Cheney's heart device is updated
By DEB RIECHMANN, Associated Press Writer Sat Jul 28, 6:50 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney, who has a history of heart problems, had surgery Saturday to replace an implanted device that monitors his heartbeat.

Doctors at George Washington University Hospital replaced the defibrillator, a sealed unit that includes a battery. If the device were to sense an abnormal heart rhythm, it would deliver an electronic shock to reset the vice president's heart to a normal beat.

"The device was successfully replaced without complication," said Megan McGinn, the vice president's deputy press secretary.

See, this is the advantage that inhuman heartless monsters like Dick Cheney have over normal human beings. When a human's heart fails, he or she dies. But when Cheney's heart device acts up, the evil scientists simply upgrade it. Too bad they can't program the new heart device to make Dick Cheney care about people in general, the nation, the rule of law, or the Constitution. Maybe they could upgrade to a model with a conscience chip. Or maybe they did but they told him how he could switch it off.