Fade in.

Darkness and silence.

Joel: Um... Light? Can we have some lights in here?

Now, a voice can be heard. Still nothing can be seen.

Voice: You all right?

Tom Servo: (Senor Wences Voice) Allright?
Crow: S'allright!

Voice: Can you hear me?

Tom Servo: (Singing) Tommy can you hear me? Can you feel me near you?

Cloud: ...Yeah...

Voice: Back then, you could get by with just skinned knees...

Tom Servo: (Still singing) ...skinned our hearts and skinned our knees. We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun...

Cloud: What do you mean by "Back then"?

Crow: We must get... Back to the Future!

Voice: What about now? Can you get up?

Cloud: What do you mean by "That time"? What about now?

Voice: Don't worry about me. You just worry about yourself now.

Cloud: I'll give it a try.

Tom Servo: (Raspy Voice) Do or do not. There is no try.

Woman's Voice: Oh! He moved!

Voice: How about that?

Voice: Take it slow now. Little by little...

Crow: Step by step. Inch by inch. Closer and closer...

Woman's Voice: Hello? Hello?

Joel: We're sorry. The hallucination you have reached has been temporarily disconnected. Please hang up and dial again.

Cloud: I know.

Crow: You do? Well, we don't! How about filling us in?
Tom Servo: Yeah, can we have some exposition here, please?

Cloud: Hey! Who are you?

Joel: John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith?
Crow: Hey, that's my name too!

Woman's Voice: Hello? Hello!

Fade in

We find ourselves in an old, abandoned church. A flower bed is growing in the middle of the floor in the light shining in through a hole in the roof. Cloud is lying in the middle of the flower bed. Kneeling beside him is the Flower Girl we met earlier.

Flower Girl: Are you okay? (She helps Cloud sit up.)

Tom Servo: Remember, he's an accident victim who's fallen a great distance, so make sure to move his spine around a lot.

Flower Girl: This is a church in the Sector 5 slums. You suddenly fell on top of me. (She stands) You really gave me quite a scare!

Cloud: ...I came crashing down?

Joel: They didn't warn you about the brown acid?

Flower Girl: The roof and flower bed must have broken your fall. You're lucky.

Cloud: (Standing and brushing himself off)) Flower bed... Is this yours? (Looks around) Sorry about that.

Crow: Don't worry Cloud, lot's of guys wake up in girl's beds and can't remember how they got there.
Joel: (Slaps the back of Crow's head)
Crow: Ow!

Flower Girl: That's all right. The flowers here are quite resilient because this is a sacred place. They say you can't grow grass and flowers in Midgar. But, for some reason, the flowers have no trouble blooming here. I love it here.

Flower Girl:(Kneeling and working with the flowers again) So, we meet again. Don't you remember me?

Cloud: Yeah, I remember you. You were selling flowers.

Joel: Thus the name "Flower Girl"
Tom Servo: Maybe she just came from a wedding
Joel: What?
Tom Servo: Maybe she was... never mind.

Flower Girl: Oh, I'm so happy! Thanks for buying my flowers.

Flower Girl: Say, do you have any materia?

Joel: Huh?
Tom Servo: Man, you can get whiplash trying to follow this conversation.

Cloud: Yes, some. Nowadays you can find materia anywhere.

Flower Girl: But mine is special. It's good for absolutely nothing.

Joel: I think we've all had materia like that...

Cloud: Good for nothing? You probably just don't know how to use it.

Tom Servo: Ow! Not scoring any points that way, Cloud.

Flower Girl: No, I do! It just doesn't do anything. I feel safe just having it. It was my mother's....

Flower Girl: (Looking up) Say, I feel like talking. Do you feel up to it?

Crow: Talking! Then what the heck have you been doing for the last fifteen minutes!
Joel: I think it's the "We need to talk" opening...
Tom Servo: Well, that relationship didn't last long.

Flower Girl: After all, here we are meeting again, right?

Cloud: (Shrugging) I don't mind...

Flower Girl: Wait here. I've got to check my flowers. It'll be just a minute.

Joel: Am I missing something here...?
Tom Servo: First she talks, then she says she wants to talk, then she says to wait...

The flower girl works in her garden until Cloud comes up to her again.

Flower Girl: Oh! Now that you mention it, we don't know each other's names, do we? My name is Aeris, the flower girl. Nice to meet you.

Crow: Actually... He didn't mention it.
Joel: "The" flower girl... Is that an official title of some kind?
Tom Servo: Man, this conversation is getting more surreal by the minute. What is she growing in that garden?
Joel: Hm... You may be on to something there.

Cloud: The name's Cloud. Me...? I do a little bit of everything.

Aeris: Oh... a jack of all trades.

Crow: And Jacks are wild!

Cloud: Yeah, I do whatever's needed.

Aeris: (Laughs)

Cloud: What's so funny? What are you laughing at?

Joel: She's not laughing at you Cloud, she's laughing with you.
Tom Servo: No she isn't.

Aeris: Sorry..... I just...

She is interrupted by the arrival of a figure in the doorway of the church.

Aeris: Sorry. Bad timing on my part.

Cloud moves towards the person in the doorway.

Aeris: Cloud! Don't let them get to you!

Tom Servo: Don't believe a thing they say about rustproofing...

Aeris: (Moving next to Cloud) Say, Cloud. Have you ever been a bodyguard? You do do everything, right?

Cloud: (Rubbing head) Yeah, that's right.

Tom Servo: Kevin Costner is... The Bodyguard

Aeris: Then get me out of here. Take me home.

Cloud: OK, I'll do it. But, it'll cost you...

Aeris: Well then, let's see... How about if I go out with you once?

Joel: Cool. We can go catch an FMV or something...

Cloud nods acceptance and moves towards the person in the doorway.

Cloud: I don't know who you are, but...

Person in Door: You don't know me?

Cloud: ...I know you...

Tom Servo: I knew Kefka, and you sir, are no Kefka!

The screen flashes white, then fades back in.

Crow: Damn papparatzi!

Cloud: Oh yeah... I know you. That uniform...

Several ShinRa guards run in.

ShinRa Guard: ...Hey, sis, this one's a little weird.

Cloud: Shut up, you ShinRa spy!

ShinRa Guard: Reno! Want him taken out?

Joel: Reno? Janet Reno? Uh-oh, I hope they don't think Cloud is Cuban.
Tom Servo: Even worse, Reno's in a confrontation in a religious compound... Better get the fire extinguishers ready!

Reno: (The person in the doorway) I haven't decided yet.

Aeris: Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers.

Crow: Yeah! That'll convince them!

Cloud and Aeris run to the back of the church.

Aeris: The exit is back here.

Cloud and Aeris run out. Reno walks forward through the flower patch.

Reno: They were... Mako eyes. (Turning to the ShinRa Guards) Yeah, all right. Back to work.

Tom Servo: The were... Betty Davis eyes.

Reno starts to exit after Cloud and Aeris then steps back into the room.

Reno: Oh, and don't step on the flowers (Exits)

ShinRa Guard 1 Hey, Reno! You just stepped on them!

ShinRa Guard 2 They're all ruined.

ShinRa Guard 3 You're going to catch holy hell.

The camera cuts to the back of the church which is in ruins. A rocket or missile lies in the middle of the room. Cloud and Aeris climb over the missile and run up a flight of stairs, coming to a collapsed catwalk.

Tom Servo: Extreme Makeover: Thermonuclear Edition
Joel: I love what you've done with the place. Is that a polaris missile?

Reno: (Entering the room below) There they are, over here!

The three guards run in after him.

Aeris: Cloud! That one!

Cloud: I know. It looks like they aren't going to let us go.

Aeris: What should we do?

Cloud: Well, we can't let them catch us, can we? Then, there's only one thing left.

Cloud jumps across the gap in the catwalk.

Cloud : (Motioning to Aeris to follow.) Aeris! This way!

Aeris: (Shakes head.)

Crow: Throw me the whip
Tom Servo: Throw me the idol
Crow: Throw me the whip!

Cloud: All right. I'll hold them off.

Aeris: Right! Make sure they don't get through!

Reno: The Ancient is getting away! Attack! Attack! Attack!

The three guards shoot at Aeris, who falls.

Aeris: (Yells)

Cloud: Aeris!

Reno: Think we killed them? They shouldn't have put a fight, I say!

Crow: Resistance is futile! They will be assimilated.

Aeris: Cloud! Help!

Cloud: Damn!

Cloud: (Looks up) What's that...?

Cloud climbs up to rafters where several barrels are sitting. As the ShinRa guards attack Aeris Cloud drops the barrels onto them, knocking them out. Aeris then climbs up into the rafters with Cloud.

Joel: Now they're playing Donkey Kong!
Tom Servo, Crow: (Make beeps and other videogame noises through entire sequence)
Crow: High Score! Woo-hoo!

Aeris: Thanks, Cloud.

Cloud: Aeris, this way!

The scene shifts to the outside. Cloud and Aeris are sitting on the roof of the church.

Aeris: (Laughs) They're looking for me again.

Cloud: You mean this isn't the first time they've been after you?

Aeris: No.

Cloud: They're the Turks.

Aeris: Who?

Tom Servo: The native peoples of Turkey. Formerly known as Byzantium, Turkey is located between Europe and Asia...

Cloud: The Turks are an organization within ShinRa. They search for possible candidates for SOLDIER.

Tom Servo: Oh yeah, them too...
Crow: Show off.

Aeris: This violently? I thought they were kidnapping someone.

Cloud: They're also involved in a lot of dirty stuff on the side. Spying, murder.. you know.

Joel: Does Tony Soprano know about this?

Aeris: They look like it.

Cloud: But, why are they after you? There must be a reason, right?

Aeris: (Shaking head) No, not really. I think they believe I have what it takes to be in SOLDIER.

Tom Servo: Be all you can be... or else!

Cloud: Maybe you do. You want to join?

Aeris: I don't know. But I don't want to get caught by those people!

Cloud Then, let's go!

Cloud jumps from the roof of the church and Aeris follows. Leaping from rooftop to rooftop, Cloud leads the way across the sector.

Crow: And it looks like traffic is moving briskly on the Batman bypass...

Aeris: (Falling behind) Wait! Wait, I said!

Aeris: (Panting as she catches up) Slow... Down... Don't leave me...

Cloud: (Laughing) Funny... I thought you were cut out to be in SOLDIER?

Aeris: Oh! You're terrible!

Aeris: Hey... Cloud. Were you ever in SOLDIER?

Cloud: I used to be. How did you know?

Aeris: Your eyes. They have a strange glow.

Tom Servo: He's got the eyes of the tiger...

Cloud: That's a sign of those who have been infused with Mako. A mark of SOLDIER. But, how did you know about that?

Crow: It's in the script... Duh!
Joel: Man, they're sure making a big deal out of the glowing eyes, aren't they.
Tom Servo: It's called foreshadowing Joel...
Crow: Yeah, but I'm getting bruises from the hammer.

Aeris: Oh, nothing.

Cloud: Nothing?

Aeris: Right. Nothing! Come on, let's go, bodyguard!

Joel: Nothing?
Crow: Nothing.
Tom Servo: Mmm... Nothing here either.
Crow: Nada.
Tom Servo: Nope.
Crow: Zilch.
Tom Servo: Zero.
Crow: Zip.
Joel: Guys...?

Cloud resumes jumping from rooftop to rooftop, with Aeris following more closely. Eventually they come to lower buildings and are finally able to climb to the ground on a pile of debris.

Aeris: Whew! Finally made it off!

Crow: Good. My arm was getting tired.
Joel: (Hits Crow in the back of the head.)
Crow: Ow! (Holds up controller pad) From the controller!
Joel: Give me that! (Struggles with Crow for the controller pad.)
Tom Servo: Crow, did you turn on vibration again?
Joel: (Hits Tom Servo in the back of the head.)
Tom Servo: Ow!

Aeris: Now... (Looks around) My house is over here. Let's hurry before they get here!

Aeris leads Cloud through Sector 5 until they come to a small cottage. She goes inside and Cloud follows. The camera cuts to the interior of the cottage.

Aeris: I'm home, mom!

Aeris' mother (Elmyra) walks over and Aeris gestures towards Cloud.

Aeris: This is Cloud, my bodyguard.

Joel: Funny... He doesn't look like Adam Baldwin...

Elmyra: Bodyguard...? You mean you were followed again? Are you all right! You aren't hurt, are you?

Aeris: I'm all right. I had Cloud with me.

Elmyra: (Nodding to Cloud) Thank you, Cloud. (She leaves and goes upstairs)

Joel: Jeez... Thanks for the concern and support...

Aeris: So, what are you going to do now?

Cloud: Is Sector 7 far from here? I want to go to Tifa's bar.

Aeris: Is Tifa... a girl?

Cloud: Yeah...

Aeris: A girl... friend?

Cloud: Girlfriend? (Shaking head vigorusly) No way!

Crow: Ewww... Girl cooties!

Aeris: (Takes a step towards Cloud) (Laughs) You don't have to get that upset...

Aeris: Let's see... Sector 7. I'll show you the way!

Cloud: You've got to be kidding! Why do you want to put yourself in danger again!

Aeris: I'm used to it.

Tom Servo: (Singing) She's a girl who lives a life of danger...

Cloud: Used to it? ....Well, don't know... getting help from a girl..

Aeris: A girl! (Gestures angrily) What do you mean by that!

Joel: Man, is this guy still in the fifth grade or something? Jeez...

Aeris: You expect me to just sit by after hearing you say something like that!

Aeris: (Yelling upstairs.) Mom! I'm taking Cloud to Sector 7. I'll be back in a little while!

Elmyra (Coming downstairs) But dear... I give up. You never listen once you've made up your mind. But if you must go, why don't you go tomorrow? It's getting late now.

Aeris: Yeah, you're right, mom.

Elmyra Aeris, please go up and make the bed.

Tom Servo: Bed makeup supplied by Mary Kay cosmetics.

Aeris goes upstairs.

Elmyra (To Cloud) That glow in your eyes... You're from SOLDIER, right?

Cloud: Yeah. Well, I used to be...

Crow: When you're a Jet, you're a Jet for life!

Elmyra I don't know how to say this, but...

Elmyra Would you please leave here? Tonight? Without telling Aeris?

Tom Servo: Dump my daughter, please.
Crow: (Rimshot) Heh, heh, heh... I love that one...

Cloud goes upstairs where he runs into Aeris.

Aeris: You need to go through Sector 6 to get to Sector 7. Sector 6 is a little dangerous, so you better get some rest tonight.

Joel: Jeez... Given what passes for normal around this city, I'd hate to see what they consider "a little dangerous" to be like.

Cloud nods and walks down the hallway towards the bedroom.

Aeris: Cloud?

He turns

Aeris: Good night. (She leaves)

Tom Servo: Say goodnight to the people, Aeris.
Crow: (Mimicking Aeris' voice) Goodnight to the people, Aeris.

Cloud: Oh man...

Cloud goes to the room and lies down.

Voice: ...seem pretty tired...

Cloud: ...!?

Voice: I haven't slept in a bed like this in a long time.

Cloud: Oh, yeah...

Voice: Ever since that time...

Joel: That time?
Crow: Time Bandits?
Tom Servo: Time passes?
Crow: Time wounds all heels?
Tom Servo: Time Passages?
Crow: Rosemary and Thyme?
Joel: (Sighs) Time's up, guys.
Crow, Tom Servo: (Together) Oh, that time!

The scene fades out. Cloud appears to be dreaming. He is lying in a different bed in a different house. A woman walks over to him.

Woman: My, how you've grown! I'll bet the girls never leave you alone.

Cloud: Not really...

Woman: (Concerned.) I'm worried about you. There are a lot of temptations in the city. I'd feel a lot better if you just settled down and had a nice girlfriend.

Cloud: I'm all right.

Woman: You should have an older girlfriend. One who would take care of you. I think that would be the perfect type for you.

Tom Servo: Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?

Cloud: I'm not interested!

Joel: Not that there's anything wrong with that!

The scene fades out again then back into the bedroom of Aeris' house. We can see Aeris sleeping in the next room. Cloud is still in the bed.

Cloud: (Standing up) I must have fallen asleep.

Cloud: Sector 7 is past Sector 6. I should be all right by myself...

Cloud quietly sneaks past Aeris' door and out of the house. He then heads off into the slums again. He makes his way through the area and suddenly comes upon Aeris waiting on him at the entrance to Sector 6.

Aeris: You're up bright and early.

Cloud: How could I ask you to go along when I knew it would be dangerous?

Aeris: Are you done?

Aeris: You have to go through the slum in Sector 6 to get to Tifa's 7th Heaven. I'll take you there. Come on!

Aeris runs out. Cloud shrugs his shoulders, then follows her. They make their way through what looks like a demolished highway intersection and finally come to an abandoned playground. A large gate is visible in the background.

Aeris: (Pointing at the gate.) The gate to Sector 7 is there.

Cloud: Thanks. I guess this is goodbye. Are you going to be all right going home?

Aeris: (Mock surprise) Oh no! Whatever will I do?

Aeris: Isn't that what you want me to say?

Cloud: I'll take you to Sector 7.

Aeris: I could do that, but won't I be in your way?

Cloud: What do you mean "in the way"?

Aeris: Oh, nothing...

Aeris: Can we take a break?

Aeris wanders around the playground, coming to a sliding board made in the shape of a moogle.

Aeris: I can't believe it's still here!

She climbs to the top of the slide.

Aeris: Cloud! Get over here!

Cloud climbs up the slide and sits beside her.

Aeris: What rank were you?

Cloud: Rank?

Aeris: You know... In SOLDIER.

Cloud: Oh. I was...

The screen flashes white momentarily

Cloud: ...First Class.

Joel: And you won't believe how many frequent flyer points that upgrade cost me!

Aeris: Just the same as him.

Cloud: The same as who?

Aeris: My first boyfriend.

Cloud: You were... serious?

Aeris: No. But I liked him for a while.

Tom Servo: I guess she's a "Love'em and leave'em" girl...

Cloud: I probably knew him. What was his name?

Aeris: (Shaking head) It doesn't really matter.

Joel: Sometimes nothing really matters...

The gate to Sector 7 swings open and a cart being pulled by a pair of chocobo comes through. A cage is in the back of the cart and a woman can be seen inside.

Cloud: Huh? Hey, back there...

Cloud: (Standing up) Tifa?

The cart carrying Tifa continues through the area and out another entrance. The Sector 7 gate closes.

Aeris: That girl in the cart was Tifa? Where is she going? She looked kind of odd... (She hops off the slide and runs after the cart.

Cloud: (Yelling after her) Wait! I'll go on alone. You go home!

Aeris runs off screen after the cart. Cloud shakes his head then jumps off the slide and runs after her.

The camera cuts to Wall Market, a busy trading area. Cloud and Aeris run onscreen then stop and look around.

Aeris: This place is scary in a lot of ways. Especially for a girl. So, we've got to find Tifa fast!

Aeris and Cloud wander through Wall Market for a while until they find themselves outside of the "Honey Bee Inn". There is a bouncer at the door and a large number of men standing around outside. Cloud recognizes one of them and goes up to talk to him while the rest of the men cluster around Aeris.

Johnny: (To himself) Man.. Should I go... or not? I get so mental at times like this. I'm hopeless!

Johnny: (Recognizes Cloud) Hey! Aren't you..? You mean, you're... too?

Cloud: Don't bring me down to your level!

Johnny: What? Me too. I decided this after a lot of deep thought. My last memories of Midgar... you know.

Johnny: (Indicating bouncer) But.. that guy over there kinda scares me.

Cloud leaves Johnny and walks up to the bouncer, who greets him.

Bouncer: Welcome! Even unpopular dweebs like you may meet your destiny here! You looking for a girlfriend too?

Cloud: You know a girl named Tifa?

Bouncer: Hey, you're pretty fast. Tifa's our newest girl! But, unfortunately, she's having an interview right now.

Bouncer: Here at the Honey Bee Inn, it's customary for all the new girls to be taken to Don Corneo's mansion.

Bouncer: Don Corneo's a famous dilettante. Now, he wants to settle down and is in the market for a bride.

Cloud goes back to Aeris and the two of them make their way to Don Corneo's mansion; an impressive structure at one end of Wall Market. They are met at the entrance by a doorman.

Doorman: This is the mansion of Don Corneo, the most powerful man in Wall Market.

Doorman: Look, the Don's not into men. So don't let me catch you around here again...

Doorman: (Suddenly noticing Aeris) Hey, and you got another cute one with you!

Aeris: (To Cloud) Hey, this looks like the Don's mansion. I'll go take a look. I'll tell Tifa about you.

Cloud: No!! You can't!!

Aeris: Why?

Cloud: You do know what kind of place this is, don't you?

Aeris: Then what am I supposed to do? You want to go in with me?

Cloud: Well, being a man, that'll be pretty hard. Besides, if I bust in there, it'll cause too much commotion.

Aeris: (Giggles)

Cloud: ...but I just can't let you go in alone... Oh, man...

Cloud: First, we'll need to find out if Tifa's all right...

Aeris: (Still giggling)

Cloud: What's so funny?

Aeris: Cloud, why don't you dress up like a girl? It's the only way.

Cloud: WHAT!

Aeris: (To doorman) Just wait. I've got a cute friend I want to bring.

Cloud: Aeris! I can't...

Aeris: You are worried about Tifa, aren't you? Then come on! Hurry!

Aeris runs off into Wall Market, Cloud following. They find their way to a clothing shop and enter.

Aeris: Excuse me! I'd like to get a dress.

Owner's Daughter: Umm... It might take a little while. Will that be all right?

Aeris: What's the problem?

Owner's Daughter: Well my father, the owner, has been in a slump lately. You see, he makes all the dresses.

Aeris: And where is your father?

Owner's Daughter: He's probably plastered at the bar.

Aeris: So, you're saying we can't get a dress unless we do something about your father?

Owner's Daughter: Yes. I'm sorry. He's caused so much trouble, but... you'd help me bring him back?

Aeris: Well, if we don't do something, we don't get a dress. Right?

Owner's Daughter: Really? Please help my crazy old dad. I just don't know what to do anymore...

Aeris: All right, we'll do something. Let's go, Cloud!

The two leave the clothing shop and find their way to the bar. There they find a man sitting at the bar.

Aeris: Excuse us. Are you the father of the girl at the clothing store?

Shop Owner: I own the clothes shop but I ain't your father!

Aeris: I didn't say that...

Cloud: (Interrupting) Make me some clothes!

Shop Owner: I don't make men's clothes. And I don't feel like making anything right now!

Aeris: (To Cloud) Cloud, why don't you wait over there for a second. I'll try and talk to him.

Cloud goes to the other side of the bar.

Aeris: You know mister, he always said that just once he'd like to dress up like a girl. That's why I wanted a cute dress for him.

Shop Owner: What? A tough looking guy like that?

Aeris: So how about it? Will you make him one?

Shop Owner: ...might be interesting. I was getting a little bored just making regular clothes.

Aeris: Then you'll do it for us?

Shop Owner: Yeah, all right. What kind of dress do you want?

Aeris: Something that feels soft and something that shimmers.

Shop Owner: Hmm... Got it. You know, I've got a friend that has the same tastes as him. I'll go talk to him.

The shop owner leaves the bar. Aeris retrieves Cloud and the two of them follow him back to the clothing shop.

Shop Owner: Oh, you're here. It's ready. Go try it on.

He hands the dress to Cloud who looks around uncomfortably before going into the dressing room. We hear rustling sounds through the door.

Cloud: How... How do you put this thing on?

Aeris opens the door and peeks inside

Cloud: (Still inside the dressing room) Whoa! What are you doing!

Aeris: It's still not right. A wig! That's what you need!

Shop Owner: Umm... I thought you might, so I talked to my friend about getting one.

Shop Owner: You know the gym? You'll find a lot of people there like you. Go talk to them.

Cloud exits the dressing room, still in his normal clothes

Cloud: "like you"? Aeris, what did you tell him!

Aeris: Does it matter? Anyhow, we got a pretty dress!

Leaving the shop, Aeris and Cloud go to the gym. There, they find several men doing squat-thrusts. One of them is wearing a wig and women's clothes.

Man: You the one who wants to be cute?

Cloud: Cute?

Aeris: Right. About the wig...

Man: Yeah, I heard. But it'll cost ya!

The group of people doing squat-thrusts stop and come over. One of them speaks.

Beautiful Bro: Big Bro! The only way you're gonna get cuter is if you can beat the Big Bro!

Squat Thrust Men: That's right! You've got to compete with us! Let's do squats!

Cloud: Are you...

Aeris: The Beautiful Bro?

Beautiful Bro: What? You didn't know? Always running around here saying "Big Bro this" and "Big Bro that". Never mind, come over here!

Cloud and Big Bro face each other as the other men crowd around. The two of them then both race to do as many squat-thrusts as possible in 30 seconds. Cloud wins.

Beautiful Bro: You win! I'm a man of my word. Here you are. (Gives a wig to Cloud)

Big Bro: I'm so mad! I'm so, so, so... mad!

Beautiful Bro punches him and knocks him across the room.

Beautiful Bro: Shut up! Don't cry just because you lost!

Big Bro: Uuuhh, Bro's fists of steel cut to the bone!

The men in the gym all cluster around Big Bro as Aeris and Cloud leave.

Cloud and Aeris return to the dress shop. They go inside.

Aeris: Aren't you going to change?

Cloud: (Sigh) Okay... I'm ready.

Cloud enters the dressing room. A rustle of clothing is heard and he emerges in the dress.

Shop Owner: Hmmm... Not bad. This could be a new business for me!

Shop Owner's Daughter: Yeah, you're right. Should we try it?

Shop Owner's Daughter: (To Cloud and Aeris) Thanks for showing us something new. My father's gotten his motivation back now, so the dress is on the house.

Aeris: Walk more nicely, like this... Miss Cloud.

Cloud: What do you mean "nicely"?

Cloud walks up and down the store like a model.

Aeris: Oh, you're so cute, Miss Cloud.

Aeris: Aaah! I want one! (To shop owner) Do you have one that'll look good on me too?

Shop Owner: (Indicating a dress) How's this?

Shop Owner's Daughter: (Indicating a different dress) Father, what are you talking about? This one's much better.

Shop Owner: What are you saying? This one's much better.

Aeris: (Indicating yet another dress) I want this one!

Cloud, the Shop Owner and his Daughter all look surprised.

Aeris: (Taking dress) I'm going to change.

She walks to the dressing room then stops and turns to the others.

Aeris: No peeking!

She enters the dressing room. A rustle of cloth is heard then she emerges wearing the dress.

Aeris: So? How do I look?

Cloud: (Shakes his head)

Aeris: Oh, you're no fun!

They leave the shop and return to Don Corneo's mansion. They are greeted by the doorman.

Doorman: Damn! Your friend's hot, too!

Doorman: Come in, come in!

Doorman: (Through the door of the mansion) Two ladies coming through!

Cloud and Aeris enter the mansion. They find themselves in a richly appointed entryway with steps leading to a balcony overhead. A receptionist approaches them.

Receptionist: Hey, ladies.

Receptionist: I'll go and let the Don know you're here. Wait here. Don't go wandering around. (He leaves)

Aeris: Now's our chance. Let's go find Tifa.

Cloud and Aeris go up the steps to the balcony where they find several doors. Cloud goes through one and finds himself at the top of a flight of stairs leading to what seems to be a dungeon, complete with a rack and other torture implements. Tifa is standing in the middle of the dungeon.

Cloud: Tifa?

Aeris: (Going up to Tifa) Nice to meet you. I'm Aeris. Cloud has told me a lot about you.

Tifa: And you are...?

Tifa: Hey! You were the one with Cloud in the park!

Aeris: Right. With Cloud.

Tifa: Oh...?

Aeris: Don't worry, we just met. It's nothing.

Tifa: What do you mean, "Don't worry" ? About what?

Tifa: No, don't misunderstand. Cloud and I grew up together. Nothing more.

Aeris: Poor Cloud, having to stand here and listen to both of us call him nothing. (Turns to where Cloud is still standing) Right Cloud?

Tifa: (Apparently recognizing Cloud for the first time) Cloud? Cloud! Why are you dressed like that? And what are you doing here?

Tifa: Forget that... What happened to you after the fall? Are you hurt?

Cloud: Hey, give me a chance to explain!

Cloud: I'm dressed like this... because there was no other way to get in here. I'm all right. Aeris helped me out.

Tifa: Oh, Aeris did, did she?

Cloud: Tifa, explain. What are you doing in a place like this?

Tifa: (Suddenly embarrassed) Oh yeah... Ummm....

Aeris: Ahem! I'll just plug my ears. (She walks to the far side of the room and puts her hands over her ears)

Tifa: (To Cloud) I'm glad you're ok.

Cloud: Thanks. What happened?

Tifa: When we got back to Sector 7 from the Number 5 reactor there was this weird man hanging around. Barrett caught him and squeezed some information out of him.

Cloud: And the Don's name popped up.

Tifa: Right, Don Corneo. Barrett told me to leave the leach alone, but something kept bothering me...

Cloud: I see. So you wanted to get the story straight from Corneo's mouth.

Tifa: So I made it here, but now I'm in a bind. Corneo is looking for a bride. Every day, he gets three girls, chooses one of them, and then... well...

Tifa: Anyway, I have to be the girl, or I'm out for tonight.

Aeris: (Uncovering her ears and turning to them) Sorry, but I overheard.

Aeris: If you know the three girls, there's no problem, right?

Tifa: I guess so, but...

Aeris: We have two here, right?

Cloud: No Aeris! I can't let you get involved.

Aeris: Oh? So it's all right for Tifa to be in danger?

Cloud: (Shakes head) No, I don't want Tifa involved...

Tifa: (Walking up to Aeris) Is it all right?

Aeris: I grew up in the slums... I'm used to danger.

Aeris: Do you trust me?

Tifa: Yes. Thanks, Ms. Aeris.

Aeris: You can call me Aeris.

All three of them turn to a call from the top of the stairs. The receptionist can be seen standing in the doorway.

Receptionist: Hey! It's time ladies. The Don is waiting!

Receptionist: I told ya not to wander around. (To himself) I tell ya, women nowadays...

Receptionist: Hurry up, will ya! (He leaves)

Cloud: I probably don't need to ask... but the other girl is... me... right?

Tifa: You're right. There was no need...

Aeris: ...to ask.

Cloud, Aeris and Tifa all go back up the stairs. The receptionist meets them and shows them through a door into the Don's room where the Don himself is seated behind his desk. He has a bodyguard on either side of him

1st Bodyguard: All right, ladies! Line up in front of the Don.

They do so

Don: Hmmm... Good... Splendid! (He jumps over the desk and starts walking up and down in front of the three)

Don: (Stopping in front of Aeris) Now, let's see... Which girl should I choose? Hmm.. hmm...!

Don: (Stopping in front of Cloud) This one?

Don: (Moving to Tifa) Or this one?

Don: (Moving back to Cloud) Woo-hoo! I've made up my mind! My choice for tonight is...

Don: (He steps suddenly in front of Aeris) This slender little girl!

Aeris: Don, you've got great taste.

Don: (To his bodyguards) You can have the other ones!

Bodyguards: Yes sir! Thank you sir!

Don: (Turning back to Aeris:) Well then, shall we go my pretty?

The Don leads Aeris through a door in the back of the room. The two bodyguards escort both Cloud and Tifa out of the room.

The camera cuts to the guard barracks. The bodyguard leads cloud into the room. Several guards in the room jump up as they enter.

Bodyguard: Hey guys! We've got guests! This is all thanks to the big boss, Don Corneo!

Other Guards: Heey! Three cheers for Don Corneo!

Bodyguard: (To Cloud) We'll take real good care of you! Heh, heh...

Bodyguard: Well ladies, are we, uh, all ready?

The guards start chasing Cloud around the room. He finally runs back up to the Don's bodyguard.

Bodyguard: Hey.. what's wrong? Want me to keep you company?

Cloud: No.. I'm flattered, but no thanks!

Bodyguard: Because...?

Cloud: Because... (Flings off the dress and wig he has been wearing) I ain't interested in a buncha scrubs like you!

Bodyguard: Wha... a man!!??

Bodyguard: You think you can get away with this! Get him!

Several waves of guards attack Cloud but he is easily able to defeat them.

Bodyguard: Grr! C'mon, what's the matter with you good for nothings?

Bodyguard: All right now, come on!! I'll show you how it's done!

He attacks Cloud, who defeats him in just slightly more time than it took to defeat the other guards. Cloud looks around at the carnage in the room then runs out the door. He meets Tifa in the hall outside.

Tifa: Cloud!!

Cloud: Tifa!!

Cloud: Are you all right?

Tifa: Of course! If you take me lightly, you're gonna pay for it!!

Cloud and Tifa run off towards the Don's rooms. The camera cuts to the inside of Don Corneo's elaborately but tastelessly decorated bedroom. The Don and Aeris are sitting on opposite sides of the bed.

Don: (Leaning forward) Woo-hoo! Come, come, don't be shy...

Aeris: Ye.. yes.. But, Mr. Don. I'd like you to explain something to me first...

Don: Of course, my dear. I'll take you through it slowly, step by step. So, come on! (He stands up and makes several thrusting motions with his hips towards her.)

Aeris: No, that's not what I meant!

Aeris: (The Don repeats the thrusting movement) No, stop! Just, wait a second!

Don: Come, come!

Don: Aoooh! I can't wait any longer! Here comes papa!

The Don makes a leap towards Aeris. At just this moment, Cloud and Tifa break in through the doorway. Aeris jumps up when she sees them and the Don lands flat on his face where she had been sitting.

Aeris: Cloud!

Don: What the hell? Who goes there?

Aeris: Sorry, Don. (She removes her sexy dress, revealing her normal clothes beneath it.)

Don: (Still lying spread-eagle on the bed) What's going on?

Tifa: Shut up, we're asking the questions now...

Tifa: What did your assistants find out? Talk! If you don't tell us...

Cloud: (Putting one foot on bed) ...I'll chop them off.

Don: (Jumps) No! Not that! I'll talk! I'll tell you everything!

Tifa: So... Talk.

Don: (Panicky) ...I made 'em find out where the man with the gun-arm was. But that's what I was ordered to do.

Tifa: By who?

Don: No! If I told you that, I'd be killed!

Tifa: Talk! If you don't tell us...

Aeris: (Putting one foot on bed) ...I'll rip them off.

Don: Waaah! It was Heidegger of ShinRa! Heidegger, the head of Public Safety Maintenance!

Cloud: The head of Public Safety Maintenance?

Tifa: Did you say the ShinRa? What are they up to?

Tifa: Talk! If you don't tell us...

Tifa: (Putting one foot on bed) ...I'll smash them.

Don: You're serious, aren't you? Ohboy, ohboy, ohboy! I'm not fooling around here either, you know.

Don: ShinRa's trying to crush a small rebel group called AVALANCHE and want to infiltrate their hideout.

Don: And they're really going to crush them... literally. By breaking the support holding up the plate above them!

Tifa: (Steps back in surprise) Break the support?

Don: You know what's going to happen?

Don: The plate'll go PING

Don: ...and everything's gonna go Bamm!

Don: I've heard their hideout is in the Sector 7 slums. I'm just glad it's not here in Sector 6.

Tifa: They're going to wipe out the Sector 7 Slums?

Tifa: (To Cloud) Cloud, will you come with me to Sector 7?

Cloud: Of course, Tifa.

Cloud, Tifa and Aeris start to leave when they are stopped by Don Corneo

Don: Just a second!

Cloud: Shut up!

Don: No, wait. This will only take a second.

Don: How do you think scum like me feels when they babble on about the truth?

Cloud: They don't know what the hell's going on

Don: Close, but no cigar.

The Don flips a switch beside the bed. A panel in the floor opens beneath the three and they drop out of sight below. The Don laughs as the camera fades out.

We fade back in to ShinRa headquarters. President Shinra is sitting behind his desk conferring with another ShinRa executive (Reeve). Heidegger enters the room and comes up to the desk.

President Shinra: How are the preparations going?

Heidegger: (Laughing) Smoothly, very smoothly! I assigned the Turks to this.

Reeve: Mr. President! Are we really going to do this? Simply destroy a group with only a few members...

President Shinra: What's the problem Reeve? You want out? (He stands up and walks to face Reeve)

Reeve: ...No.

Reeve: But, as head of the Urban Development Department, I have been involved in the building and running of Midgar. That's why...

Heidegger: (Interrupting) Reeve, you should flush those personal problems in the morning!

Reeve: (To Heidegger) The Mayor is against this...

Heidegger: (Shrugging) Mayor? He just sits in his building all day feeding his face! You call that a Mayor?

Heidegger: (Turns to the President and salutes) Now, if you will excuse me sir!

Heidegger turns and leaves. Reeve makes several steps after him and reaches out his hand as if to stop him.

President Shinra: (To Reeve) You're tired. Why don't you take a couple of days off and go somewhere.

Reeve pauses for a moment, then drops his arm and exits after Heidegger

President Shinra: We'll destroy Sector 7 then report that AVALANCHE did it. Then, we'll send in the rescue operation care of ShinRa, Inc! (Laughs) This is perfect!

The scene changes to a sewer somewhere under Midgar. Cloud, Aeris and Tifa are here, having fallen through Don Corneo's trap. Cloud gets up and goes to check on his companions.

Cloud: (Walking to check on Aeris Are you all right?

Aeris: (Standing up) Yeah...

Cloud: (Going over to Tifa) You all right?

Tifa: Man! This is terrible!

Aeris: Well, the worst is over...

There is a sudden, loud roaring noise. Cloud pulls his sword and looks around.

Aeris: ...or, maybe not...

A monster suddenly surges out of the sewer and attacks them. They are able to defend themselves and drive it off.

Tifa: It's too late... Marlene... Barrett... The people of the slums...

Aeris: Don't give up! Never give up hope! It's not easy to destroy the support pillar, right?

Tifa: Yeah... you're right! We still have time.

The three of them make their way through the sewers, fighting off several attacks by the creatures which live there. Eventually they find an opening to the surface and climb out to find themselves in the Train Graveyard, a scrapheap of broken down trains and other railroad equipment.

Cloud: Aeris, I got you mixed up in all of this...

Aeris: (Interrupting) Don't tell me to go home!

Tifa: (Looking around) Let's see. If we can just get past the trains that are lit up, we should be able to get out of here.

The trio sets off again, climbing over and through the train cars which litter the area. At one point they are even forced to start up one of the older trains to move it out of their way. Along the way they are attacked by the ghosts who live in the trains. Eventually they find their way to the Sector 7 train station.

Leaving the station they enter the slums. As they do, they hear gunfire coming from the direction of the support pillar and run to investigate. A group of curious onlookers are crowded around the base of the pillar looking upwards towards the source of the noise.

Tifa: We made it! The pillar's standing!

Cloud: Wait! You hear something... above us?

Aeris: ...gunfire...

The camera pans upwards towards the top of the tower. Muzzle flashes can be seen along it's height and around the top. There is a sudden louder blast of gunfire and a body plummets to the ground from high overhead. Cloud runs over to it and we see that it is Wedge.

Cloud: Wedge! Are you all right?

Wedge: ...Cloud... You remembered... my name... Barrett's up top... help him...

Wedge: ...and Cloud... Sorry, I wasn't any help. (He dies)

Cloud remains kneeling over Wedge's body for several seconds, then stands and looks upward.

Tom Servo: And now... It's personal.

Cloud: I'm going up. Aeris! Look after Wedge.

Tifa: Aeris, do me a favor. I have a bar called The 7th Heaven in this neighborhood. There's a little girl named Marlene there...

Aeris: (Nodding) Don't worry, I'll put her somewhere safe. (Runs off)

Tifa: (To the crowd around the support pillar) It's dangerous here! Everyone, get away from the pillar, quickly! Everyone, get out of Sector 7!

The people scatter as Cloud and Tifa run to the tower and start climbing the steps up it. The scene cuts to a landing somewhere up the tower. Biggs is leaning against the railing, wounded. Cloud and Tifa enter and Cloud goes up to him.

Biggs: Cloud.. so you don't care... what happens... to the... Planet?

Cloud: You're wounded...

Biggs: Thanks, Cloud, but don't worry about me... Barrett's fighting up there... Go help him...

Cloud nods and he and Tifa resume their climb. Further along, they find Jessie, also wounded, lying collapsed on the stairs. Cloud kneels beside her.

Jessie: ...Cloud... I'm glad... I could talk with you one last time...

Cloud: Don't say "last"...

Jessie: That's... all right... Because of our actions... many... people died... this is probably... our punishment...

Her eyes close and she slumps down, either dead or unconcious. After a beat, Cloud stands and he and Tifa once more resume their climb.

The camera cuts to the top of the tower. Barrett stands facing several ShinRa troops. They have him pinned down until Cloud and Tifa suddenly arrive on the scene, turning the odds and driving the troops off.

Barrett: Tifa! Cloud! You came!

Barrett: Be careful! They're attacking from the helicopter!

Tifa: Here they come!

The helicopter swoops by, but instead of attacking it drops someone onto the platform. It turns out to be Reno, who runs to the center of the platform and does something to a control panel located there. Barrett, Cloud and Tifa run over, weapons ready.

Reno: You're too late! Once I push this button... (He does so) ...That's all, folks!

Reno: Mission accomplished!

Tifa: We have to disarm it! Cloud, Barrett! Please!

Reno: I can't let you do that. No one gets in the way of Reno and the Turks...

The three attack him but the results are inconclusive. Reno runs to the edge of the tower and jumps into the waiting helicopter. Tifa rushes to the console.

Tifa: Cloud! I don't know how to stop this! Try it!

Cloud: (Examining the console) It's not a normal time bomb...

The helicopter swings back into view. Another Turk (Tseng) is leaning out the window.

Tseng: That's right! You'll have a hard time disarming that one. It'll blow the second some stupid jerk touches it.

Tifa: Please stop it!

Tseng: (Laughing) Only a ShinRa Executive can set up or disarm the Emergency Plate Release System.

Barrett: (Opening fire on the helicopter) Shut yer hole!

Tseng: I wouldn't do that... You just might make me injure our special guest.

Aeris appears in the helicopter window behind Tseng

Tifa: Aeris!

Tseng: Oh, you know each other? How nice you could see each other one last time. You should thank me.

Cloud: What are you going to do with Aeris?

Tseng: I haven't decided.

Tseng: Our orders were to find and catch the last remaining Ancient. It's taken us a long time, but now I can finally report this to the President.

Aeris: (Leaning out of the helicopter) Tifa, don't worry! She's all right! (She is slapped back into the helicopter by Tseng)

Tifa: Aeris!

Aeris: (Leaning out again) Hurry and get out!

Tseng: (Laughing) Well, it should be starting right about now. Think you can escape in time?

FMV: The helicopter flies away from the pillar. The first of the explosives detonate, sending chunks of concrete and metal flying onto the platform and to the ground far below.

Tifa: Once that plate starts coming down it'll be too late. We gotta hurry!

Barrett looks around then runs to the side of the platform where a cable is hanging from somewhere above.

Barrett:Yo! We can use this wire to get out!

Barrett climbs onto the railing and grabs the wire. Both Cloud and Tifa grab hold of him and he swings off the platform and away.

FMV: The pillar explodes. The plate overhead starts to fall. We get a view from the ground of people looking upwards in horror as the sky literally falls on them. The people try to run but it is too late. The plate crashes into the ground and the screen goes black.

FMV: The scene changes to show Cloud, Barrett and Tifa swinging on the cable. Their momentum carries them past the edge of the plate as it crashes to the ground behind them and they are enveloped in a cloud of dust and debris.

FMV: We now see the interior of President Shinra's office in ShinRa HQ. Light music is playing in the background. He watches through the window as the plate falls below him, crushing the Sector 7 slums and everyone and everything in them. The camera then cuts to a high shot of the entire city, dust rising from the gaping hole where Sector 7 once stood.

Fade out

The camera pulls back from the theatre, through the doors and back to the main deck of the Satellite of Love. The lights are obviously dim. Joel, Crow and Tom Servo enter from off-screen.

Crow: Wow, that President Shinra is one mean guy! I mean, he just wiped out one-eighth of the population of his city just to get at a few people.

Joel: Well, things like that are fairly common in video games Crow. You see, players want to get on with the game instead of wading through large blocks of characterization so the villians tend to have pretty basic personalities. President Shinra is evil and that's all there is to it.

Tom Servo: So, you're saying that he should have more to his character than just wanting to kill our heros?

Joel: Well, it would make him a more interesting character if he had more personality. For example, maybe he arranges flowers or raises kittens or something.

Crow: Or, maybe carnivorious flowers that he feeds kittens to?

Tom Servo: Yeah! Then we could have a sequence where the player has to run between the carnivorious plants while dodging falling kittens in order to kill the President!

Crow: That's good! But then wouldn't we have to have a weed eater or something to fight the plants with?

Tom Servo: Oooh! Yeah! A gas powered weed eater! Think of the fatalities you could pull with one of those! Gibs, baby! Lots of gibs!

Joel: (Getting agitated) No, no, no. That's not what I was talking about! What I meant was... (He is suddenly interrupted as an alarm goes off and the lights start flashing red. Gypsy rushes into the room.)

Magic Voice: Collision alert. Collision alert.

Joel: Gypsy! What's going on?

Gypsy: We're about to hit something! Aaaah! (Rushes around then runs back out)

Joel and the 'bots rush to the side window and look out. (Note: We don't see out the window ourselves, we just see Joel and company looking out.)

Joel: What is that?

Tom Servo: Looks like the Mars Surveyor that NASA lost a while back.

Crow: Huh? So this is where it went to.

Joel: (Snaps fingers)) That's it!

Tom Servo: What?

Joel: That's how we'll get our power back! The Mars Surveyor had a reactor on board. We'll run a cable over to it and recharge our fuel cells from there!

Crow: But... how will we get a cable over there? The manipulator arms on the station won't function without power and your spacesuit hasn't worked since the popcorn incident last year!

The three look around the bridge, dejected. Then, Joel and Tom Servo look at each other for a beat before turning to look meaningfully at Crow.

Crow: What! Me! I, I... (Sputters as both Joel and Tom Servo keep staring at him.) Why me!

Joel: Because if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!

Tom Servo: And besides, you're the one with arms that work!

Crow: But... But... (Sighs) Oh, all right! (He ducks under the console and comes back up with a large coil of extension cord.)

Crow: (Bad accent) Ah'll be bahck!

Crow disappears below the console. Joel and Tom Servo watch for a few seconds then go to the window and start looking out. Again, we never see out the window ourselves.

Tom Servo: There he is.

Joel: Yeah. Looking good Crow. Crow! Look out for that solar pa.. (winces) Oooh.

Tom Servo: Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.

Joel: OK, he's on the main structure. That's good... That's good... Good. It looks like he's found an access point.

Tom Servo: (Suddenly straightening up) Uh, Joel? We use 120 volts on the satellite, right?

Joel: Good ol' American standard, why?

Tom Servo: Well, I seem to remember that NASA used 240 volts on their Mars missions.

Joel and Tom Servo stare at each other for a moment then Joel rushes to the window.

Joel: Crow! Crow! Abort! Abort! Don't...

Joel and Tom Servo are suddenly illuminated by a bright, flickering light from outside the window. Joel covers his eyes and a sizzling noise is heard.

Crow: (Off-screen) Yaaaahhhh!

Joel: (Wincing) Eeewwww!

Tom Servo: Unnnnhhh.

The two watch something moving outside the window then turn to the console as Crow climbs back into the room. He is blackened, part of his antenna is hanging loose and curls of smoke are rising from various points on his body. Every few seconds his whole body spasms.

Tom Servo: Uh-oh.

Joel: (Concerned) Crow! Are you all right! Say something!

Crow: (Staring into the distance) Why, yes Madaline! I do believe I'll have the crepes! (Falls over and out of sight)

Joel: (Looks down at Crow for a beat then up at camera) We'll be back right after this.

Crow: (Pops up into view) The strawberries! It was the strawberries! (Falls over again)

Cut to spinning MST3K logo

Fade out