What's worse than being nervous about a job interview? Sitting for a
half hour waiting for interviewers who are running late. As if I wasn't already as jittery as a long tailed
cat in a room full of rocking chairs! I had to do something to keep myself from hopping on the Express Train
to Crazyland. It would have looked bad if they'd come out to find me eating my own hair.
So, in the best tradition of pessimistic optimists (of which
I am a charter member), I started thinking What could possibly go wrong? That's when things got a bit silly,
and I got out my pen, because nothing cures an anxiety attack like a Top Ten List!
So, without further ado, I share with you:
The Top Ten Worst Things That Could Happen During A Job Interview
10.) I barf on the interviewer(s). They say "Oh, so you had a Pop Tart for breakfast?"
9.) Rabid squirrel in my purse decides to make a break for it
8.) Global Thermonulear War begins. Interview is not interrupted.
7.) Refer to my former boss as "Captain Cranky-Pants"
6.) Instead of résumé, I accidentally hand interviewers some p0rn
5.) Say the only reason I want the job is for the free doughnuts
4.) Drop "F-bomb". Drop it again while apologizing
3.) When asked if I have any questions, say yes, and ask interviewer if he is wearing boxers
2.) Intend to chew fingernail, but actually bite off own thumb
1.) Apologize for coughing by saying "I really gotta cut back on the pot smoking"
And you know, it worked. The rhinos downgraded their activity from "rampage" to "line
dance". I managed not to screw up too badly. Now I just have to wait, and hope that my competition are all carrying rabid
squirrels in their purses.
Wish me luck!
From Forecasting Business Cycles, © 1931 by Warren M. Persons.
"The world of affairs in which we live is not a mechanistic world; it is a bewildering world
of multiplicities, complexities, interactions, repercussions, and the vagaries of human wants, fears, and hopes. It is
a world in which, at times, facts and logic become subordinated to human emotions. At such times individuals, who by themselves
are rational, join with other rational individuals to form an unreasoning mob. The business world then suffers from an epidemic
of optimism, with hope, recklessness, and indolence as its leading symptoms, or from an epidemic of pessimism, with fear,
timidity, and inertia as its leading features. It is also a world of wars, droughts, floods, earthquakes, and monetary changes.
In such a world there can be neither a 'sure-fire' system nor a reliable 'trick' method of forecasting business cycles."
Apply that to today's economy. Kind of mind boggling, huh?