It's hard to get mad anymore, anyone that knows me will remember that I had quite a temper when I
was young. My outburst were quite legendary. Anyone that has been reading the occasional posts that I have put
up here can probably figure out the cause of my early stress.
As I enter my thirtyeighth year I have noticed that I just can't do it anymore. Currently my
life has entered a new phase of drama that in the past would have had me acting out.
I just don't have it in me anymore. So where does that leave me? I'm not sure.
All I want is some stabilty in my life. Something to ground me, give me persective. I thought I had it but
now it's gone and where does it leave me? I don't know.
The hell that is my life has always been something to learn from and grow, but how long does
that have to continue? I know we all grow constantly through life but I'm really looking forward to a time when I
can stop having the really painful life lessons. Really now I think I've had my fair share now.
I guess when you go through long stages of contentment you forget about the pain that still
lives somewhere deep inside, then something brings it out and in this case I have to relive everything that has built that
thing that lives in me.
So now I'm heading back into a dark place that I had hoped I'd left behind a long time ago.
I'm scared.
Survival isn't a problem, the life that I have had, if anything has put me in a place where I can get through
some really rough stuff.
To quote a Rush song I just want "One Little Victory".
I guess the point is I used to find some relief in a blind outburst of rage, but now it just
seems futile and pointless, but what does that leave me? How do I release the stress now? Where do I go from
here. I want to get mad but I can't I just don't have a reason.
Maybe it's just me.
