Well, OK. But you're not getting out that easy - I mean, I'm gonna try at least one more time to control your online experience, albeit in a way that encourages your escape.
YES, you dullards (and by that I mean "cherished friends"), I'm talking about LINKS.
And these aren't just any old links here, people: 'cause I'm not a huge fan of long lists of links on websites, truth be told. I have to really believe in a site before I endorse it by linking to it. On the other hand, I'm not a total control freak, and I realize that in order to surf the web (doooood!), you at least need more than one wave...
So enough with the disclaimers, already, and on with the show. Here are a few places that I believe in with all of my heart (and, at times, other select pieces of my anatomy...):
In an effort to prove this assertion, I offer you this evidence: I, fearing that I didn't have enough links to justify this "links" page, tried clicking on every link from the Holy Titclamps site so I could link to my favorites on this page. After enough clicks to induce Carpal Tunnel Seizures, I finally realized my folly. Almost all of these links are valid and valuable. And who am I to be a "taste nazi" and filter all your fun...
Low Blue Flame: That being said, I'd be remiss if I didn't highlight one of the incredible things I found from the HT hot sites (and if you know anything about me, then you know that I hate being remiss); Brian Pera's writing and imagination are nothing short of stellar (unlike this description) - a shining weblight that must not be obscured by the urban glare of the information age (or my own (d)we(e)bsite, for that matter). Be forewarned: on crappy dial-up connections, some of the initial pages take awhile to load. But be persistent: your patience shall be rewarded. Also check out the Brian Pera interview in the excellent webzine Solonas Online
Xerox Revolutionaries: This is a truly unique, altruistic and invaluable queer zine distro that functions like an underground economy/info exchange. Or, in the words of my new hero Hank (who started and oversees XR): "This is about spreading words, not spreading money!" Right on! Check it out, kids - especially if you're interested in an exchange of ideas.
Kentucky Andrew: If you're not a realiTV junkie (like I am, I'm sorry to report), then you couldn't possibly know that Andrew appeared on the, um, amazing show "The Amazing Race," in which twelve pairs o' people with unique relationships to each other (i.e. "best friends," "separated parents," and "models/twins") um, race each other around the world for a million bux. Andrew, a gay cheerleader (god, how I hate summing people up in two words) (or at all, for that matter) is paired up with his Southern Baptist father, Dennis.
And though, very sadly, they were eliminated from the competetion much too early for my liking, I'm sure Andrew (and his dad) will move on to bigger and better things. Andrew's courage, class and compassion in being ok with himself and others has been an influence and an inspiration to me. I aspire to be as comfortable with myself someday. This kid is awesome - so check him OUT.
Wil Wheaton: Yes, Wil Wheaton. You know, the boy who everyone loved in Stand By Me (as Gordie Lachance), and became the young man who everyone (except me) hated in Star Trek: The Next Generation (as Wesley Crusher)?
Well, guess what? The actor who set my libido aflame (ha!) with the line "Suck my fat one" at age 12, the person who's name I've only heard in association with gay internet rumors for the last ten years, is now an incredibly righteous (meant in the positive "Spicoli/sk8er/surfer slang" kind of way), insightful, funny, and prolific writer/webmaster/actor/artist/family man who oversees his very own super-rad (d)we(e)bsite. Very punk rock, in the DIY (and socio-political) way, too.
Wil flat-out amazes me; I don't know where he finds the time to write, do and be so much to so many, but I'm glad he has the time to let us into his world. Almost always amusing and informative (I think of him as a "lighter" Michael Moore), Wil goes down in history as the first person who amounted to way more than my surface celebrity affection ever gave him credit for. His wife and kids are lucky to have him.
Dark Passage: As someone who is glued to the window every time he rides a train through a tunnel, I creamed in my commuter khakis when I discovered this site. The people behind Dark Passage are nothing less than underground urban archaeologists - they explore all the abandoned subterranean areas that I've dreamed of exploring since I was a kid. And they've got the pictures to prove it. I hope someday I'll be lucky (and brave) enough to tag along on one of their expeditions.
Abandoned Stations: Like Dark Passage (but a tad more academic), another great site for those interested in what lies beneath. This site is every bit as fascinating to me now as Middle Earth and dungeons and dragons were to me when I was eleven. By far the most exhaustive online encyclopedia of the "underground network" that I've yet found.
: So one day, I was trying to
submit my site to search engines (to be anally-probed and indexed by webcrawlers and googlebots), and I was obediently following the Yahoo submission guidelines by finding the subcategory in their directory
that most suited my site.
Well, I knew I had arrived in the right spot when I saw the link to Corporate Motherfucker. And, when I clicked on the link, you can only imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only was I not doing something terribly original with OK Commuter, but it had also been done better by Corporate Motherfucker...
Alas, it is such a good site that I am most-pleased to be (at best) their bastard love child, and I am comforted to finally know who my father really is.
And, quite conversely, you can only imagine my complete and utter disgust, disdain and disappointment when I did a Google search on "OK Commuter" and found out that THIS OTHERFUCKER had stolen my name and made it into an unfunny comic strip. Oh evil, doppelganger overseas OKC, know this: My zine goes back years, and I could ream your pasty ass in copyright court if I believed at all in frivolous litigation. Love, JJ (p.s. I mostly wrote this last part so I could get hate mail from the Bizarro OKC fans) (and p.p.s. I think "Philosophy Collins" is a way better title than either of us came up with)