I find I don't have the energy I used to. Well okay to tell the trueth at my last job I had
a lot more spare time and constant acess to a computer to write when I had the inspiration.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "there are no second acts in Amercan lives." Which explains a lot
about his personality. By the way I'm convinced that quotes like this aren't as spontanious as the author would have
you believe, they're always just way too convienent. But that's not my point. If you have been reading the bulk
of what I complain about here you should have noticed that I have had several acts to my American life.
I suppose that's why I'm so inpatient with the rest of the world, don't get me wrong I don't pretend
to think for a minute that my life was the worst but it has been pretty shitty at times. Judge from the reactions I
get from people when I talk about my past, their reactions range from complete disbelief, to "he's just embelishing".
It's definately worse that most. So knowing that I have always used my self as a guage to see wheather or not somebody
has reason enough to blame their fucked up behaivor on their past, and in just about every case it doesn't seem they should.
I could be like most a feel sorry for my self and blame everyone else I can for my situation, and
well honestly I'm human so I do spread some blame around, cause it makes me feel better... YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!?
Sorry, my point being is that pretty much from the moment I was kicked out into the world I was now responsible for every
moment and change in my life.
And let me tell you I've made some dumb mistakes in the past twenty years, but I made it and I think
I'm okay, at least I hope so anyway. I tried to go to college but it's really hard to work go to school eat, survive.
And yes I know that people are doing it everyday, Karen finished her degree under quite a load of life and lived to tell about
it. But I couldn't do it. I was just overwelmed and really lacked direction. Film school would have been
nice but I just didn't see a way into USC on my budget.
My father constantly told me that I needed to make a decision about what I was going to do with my
life starting in the seventh grade. So I started panicing about it when I was 13 years old. I had no idea what
I wanted to do when I grew up. Honestly I still don't, and I'm really down with Peter Gibbons idea of doing nothing.
But that's another story. But because of the threat of my inpending adulthood I figured I would take typing which
as you can read here I can count that as one sucess in my life thank you very much. By the way my typing teacher, dead,
he died durring my second semester. I'm reasonably sure it had nothing to do with me.
But that whole typing thing turned out to be a great idea, one of few I made in my young life.
Because it has kept me employed in several different industies over my life.
So when ever I got fired or laid off from a job I could start a new act. Saddly I have to admit
that it has happened to me enough in life that it is not so scarry anymore. But each time it was the start of a new
act.
What I found interesting is that while I may be doomed to a life of perpetual middle class I'm okay
with that. Because it's certainly true that the more you have the more you have to loose.
Some of you spend years in college for one specific job or industry work in that field for years
and thanks to our free market economy get fucked when your job either becomes obsolete or outsourced to somebody in a third
world country because he or she will do it for fifty cents an hour verses your fiftythousand a year, then what happens?
You're now filled with a skill set that doesn't mean shit to anyone how will you support your lifestyle? Well your either
going to switch gears and start over or step infront of a Metrolink train in the Valley, by the way todays LA Times had a
fantastic map showing where all the suicides have occurred along the route, hate to die in the same place as some other fool,
right?
Maybe my plan is based mostly in fear but I'd rather be concerned with suddenly finding my self living
in the great out doors for the rest of my life then, ending up that way. I know life is all about taking chances but
how many chances can you take before you get burned, believe me and you should I think I'm running low on lives right about
now.
Take my current situation after nearly twelve years of dedicated but weird service my former employer
let me go last year. Which I can say was not a smart decision since Really would have stayed there till I died.
I'm a dedicated worked but I had no ambision there they were paying me enough for the job and supporting my life style so
they wouldn't have to be going through what they are now, but hey if that's what they wanted. Lucky for me I saw the
writing on the wall and applied to my current employer which may not be the most challenging job, and let me tell you I took
a major pay cut but in the end I now have better retirement benefits and I will be making good money again in not time so
it's worth the stress.
So here I am in yet another act in my life hopefully it will work out and take me through to the
end of the story but if not there's always another.
Maybe it's just me.
