Aoshi: Yeah. You?
Heero: Yeah.
Aoshi: What did you get Relena?
Heero: Rather not say.
*Pause*
Aoshi: ...they planted an electronic listening device, didn't they.
Heero: Yeah.
*meanwhile, in the warehouse across the street...*
Misao: Damn!
Relena: Oh well.
****
Eriol: Hi, Touya!
Touya: Uh... hello, Okita-tachi.
Quatre: What's that you have?
Touya: This? It's a present for Yukito's birthday.
Eriol: That's right! Yukito's birthday is on Christmas!
All Clones: Ah! I see!
*pause*
Soujiro: Yukito-san's...birthday...
Quatre: Christmas...
*All clones get really wide eyed*
Touya: You HAVE finished your shopping, right?
*The clones go SD and start running around*
Soujiro: With all that running from that girl...
Eriol: We forgot to shop for Christmas!
Quatre: We're doomed!
Okita: Uh... what's Christmas?
*face fault*
****
Hilde: Duo, you can't be serious.
Duo: About what?
Hilde: Going shopping the day before Christmas! You're going to be crushed!
Duo: Don't worry! After all-
*Duo strikes a dramatic pose*
Duo: I am a Gundam pilot.
Hilde: That didn't help you all those times you tried to infiltrate OZ.
Duo: IT'S NOT MY FAULT I RAN INTO EVERY OTHER GUNDAM PILOT!
Hilde: And me.
Duo: Shut up.
WuFei: If you're done with the nostalgic memories, let's go.
Hilde: Heeeeh?!
Duo: You're celebrating Christmas? What, get visited by three ghosts?
WuFei: Sally said she got me a present.
Hilde: Oh.
Duo: This wouldn't have anything to do with that broken arm you got right after her birthday, would it?
WuFei: NO, IT WOULD NOT!
Duo: Well then, let's go!
WuFei & Hilde: (I'm going to regret this.)
****
Relena: Why are you checking your kunai, Misao?
Misao: I have to get something for Jiya.
Relena: You're going out there?
Misao: Yeah.
Relena: Be careful.
Misao: Don't worry! I'm Oniwabanshu!
Misao: And Aoshi-sama's going with me!
Relena: (Where'd all these hearts come from?)
Aoshi: I'm off.
Heero: Good luck.
****
Sasami: Thanks for taking us to the mall, Ryoko-ne.
Misao A: Yes, thank you.
Ryoko: No problem! I need to get something for Tenchi.
Rumiya: (I need to get something for Misao, and if I want to live, sis.)
*The group rounds the corner to see the mall... and the crowd in front of it*
Ryoko: This is terribly out of character... but you two stay close to me.
Misao A and Sasami: H..hai..
****
Tifa: Do you really have to go?
Cloud: Yes.
Tifa: No! Please don't leave!
Cloud: I have to do this.
Tifa: It's too dangerous!
Cloud: I promise I'll come back.
Tifa: You'll be killed! Don't go!
Cloud: I'm sorry, but I must complete my shopping.
Tifa: Oh. Well, I'll go with you!
Cloud: Huh?
Barret: 'Bout #^$&%* time!
Cloud: Uh? But we can only have three people in a-
*Cid smacks Cloud*
Cid: Shut up, you clueless %*&^@!
****
Quatre: Watches.
Hibiki: Check.
Quatre: Cell phones.
Hibiki: Check.
Quatre: Helmets.
Hibiki: Check.
Quatre: Kevlar vests.
Hibiki: Check.
Quatre: First aid kit and defibrillator.
Hibiki: Check.
Quatre: Automatic weaponry and amunitio-
Soujiro: Come on, guys, it's just a trip to the mall!
Quatre: (That's what they all say... then comes the running, and the screaming...)
Okita: Hi, Billy! Going to join us?
*Billy sweatdrops as he watches the Yggdrasil get thrown at a building*
Billy: I'll... meet you there.
Okita: Okay! Let's go!
*Okita, Soujiro, and Eriol march out*
Hibiki: You're not going with them?
Quatre: I've got a plan...
****
Tifa: We FINALLY got in.
Cid: Due to Cloud's Finishing Touch.
Cloud: It's not my fault the crowd trampled me down to Limit Break level.
Barret: Jus' be glad you ain't a FFVIII character.
Cloud: Well, we have a while before the authorities arrive. Where t-
Tifa: What?
Cid: What the #%^%*!?
Barret: Oh, for...
Sephiroth: Here. Have a candy cane.
Cloud: WHAT are you doing?
Sephiroth: Evil plans cost money, you know. Being one of Santa's elves pays really well.
Cloud: ('Cause no one in there right mind would volunteer...)
Tifa: I'll take a candy cane.
Cloud: Don't take it! It's probably poisoned!
Sephiroth: Listen, it took a lot of effort to plaster this smile on my face, so don't make me lose it!
Cloud: Ulp!
Barret: I never seen a black elf costume.
Cid: BWA HA HAH HA HA HA!
Sephiroth: Why you-
*Several screams of "Sephiroth!" are heard*
Sephiroth: I gotta go.
*Sephiroth runs off, followed by a hoard of screaming fangirls*
Tifa: A fate worse then death...
Cid: But I hafta admit, he cleared the mall quite a bit. Let's go.
****
Makoto: And everyone made such a fuss. This mall isn't too hard to get through.
Usagi: (Just because everyone clears out of your way...)
Makoto: That jerk in the parking lot who tried to run me over was much worse.
Usagi: It was really cool how you stopped his car cold with that kick, though.
Makoto: Look at these earrings! Aren't they nice?
Misao A: Umm....
Makoto: Oh! I'm sorry, were you planning on buying these?
Misao A: It's okay...
Usagi: Don't say that! Here, I'll buy them for you! Don't mind my friend, she's a bit dense.
Makoto: Hey, look who's talking!
Misao A: Thank you.
Cashier: Here you go, all wrapped.
Sasami: Here you are, Misao-chan! I was wondering where you were!
Ryoko: You all done?
Misao A: Yeah... where's birdie?
Sasami: It's easy to get lost. I'll help you look for him.
****
Aoshi: Misao. You've been in here for two hours.
Misao: Just a moment!
*Misao and Duo return to playing Last Blade 2*
Aoshi: ...
Duo: Block Low! Block Low! Agh!!!!! That's not fair!
Misao: Ah hah hah!
WuFei: I vote we just ditch Maxwell here.
Hilde: Now, now.
Aoshi: How did you get in? There's no parking.
Duo: What do you mean? There's plenty of parking!
Hilde: He drove here in his Gundam.
Computer Salesman: Attention! It appears that we have found one extra Playstation 2 in our warehouse! First come, first serve!
Duo: Oh, crap!
Misao: RUN!
*Everyone scrambles as a huge crowd runs toward the store*
****
*Sephiroth climbs up onto the roof gasping for breath*
Sephiroth: I should be safe here.
Setsuna: Hey, clear off! This is my hiding space!
Sephiroth: Huh?
Setzer: Actually, I was here first.
Zechs: Well, I have the most fans, so all of you clear off!
Alucard: I beg to differ.
Sephiroth: All right, this has just gone TOO FAR!
Setzer: Bring it on!
Setsuna: There can only be one silver haired bishonen! ONE.
*Aoshi and Misao jump up onto the roof*
Aoshi: We're safe.
Zechs: (Playstation 2, huh?)
Misao: (My heart...)
*Zanzetsu appears out of nowhere and lands next to Aoshi*
Aoshi: You again.
Zanzetsu: I will prove I'm the strongest!
Misao: Didn't Aoshi-sama kill you!?
Zanzetsu: Ninja body switching trick.
*Aoshi and Zanzetsu face off*
Hiko: All right, break it up.
Aoshi: Hm?
Hiko: You heard me. No fighting in the mall. Violation of Christmas spirit.
Misao: (Looks like everyone's pressed for cash this time of year.)
Zanzetsu: I will prove I am the strongest.
Hiko: Kuzu Ryu Sen!
*Zanzetsu flies off into the distance*
Hiko: Everyone knows I'm the strongest.
Quatre: Hey!
*Everyone looks up to see Hibiki and Quatre landing on the roof in a helicopter*
Quatre: Could you be a bit more careful? That flying ninja nearly hit our helicopter.
Hiko: Serves you right for not using the door like any normal human being.
Hibiki: Last I checked, there isn't a door anymore.
Hiko: What!? Let me see-
*Hiko runs into Yuffie*
Yuffie: Jeez! It's even crowded on the roof!
****
*Rumiya slowly descends from the ceiling with a bungee cord. The Mission: Impossible theme plays in the back*
Rumiya: (The target is in sight. Descending...)
Rumiya: (Security cleared. Heading toward the Playstation 2.)
Rumiya: (The target is within reach! Almost got it...)
Hibiki: You know, you could just ask.
Rumiya: Waaaah!
*Rumiya's bungee cord snaps, dropping him on the floor*
Hibiki: Let me help you with that.
*Hibiki unclasps the harness*
Rumiya: Thank you. Ummm... about that Playstation...
Someone: Hey! She's got the last Playstation 2!
Hibiki: Uh oh.
*Hibiki runs off, followed by a massive crowd. Rumiya gets trampled.*
Rumiya: The Playstation... sis is gonna kill me...
*Rumiya dejectedly limps over to the Dreamcast section. He opens one of the boxes*
*Angelic choir heard on the back*
Rumiya: Improperly... marked box...
*Rumiya slams the box shut and runs over to the cashier*
Rumiya: I'll take this one!
****
Usagi: I'm glad we took a break for lunch.
Makoto: You're always glad to eat.
Usagi: Hey! It's just that it's so crowded out there.
Makoto: I'll agree with you on that.
Usagi: It would be better if everyone didn't rush so much. Like that girl and that massive crowd following her.
Makoto: Isn't that one of the Okita clones?
Usagi: She's going to hit that marquee!
*Hibiki cuts the marquee in two and keeps running*
Usagi: Maybe not...
Makoto: That was weird.
Usagi: Not as weird as the people we're sitting near. Take a look.
Sano: What are you doing here?!
Saitoh: Eating soba... ahou ga.
Sano: What did you call me?
Kenshin: Yare yare. Here they go again.
Makoto: At least they're not running rampant through the mall, like that girl, or that weird undead corpse.
Usagi: What?!
*Setsuna runs by, quickly followed by Hibiki*
Hibiki: GIVE ME BACK MY FATHER'S SWORD!!!
Setsuna: Get it if you can, shrimp.
*Mukuro runs the other way, followed by the two Shinsengumi, Washizuka and Kojiro*
Mukuro: Wahhhh!
Washizuka: Kisamaaaaaaa!
Kojiro: DIE!
*Good and Evil Kenshin, Saitoh, and Sano appear on their respective shoulders.*
Evil Kenshin: Hunt the corpse down! Kill him!
*Good Kenshin launches into a five minute speech about how killing is wrong*
Evil Kenshin: All right, you win, shut up!
*Kenshin sighs*
Evil Sano: Kill him.
Good Sano: No, because that's wrong, etc... I'm hungry.
Evil Sano: Yeah, me too.
*Sano goes back to wolfing his food*
Evil Saitoh: Kill him!
Good Saitoh: Yeah, kill him now!
*Saitoh smiles*
Saitoh: Aku, soku, zan.
*Saitoh departs*
Sano: Psycho cop.
Kenshin: Now, now.
Makoto: Um... Should we do something about this?
*silence*
Usagi: No.
Makoto: Some things are better left alone, I guess.
****
Washu: Target name: Hibiki Takane. Tracking.... tracking...
*Washu types away on her Okita Clone Tracker (TM)*
Washu: Locking on... what the-?
*Washu's computer locks on to Eagle Vision*
Washu: This is an interesting turn of events...
*Eagle walks out of the electronics store*
Eagle: This should make Geo and Zazu happy... eh?!
*A suction cup flies across the mall and hits Eagle's forehead*
Eagle: Heh? What is this?
*Eagle pulls the suction cup off*
Washu: Hey! Don't take that off! I'm still analyzing you!
Eagle: Who are you?
Washu: Put that back! I need to know weather you're a clone or not!
Eagle: Clone? Huh?
Washu: You leave me no choice! I'll have to capture you and take you to my lab.
Eagle: What are you-
*A flash of light, and Eagle disappears*
Washu: AUGH! ERIOL! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!
****
Eagle: What a violent person.
Eriol: Lucky for you we happened along.
Eagle: I think I should depart now. Where's the exit?
Soujiro: Ah, don't worry! Eriol-san can send you straight home!
Eagle: He can? Right, don't judge people by how old they look...
Okita: Are?
*Eagle disappears again*
Eriol: Now the question: How are WE going to get to the book store?
Soujiro: That's easy!
*Soujiro runs onto the ceiling*
Hiko: OI! You're ruining the ceiling tiles!
*Soujiro stops*
Soujiro: Ha ha ha! Sorr-EEEEEEE!
*CRASH!*
Hibiki: That was just stupid, Soujiro.
Soujiro: To borrow a phrase... Orroooooooooo.
Quatre: Is it just me, or are the crowds getting worse?
Eriol: It can't get too much worse then it already is!
*The loudspeakers come on*
Announcer: Attention shoppers: The mall has reached it's maximum capacity. Self-destruct sequence initiated.
Hibiki: You had to say that, didn't you.
Okita: Well, the mall will sure be less crowded soon!
Soujiro & Eriol: Yes, that's true!
*Pause*
Quatre & Hibiki: THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM!!!
Hibiki: We need to get out of here, now.
Quatre: WHO BUILT THIS THING?!
****
*Somewhere, back in the mall's staff room*
Manager: WHY did you put a self-destruct sequence in a MALL?!
Dr. J: You didn't want one?
Manager: Are you crazy?!
Master O: I think "mad" is a better term.
Dr. G: You can never have too many self-destruct buttons.
Prof. H: Although believe me, he did try.
Manager: Whaaaaaa!
****
Misao A: Tori-san!
Rumiya(back in bird form): Krrr!
Ryoko: We've got to leave now! Quick, I'll teleport us all out!
*Sasami and Misao A. latch onto Ryoko's arms.*
Sasami: Uh, Ryoko-ne, shouldn't we teleport now?
Ryoko: I don't get it! How can this low tech planet have an anti teleport field around a mall!?! Who could be that paranoid!?!
*The five scientists sneeze*
Misao A: We can't get out?
Rumiya: (I hate to do this, but...)
Ryoko: Hey, wait!
Misao A: I'm just going to transform...
Sasami: Misao!
Ryoko: Hold up! Not both of you! Damn!
****
Usagi: Oh no! Now we have to do something!
Makoto: Right!... But we can't transform here.
Usagi: This way!
****
Aoshi: Let's go Misao.
Misao: But I still haven't gotten lights for the Aoiya!
Aoshi: Now, Misao.
*Aoshi grabs Misao and jumps to the roof, then across to the parking structure.*
****
Hilde: The exit's blocked!
Duo: Oh great, now the self destruct device works.
WuFei: Stop reminiscing and help me find the controls so we can stop this thing.
Duo: Well, in the unlikely chance that this device is like the one in our Gundams... I'd say the panel is here.
Hilde: Well what do you know, it worked!
WuFei: And now... ouch!
Hilde: Ouch?
WuFei: There's a shield around it!
Duo: Oh well, at least I'll go out with a bang.
Hilde + WuFei: DUO!
****
*Meanwhile, the Okita-tachi have found another similar panel in the wall*
Okita: Are? A force field.
Eriol: Not any more.
Quatre: Ok, now which wire...
*Soujiro and Hibiki cut all the wires with their battow-jitsus*
Loudspeaker: Main control device destroyed. Switching to secondary.
Hibiki: *gasp* Oh no!
Soujiro: Ah... heh heh. Oops.
Quatre: If this doesn't kill us, remember to let ME handle anything with wires... OK?
Everyone else: H...hai.
Eriol: Should we teleport out now?
Okita: Ah, we should have two or three more minutes.
****
*Meanwhile in the women's restroom... Multiple flashes of light appear, then fade away to reveal Sailor Moon, Sailor Jupiter, Pixy Misa, and Pretty Sammy.*
Sailor Moon: Uh, I see you two had the same idea.
Sammy: Misa, what are you doing here?
Misa: What else, Sammy-chan? Trying to escape the mall alive.
Jupiter: Let's go!
Sailor Moon: That's right! I'm Sailor Moon! I stand for love and justice! And in the name of the...
Misa: Why'd you stop?
Sailor Moon: I just realized there's no villain to give the speech to.
*Jupiter face faults*
Sammy: Uh, I just remembered. How are our magical attacks going to stop the building from blowing up?
*long pause*
Rumiya: Well, if all else fails, you can teleport out.
Misa + Sammy: Except there's an anti teleport field!
Sailor Moon: Wahh! The bird talks!
Jupiter: So does your cat.
Sailor Moon: Oh, yeah.
****
*Hiko is busy trying to maintain order when...*
Faceless Subordinate: Sir, there's a flaming projectile here to see you.
Hiko: Send him in.
*Kagami crashes through the ceiling in a rush of flames.*
Hiko: What are you doing here? No one knows who you are.
Kagami: I was put in charge of making sure there are only happy endings. Now take me to the people who built this thing.
Hiko: Whatever. Follow me.
Kagami: Alright you five, how do you disarm it?
Dr. J: We aren't really sure.
Hiko: You idiots built the damn thing!
Master O: We had the blueprints randomly combined to prevent spies from stealing the plans.
Hiko: Fools. Worse then that pupil of mine.
Kagami: Well we'll have to do this the hard way. NAGE!
*A blast of fire destroys the controls and starts a merry blaze.*
Loudspeaker: Backups one through four destroyed. Switching to backup five.
Hiko: You built five backups?
Dr. J: Of course not, we have at least ten.
Kagami: You fools!
Hiko: So much for happy endings.
Loudspeaker: Five seconds.
*Suddenly Tsunami appears floating above the mob.*
Okita: Are?
Rumiya: Huh?
Kagami: Who is she?
Ryoko: Dammit, she steals all the good roles.
Tsunami: Don't worry.
*Tsunami waves an arm and a brilliant flash of light covers the area.*
****
Sally: How was it?
Duo: Ok. Everyone got out alive.
WuFei: But the mall still exploded.
Hilde: Anyway, we're finally done.
Sally: You did remember wrapping paper, right?
*The three shoppers get bugeyed*
Sally: You can take what's left of mine.
Hilde + Duo + WuFei: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Sally: Yes... just... stop... squeezing...
****
Okita: Hey, Quatre, how come you only have one bag?
Eriol: Everyone else had to use my extra dimensional holding bags.
Hibiki: I thought you knew more people then that.
*Quatre puts on his goggles*
Quatre: Stand back.
Soujiro: A plane?
*Quatre pulls out two glow sticks as a voice crackles over his pocket radio.*
Rashid: Master Quatre! Ready for landing.
Okita: Narou Hodo.
Quatre: The Internet. The only way to shop safely.
****
Ryoko: Hey! Why is that bird carrying a Playstation 2?
Rumiya: (Uh oh...)
Misao A: Eh? And what's in that bag?
*Frantic flapping*
Fin
****
Editors note: The reason Eriol's teleport works is because he's that good.
****
Editors note2: This is the first part of the Christmas special. Yeah the second part is late. I know. Give me a break here I had nasty finals.