Bernie Siegel

A Word About Bernie Siegel
by Yehudah Fine

On December 20, 2000 Dr. Bernie Siegel Joined Yehudah Fine in an online Conference at AOL's Addiction and Recovery Forum on "The Miracle of Recovery." Previous to the conference, there were 3 issues of Yehudah's Nuggets sent out to all subscribers which contained writings from both Yehudah and Bernie on the subject. What appears below is a re-working of Yehudah's introduction of Bernie taken from the transcript of the conference, followed by the pre-conference writings.

In an ancient text called The Teachings of the Sages, one of the masters was asked the question, "Who is the wise person?" He replied, "The one who learns from everyone."

When Bernie's first book, Love, Medicine, and Miracles came out, I jumped right into it. I remember saying to myself, "Finally, a book written by a real-time healer, someone who listens."

There are not many true listeners in the world, but Bernie is one of them, and I love him for it. His grace, insight, and caring span far beyond his books. Just ask anyone who has attended his seminars and they will tell you.

Years ago, Bernie wrote me a letter. It arrived on a cold Spring morning, when I had just gotten the news that one of my street kids had been murdered. I picked up the letter, opened it, and his words went right to my heart. He wrote, "Yehudah, love is the greatest healer. It is the only road to immortality and a wonderful burden to our survivors. They will go on living the message and see life and its problems as a gift and a challenge."

Bernie is the kind of teacher who opens doorways to life's transforming grace even when there is no "cure" at hand. He not only helps us learn about healing, but he opens the gates of compassion as well. Welcome to Yehudah’s Nuggets Bernie, and thank you for being you.

Perspectives on Forgiveness & Birthing Our Self
by Yehudah Fine & Bernie Siegel, M.D.

The following two articles were sent as one of three pre-conference readings to all subscribers of Yehudah's Nuggets Newsletter. The complete transcript of the conference featuring both Yehudah Fine and Bernie Siegel appears below.

Perspectives on Forgiveness
by Yehudah Fine
Excerpted from an upcoming book by Yehudah Fine...

Issues of forgiveness continuously echo in the background of nearly everyone's lives. No one prefers feelings of resentment over feelings of peace. Unresolved, we turn these struggles inward where they angrily grind at our hearts.

Our compelling need for reconciliation and renewed inner harmony invariably leads to the doorstep of forgiveness. Finding that forgiveness, not only for others, but also for ourselves, requires a straightforward approach. It also requires much of the human heart.

Changing Our Lives

No matter how confused we might become, we have the ability to turn our lives around through finding forgiveness in our hearts. Our job is to try. Reb Simcha Bunim, the great Chasidic master once said to his students: "The transgressions which an individual commits are not the greatest crimes. After all, temptation is a powerful force. The greatest crime is that you can turn at every moment and don't do so."

We must develop an attitude of compassion. In Hebrew, the word for compassion is "rachamin." It comes from the root word "rechem" or "womb." The implication is quite clear. Forgiveness brings us to the womb, to the place of new beginnings. But, how do we find this compassion and forgiveness for ourselves?

Forgiving Ourselves, For-GIVING Others

"How you forgive yourself is as individual as you are. But knowing you deserve to be loved and respected and empowering yourself with a commitment to try is more than half the battle. Much more. And it is never too soon -- or too late -- to start." (Andrew Vachss, "You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart," Parade Magazine, Aug 28, 1994)

The true gift of forgiveness requires us to accept our imperfections. The path of forgiveness is also the path of giving. Forgiving is, by its very nature, about For-GIVING. And giving leads directly to the path of love and concern for others. Letting go of pain unabashedly opens us to love, not fear. It encourages us to give to others and to actively pursue goodness and healing in our lives.

Forgiveness is:

• the hub where we embrace our imperfections and seek to make ourselves whole.
• the catalyst that allows us to engage the deepest questions of life.
• the key that unlocks love and intimacy with ourselves and others.
• the vehicle which brings transcendent meaning to our everyday lives.

In the quest for forgiveness, we uncover a core reality that is fundamental to our very existence. Sages have taught that forgiveness has flowed down to us through the ages and that "Forgiveness preceded creation." (Pesachin 54A) This means that the possibility for changing the direction of our lives through forgiveness was built into the structure of creation and is therefore interwoven into the fabric of our hearts.

Repairing Our Lives

A Kabbalistic teaching describes this world as "The World of Repair." Repairing our lives through forgiveness is a sacred task. It is a medicine that heals our inner wounds. Untying the knots of shame and blame frees us to live fully in the present. It is a wonderful irony that the more we stumble, the more we yearn to fix our souls. Central to this process is forgiveness.

In Kabbalah, each person is considered a small world. Every improvement to that world then has cosmic significance. Taken to its natural extension, forgiveness helps to bring about what is called in Hebrew, "Tikkun Olam" -- the fixing of the world.

"Every human being possesses the spark of giving. It is essential that this should be so, for the world depends on it for its very existence. By giving of yourself to another, you will find in your soul that you and your friend are indeed one."(Michtav MiEliahu, p.130)

The necessity for each of us to extend ourselves to fix our lives brings us necessarily into profound relationship with others. Our uniqueness is precious. The sages in the Talmud profoundly understood the importance of each of our lives. Therefore they taught, "One who saves a single life is counted as if they saved the entire world." (Sanhedren 37a)

Copyright ©2000 Yehudah Fine

Birthing Our Self
by Bernie Siegel, M.D.

How do we know how to live our lives? How do we find our path? I notice a theme that keeps recurring over and over again in the stories I hear, and that is of the horse that finds its way home when its reins are released.

In the Grail myth, Parsifal, the knight, rides the horse into the darkest portion of the forest and lets go of the reins. In Yoga Journal you read about the chariot being pulled by horses that can, if driven only by the intellect, end up in a ditch whereas when your intuitive side, the part of you that at a deep level knows the right way, participates, the direction of your life becomes clear.

I think that within each of us is a knowledge of our road, or path. And yet we so often give it up and don't live our own life but the life that someone else has chosen for us. But we can pay attention to the path that we would like to take. We can stay on the horse but let go of the reins.

The most important direction we can go isn't east or west or north or south, it is inside ourselves. There is a path to your own heart, your own treasure chest, and I would like you to follow it. When people follow it, I hear them say, "I have a disease, but it doesn't have me."

I've always felt that life and nature give us signs when we are on the right path. When we find our way of contributing love to the world, we are in harmony with the world. We are in tun with our intelligence and with nature. So let us find the gift in life...

Life is a labor pain, worthwhile if we can give birth to ourselves. But I see people who in a sense have died to stay alive. I'm talking about your becoming who you didn't want to be, because of pressure from parents or other authority figures you become the doctor, the teacher, the plumber, the housewife, even if the work and role are meaningless to you.

For some of you, learning that you are mortal finally gives you permission to live your life. And so, the teacher quits his job and moves to the seashore, the doctor picks up a flute, the housewife goes back to college, the plumber becomes a sculptor. They let the untrue self die and give birth to their true selves. You can commit suicide without hurting your body.

You don't have to have permission to do this. We are all mortal. Don't wait until someone tells you that you have cancer or AIDS. Start living. Give yourself a new date of birth.

Then the psychological and spiritual healing process can happen, and it may be accompanied by a physical cure as well. The physical change is the by-product of your giving birth to yourself, free of the diseases of the past. Don't be angry at yourself or blame yourself for the ways in which you have survived and met your needs. All symptoms are honorable. They redirect you. Move forward. The past is over...

Life is an opportunity for you to contribute love in your own way. I'd like you to find the strength that I know is there inside you to draw on. Then use that strength and energy and live fully. You will realize that you are a sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. Just as one thought affects your entire body, so do you affect everyone else when you change. So give birth to yourself and begin your life. Let the river of your life flow freely and deeply, and let the pebbles of your love fall into the water to create ripples that will touch us all.

* Taken from "How to Live Between Office Visits" (Harper Collins 1993) with permission of the author.

Life is Not a Spiritual Practive Run & The Characteristics of Long-Term Survivors*
by Yehudah Fine & Bernie Siegel, M.D.

The following two articles were sent as one of three pre-conference readings to all subscribers of Yehudah's Nuggets Newsletter. The complete transcript of the conference featuring both Yehudah Fine and Bernie Siegel appears below.

Life is Not a Spiritual Practice Run
by Yehudah Fine

The key to working with any spiritual practice is not to practice it. I don't mean to be cute by that statement, but life is not a practice run. I think any of us who find ourselves in a crisis are not interested in practicing something. Essentially, for any teaching to be effective it has to be seen and done as part and parcel of our daily lives. Our life every day and every moment is our spiritual practice. What we do and how we be is a statement of our spirituality. If we see our spiritual work as doing our spiritual practices, when are we going to live our spiritual life? The ancient aphorism "If not now, when?" seems to apply here.

I am interested in living my spirituality. It is too easy to divide our lives into chunks and parcels. What happens, then, is we forget that real consciousness is expressed in how we treat others and ourselves. The real notion of spirituality is:

• How we live every day
• What we say and do
• Whether or not we get angry or not
• How much we pursue forgiveness
• How we manifest holy values

It is not how we breathe or chant; it is how we live.

Spiritual practice brings us closer to others and opens the doors to intimacy with ourselves, others, and God. Too often in today's world people get involved in spiritual practice as an escape from engaging themselves and others. I think we all have seen this when we encounter people whose spirituality is filled with self-righteousness and zealotry. This kind of thing is -- as I once read in an ancient text -- akin to talking about heaven but living with your life and the life of your friends and family in hell. It's ironic, because everyone who is around people like that can see it clearly, yet the individuals are so caught in fear and denial that they think they are spiritual.

In truth, living with all this intense pain did not allow me any time to luxuriate on the path. Pain cuts right through any residual spiritual materialism. It cuts right to the core. It demands our attention and in the moments when I truly could surface from the pain I remembered certain fundamental teaching on suffering.

One of the strongest sources of comfort came from a holy book called Chesbon HaNefesh. The author was a great teacher in Yeshiva of Slobodka just before World War II. He taught the following short lesson:

"While you should try to protect yourself from harm, if you do suffer, the best tool is acceptance. Accepting your situation greatly minimizes the amount you actually suffer. Everyone will inevitably drink from the cup of suffering, which is either a test or an atonement. By failing to accept your suffering, the pain you feel will be much more acute and harsh than necessary." (no.76-77)

I could not and would not venture to measure the harshness of what had happened to me, but I did discover that the only way I had any real conscious awareness was by accepting precisely what had happened. This was now my life and I sought to embrace it. It was difficult and certainly filled with pain, but it was my life and as near as I could tell, I had no other life on deck.

It came down to actually accepting or living with tremendous fear. While I admit to still having fear, the healing balm that I place on my heart is acceptance simply of what is. From that vantage point I could envision a path of healing. And while that path may not bring a total cure for my body, it can bring me to being healed.

Copyright ©2000 Rabbi Yehudah Fine

The Characteristics of Long-Term Survivors
by Bernie Siegel, M.D.

"The individual who gets angry and calls me for help when told he or she is incurable, or displays righteous indignation when not treated with respect, is more likely to survive then the individual who becomes depressed, goes home and lies down to die. The person who attends workshops, reads books and changes his or her life because of what he or she learns is also more likely to survive. Survivors pay attention to what they feel is the right life for them. This is not about being selfish, but about saving your life by living the life your desire and not the one imposed upon you.

The third quality is a spiritual one, the resource that brings with it peace and support in the most difficult times. It is very difficult but very healing at times to leave your troubles to God. I do not use the word religion in this context because the rules and practices of some religions can lead to guilt and problems of healing. God is not the problem. God and adversity are the teachers. Thus survival behavior eliminates the victim role."

"Survivors have a sense of meaning in their daily activities. They feel the value in what they are doing and see it as their way of contributing love to the world. Monday doesn't threaten them. They have also learned that if they can't eliminate some of the difficult things from their life they can change their attitude towards those things. Happiness is a choice. Its source is within you.

Another quality is the ability to express appropriate anger when you are not treated with respect...

I might add that when your energy is low or you don't feel like getting angry let it be God's problem. Take the serenity prayer approach to life and you may find that what you get angry about at times may be a gift...Lose your fingers in an accident and realize years later the accident will save your life when cannibals who have captured you refuse to eat imperfect people.

The capacity to ask for help is another important survivor quality, and I would add not just of your family but of health professionals as well.

The ability to make your own decisions about what is the proper treatment for you to accept at any given time is also an important quality. This means others don't do all the prescribing and you are not going through things to make other people happy. Life is a labor pain and you decide which pains are appropriate to give birth to yourself. When you do, you have far less pain and far fewer side effects because you are at peace with the decision and supported by those caring for you...

Most important of all is the ability to say no to things you don't want to do. I value my time and will not spend it or waste it on things that I do not want to do and that do not make me feel good. It does not mean that you sit idly around. It means you will be busier than ever doing what you love to do and not what others want you to do. When you do for others it will be out of love not obligation and benefit you and your loved ones.

You will find activities that make you lose track of time and incorporate them into your life. I call this playing. If you love your work then you are always playing. It is the most physiological state you can be in. When you don't know what time it is you can't age, have pain, or be sick. I mean that literally. So find things you love to do and fit them into your schedule. Remember to use your pain emotional and physical to define and direct you and your life. Charcoal can become a diamond under pressure. Don't get depressed by depression but use it to learn and help change your life;. As my wife Bobbie says, "Never consider yourself a failure. You can always serve as a bad example."

* Excerpted from "Peace, Love & Healing," Harper Collins, 1989 with permission of the author.

The Soul Lives With Mystery & Awakening to Our Mortality*
by Yehudah Fine & Bernie Siegel, M.D.

The following two articles were sent as one of three pre-conference readings to all subscribers of Yehudah's Nuggets Newsletter. The complete transcript of the conference featuring both Yehudah Fine and Bernie Siegel appears below.

The Soul Lives With Mystery
by Yehudah Fine

True spiritual desire or yearning can indeed open us up to new ways of seeing and being. Why is this so? It is so precisely because it brings us to the awareness that we are souls. There is more to us than simply our bodies. The soul has no trouble dealing with the mystery of our lives. The soul lives in the terrain and domain of mystery. Shifting our attention and thinking soul-ward opens us to the world of mystery where concrete answers are not always as important as experiencing the mystery and delight of our search, yearning, and soulful questions.

A lot of giving up and letting God in revolves around shifting the arena of our awareness and attention. It is a paradigm shift, and an important one at that. As I have said before, everything depends on where we place our attention. And even though we live today in a world that does not, in general, value the sacred and the ancient ways, at the time of our greatest need it is still possible to shift our consciousness toward living with sacred reality. We live in an age of information -- or as Ken Wilbur, the philosopher and teacher, put it: The world is not what New Agers (and zealots) would like us think it really is. In fact, we live in a world based on philosophical materialism that is characterized by the rapid pace and change of our industrialized world.

I have found how important it is for me to seek out ancient, sacred wisdom and download it into the consciousness of everyday life. Simply because we live in an information transmission age, it does not mean we do not have access to Spirit. It just means there is a lot more to sift through to find our paths. But when we find our road we must take it into our hearts so that it is alive and vital, not an information program that we simply repeat by rote because others tell us that it is true. Blindness is not a virtue on the spiritual path.

Copyright ©2000 Yehudah Fine

Awakening to Our Mortality
by Bernie Siegel, M.D.

So many religions and philosophers tell us how to find our way or path. What they are all trying to tell us is to pay attention to our feelings and let them guide us. If you ignore your body and its messages, at some point you will suffer the consequences.

Two of Christ's messages sum it up very well: "He who seeks to save his life will lose it and he who is willing to lose his life will save it." I interpret this to mean that we lose our authentic life when we give in to the demands of others, or we become something others want us to be in order to gain their love or simply continue to be cared for.

When we awaken to our mortality, we refuse to live the life that is killing us and start living and being our true selves. On a practical level it may mean changing occupations, moving, healing or ending relationships and bringing meaning and a new attitude into life and working for the right Lord. Your life is stored in your body. Christ's second message is, "If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you. If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you." He is talking about our feelings and body memories, and is quite correct.

The earliest spiritual writings tell us to sit quietly and listen. The Kabbalah gives specific instructions on ho to hear the voice of God and be enlightened so that your wisdom can be used to help others. Survivors take time to be still and listen. You may call it meditation, imagery, or journal writing but it all amounts to finding time to be still and listen to the voice within you and the voice which will come to you.

I often have this experience when I am out jogging or bicycling by myself with nothing to distract me. Take the time to listen. If you listen, you will learn your purpose here and be able to die joyfully, knowing that you have served in your way and fulfilled the reasons for your creation.

Survivors deal with the spiritual, existential, and emotional aspects of their lives. When we commit ourselves to egoless, unconditional love, true healing begins. We are then not devoted to changing people but devoted to the people. Love itself is a miraculous healing force. In a sense, it is the miracle and the reason for being.

So ask yourself what lesson you are here to learn and learn that lesson by the way your distribute your love to the world. Remember the blindness of love does great things to obliterate the wounds of the world.

We say love is blind because it helps us to see the world in a way that is significant for survival. Love's blindness is therapeutic because it allows us to function without storing the images of life's difficulties within us. I tell people, "If you can't love at least develop amnesia so you can live a more peaceful life, unable to remember all the things people did to upset you."

* Taken from "Love, Medicine, & Miracles" Harper Collins 1986, with permission of the author.

Complete Transcript of Online Conference "The Miracle of Recovery"
with Yehudah Fine & Dr. Bernard S. Siegel
December 20, 2000

The Addiction & Recovery Forum of AOL is pleased to present:

Rabbi Yehudah Fine & Dr. Bernard S. Siegel Conference on "The Miracle of Recovery."

LDRS AnR C2R: Tonight is a very exciting evening for all of us. First, we have the wonderful Yehudah with us sharing his wisdom and wit and then we will have Bernie with us. I have been looking forward to this for a month. To keep everyone up to speed here is an announcement: We will be giving away copies of Yehudah's "The Times Square Rabbi" and Bernie's "Peace, Love & Healing," "Love, Medicine, and Miracles," "Prescriptions for Living," and "How to Live Between Office Visits." The winners' names will be announced during the conferences. Thank you all for coming. I am going to turn the meeting over to Yehudah. Please go ahead, Yehudah.

LDRS AnR YFine: Good evening everyone and thank you so much for being with me tonight and being with everyone. Tonight I want to talk about how to achieve breakthroughs in healing and how to break the cycle of pain, anger, and resentment that follows so many of us through our lives.

First, since it is the holiday season, I want to share with you a short and special deep teaching about Hanukah, which begins tomorrow night. This is something in part that I heard from the late Shlomo Carlebach. Chanukah is the Holy day of the Inside Light, the Hidden Light, the light that is burning amidst the deepest darkness. At Hanukah, we celebrate the light. We do this by lighting a simple candle, for it is known that a little light dispels much darkness. The whole celebration of Hanukah happens in the house. We light the light in the house because when we light a little candle, in truth, the sages teach that we can see each other again.

The Kabala teaches that Hanukah is the deepest holy day of the whole year. It is the Holy of Holies because it happens in each of our homes and each of our hearts. And when we light Hanukah candles, we always light them near a window or a door because the message is that there are many people in the world who want once again to find their own light and their own home and their own soul. So on Hanukah, we light healing lights to share the light with everyone. This has everything to do with healing, because in truth, all the hatred and resentment in the world is only because people do not see each other. The truth is that in order to heal, we have to accept our own burdens. We must face, understand, and let go of what hurt us. Each of our hurts is very special to us and that's very important to know.

Rabbi Nahum said, "If we could hang all our sorrows on pegs and were allowed to choose those we liked best, each one of us would take back our own, for the rest would seem even more difficult to bear." To heal we have to not be afraid to clean up the wounds of our life -- the suffering that washes over our heart -- because we have to understand that in life we are like a broom and a mop. Everybody knows that every broom and mop get dirty. Therefore, to heal and find forgiveness does not require us to be perfect, but it does require us to fully engage our lives. We pick up the broom to sweep away the anger in our lives. We scrub with the mop to heal our inner pain and wounds and we understand when we look at the tapestry of our life that we can truly become fully engaged and not step again into the quicksand of being a victim. Rather stand ready, if necessary, to reconcile but always alert to tend to the needs of our heart.

Breaking the cycle means opening ourselves to our wounds and listening to what they have to tell us -- even if it is terrifying. In order to start a new cycle of healing, we first have to turn to ourselves. That's why the Talmud says, "If you wish to influence others, we must begin by making changes in ourselves." However, once we understand that our suffering, pain and our wounds are really telling us, "Deal with me, don't ignore me. I have something to tell you.", we will discover new vistas in our lives that will never allow us to forget the goodness of who we really are.

Now it is not easy to do this, but it is worth it. It is not easy to find the light, but it is worthy of our attention. It is not easy to forgive, but we are not free to desist from the path of forgiveness. Finally, it is important to remember that breaking the cycle does not always bring about crystalline vision and lucidity to our life. After all, in Hebrew, the word for world or universe is "Olam" and it is derived from the same root as "Alam", which means to be concealed. Breaking the cycle means that we understand that the divine is concealed inside our heart. True heartbreak is breaking open our heart to our self and to the light.

LDRS AnR C2R: Thank you, Yehudah. I have a question in reference to hate. Is it true that hate is the root of many of our problems?

LDRS AnR YFine: Hate is rather the final download of our problems. Hate unfolds from first not dealing with our pain. When we let our pain go by we are slowly filled with a multitude of hurts. Hurt, unattended to builds into anger and the fire of unattended anger either implodes into depression or explodes with hatred. So the prescription is always to be fearless enough to not let the little hurts go by and to be strong enough not to be afraid to be close to someone -- even someone with whom you may be having a difficult relationship. We always have to be clear enough to stand up for ourselves and love ourselves enough that we unabashedly do not close the door to our heart.

Question: Yehudah, Sue and I are enjoying the conference. How are you feeling?

LDRS AnR YFine: Basically, I am doing okay. For some of you who do not know, nine months ago I was in a big-time, crushing, near death auto accident. Every day for me is a new day and every day is also a day where I have to deal with pain. However, I found that my pain is a great reminder to me in my life and always helps me turn and remember what is important. Since this pain is going to be with me throughout my whole life, it also helps me remember what a wise sage once said, "It's not up to you to complete the work, yet you are not free to desist from it."

Question: Thank you, I have learned to deal with physical pain, but it is the pain of the heart that I am locked into and have been for many years. I have closed my heart to love and do not know how to open it again. I have not dealt with the pain of losing my fiancé suddenly to death. I do write, and pray and try to let go, but I seem not to be able to.

LDRS AnR YFine: My heart goes out to you. Having lost many young people who I dearly loved like little brothers and sisters, I know how difficult it is to thaw away the cold frost that surrounds your heart. I want you to know that it is very, very important never to forget the precious and special love that you had for those wonderful moments with your love in your life.

The true question for you, and it is something I want you to deeply meditate on, is precisely how are you to honor that love that you lost. How is that love that blossomed in your heart ever going to be an ongoing legacy unless you take the risk to let that love back out into the world again. You see, on the deepest level, loving another person is truly bringing love into the world and bringing love into the world brings more than just love, it brings peace.

I want to suggest to you two things. One -- I assume that you have spent some time in counseling, and I also know that that probably has not worked out too well. However, if you begin with point #2, you may be truly surprised. Point 2 -- everybody needs a friend that they truly can trust to share their most intimate thoughts. Find yourself a friend that you can confide in, but do it in a unique and special way. Every time you confide something precious with your friend, do it in honor of, and as a living legacy and memory of your beloved.

Every day when you go out into the world and say good morning, put a true smile on your face, do someone a little favor. As soon as you have connected with those favors, say to yourself, "I am once again giving the love of my precious beloved to the world." In time, I suspect your heart will not be so afraid and you will see that the highest way to love is to honor the dignity of the love you had. Giving your love out again to the world and letting the love come back into your heart is truly a statement of respect and honor to the one you lost.

I am certain, on the deepest level of soul in the highest worlds that this is precisely what your beloved wants you to do. There is no way your beloved would not want your precious love to flow into the world. Therefore, do this step by step and do it with the honor, grace, and dignity that the love you had needs now to be given as a precious gift to yourself to others.

Member share: After 10 years of therapy and 12 step groups, and hoping that relationships and other areas of my life be healed, things are finally coming together for me. I've been given a second chance at some relationships. It is so cool! I encourage everyone to keep trudging. It really is worth all the hard work.

LDRS AnR YFine: I am so happy for you and it is true -- it does take a lot of hard work, but hard work can be extremely satisfying. Remember, as the great sage Hillel once said, "If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?" The "when" is all the time and we just cannot ever give up. It is forbidden to despair.

Remember, the two shortest prayers are, thank you and help! Spirituality and growth always lead to the ability to love and be loved. Since I am whipping out all these aphorisms, let me tell you one more. This is a good one to remember and to keep you going. "The only way to get to the other side is by going through it."

Question: As I worked through the physical pain I suffer from due to illness, I was actually brought to love -- not hate as was mentioned before. Love for creator, all living beings and things, self, the planet. But pain is a double-edged sword, whether physical or emotional and it can be a thief too. As one once aptly said: "Pain, the gift that keeps on taking!"

LDRS AnR YFine: Yeah! I understand. After all, every hurt left unattended can eventually morph into a larger demon called pain and pain, you are right in saying, is very, very demanding. However, it is also the touchstone of growth. Therefore, at the core we have to find ways to hear our pain to understand we are suffering -- to accept it, not ignore it, and transcend it.

When I was in the trauma ward of the hospital for all those weeks, I was beyond being knee deep in pain. It never left me alone. But one day I decided to use it and I think you probably did it the same way, too. I decided that what the pain did was allow me to get deeply in touch with the suffering of others. It opened a door that I never knew existed before and that door opened me to the deep levels of love and compassion. The only way I could express my pain was to give my love and compassion to others. So, the thief may come in the night, but in the morning, you always realize that nothing can ever be stolen from your heart.

Let me conclude, for time is short. To unlock the true healing gifts we all possess requires us to accept our imperfections. The way that we can accept our imperfections is through the path of giving to ourselves and to others. I am a witness to the fact that no matter what happens to a person in life, no matter how much pain, injury, or abuse anyone may have had to endure, there is nothing -- nothing -- that can ever touch or hurt or dirty up the golden beauty of our heart.

In closing, I want to bless all of you that you find and continually discover that the greatest gift you have in life is the giving of YOU to YOU and to others. Giving leads directly to the path of love and is the key to opening the gate of compassion. By not ignoring our pain, we can unabashedly open our life to love and not fear. Okay, time is up, Peace, Out. Pursue goodness and give your love. Goodnight.

LDRS AnR C2R: Tonight we are very fortunate to have Dr. Bernard S. Siegel with us. He would like us to call him Bernie, not Doctor Siegel. He attended Colgate University and Cornell University Medical College. He is a Pediatric and General Surgeon in New Haven.

In 1978, Bernie started Exceptional Cancer Patients, a specific form of individual and group therapy utilizing patients' dreams, drawings, and images. This experience led to his desire to make everyone aware of his or her own healing potential.

His two bestsellers, Love, Medicine & Miracles and Peace, Love, & Healing, broke new ground in the art of healing. How to Live Between Office Visits: A Guide to Life, Love and Health reveals to the common person the importance of living completely. He has gone on to write other popular books about healing. Now, Rabbi Yehudah Fine will share with us about Bernie.

LDRS AnR YFine: When Bernie's first book, "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" came out, I jumped right into it. I remember saying to myself, "Finally, a book written by a real time healer, someone who listens." In an ancient text called the teachings of the sages, one of the masters asked, "Who is the wise person?" He replied, "The one who learns from everyone."

There are not many true listeners in the world, but Bernie is one of them. We are particularly blessed tonight to have Bernie with us. I love you Bernie. His grace, insight, and caring span far beyond his books. Just ask anyone who has attended his seminars and they will tell you.

Years ago, Bernie wrote me a letter. It arrived on a cold Spring morning, when I had just gotten the news that one of my street kids had been murdered. I picked up Bernie's letter and opened it. His words went right to my heart. He wrote, "Yehudah, love is the greatest healer. It is the only road to immortality and a wonderful burden to our survivors. They will go on living the message and see life and its problems as a gift and a challenge."

We are happy to have you here tonight, Bernie. We look forward to you sharing your insights into healing and I know, as do many folks here that you are all about healing. Bernie is a teacher that opens the doorway to life's transforming grace even when there is no "cure" at hand. In my book, that is the key not only to healing, but also the key that opens the gate of compassion. Welcome, Bernie, and thank you for being you.

Bernie Siegel: Thank you! Now I am ready to take up the rest of the hour taking up the things you mentioned. First, yes my job is to heal. A cure is frequently the byproduct of a healed life. Second, Helen Keller being blind and deaf said it best, "Deafness is darker by far than blindness."

To the person who said they were too much in awe to think of a question, when you get to Heaven, you will be asked how you want to be introduced to God. The correct answer is you are God's child -- don't need an introduction. Therefore, you do not need to feel awe in the presence of God's family.

One important thing I have learned from AA is that the simple statement "Fake it till you make it" is what life is all about. Your blood tests are altered by the role you play, even on stage. So we hurt and practice till you become the person you want to become. It doesn't hurt to have a role model like Lassie. If you feel like an ugly duckling, take a look in the mirror and see a swan. I was born an ugly duckling. My mirror was my grandmother. So treat the world as if everyone is your grandchild and watch what happens.

Last two points, if you have trouble loving, develop amnesia until you are capable of loving and always treat yourself as kindly as you would your beloved pet. Some day, we hope you will be as good as your pet at getting through your day without caffeine, drugs and eat the same foods everyday and be able to accept criticism and praise humbly. Now I think I'd better stop and give people a chance to ask questions.

Question: Re true listeners: I wish the medical profession would listen to Bernie. Then we would have more healers instead of detached specialists and harried practitioners. I know healing comes from within, but encounters with the medical profession can make you sicker. Bernie, is there any hope for change?

Bernie Siegel: Change is happening too slowly, but my greatest desire is to humanize medical education both for the physician and the patient so we can truly have a medical education and truly learn to care for people, rather than receiving medical information and diagnosis and treating diagnosis and not the patients. It behooves each individual to be a character and act like a survivor when encountering the medical profession. My latest book is prescriptions for living and it is about dealing with life's difficulties before you become ill.

Question: Bernie, Yehudah, I am very pleased to share this evening with you, thank you. My question: I am a Psych Doc and I work in Addictions Medicine 40+ hours a week. I love the work. My question is for my personal life. I can give, teach, and provide what is needed for my patients, but I am having a hard time lately finding my own center and having that amnesia to connect to my own joy. How do you, get back to your own center? I know I am hardwired to the Divine, but sometimes I feel sad and lost as a woman, but not as a clinician.

Bernie Siegel: I accept my mortality and don't waste my life time. I pay attention to my feelings and know when I don't want to do things and my relationship to other people gives my life meaning. I would also suggest you spend time doing what makes you lose track of time. That will heal your mind and body quickly. If nothing works, open a restaurant and care for the people who come to eat at your restaurant. I have worked at Subway and found it just as meaningful as being a doctor.

If one sees the world through a child's eyes, you will see many moments of joy. Example, if someone asks you to sign here, write "here". When you see it a sign that says "wet floor", do it.

Question: As someone just said, healing comes from within. After going to therapy and continuing to be in a support group, I still find it very hard to heal within and to be happy. I try very hard but I get more angry and depressed. My daughter was killed two years ago and the hurt is worse today than it was then. I don't know what to do about this constant hurt inside me.

Bernie Siegel: Every child in Heaven carries a bright candle except your daughter because your tears are putting out her candle. Live what your daughter would want you to and don't give power to others, because you are letting your life be killed also. Let the charcoal become a diamond under pressure and use your pain in love's service. Only the wounded soldier can serve.

Question: Bernie, last year I went through almost constant stress. My mom was sick for almost six months on a ventilator, so she could not speak. She died in September, two weeks before my husband had open-heart surgery to replace a bad valve. I was okay during all the stress, but started falling apart about six months later. I could not concentrate on my work and I am still struggling with this. The emotional pain is terrible! How can I retrieve the joy I used to have?

Bernie Siegel: You and many others need a place where you can empty out the pain. It can be with a therapist or a group of what I call natives who have had similar problems or with a journal of your feelings each day. Basically, pay attention to all your feelings and let them guide you in your life. Once the pain is out, peace and love can come in. Maybe even get a cat or dog to help you.

Question: Thank you, Bernie. I agree with you on educating the Medical Community. I have been blessed to find a doctor in my 12-step program that also agrees. Doctors need more information on addiction so they can treat the patient. Drugs are to often handed out when not needed in place of say Natural Herbs or exercise. With the demands put on Doctors today to get the patient in and out, it doesn't have to be that way. Thank you for being here for us. Our connections are what keep us alive and make our lives meaningful.

Question: I was in a mental health career all of my life until I was disabled. Now I find it hard to let go of that profession and find something that will give the esteem and the joy I got from working. I am not sure where to go. Could you help? I do not even know where to begin. My relationship with higher power and faith is a comfort, but I feel empty. Any comments?

Bernie Siegel: All I can say is you have to find your way of contributing to the world, what you're capable of now I don't know, but look at yourself and what you're capable of and the needs of others. The world is full of wounds, find the one you want to help heal. Instead of considering yourself disabled, ask yourself what you are enabled to do.

Question: My mother has dementia. She just wants to sit. My husband would like her in nursing home. I want to keep her home. I feel isolated in the middle. How would you handle this? How can I motivate her to do something -- anything.

Bernie Siegel: I would have your husband spend a week in a nursing home and see how he feels. There are many fine assisted living facilities and you have to look at your issues too of guilt and discuss these with your husband.

Member Response: I don't feel guilty just responsible for her.

Bernie Siegel: You have to ask yourself, are you acting with love? Responsibility is not what it is about, love is.

HealantJudy: What was your turning point -- your reason for changing from Dr Siegel to Bernie?

Bernie Siegel: My pain at not being able to cure diseases to keep children from dying and nowhere in medicine do you have the opportunity to discuss what you are feeling. So, I buried an enormous amount of pain within myself and knew it was the wrong thing to do. My patients asking how do you live between office visits changed my life. We began a search for the answer.

Question: I have been using alternative medicine for several years. Some of my docs scoff at it, saying it has no scientific proof. Yet, it works well for me when traditional meds did not. Can I get these traditional docs to listen & pay attention?

Bernie Siegel: Yes, you can meditate on your docs getting sick and experiencing what you're going through. You can share your experience and information with them, but some docs refuse to accept what they haven't been taught. So, do what works for you.

LDRS AnR C2R: Thank you, Bernie. I have a comment. You and Yehudah both talked about love being the greatest healing power of all. I think that when I take my medicine (traditional or non-traditional) with love, it works along with the 'pill' or therapy modality.

Bernie Siegel: Yes, love changes your physiology and helps heal no matter what other treatment you are going through. Life is a labor pain. You are giving birth to yourself when the treatment and labor are gone through because of love, side effects and complications are dramatically diminished.

LDRS AnR C2R: It is time to close. Thank you, Bernie for coming and sharing with us. We have just a few more minutes for you to share a closing comment.

Bernie Siegel: My comment is learn to re-parent and love yourself despite what your parents, teachers, and religion have done to you. You are NOT the problem, your actions may be, but you are not. So, accept and love yourself and move on. If you want to drive those who are troubling you crazy, call them every day for 90 days and say I love you and stop. They will call you to tell you that you forgot something. Kill with kindness, torment with tenderness, and don't give away your power and your peace. From Woody Allen, "Life is full of miserableness, unhappiness, and suffering and it's all over much too quickly."

LDRS AnR C2R: Thank you for coming and sharing. Your words will be with us for a long time. We are the seedlings and your wisdom our water. Thank you!

Bernie Siegel: Peace be with you all.

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