back I saw Terry just the other day, and she found a poor little ant boy who was abandoned. She only let me visit for a short time, but little Sienna, the boy's name, was looking pretty rough. Terry will take good care of him. She still holds a grudge against me, about Patrick from all those years ago. And I can't forgive her for dumping me out into the street. It's too bad that she still can't see I only had his best interests in heart.
Well, I gotta go. My friends want me to come out and play some games with them, and it will feel good to have fun outside the ant hill where we usually get together. Oh and then I need to go find a new job. Wait, I don't have any other ant friends, and don't live in a colony. Wow, I really need to get out more.
Two more years, or is it three. I loose count. Wait, it's been five. That's right. Five. Sienna is much older than three or four. Okay, so I did find other work, but it didn't last long, So I've become self sufficient. I have a patch to grow food, and a water source. Don't as me where that came from. Oh wait, it's from a clear water pond nearby. The food, well that grows out of the ground, so I ‘d say that, that's where it comes from. Oh, and my family came to visit me again. They were sure concerned about me, telling me I was acting a little peculiar. I had no reason to believe them, but decided to anyway. They've tried to petition for me to live in their new colony, but the leaders won't hear of it. Heard too much of my escapades. Whatever those were. Oh, yeah, the deal with his daughter and that water incident.
It was a harmless prank, it was. I swear it! Oh, well. You don't have to believe me if you don't want to. I'll be going now.
It's a few years later now. Not earlier, later. Time doesn't work that way. Well, what do you know, there are a couple of ants roaming the city. I've staying in the shadows so as not to be attacked by them. Four teen aged ants, they had to leave their home and try to survive life in the city. I really do want to help them, but my mom said I shouldn't talk to strangers. Maybe she was wrong in this case. I'll have to think this one over.
A couple months later. Those kids, well, three of them have turned up missing. Terry, I mean Tilly, Shine and Billow, I mean Willow, was their names. The other Mazin is well know through out the city. Well to a select few bugs anyway. That little rascal has made life here a little harder to deal with. Not that I'm there much anyway. I hope their okay.
Five more ants have turned up two months ago. I mean two more ants have turned up five months ago. No, it's not that long. Oh, five weeks ago. One is a muddy grey lavender, the other is a light tan to a medium beige color. I don't know their names yet, but I'll find out no matter what it takes. I'll get the information I seek I swear to you on my... well, I'll think of something. This time I won't be afraid of the ants. In fact I'm going to go out and find them now. Wish me luck.
It was at this point the writing was concluded, so I handed back the journal to Mac. He gently placed it aside and then told me he needed to go, so he could help those two ants I just read about.
"Uh, Mac? We did that part already"
"We did? Oh, I guess we did. "
"Mac", I started with a soft slow voice . "I'm sorry about what's happened to you. If you'd like we'd be happy to have you come to the colony, IC wise. ;)
"I've already been there. I had this appointment with this ant who was the wrong color for his name."
"That was me. And, that was OOC Out-Of-Character."
"That was you? Why yes, it was, wasn't it. But why are you offering me to come to the island when I've already been there?"
"I know, but you haven't been there while ‘In character'."
"What difference does that make?"
"We are out of character right now. When you came to the library with Walter and I, we were ‘In character'."
Mac massaged his chin. "I don't see what difference that makes? I mean, I don't *feel* any different that I was when I was at the library than when I was here. You don't seem to be any different. You act a little differently, but then that can't be my fault. Can it? I don't think so, anyway. So lets see, you claim to say that I haven't been to the island when I clearly have been, I'm not crazy you know...
It was at this point I felt a complete loss to the entire conversation, and with him meanderingly conversing, I managed to slip out of his place, but not without leaving a note to tell him he was still welcome to visit the island in a log at some point. I then quickly left and headed home.
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