Why, Deanna, Why?

Hold On, Jessica, Don't Let Go

Why, Deanna, Why?
by Deanna Hessedal Tiddle

A Dialogue Between
an Indignant Cat
and Her Clueless Person

Why, Deanna, why did you bring that animal--that dog--here to live with us? You had me after all. We were happy. You didn’t need a dog.

I don’t mean to offend you, Kitty, but dogs can do some things cats can’t.

Yeah, like act stupid. Bet that dog will never bring you a mouse, as I did.

Okay, that was really nice of you, but what would you do if a burglar broke into the house?

I’d bring him a mouse. Just kidding. I’d hide under your bed.

That’s what I mean. A dog would bark and scare the burglar away.

If the burglar stuck his hand under the bed too close to me, I’d bite it. I do have teeth, you know.

I know. You bit my hand once, and I hadn’t even done anything to you.

Your hand was just there. Anyway, let’s let bygones be bygones. That was no excuse to get a dog.

I don’t see why I can’t have both a dog and a cat. I can love you both.

Equally?

Of course.

Ha! You had that dog just a few hours, and you gave her a name already. You’ve had me over a year, and I still don’t have a name.

Kitty is your name.

Kitty isn’t a real name.

Well, I suppose I could call you Doggie if you’d prefer.

Now, you’re being insulting. And how come that dog gets to sleep in your bedroom, and I don’t? How equal is that?

You blew your chance to stay in my room at night when you kept jumping up on my bed and waking me.

Well, I happen to know you sent people an e-mail announcing the arrival of that dog. Did you do that when you got me?

Yes, I did. I even sent people a photo of you.

Well, okay, then.

You could give the dog a chance. Maybe you could even become friends.

I do have standards. I think the most you’d better hope for is that I tolerate that animal and that I forgive you for turning my comfortable world upside down by bringing her here.