Uneasy Rider
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Please forward to everybody you know
(but not to me)!

Why I don't want your alerts

I get a lot of mail forwarded to me from well-meaning, concerned friends, relatives, and perfect strangers alerting me to the most fantastic money-making schemes ever imagined, the most horrible viruses ever conceived by mortal man or woman, the most glorious pyramids ever erected after those at Giza, the most darling e-mail experiments ever conducted by teenagers from here and abroad, the most outrageous congressional bills ever to threaten the existence of the Internet, and the most pathetic stories ever to wring the human heart. 

I thank you all.

Please don't send me any more.  And when I say please, I mean I'm down on my knees begging you!

Why, you may well ask, and ask you well may.  I'll tell you why.  Because, my friends...

  • I am drowning in them;
  • 99% of them are hoaxes; 
  • 30% I've already received once;
  • 70% I've already received more than once;
  • 20% I've already received no less than 226 times, 31 of these by you at least twice;
  • 100% of them I will never, ever forward to anybody else, so you are wasting your time and mine hoping or even dreaming that I will.
    • unless, of course...
  • they are screamingly funny;
  • I have checked them out myself personally and found them to be legitimate;
  • I think they might actually do somebody some good (and even then, I probably won't send them);
  • I accidentally clicked the "send" icon instead of the "trash" icon on my e-mail program.

    • What you can do instead...

    Before you decide to forward a warning or plea to half the civilized world (or to me!), please check one or more of the following web sites consecrated to separating the tares from the wheat (they are in alphabetical order, not necessarily in order by my personal favorites):

  • AFU & Urban Legends Archive 
  • Andrew Warinner's Interactive Urban Legends 
  • CIAC Hoax Busters 
  • DataFellows Hoax Warnings 
  • HoaxKill 
  • Internet ScamBusters 
  • McAfee's Antivirus Center 
  • Monkeyburgers 
  • Museum of Hoaxes (all kinds of hoaxes, not just Internet and e-mail, from 750 A.D. forward - very entertaining)
  • NetSquirrel's Urban Legend Combat Kit 
  • Norton Antivirus Hoaxes 
  • Norton Antivirus Research Center 
  • Purportal Hoax Search Engine 
  • Sophos Virus Information 
  • Urban Legend Generator 
  • Urban Legends at About.Com 
  • Urban Legends Reference Pages 
  • Urban Legends Research Centre 
  • VMyths 
    		•

    The Real McCoy

    What to do against an actual virus

    If you do not have an antivirus program on your computer...
  • Do not open any e-mail attachment, *ever! 
  • Do not copy anything from somebody else's floppy disks unless they are originals (if these happen to be an application program, it's possibly an infringement on somebody's copyright, which is illegal and could quite likely land you in the slammer with a very stiff fine if you were ever caught at it).
  • Do not, I repeat, DO NOT! send anything to me!!! You just might be infected and not even know it. And I do not want to catch whatever you've got! Just remember Typhoid Mary.**
    • And if you don't have an antivirus program with current data files on your computer, you have no business on the Internet at all, unless, of course, you harbor suicidal tendencies. Strange, festering cyberdiseases abound, and you never know when one or more of them will finally sniff out something tasty on your computer and go for it. 

    Below (in alphabetical order) are a number of recommended antivirus programs you can buy either online or in computer stores, as well as a couple of  free on-line antivirus services that scan your computer. There are also others.


    Now then, if you do have an antivirus program on your computer...

  • For heaven's sake use it!  Follow the manufacturer's instructions.
  • Make sure that it is updated frequently. Dozens, grosses of new viruses are released into cyberspace every month by dedicated souls who have consecrated their very lives to make yours miserable. 
  • Do not open any e-mail attachment you are not sure about (and that includes those coming from your Uncle Vanya or your best friend Tanya) without scanning them first for viruses. Even then, there are no guarantees. Antivirus programs greatly minimize the risks, but they are not infallible. 
  • Do not open unsolicited e-mail attachments from people you do not know, even from what appear to be legitimate businesses.  They may be fraudulent and they may be spreading a virus.
    • * Attachment - An e-mail message is essentially harmless (though it could be trashy), but attachments are accompanying and often formatted documents, applications, graphics or other data that might contain dangerous viruses.
    ** Typhoid Mary  -  famous typhoid carrier in the New York City area in the early 20th century. Fifty-one original cases of typhoid and three deaths were directly attributed to her (countless more were indirectly attributed), although she herself was immune to the typhoid bacillus (Salmonella typhi ).

    Copyright © 2001 • Stephen W. Pulley