Good news...a new animation magazine is coming to newsstands and comic shops near you, with a tenative start date of September 2002, and I've been asked to write for them. More details and links when they become available.

Night After Night: The Last Humane Talk Show
 The REVISED Conventioneer's Guide to Life, Part 2

Night After Night: The Last Humane Talk Show

I was uncertain what I wanted to put up this month. (Things are so tight I've only managed to do one update a month - I swear I'll try to do better, folks). But two comments heard on Ain't It Cool News when I mentioned this show convinced me to feature this piece. When I found the last existing photos of the show on a personal web site, it clinched it.

Years ago, before HBO's Comedy Channel merged with Viacom's HA! Network to form Comedy Central, the Comedy Channel carried a few small shows, including the smallest talk show on earth. The smallest, but I think the most humane.

Night After Night was hosted by a comedian named Allan Havey. He was a kind of solid Midwestern-looking kind of guy, fortyish, balding. He didn't have a boffo-socko kind of humor, more of the sly, whimsical kind that charms - with occasional jabs of satire. The show consisted of Havey, his announcer Nick Bakay, whatever guest he had, and only one other on-camera person.

There was one chair for a guest. There were two theater seats for the show's audience. The show officially had an "Audience of One," with the second chair usually reserved for a woman's purse. Almost never did anyone occupy the second audience seat. There were two cameras, period. Most of the laughter came from the Audience of One, the cameraman, the floor director or Bakay.

David Letterman calls his program "the big show." Havey never called his "the small show." It was a radio talk show with a few pictures, like many early TV shows, but they felt no need to jazz it up or pretend it was something else. Human interaction was the focus of the show, and Havey managed it without descending to insult.

Now with Soap!

His show had few bits, and no rim-shot jokes. One regular sequence was "Cholesterol Carousel," with a cheery theme song, introducing some hideous processed food full of calories and fat, which Havey would praise like the latest scientific discovery. And when he introduced the guest for the night, from the biggest he had (Lily Tomlin in my viewing experience) to some small comic plugging his nightclub gig, Nick Bakay would proudly promote their complimentary accomodations. He showed a photo of a two-story hotel, not even qualifying as a dump, and plugged their newest amendity - "now, with soap!"

About the Tomlin experience, it was the best she ever looked on TV. Not simply that she looked pretty at the time, but she didn't feel compelled to act the celebrity, to put on her traditional performance persona for the Audience of One. Compared to her performance in her Broadway show, full of characters and facade, she was emotionally naked on Night After Night.

While Havey shared some of the same pretentious put-on attitude of most talk show hosts, occasionally he let the mask slip. He regularly ended Night After Night with a little monolog to the camera, making noise like a hostile New Yorker, usually ending by yelling at us to get the heck out of his way. One night, he spoke quietly and seriously; a friend of his was severely hurt, and he didn't know whether he would pull through. He was unafraid to appear to be a human being, while people like Letterman, Leno and Dennis Miller run in terror of that idea.

The Atomic TV Show

One time, and one time only, Havey pulled off an elaborate satire. He managed to get a small budget and a few supporting actors. Havey explained that he had found a lost videotape from the "Atomic TV Network, " which some millionaire tried to operate in Las Vegas. I knew this was based on fact; in the 1960's, before TV stations had satellites, some rich guy tried to produce a live Saturday night variety show out of Vegas. The show flopped and was cancelled after the first performance.

Havey's fictional show was a perfect satire of NBC's Tonight Show, in the years before Johnny Carson, when Jack Paar was about the only late-night show on television. Back then, Tonight was produced in New York, when the regular guests were the witty and verbal Broadway actors and cabaret stars. In that long-lost time, people plugged their current projects last, if at all; they were there to talk and have a good time.

Havey, wearing minimal makeup, played the host, doing topical jokes about Lyndon Johnson and the Beatles. One guest star was a black comedian, who did the kind of salt-and-pepper standup made famous by Godfrey Cambridge and other pioneering black comics. You know, that amusing stuff about "black folks and white folks" that wouldn't offend anyone. That routine reproduced the first, hesitant entry of black people into white show business.

The other guest on this fictional show was a blowsy, gossipy show biz personality, clearly modeled on the talkative and tough Jaye P. Morgan. She plunked her butt on the couch, showed off her glittering costume jewelry, and talked about the fabulous places, things and people she had done. She didn't plug her project; doing shows like this was her only project, and maybe her only career.

At the end of that fictional show, Havey read a little "where are they now" description of the performers'fate. It was not surprising that the black comedian got arrested for robbing liquor stores (which, I hesitate to add, no real-world black comedians of any repute ever did). Or that the chatterbox lady dropped out of show biz and runs a chain of lingerie stores. Harvey suggested that more tapes from the Atomic TV Network might show up, and suggested that among the bunch were crime dramas and kid shows with a unique "Atomic" twist.

And in a moment, the results of that trial.

That never happened. After running four months or so after the formation of Comedy Central, Night After Night went off the air. Havey promised a possible return, but nothing came of it. Here's my own "where are they now" segment. Havey dropped out of television completely. A Yahoo search shows his name in the listings of comedy clubs in Vegas or Reno. In 2000 he became one of the hosts of a "comedy network" that was supposed to deliver comedy audio feeds to radio stations and listeners on the Internet - a kind of Comedy Central streaming audio feed. That company died during the dot-com bust. Right now, I have no real idea what has become of Allan Havey.

Nick Bakay was more fortunate. He was one of the three hosts of the Comedy Central parody sports show Sports Monster, making fun of sports and sports journalism. It took a long time for Time Warner to realize they were mocking their own profitable Sports Illustrated and CNN/SI enterprises and shut down that very funny show. Bakay kept plugging, and after a disastrous stint as the announcer on Dennis Miller's talk show, he became the voice of Salem the Cat on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, both the live-action and cartoon versions.

Since Night After Night left the air, there's little human interaction on Comedy Central. Nobody at AOL Time Warner would give a simple talk show a break these days, plain humanity being considered unprofitable and uncompetitive. The channel mostly runs lame and heavily censored comedy movies. They've driven away people whose shows contained individual spark, from Joel Hodgson's Mystery Science Theatre 3000 to Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect. The goofy weekday afternoon quasi-kid show, The Higgins Boys and Gruber, no longer runs episodes of Clutch Cargo or Supercar. Even Robert Klein's historical comedy show, Dead Comics Society, is gone. Only The Daily Show, their news parody show, is still interesting, and several hosts and performers for that show have left in disgust.

Oh, there are still talk shows on TV. David Letterman, as paranoid and insecure as illustrated in the book The Late Shift, still keeps his studio ice-cold for fear of his audience going to sleep. (That does nothing for the audience at home who control their own a/c and have their beds conveniently close.) Leno, an acknowledged show-biz "nice guy,"doesn't thrill. Both of them have huge audiences, big bands, big guests, and act as hype merchants for whatever the guests are pushing. They have become indistinguishable from the infomercials that "discuss" arch supports, vitamins for impotence and Ron Popeil's Chinese-built appliances.

Right now, Allan Havey, his Audience of One and his Cholesterol Carousel look pretty good.

(My thanks to Andrew S. DiMino for the use of his personal photos, located on his web page: http://www.dimino.com/nan.html )

 The main parts of Part 2 (and a short outline): click on these to jump to each section.

• Introduction to Part 2: why you should read this.
• With thanks to special contributors...
• A Note About Post-September 11 Travel
• First and foremost, make a list!
• Fan genre specific items.
• Clothing: A practical approach with style
• Necessities: A tried-and-true list
• Car travel: additional big stuff you can pack
• Ultra-light: a minimalist approach
• Suitcases and packing
• Packing: Not so big a secret

Introduction: Why You Should Read This

In Part 1 I talked about the advance preparations: arranging your time off from work, pre-registering for the con, reserving your room, dealing with roommates and setting up your travel plans. Now comes the part that everyone who ever travelled messes up: the packing

You now have four criterion in packing, instead of just three.

• Making sure you have the stuff you need, and can't afford to buy.
• Making sure you don't have too much stuff.
• Making sure you can cope with what you are carrying.
• Making sure you satisfy the increased security rules for air travel.

A Note about Post-September Eleventh Travel

Air travel has become much more difficult. You will wait in line to be searched. Items that used to be considered innocent, like pocket knives or bottles of aftershave, are now suspicious. Flights have been halted and passengers interrogated for hours just because some teenager said the word “bomb.”

I’ve revised some of the packing items to reflect this. If you must take anything that would raise any eyebrows about your travel, I recommend you ship it by some reliable delivery service like UPS to your hotel, and ship it back. Ship it to the front desk or concierge (call the hotel to confirm first, and to let them know it's coming).

What follows are a list of options. What you pack depends upon your personal lifestyle, your expectations and your mode of transport. If you have a car, you can carry tons of stuff. If you're flying, you're limited in weight and size. A teen at her first con will need less than a dealer carrying merchandise to sell.

Select from the four parts in this section: clothing, personal items, extras for car travel and luggage. Consider what you take carefully; you'll have to live (either well or miserably) with your choices. In that sense, packing for a con is a lot like life.

With thanks to special contributors...

Thanks to the courtesy of Steve Gattusco, I received a copy of an article called "What to Take to a Con" written by Matt J. McCullar. You can find his original list at http://www.tigerden.com/infopage/furry/faqs.html if you're interested. He has had at least as much con experience as I have, and he has some unique suggestions which are quoted as "Matt says" in the body of this article. Thanks for your help, Matt and Steve!

Anything in this column may be used by Matt when he does his presentations about attending cons. He would appreciate it if, when you mail something to me, also mail it to him at mccullar@flash.net.

Everything contributed by Matt, or any other contributor, will appear in green type.

First and foremost...make a list!

Don't be ashamed of making a list. It makes enormous sense. Start making the list after you register for the con, beginning with the stuff listed here, then add things (or cross them off).And take the list with you so you won't leave anything in the hotel.

Matt goes even further. "Want list. Einstein said that if it's written down, you don't have to remember it. Write down everything you're looking to buy in the dealer's room: back issues of comics, movies, CDs, the works. Better yet, write down before you leave all the issues of comics you already own so you can fill the holes. This prevents buying things you don't need."

Clothing: a practical approach with style

There is a cliched look of the genre conventioneer. T-shirt, with the color and superhero logo on it nearly washed out, and stretched out of shape by the wearer's huge gut. Blue jeans, almost worn threadbare. Beat-up sneakers. It is a sort of style, but is it one you really like?

Some people swear by the "con geek" look, saying "I'm not a conformist! My value is not in how I look! I'm an individual!" Which they say in chorus with the thousand-other people dressed the same way. As someone who is not a teenager, who wants to be more than part of a mob, I prefer a more sophisticated look - which takes only a little more time than the "con geek" look. It also has the benefit that you don't look like a conventioneer. Many restaurants and stores give crappy treatment to people who look like they come from cons. Some thieves target conventioneers. Don't look like one and you'll have an extra degree of safety.

Consider the reasons I give for these items before rejecting them outright - but reject them if you truly disagree.

Shirts: One for every day of the con, plus one. (In other words, if it's a four-day con, you pack five shirts.) These are standard button-up shirts with breast pocket. For durability and attractiveness after spending time in the suitcase, they should be a polyester/cotton mix. No matter what the Cotton Institute claims, all pure cotton shirts wrinkle and shrink, and they look like crap out of the suitcase. Go modest colors or wild Hawaiian prints as you choose, but make sure they color-coordinate with your jeans or slacks. Matt says, "bring a nice shirt to wear to the dance, and you will stand out from the hordes who don't." Which is silly, since no one who goes to cons ever dances. Ever. But the thought is right.

T-Shirts (optional). Wearing T's alone is a standard, unattractive style for the average, physically-unfit conventioneer. However, wearing a T under a regular shirt is a bit more sophisticated. You can wear the outer shirt loose and unbuttoned, like a jacket, or button up and tuck in the shirt, showing a bit of the T like an ascot. You can also wear the outer shirt a second day, since the T absorbs your sweat and odor. The dealer rooms in the con often sell T-shirts - con shirts are famous for unique designs - so instead of bringing some of your old ones, consider buying them at the con instead.

Jeans: One pair for every two days of the con."Stretch" jeans, with some elastic built in, hold up the best and fit the best after a long journey. If you feel comfortable about being a little dressier, bring one pair of dressy slacks. In warm weather you might want to substitute one (and only one) pair of jean shorts.

Socks: One pair for each day, plus one. You will be on your feet a lot. Fresh socks each day will help you feel better and help prevent athlete's foot.

Underwear: One pair for each day, plus one. You might want to take the opportunity to buy new underwear for the trip. (Although it seems pointless, wash new underwear once before wearing. They will feel more comfortable.) Ladies have told me that they choose their most comfortable, best-fitting bras for their con experiences.

Shoes: One extra pair, but only if you have room. An extra pair of shoes will keep your feet drier if you alternate your two pairs of shoes. All your shoes should be broken in before the con. If you're buying new ones, get shoes with solid arch support. So-called "walking" exercise shoes are built for people on their feet a lot. (Women have the alternative of "nurse" shoes, which they can sometimes find on sale at uniform shops - and which often come in colors other than white.) If you find you get tired on your feet, especially if you get "leg splints", get a good set of off-the-shelf arch supports. A podiatrist told me that the new supports sold in stores are as good as the custom-made ones he used to prescribe. (He told me this, of course, after making me spend $150 on his custom jobs. The off-the-shelf ones cost $15 or so.)

Lightweight Jacket: One. A "windbreaker" jacket made of somewhat waterproof fabric can serve as a good raincoat. Also, convention halls sometimes get very cold; a jacket really helps.

Options: Pack one swimsuit for summer cons. Hotel pools, saunas and Jaccuzis can help you get rid of aches and pains, or ease you into sleep, but you can't go in naked. If you're sleeping with other people, even if you don't normally wear pajamas, get a pair that fit and wear them.Much less embarrassing than walking around in undies, and it compensates for too-cold hotel rooms.

Women: Adopt the guidelines as you see fit. Bring your most comfortable bras. Don't go too dressy; cons are very casual occasions. One dress with some accessories like scarves or neckwear can work for several days. A rayon dress won't wrinkle when packed. (If any female conventioneers have any additional advice, please let me know.)

Fan Genre Specific Items

Gamers' only items: Players' handbooks for the games you intend to play, your bag of dice, and pencils and papers. These can take up a lot of space; take only what you need. Miniatures players will be taking your miniatures figures. If you are running events, take two copies of your tournament or "module" - one will always get lost - or if it came to you in electronic form such as an Acrobat PDF, take a copy on a floppy disk so you can print it at the con.

Fans of the RPGA Network® Living City, you'll be taking your player character sheets, character logs and magic-item certificates with you. I recommend you go to a copy shop and make two copies of each item in your character portfolio, to keep at home. People have lost these certificates and it will take a long time for the Network to verify your character without them. If you have copies of everything, with one to send to the Network and one to keep, you should get back into action a lot quicker.

Science fiction fan only items: Take any books for signing. And only the ones you must get signed; you won't get an author to sign a refrigerator-box-sized stack of books. Best bet is to place these books in a plastic zip-locking bag and keep them there until the author signs them, then bag them again to prevent damage.

Furry fan only items: From what I know of furry fans, you will have books of your drawings and sketch books. Take 'em in plastic bags.

Costumer only items: If you wear a costume, take anything extra that you might need for emergency repairs - extra fur, an extra pair of ears, an extra tail, whatever. Plus a sewing kit with extra thread, and "decorator duct tape" in a color close to your costume's for emergency repairs.

If you're running a panel: There are so many variations of what you should take that you'd better make your own list. But make that list and double-check it.

Necessities: a tried-and-true list

Traveller's Cheques. The commercials are right. Traveller's cheques are far safer than money. If you belong to certain credit unions or AAA, you can purchase them free-of-charge. Make sure you carry your cheques separately from the cheque register - I recommend the register go in your wallet. At a bare minimum (even assuming you have an ATM card that you can use at any bank) buy $200 worth of cheques - this amount of money should get you home from a con via bus from anywhere in the US, with meals on the way. Of course, since you are probably buying things at the con, you'll probably buy more cheques. I usually take $500 in cheques. (Remember that these are good forever; after the con, you can stick them in your car's glove compartment for emergency cash. Or even use them for the next con.)

Checkbook: Before you leave, count the number of blank checks you have. On one occasion I left town with two - count 'em, two - blank checks left. Without an ATM card I would have been dead.

Matt's hopeful suggestion: "Birth control. (At least the stuff you hope you're gonna need...)" To which I add, I suspect Matt means condoms, the only birth control that can help protect you from AIDS and other nasty venereal diseases. Ladies, don't be embarrassed about buying condoms for yourself - the best looking guys are always the most stupid, and won't carry them.

As long as we're on the subject, here's a brief word about sex. Since you will be around people with the same interests as you, perhaps for the first time in your life, your chances for sexual encounters are greater than you might think. Don't demand sex, don't hope for sex, don't even expect sex. But also don't deny that it could happen, or pretend that you are so self-controlled that you would never, ever fall to temptation. As Tom Lehrer once sang, "Don't be nervous, don't be frightened, don't be scared...be prepared!"

Matt recommends: "Driver's license and secondary ID. You're from out of town and not everyone will take your check without positive I'D. Keep your passport with you at all times. This is very important if you need help while visiting another country." I always carry these in my wallet, after a lifetime of having to prove I'm an actual person. However, some of you younger, more protected folks haven't learned this important activity. Start now.

Health and Beauty Aids: The stuff you normally use. This is the wrong time to try out new scents, deodorants or other odd items. Choose the things you use every day. Matt suggests: "Tweezers. Keep them in your shaving kit. This is one of those items that you never think about until you suddenly need it." But that was before 9/11 - tweezers are among the items security will seize and dispose of.

Shampoo and Conditioner: Some hotels provide this, many don't. Don't take chances. Buy these in the little bottles at your local drugstore. (And if you have any leftover little bottles from previous trips, save money; fill them up from your big bottles at home.)

Earplugs: If you're sleeping with other people, especially strangers, a pack of foam rubber earplugs (about $3 for six pair) helps you sleep through snoring.

Airplane earplugs. Air pressure in your ears while taking off and landing causes people trouble. Some can't handle the pressure change, or tolerate their ears popping. A special brand name of ear plugs called Earplanes™ have ceramic filters that slowly change pressure. These may muffle sounds a little, but they make airplane travel remarkably comfortable.

Razors: Two or three disposables. You may have a good "expensive" razor that you love using. It will be lost if you take it on a trip. I lost three this way before I wised up and started packing disposables.

Cassette Player and Hypnotic Tapes: If you have trouble sleeping in strange beds, try listening to a hypnotic audio tape when you go to sleep. There are many of these, sold in book stores in the "self help" audio tape sections. Whether or not they do boost your self-esteem, improve your memory or help you lose weight, they do help you sleep without drugs. I find that a human voice, saying soothing words, distracts me from my mind's problems and worries and guides me to a pleasant night's sleep. Some people have tried it and are just annoyed at listening to someone talk . I recommend you try a hypnotic tape at home for a week or so, long before the convention, to see if it works for you. If it does, take a tape or two, and a Walkman-style cassette player (the auto-reverse type so it will play all night). Take extra AA batteries for the player (they cost a fortune in the hotel's gift shop).

Matt suggests: "Camera. No joke. Can you remember what you had for dinner last night? Then how are you going to remember everyone you met and every place you went to over an entire weekend? You'll be glad you took some snapshots later. They're fun to pass around at room parties. (If you're flying, keep your camera inside your carry-on baggage, where it won't be out of your sight. Cameras of all types are prime targets for luggage thieves.)" To which I add, pack extra rolls of film and extra camera batteries. Modern cameras often take very uncommon varieties of batteries, and you probably haven't changed them recently.

Blindfold: These soft black cloth blindfolds, with elastic straps, may look like a cliche from old quiz shows. But they help you sleep on airplanes (even in the day) and in shared rooms where your roommate is up late reading. You can find them in luggage or travel shops in malls.

Neck Pillow: While you're in the luggage/travel shop, look for a neck pillow. These U-shaped pillows, unlike the misshapen little bed pillows the airline provides, keeps your head square and straight on your shoulders, letting you sleep comfortably in an airplane seat. There are expensive "buckwheat" versions, but the cheaper inflatable kind work just as well and take up less space when deflated. Neck pillows are also very good while driving.

Flashlight: Besides walking the dark streets from the main convention back to your hotel, you'll find the video rooms in cons are pitch black. Choose the aluminum-cased kind (like the Mag-Lite™ brand). The one I use has a holster that loops on my belt. In addition, I took a "springy-cord" keychain, put the keychain side through the hole in the flashlight's handle, and clipped the other side to the holster. This keeps the flashlight from getting lost. And in case of real emergency, you can swing it like a club.

Vitamins: People get sick at conventions on a regular basis. Especially if you don't take them regularly (you should...yeah, I'm being your momma) buy some standard-brand multivitamins. I use a drugstore's "house brand" version of Centrum™. Make sure you take them every day of the con. (More about these later on in the series.)

Pain Reliever: Aspirin, Ibuprofin, acetaminophen...whatever you take for headaches is very useful at cons. Not just for you, but for people you run across - handing a person an aspirin, instead of them spending two bucks for two tablets at the hotel gift shop, will make you a philanthropist. Remember, the generic house brands of these pain-killers are just as good as the name brands.

Cold Medicine: Unfortunately, cons are breeding grounds for colds and flu, and worse, they're strains from other parts of the country or even other countries, to which you will have little resistance. I recommend the hot-liquid style of medicine (a drugstore's generic version of Theraflu™), which you can dissolve in hot water from the hotel room's coffee maker - or if necessary, with hot tap water. I pack two envelopes of the "daytime/no drowsiness" variety, and two of the "nighttime/put you to sleep" variety.

Matt's Health Suggestion: "Pepto Bismol®. You never know when you might need it. If you're in an unfamiliar city, you might react violently to the drinking water. And the hotel gift shop can price this pink stuff into the stratosphere because they know there's nothing you can do about it. (Bring bottled water if you have a history of health problems.)" There are generic "pink bismuth" liquids and pills at your local drug store. While the pills are more transportable, won't spill and can be taken on the con floor with you, I personally prefer the liquid, since it feels more soothing going down your ravaged throat. My friend Elaine says that many people are becoming allergic to the bismuth formula in the "pink stuff" - she recommends a Metamucil® style stomach medicine for such folks.

As far as bringing water...bottled water is for sale nearly everywhere in the world. A former girlfriend of mine drank nothing but the locally-bottled Coke when she went to Mexico, since Coke always purifies the water in its bottling plants.

Matt also suggests: "Extra eyeglasses. If they get broken or lost, what are you going to do? They can get sat on, stolen, or dropped off of balconies. Can you drive home without them? Same for contact lenses. At least bring a fix it kit that includes a small screwdriver." Well...this sounds a little too paranoid to me, but he has a point, and you probably have your old prescription glasses lying around somewhere. In an emergency, if you're nearsighted, you might find those generic "reading glasses" at a drugstore that might partially restore your vision.

Adhesive tape. When you pack bottles filled with liquid, screw the tops down tightly, then seal the necks of the bottles with tape. Either the clear office-type or stretchy black electrician's tape works to keep the bottles sealed. Pack the roll of tape with you; it will seal bottles when you pack for the return trip, and you can use it for emergency clothes mending and other tasks. If you are thinking of packing boxes and shipping from the con, get a small roll of 2-inch wide package sealing tape.

Plastic garbage bags: Put your taped-up liquid bottles inside one, and tape the bag shut, for extra protection against leaks. Take a few additional bags. They can serve as improvised raincoats or rain protection for items, storage for dirty laundry, or (if you want to be good to your hotel maid) a place to stuff the trash in your room.

Matt recommends: "Sewing kit. Very important for costumers! Judges take away points when tails fall off. Also useful for small emergencies such as buttons popping off."

Car travel: additional big stuff you can pack

Ice Chest: Get a good solid plastic ice chest, not the cheap foam kind. The best have drain plugs to get rid of excess water, which you can drain into the bathtub. It's obviously good for cans of soda (which you have wisely purchased way in advance and on sale), but also for packs of luncheon meat and cheese. Being able to fix a simple sandwich without paying the hotel restaurant a small fortune is important. (Don't overdo bringing your own food; the hotel may complain if you bring in a barbecue.)

Other Food: Cons are notorious for ridiculous food prices. Although you shouldn't make a meal of this stuff, pick up some sealed-package type snacks (cheese and crackers, beef sticks, creme-filled oatmeal cookies, whatever you like to snack on).The new packaged tuna and chicken salad kits are high-priced for the minimal stuff you get, but you can make up your own with packaged crackers, pop-top tuna cans and packages of mayonnaise and sweet relish. I've been known to bake lots of cookies, freeze them in freezer bags, take them in the ice chest, and let them defrost at the con. (Try this first at home, if you've never done this.)

Matt adds, "While we're at it, "brown-bagging" your munchies is a HECKuva lot cheaper than trolling the fast food joints. You'll have more money to spend. Ice is available from the hotel. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; which do you think will be less expensive: your own box of cereal, or the hotel's restaurant?" To which I add, it's a good idea, Matt, but if you're packing that, bring your own milk, too - like the Parmalat® ultra-pasteurized milk in little sealed cartons that keeps without refrigeration. Sit this in the ice chest to get cold overnight. If you're not paranoid about fat, the "whole milk" variety tastes better than the skim variety, although fresh "real" milk from a convenience store has the best taste.

Now, on my most recent con, I packed food for my travelling partner. She didn’t eat it. She ended up eating take-out. She was a hardcore gamer, and wouldn’t leave the gaming table to eat. I had to ferry food for the poor girl. If you do plan to brown-bag, make sure the other people will eat what you bring. And don't be surprised if they don't. Cons are vacation time, after all, and most people don't want the brown-bag hassle.

Zip-locking freezer bags: If you've bringing any kind of food, use these to keep the packs fresh after opening. Also, bring an empty bag if you go to a restaurant. Many restaurants put far too much food on dinner plates; take half of the meal back to the hotel in the freezer bag and keep it in the ice chest for tomorrow's lunch.

For posters, Matt suggests: "Cardboard mailing tube. Your nice, new movie posters will be ruined if you pack them in your suitcase. A mailing tube will protect them, and you can mail them home if you can't carry them. Also provides a place for keeping dirty socks."

Umbrella: The plastic raincoat, as any Floridian can tell you, only lets you steam in your own sweat. It's better than nothing for rain protection, but an umbrella is a far better choice, since it lets your clothes "breathe." The best kind is a big golf umbrella with fiberglass shaft, which can protect two people in the rain while walking (or maybe three when standing still). I purchased a rubber "cane tip" from the drug store and glued it on the umbrella's tip with silicone sealing caulk. This makes the umbrella into a "cane" that you can walk with and lean on when it's not raining. The rubber cane tip keeps the end from slipping, and the plastic umbrella tip from shattering.

Matt recommends: "Extension cords and power strips. If you drag a VCR/TV/boom box/computer along with you, these are a must. There are never enough electrical outlets in a hotel, and they are never where you need them." If you intend to plug in a VCR to your hotel room TV, tell the front desk way in advance, and in person. Hotel TV's sound an alarm when the cable is unplugged; letting them know you're doing it in advance will save you and the hotel security guard a lot of agony. Matt suggests bringing your own TV...but that's a terrible load to take in a car, and impossible on a plane. If the con or the hotel can't provide a TV, take your credit card to a local appliance rental store.

And for sleeping, Matt recommends: "Sleeping bag. You lost the coin toss, so everyone else gets the beds. You can try zonking in the bathtub, but a sleeping bag is far more comfortable. If you bring an air mattress, then for gosh sakes bring an air pump, too. Inflating it the old-fashioned way means your roommates will have to either step over you all the time or drag you out into the hallway after you've passed out from lack of oxygen." I have to say, sorry, Matt, but I'd rather throw someone out of the room, or get another room, rather than sleep on a roll of rags. If you did your homework when reserving the room, the hotel should have provided a roll-away bed for extra people. You can, if pushed, take the upper mattress off a bed, put it on the floor and let people sleep there - while you sleep on the mattress foundation. Those are far better solutions than sleeping bags, which should be consigned to those fools that sleep outdoors with the bears, scorpions and redneck rapists.)

Finally, a security suggestion from Matt: "Lock box. If you're a dealer or just carrying extra cash, you need a safe place to put it. Perhaps the hotel can store it for you. Unless you can guarantee that nobody you don't know is coming into your room, it's best to make sure some things aren't open to the public. You might want to padlock your ice chest, too, or your food might disappear."

Sorry, Matt, but I wouldn't do this. A lock box is a clear indication that you have something valuable, making it a greater target for thieves. Sad but true: among the maid staff of even the biggest hotels are a number of ex-cons and criminal people. If your hotel does not have a safe built into the room, or safety deposit box available at the front desk - and most reputable hotels do - try to find another place to hide stuff. Luggage stores, and some other stores, sell "fake" cans of shaving cream, food, soda and the like in which you can hide valuables. People with craft or mechanical skills might make their own from discarded food cans. No one will think that the can of shaving cream in the dresser drawer contains your extra cash and credit cards.And never, ever leave cameras, VCR's, camcorders or computers out of your sight!

On one occasion, I didn't have any of this - no hotel safe, no place to hide stuff. I discovered that a hanging lamp with a ceramic decorative base could unscrew, with an empty space inside. I disassembled the lamp and hid my extra credit cards and money in there. Although risky, my stuff was never disturbed or even suspected.

Ultra-light: a minimalist approach

Some travel pros who believe in "simplifying your life" or who decry American materialism recommend taking only one bag, a carry-on bag or a backpack with minimal clothing and items. This has the advantage that you won't lose your luggage in the airport, you won't have to wait at the baggage claim for your bag to show up on the conveyer, and of course less weight. If speed in the airport is your priority, this method can work.

But before you choose this method, be aware of the drawbacks. Instead of just picking out a clean shirt from your suitcase, you'll have to wash your laundry every few days in a laundromat (if you're lucky enough to have one near the hotel) or pay an outrageous sum to the hotel laundry, and both alternatives waste your valuable con time. You will have to buy and discard things, or possibly ship them home from a pack-and-ship store. Also, people who go to cons where there are a lot of activities, like gaming and book signing, must carry around lots of books and miniatures, flyers for the convention you're promoting and the like. A wheeled bag can make this easier. On the other hand, if you don't have a lot of stuff anyway, the ultra-light alternative may make sense.

Be aware that by carrying only one bag on a plane, you fulfill one criterion for being a suicidal hijacker. Expect extra attention from airline security.

Suitcases and Packing

Carrying suitcases around an airport or through a parking lot is a pain. If you need to buy a new suitcase, get one with wheels on the bottom, and maybe a pull-out handle so you can wheel your luggage out of the airport or your car.

These days, airlines limit you to two pieces of luggage - one check-in case and one carry-on. The carry-on case must fit under the airplane seat in front of you; although airlines have different maximum sizes, 7" x 14" x 21" is a conservative estimated size. (You might check with your airline's web site for exact permitted dimensions.) Luggage information tags often lie about the sizes of carry-on bags - make sure of the size before you buy. Look for a carry-on with wheels, too. I once had to take a video camera with tapes, charger and extension cords, assorted books for signing, raincoat, sandwiches and cans of soda around a con; it was a breeze with a wheeled carry-on bag. At the very least, take a backpack or a book bag you can carry around the con; it'll give you a place to put flyers and stuff you buy. (Here, you might want to look for a bag with a padded shoulder strap.)

If you don't have a case with built-in wheels, buy a folding metal baggage cart. Not only are they a Godsend at the airport, but they can be used as hand trucks or "dollies" if you have to move things around. I've used them for everything from milk-carton-cases full of books to computers. Sadly, these carts must be checked onto airplanes as separate pieces of luggage, and baggage handlers take great pleasure in mangling them on the flight. For survivability, get the beefiest, sturdiest kind you can find, preferably with wheel hubs made out of steel instead of plastic, solid steel tubing in the frame, and a solid locking mechanism. (The ones of thin steel tubing that "telescope" aren't as sturdy as the ones that "hinge shut." See the picture.)

Packing: Not so big a secret

September 11th Alert: before you pack, remove everything from your suitcases and carry-on bag. Do not pack any of the following into your carry-on luggage:

• Sharp instruments – knives, box cutters, X-Acto knives, anything that might possibly be construed as a weapon.
• No unlabeled liquids. These may be considered flammable liquids, acid or poison, and will slow your bag check.

Your carry-on bag should have your valuables (camera, tape player, documents, money, traveller's cheques), your lightweight coat, your medicines and cosmetics, and one change of shirt and underwear. In case your checked-in suitcase gets lost - which still happens on modern airlines - you'll have one change of clothes.

Ironed clothes take up less space than un-ironed ones. Even if you don't regularly iron clothes, iron them before you pack.

Fold your shirts with sleeves behind.

Jeans and slacks can be rolled tightly to save space. Laying them flat may take up too much space.

Roll up socks and underwear. If you are packing an extra pair of shoes, pack socks inside them.

Seal bottles of perfume, shampoo and all liquids with tape. Then put the bottles in a plastic garbage bag and seal it with tape.

For artist types, Matt has an important tip: "Don't open Rapidograph technical drawing pens on airplanes. The air pressure makes them explode and the waterproof ink is a bear to clean up. Keep them in a plastic bag inside your luggage until you arrive."

Next time: the actual departure for the con and your first night there.

The legal stuff: This document is Trademark 2002 by Thomas E. Reed. Permission is granted to distribute this document by any means, provided that the document is not altered or edited in any way, and that the entire document is distributed, including this copyright notice.

All opinions, evaluations and descriptions of persons, places and commercial entities expressed herein are those of Thomas E. Reed, and do not reflect the official positions of any other entity. Use this information at your own risk and discretion. No warranty or guarantee is expressed or implied by this information. This information is as complete and as thorough as possible at the date of publication.

The author welcomes suggestions, comments and other information concerning this document, or individuals' general experiences at genre conventions for inclusion in future versions of this document. Contributions should be generic in nature (i.e... not relating to a specific convention or entity) and should offer helpful advice about convention attendance in general. Contributions to this document will be accepted at the discretion of Thomas E. Reed, and may be edited for clarity or length. Comments and contributions accepted for publication in future versions will include the contributor's name (if desired). Send contributions or comments via e-mail to the author at hatemail@off-model.com for information.

Original material Copyright (C) Thomas E. Reed. Publication in any media or use by another web site is expressly prohibited without written permission of Thomas E. Reed. Opinions are those of the writer and correspondents, and do not reflect the views of TOON Magazine or any other entity.
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