Survey Underscores Input from Adults is Key
to Helping Teens Face Tough Issues

by Yehudah Fine

When it comes to understanding adolescents today we need to take notice of the real issues that confront them. You may be surprised to learn what those issues are. Over the past two years I have informally surveyed nearly 7,000 high school students across the country. My interest was to get a sense of the backdrop of their lives. What are the issues that they think about? What are their concerns? How aware are they of the struggles their peers might be going through? And who are the resources they feel they can turn to when necessary?

I wasn't interested in how many of them experimented with drugs. For this survey, I didn't even want to know who was abusing drugs or alcohol. The more fundamental question was: What precisely were the issues in their daily lives and who was talking to them about those issues.

I picked a wide range of questions to ask the kids. After all, I knew going into the survey that teenagers have a lot on their minds. To make it easier for the teens to open up, I phrased each question in the following way: "How many of you have a friend who you know for a fact has . . ."

The eye-popping results are as follows:

• 100% had a friend who had been seriously depressed.

• 100% had a friend who had a serious drug or alcohol problem.

• 90% or more had a friend who thought about suicide.

• 90% were worried about violence.

• 100% encountered insults and bullying on a daily basis in school.

• 100% had friends who were sexually active.

• Almost 50% of those who said they were sexually active also said they wished they were not.

• 75% wanted to get married eventually.

• But only 20% thought they would have a fulfilling marriage.

• Over 50% thought there was a high likelihood they would get divorced.

And most striking of all:

• Only 15% thought they could turn to their parents for support in a crisis.

• But 85% wished they could discuss all these issues in depth with their parents and other adults.

What do these results mean? Are things going well with our kids or not? Many people reading these statistics will become alarmed. But I must tell you that I find them to be very encouraging. They tell us precisely how aware teens are of the most important emotional issues that they face. They also indicate that adolescents today are keenly aware of and sensitive to their friends' struggles and that they clearly want to be engaged.

There is no doubt that the young adults in our society have a lot on their minds. They have serious questions. Are we prepared to answer them? Are we prepared to engage them/ How many of us take the time to find out precisely what the hot issues are for adolescents today? Maybe the reason we find it so difficult to connect with teens is simply because we haven't taken the time to ask them what they want to know about the cutting-edge issues in their lives. Before we can effectively talk with teens about their tough issues, we need to know what they are thinking, not what we think they are thinking.

One thing is very clear. Teenagers want adult input. Parents and other adults who observe teens often encounter a mountain of instability and mood swings. But ironically, the teen years are exactly the time of life when the support and stability of a strong family and community are needed most. Parenting through this minefields of changing emotions, thoughts, and styles is not easy. Teenagers, after all, are more than willing to challenge most everything they come in contact with.

Nonetheless, by opening up to their issues, by listening objectively to what they have to say, and by being honest with them about the struggles that we face even as adults, we can make a dramatic difference in the lives of the teenagers we love. In fact, we hold the most important key to helping them reach adulthood safely and confidently. They need us more than we may know.