Ass car: noun. Either the caboose or the bathroom car, depending on context.
Boy: noun. A human mammal with a penis. A male younger than me but of legal age (based on the Judicial Law of whatever country you happen to live in. A boy could be thirty years old, but sometimes isn’t).
Bridgeplate: noun. The ramps (or “bridges”) that are build off of platforms and over a track, allowing you to board a train on an inner track.
Co-muters: plural noun. Those you share the train with. Your commuting cohorts.
Commeuver: noun. A patented commuter maneuver, such as whipping out a laptop.
Descompuesto: my favorite Spanish word. It translates to mean any and all of the following: disturbed, broken, tipsy, out of order, angry, or suffering from a bad case of diarrhea. So is someone says that they’re descompuesto, you don’t know exactly what’s wrong with them; you just know it’s a good idea to back away slowly.
Dumi: (pronounced "DOO my"), plural noun. the plural for dumas ("DOO mis"), which is like a dumbass, only dumber.
Eyedrop: verb. To optically eavesdrop. To shoulder surf. To look over someone’s shoulder to see what they’re reading (or writing).
Fruit canal: an unpleasant fucking up the ass. A sore ass (due to anal copulation).
Heche: adjective. Three steps beyond harsh. There’s harsh, then harsher, then harshest, and then there’s heche. Best used in cases of insanity or lost lesbian love. “Man, I thought the car accident was bad, but that breakup with Ellen was really heche.”
Metro North: the name of the train company that hauls my lame ass to work every day. Metro North has three main routes: the Harlem, Hudson, and New Haven lines (which is the one I take - that's what makes it special!)
MTA: acronym. Stands for "Metro Transit Authority," which oversees the Metro North train line (and many others).
Runk: noun. Slang for “shit” (which is also slang). This is what my best friend’s ex-girlfriend’s family used to say instead of “shit.” And frankly, I think it’s a better word.
SAM: acronym. SAM stands for “Sidewalk Alpha Male.” A SAM is the person on the sidewalk who never changes their course and make you get out of their way. A SAM can be a male or a female.
Space Invader: noun. Slang term for someone who sits in the middle seat, a.k.a. a “middle-seater.”
SRO: noun. Short for “Standing Room Only,” this term means “almost sold out,” such as when a punk like me takes a job with a multinational corporation.
Stragglers: plural noun. People who just make it onto the rear car before the train departs; they then walk forward through all the cars, looking for seats. After the train pulls out, you might get all falsely confident, thinking that your ride will be free from space invaders, but a straggler can swoop right in and prove you wrong.
Triple Ho: yuletide exclamation. Roughly translates to “Ho Ho Ho,” a popular holiday “shout out” from Santa “Kris Kringle” Claus. Example: “I got a double yo on the triple ho.”