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Conditional Santa Ducks the Radar
Part 5 (final part) of the Conventioneer's Guide to Life

Conditional Santa Ducks the Radar

Again, I pay tribute to the late comedy writer Goodman Ace for creating this character.

The skies are crowded again. I would not enjoy this normally, as it makes my midnight missions more difficult. But after the empty, forlorn airways of last year, I actually enjoy dodging airliners now. I steer my sleigh with its eight reindeer through the skies.

Yes, I'm Santa - one of the many Santas that make this journey. Did you think there was only one? But my mission is different from the others. I am Conditional Santa. My gifts go to those in the entertainment industry, and they come with a requirement. They are gifts only if the recipients behave properly in the next year. Otherwise, they turn into something hideous.

Well, it's time to floor this sucker. I yell encouragement to my team. Because some of my team were educated in Florida schools, I have to hyphenate the words so they'll understand that the lines scan properly:

"On, Ser-ling! On El-li-son! On, Al-an Moore!!
On, Row-ling! On, As-i-mov! Time to go soar!
Stra-czyn-ski and Dick-son, take flight and don't fail!
Go, Fog-li-o Fe-male and Fog-li-o Male!"

The Cape and Cowl Conundrum

The first stop I make is to the executive suite at Warner Brothers Studios. The biggest names Warner could hire have failed to do anything with the Superman and Batman movie franchises. Films about both characters are still struggling in Production Hell.

The beautiful Huntress of Birds of Prey may be cancelled, due to WB Network's itchy trigger finger. ŠThe WB.

But, with minuscule budgets and stars with little clout, Warner produced two series that are the best thing to air in this dismal TV season. Starting with last year, Smallville brought back the joy of the old Superboy stories written in the 1960's, updated for today's introspective, troubled teen audience. And now, Birds of Prey has brought back Batman, in a manner that is not camp and not sleazy. Unlike the last two Batman theatrical features, Birds - about three heroic women trying to live up to the legend of the absent Dark Knight - takes superheroism seriously, and respects its audience as much as its characters.

But WB and Warner Brothers are showing cowardice. Word is that, despite its exceptional premiere, Birds of Prey will be killed after 13 episodes. The cast is trying to save the series, as are fans, but it looks like the old story of suit stupidity. WB is picking up episodes of a lame sitcom to put in its place. Even more tragically, Warner has been unable to get a movie featuring Superman or Batman - or both together - out of the gate.

It isn't simply that unknown and uncaring people are being assigned to these projects. It's that the companies themselves still think "comic book movies"are a cheap way to get audiences full of kids, but they're not "serious movies"- as serious as, say, I-Spy, Shallow Hal or Bubble Boy. These crappy parodies get executive support and massive DVD releases, not because they're good (they aren't) but because they're "original." In other words, some cokehead in the executive suite ripped off the concept from a comic book or novel, filed off the serial numbers and forged his name. They can't do that with known properties like the superheroes.

This conditional gift which I drop down their air conditioning vent (no chimney, of course) is a successful Batman or Superman movie, if Warner comes to its senses and hires the Batman/Superman animators, or the Smallville/Birds of Prey producers.. Heck, they might even do a movie with both heroes - the long-awaited "World's Finest" movie, named after the classic World's Finest Comics that teamed both characters.

If this is not fulfilled, this conditional gift gets dark. The management of AOL Time Warner gets demoted to warehouse clerks, and has to stick clearance-price labels on the DVD's of their failed movies..

No, It Ain't Cool.

My second delivery is to Austin, Texas. It is the modest home of Harry Knowles. This is the guy who, several years ago, shook up the entertainment world with his Ain't It Cool News web site (http://www.aintitcool.com) He broke stories, reprinted gossip and allowed nerds of all kinds (including the guy who pays for this web site, Tom Reed) to post commentary and reviews.

Knowles's book, a great read, but the web site is nowhere near as honest or mannered.

Although other sites permitted the general public to post - notably the Internet Movie Database (http://www.imdb.com) - Knowles's site was suffused with the fanboy in full regalia. Knowles and his "spies" (which were often Knowles himself posing as other people) spread rumors, leaked production secrets and offered opinions with the glee of movie lovers. At the height of the dot-com boom, Knowles let it be known that the ads on his site did NOT control him, they paid him a small fortune, and he had reached the height of film critic prestige; he had co-starred with Roger Ebert on his TV show.

Sadly, the influence is creeping back in. Knowles's co-critic, egotistically calling himself "Moriarty," let it be known his real name was "Drew McWeeny" (sure it is, and my real name's Maria Montez!) and let it be known that he was selling scripts to studios. Taking money from the people he's supposed to impartially critique - and he claims to be a critic? Then, the prospect of wading through posts from retarded high-school kids with pretentious pseudonyms, just to find some hints of intelligent comment, became daunting.

The fairness of the ringmasters of this mental hospital is in question. Mr. Reed, who allows me to post this every year, has been kicked out of Ain't It Cool News twice. Once, he insulted McWeeny personally, an error for which he apologized - but got no word back. He entered the site under another name, and got kicked off for unexplained reasons. Mr. Reed will never post there again. He has been thrown out of far better dumps than this. Meanwhile, other lunatics - using language that approaches the anger and disgust of Fucked Company (http://www.fuckedcompany.com) can rant, unchecked.

Knowles is an intelligent man. His love of movies is unquestioned. His knowledge of cinema history, especially that of world cinema, is astounding. But he mistakes being a critic with being a filmmaker. You cannot be both. A critic must always be outside the world of celebrity, not part of it. A critic cannot love money or fame. A critic must love his medium, love it enough that he will protect it from crap artists who want to demean it and money men who want to prostitute it. Knowles hasn't shown the will, the wit or the wisdom to do this. And he has not passed this wisdom on to the hordes of high-school egotists who fill up his "talk back"posts.

This conditional present is continued support and fame for Knowles, McWeeny and Ain't It Cool News - if they start acting like critics, instead of This Year's Blonde. If they fail, they will become Last Year's Blondes. They will become like Mr. Blackwell, that flamingly gay fashion critic who insults people a thousand times more talented than he is. They will become like Criswell, the TV psychic who spouted lunatic predictions to an audience that mocked and hated him. They will become the burnt-out bulb on a theatre marquee, once glowing, now just dead glass.

Hungry Like the Lupin

Back to California, there is a special present being delivered to FunImation. This little company - like most production companies, little more than an office - is an anime releasing firm. They hit paydirt when they provided the translated Dragon Ball to local stations. The series flopped. But when it appeared on Cartoon Network, the show and its sequel Dragon Ball Z became hits.

Lupin III (in the red coat) and below, from left to right, Goemon, Fujiko, Gigan and Inspector Zenigatta.

Flush with that success, FunImation bought the rights to one of the greatest anime series never seen in the States. Written by a Japanese cartoonist with the pen name Monkey Punch, Lupin the Third is a combination of James Bond, Topkapi, Smokey and the Bandit and every other thrill film you can think of. The reason that Monkey Punch hasn't gotten rich from it is that the character is slightly plagiarized. Its origin was the short stories about a gentleman thief, Arsene Lupin, created by writer Maurice LeBlanc in 1905.

Arsene Lupin III, the anime character, holds to the same morality as his father and grandfather. He is a skilled thief. He does not kill. He uses his high intelligence and daring to pull off his heists. He steals from the rich, who don't have any real need or use for their possessions. He keeps what he steals. But he also does pro bono work, helping the innocent and poor who are in dire straights. He enjoys humiliating the law, who can't catch him and who make a mess when they try.

There are several years of the Lupin the Third TV series already made, plus several theatrical movies - Lupin III: Dead or Alive, Lupin III: The Mystery of Mamu, Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro are a few of the titles.

The reason that these are only available on bootleg tapes is that Monkey Punch didn't clear the use of Arsene Lupin and his past with the LeBlanc estate in France. No one wanted to mess with the French courts (hell, no one wants to mess with the French, period). Some products have crept out with the character re-named "Rupin." But apparently, FunImation got the money to smooth over everything, and announced that they would soon be presenting the adventures of Lupin the Third in America.

So, where are they? Will they show up on Cartoon Network? When? After a lot of noise about the Lupin release, where is it? Earlier this year, the newly animated Speed Racer wound up butchered on a minor cable network. Speed Racer Enterprises couldn't come to a deal with CN, and now their pride and joy (their only real product) is being dribbled away to a minuscule audience. Will Lupin the Third suffer the same terrible fate?

And how intact will the shows be? Like most anime, Lupin contains nudity and sex, but censoring that isn't a problem. The violence is. Lupin, although he never kills, does carry a gun. His assistant Gigan is a former Chicago hitman who foreswore killing, but is still a crack shot. Goemon has a mystic sword that can cut through anything. Will FunImation be as squeamish as Steven Spielberg was with his own E.T., and digitally exchange the pistols and rifles for walkie-talkies and toilet plungers?

This present is more money and success for FunImation, if they bring Lupin the Third with most of its virtues intact to American television. If they cut it to ribbons, if they remove the thrill and adventure, if they take out the firearms, if they castrate Lupin - their present turns to a pile of non-functioning walkie-talkies and toilet plungers.

Old Business

On my way to the East Coast, I check the status of previous conditional presents. I look in on Todd McFarlane. His mistreatment of Spawn and his audiences has cost him. He lost a lawsuit to writer Neil Gaiman, whom he cheated out of royalties and credits for work he did on some Spawn subsidiary issues. The judgment was a few million dollars - or, another World Series baseball for McFarlane's collection.

Even sadder is the fate of the conditional present left to Cinefantastique Magazine. CFQ has declined from the outstanding, independent critical voice of science fiction fandom, into a pretentious copy of Starlog. It has fawning reports about upcoming productions, but its reviews have gotten milder and have nearly disappeared from the magazine. It's become another fawning PR outlet.

Sometimes, conditional presents bring their penalties in obscure ways. Michael Eisner's firing of animators and other talents last year has boomeranged. Both the ABC Network and his theme park revenues have declined. Firing your creative people when you need creativity is not a wise choice. Eisner cut back even more by firing the "imagineers," the technical folk who dreamed up unique rides and effects for Disney. Disney will go to conventional ride engineers, the guys who supply the other theme parks - which means that Disney parks will look more and more like Universal, Sea World, Busch Gardens and the others. The result: income declining even more. Eisner's time as an extraordinarily well-paid CEO may be limited.

True Disbelievers

My final conditional present is dropped down a nicely appointed house in New York, owned by Stan Lee. It's been known that the former Stanley Lieber has always been a publicity lover. However, his desire for ego satisfaction - and financial remuneration -has grown embarassing.

Stan Lee, with the microphone, promoting Stripperella at Comic-Con in San Diego - a series which now appears stillborn.

Lee still has fans who love the characters he helped to create. Notice I say "helped to create." The Spider-Man movie credits the reclusive, right-wing-nutcase, but talented artist Steve Ditko along with Lee as the creator of Spider-Man. The story of Lee's work with the greatest creator in comic history, Jack Kirby, is legendary - as are their battles over credit and remuneration.

Lee got tremendous media attention from the media when Marvel Comics first took off in the 1960's. He has attempted to keep in the public spotlight ever since. Within the last five years he has become embarassing.

First, he was the front man for Stan Lee Media. He provided "creative consultation"on some non-memorable Flash-animated internet cartoons, the most visible of which was 7^th Portal. Before the rest of the dot-coms fell, the business head of the company was arrested for defrauding his investors, and the entire enterprise collapsed. Lee had nothing to do with the criminal charges. However, he had much to do with the pathetic quality of 7^th Portal, which looked like forty years of comic book writing had never occurred.

Then, he began promoting Internet comics with comic book creators like Steve Gerber, the creator of Howard the Duck. This was badly timed, starting in the middle of the dot-com collapse.

Third, he promoted the launch of a cartoon show for The National Network called Stripperella. I've talked about this before. There was no cartoon. Pamela Anderson didn't show up for the press conference. Lee did all the talking, and I mean ALL the talking. The project has fallen apart. Not only is Anderson not providing the voice of Stripperella, she has come down with hepatitis. (Some people, not confirmed, say that "hepatitis" is a code word for AIDS.) Lee's ever-present enthusiasm for this project looked like nothing more than whoring after attention (whoring is a good word to use in conjunction with Anderson, isn't it?)

Most recently, Lee has sued Columbia Pictures, the people who made the Spider-Man theatrical feature. It's the oldest game in Hollywood. Lee was supposed to be paid from the profits of the movie. Thanks to creative accounting, there are "no profits" for the movie. People who've been around for a while know that you never take money from the film's net profits: you take money from the film's gross. Lee is now suing for honest accounting of the film. It will never happen, and Lee will never get his money. Could this be another ploy to stay in the public spotlight?

Conditional Santa will be the first to say that Stan Lee is talented. But his contributions to comics and entertainment are being eclipsed by his hanging on the lapels of the media, trying to get noticed. Lee is starting to replace Jerry Lewis as the most embarassing attention-grabber in show business.

This conditional present is a place in comic book history, and respect from the public - IF Lee stops embarassing himself in public. Otherwise, the present turns into one of his infamous "No-Prizes" that he gave out when he edited Marvel Comics. The No-Prize is an empty envelope mailed to people who caught mistakes in the comics. It was a joke on Marvel's supposed cheapness. This No-Prize envelope will say on the outside, "Please find enclosed the enduring place of Stan Lee in entertainment history."

Part 5: Buying and Getting Out

Version 2.0, November 2002

Trademark 2001 by Thomas E. Reed

With Special Contributions by
Matt J. McCullar
mccullar@flash.net.

and the lady named Elaine

(See end of this document for complete trademark and fair use information)

A Brief Outline (Click on these to jump to each section)

Introduction
Anime and Video Rooms
The Dealer Room
Packing and Leaving
The Ten Biggest Mistakes of Conventioneers

Introduction

We wrap up the 2.0 version of the Conventioneer's Guide with two con activities that you can do anytime; watching videos and buying things. And one activity that causes many people problems; packing and getting ready to leave without a lot of hassle. And in tribute to David Letterman, we have a Top Ten List of Things You've Forgotten.

Anime and Video Rooms

Since the inception of home videocassette recorders, conventions have played movies and TV shows on tape. A very few cons still show "real" film, but most have VCR's hooked up to video screens. Sometimes you might see rare films. Sometimes the films are organized along themes - an evening of vampire films, or 60's space exploration, or the films of Steven Spielberg or the like.

With the growing popularity of Japanese animation, there are often separate anime rooms. There you can find otaku (Japanese for "fan," usually meaning "anime fan" in the US) eagerly watching tapes. Sometimes conventions get preview tapes that won't be released officially for months. Sometimes tapes are "fan-subs" - some enterprising individual has taken videotapes or videodisks from Japan, translated the dialog, and using a computer, added his own English subtitles to the movie. This lets people enjoy tapes that aren't commercially available in the United States.

This was the view I had for two hours in a poorly-run anime viewing room, listening to Japanese dialog and watching the back of this guy's head.

Younger people, please note; much of anime is very adult. The Japanese have a different view of sex and nudity than Americans; sometimes they don't see nudity as specifically erotic, it's just embarrassing and funny. Parents should not park kids in an anime room; it is usually not "kid friendly." Some cons run specifically "kid friendly" programming on Saturday mornings. But in the evening, all bets are usually off.

Anime and video rooms are very dark. This is a place where a flashlight (properly used, and not flashed in people's eyes) can be a lifesaver.

Unless the convention has the foresight and a high enough room to raise the screen above head level, you will find you will bob your head back and forth trying to read anime subtitles from around the heads of the people in front of you. I call people who do this "anime weebles" - they wobble, but they don't fall down. Being a weeble will kill your neck muscles and tire you out. Be careful.

The Dealer Room

One way conventions make back their money is by selling space for dealers to sell their products. At the largest conventions, the dealer room is like a bazaar of fantastic items. For some of us who have chintzy souls, dealer rooms are places with overpriced junk. But for the true fan, it's junk it would sure be nice to have...

This is a typical dealer's booth. Although it seems like a jumble to ordinary folk, it's fairly well-organized.

For example, fans of Doctor Who can get a necklace with a TARDIS key. Wearing it can make you feel, for a moment, like Britain's famous Time Lord himself. Fans of Pokémon can purchase their own Pokéball with a little Pokémon inside (a toy often imported from Japan, and unavailable in the US.) Anime fans can find dealers selling video tapes and DVD's of their movies - sometimes legitimate ones, sometimes "grey market"tapes that come from mysterious sources, or "fan-subs" done by amateurs.

There will be items that are popular beyond belief, and you can't always predict what they are. I remember the first year that Magic: The Gathering appeared at GEN CON. Lines around the booth stretched three people deep - someone who wanted an artist's signature on a card would wait for two hours and pay $5 for the privelege.

Another confession; I do not collect things and hope they will go up in value. In my experience, it takes decades for the value of something to go up, and when it comes time to sell, you will never get the value you think you deserve. The only things I collect have personal meaning for me. I prize the books autographed by authors I love; for investment, I use blue chip stocks.

However, if you do collect things - or even if you just want memorable junk like me - there are some shopping tips you should consider. Shop around. Don't buy from the first person you see. Quite often, other people will stock the same item (especially popular ones) and you might get a better price.

You're not likely to find a T-shirt that jokes about Japanese "tentacle sex" anime at Wal-Mart, or for that matter on-line.

If something is collectible, and if you care, make sure it is legitimate. If there are some kind of certificates available, get them. (Some conventions have booths that will certify that an item was purchased and signed at their convention; check around.) Always get the dealer's name and address - if he does not have a physical address, but only a post office box, be very suspicious. If you can afford to use a charge card, you may be able to get your money back. (Of course, charge cards have high interest rates, and not everyone takes charge cards.)

If you plan to buy original artwork, such as posters, drawings or other items, make sure you bring something to the convention to protect it! A postal mailing tube (from an office supply store or a post office store) will protect rolled-up items. For prints in frames or in matted form, a couple of large pieces of cardboard can make a "sandwich" that offers some protection. (Don't depend on luck to obtain it, but you might find some discarded cardboard boxes around some of the sales booths.)

The last day of the con, and the last few hours the dealer room is open, are the best time to get bargains. Some dealers would rather sell things at a discount than pack them. Others, especially those whose prices were a bit high, might want to cut a deal if they didn't make enough profit. Check around and ask. Be nice to the dealers. If you can develop a kind of sad-eyed puppy-dog look, it might tilt things in your favor.

Packing and Leaving

Plan on packing most of your stuff the night before you leave. Leave out one outfit to wear on the road or on the plane. If this "night before" is Saturday night, as it usually is, be smart and pack the stuff up in the afternoon, if you're free. Saturday nights are the most traditional "party nights"at science fiction cons. If you do happen to meet someone special, or several people to party with, you won't have to rush your packing (or pack while drunk).

If you have a packing list, check it over when you pack. Then go through your room completely to make sure you didn't leave anything behind.

That last, long ride down San Diego's three-story escalator.

Many cons end on Sunday afternoon. Rather than pay an extra day's stay or a late-checkout charge, check out Sunday morning and move your luggage to your car. If you are flying out, you can often check the luggage with the concierge or desk clerk (make sure you tip the person involved about a buck a bag for the privelege).

The last few hours of a con are a combination of sorrow and relief for everyone. You usually spend them saying goodbye to the people you met - either new friends or old - and doing cleanup activity. If you have purchased generic tickets for gaming (if the con has gaming tickets) it's your last chance to turn your unused tickets into cash. It's also your last chance to cruise the dealer room for those last-minute bargains. If you really liked this convention, and want to return next year, you might be able to buy an "early bird" pre-registration at a discount rate.

The GEN CON Game Fair has a special awards ceremony for the RPGA Network players. People who won tournaments are recognized with applause (to avoid wearing out people's hands, each person gets one single clap as their names are read). For special tournaments, trophies and prizes are awarded. If you are a dedicated RPGA gamer, and you aren't pressed for time, you should attend - some year it might be you up there.

Mother and daughter getting ready to rejoin the ordinary world after a too-short weekend of fantasy. Note their last-minute purchases.

When you finally leave the convention hall for the last time, and you pull off your badge and pocket it for the last time, you will think back on all the fun you had. Or maybe, all the fun you couldn't fit into this year's schedule. It was intoxicating to be steeped in an environment dedicated to your favorite pastime. And you weren't the only person fascinated by this stuff - you now know there are thousands of others like you. More than anything else, that's what brings people back to genre conventions year after year - it's an annual confirmation that you are not alone.

However, don't let your feelings of nostalgia and wistful thinking make you late in leaving! The same travel tips apply for leaving the con as in getting there. You might be tempted to hang around, but this might give you precious little sleep before you have to get back to work or school. Leave on schedule. If your con experience went well - and these tips will hopefully help in that - that glow will last you a long time.

The Ten Biggest Mistakes by Conventioneers

1. Not thinking in advance. Look, many of us are people who don't like planning life. But when it comes to major events like conventions, this costs you money and missed opportunities. Nail down your vacation time, buy your convention registration in advance and get your transportation early and you'll enjoy life more.

2. Over-packing. Forgetting things is regrettable, but in most cities you can buy stuff in local stores. At my first cons, I took tons of clothes I never wore, and struggled with all that weight through the airport. Follow the estimates in Part 2 about what to take and you'll keep your clothing manageable.

3. Forgetting the important stuff. Forgetting registration confirmations, hotel confirmations and the like can kill you. Having a registration form from on-line once saved me when a hotel insisted they had no more rooms. Make sure you have all these items securely packed and available, preferably in your carry-on bag.

4. Not priortizing your time. I've missed some events I wanted to see because I got there too late, or because I didn't know they were happening at all. And when my chosen event was packed to capacity and I couldn't get in, I had to scrabble to find something else to do. You should have these prepared, each day.

5. Trying to show off before a celebrity. I spoke to a convention "virgin" about a guest appearance by the actor who plays Lex Luthor on the Smallville TV series. He said, "You know, if I saw him, I'd ask him if he knew Clark Kent was Superman." This would be merely embarassing if this was a little kid, but this was an 18-year-old college student! This kind of stunting is less impressive to a seen-it-all celebrity than simply treating them like a fellow human being.

6. Wearing your convention badge outside of the convention. If you're dressed like Wonder Woman, you're obviously a conventioneer, and everyone in the nearby Bennigan's will know who you are. But if you're in conventional person clothes, and wearing your con badge, you become "someone who doesn't tip" to the wait staff, "an easy mark" to thieves, and "one of those stupid dorks I can insult and beat up" to smug, drunk businessmen. Take off your badge when you leave the con.

7. Being drunk while alone. You become a target of opportunity for thieves, rapists or other predator types. If you're drinking, hang out with someone sober whom you trust. And make sure you don't have to drive or walk the city streets alone to get back to your room to sleep it off.

8. Buying on impulse. The first time you see a video copy of the never-broadcast original pilot of Birds of Prey, you're likely to jump on it and pay whatever the dealer is asking. Then, you'll find out that everyone has this particular tape, and some have it on DVD. And cheaper. For non-collector items that are in plentiful supply, shop around.

9. Not buying smart. If you are a collector, know exactly what you have, what you need, and know what you're willing to pay. If you don't know, educate yourself. Check prices on eBay and in the accepted dealer catalogues (like the various comics and collectibles price guides) before you set out to buy. Learn about conditions of collectibles - there is a vast difference between "mint" and "near mint" in comics, for instance. And don't get into a frenzy about an item; dealers are smart, they can tell you have the fever and they'll bump up the price.

10. Not packing the night before. Waiting to throw your clothes in a suitcase is prolonging the inevitable. And that may mean you will check out late, which may make your room cost more. You may get on the road late, and get home late and tired.

I'd appreciate hearing from you about your own convention experiences, the tips you've discovered by accident or design, and any improvements you can make on this treatise. Please send E-mail on the link below.

The legal stuff: This document is Trademark 2001 by Thomas E. Reed. Permission is granted to distribute this document by any means, provided that the document is not altered or edited in any way, and that the entire document is distributed, including this copyright notice.

All opinions, evaluations and descriptions of persons, places and commercial entities expressed herein are those of Thomas E. Reed, and do not reflect the official positions of any other entity. Use this information at your own risk and discretion. No warranty or guarantee is expressed or implied by this information. This information is as complete and as thorough as possible at the date of publication.

The author welcomes suggestions, comments and other information concerning this document, or individuals' general experiences at genre conventions for inclusion in future versions of this document. Contributions should be generic in nature (i.e. not relating to a specific convention or entity) and should offer helpful advice about convention attendence in general. Contributions to this document will be accepted at the discretion of Thomas E. Reed, and may be edited for clarity or length. Comments and contributions accepted for publication in future versions will include the contributor's name (if desired). Send contributions or comments via e-mail to the author at hatemail@off-model.com for information.

Original material Copyright (C) Thomas E. Reed. Publication in any media or use by another web site is expressly prohibited without written permission of Thomas E. Reed. Opinions are those of the writer and correspondents, and do not reflect the views of TOON Magazine or any other entity.
Contact me at hatemail@off-model.com