A Childhood Experiment

Mucky: My grandma has to come over and babysit us later cause my dad's going to chiropractice and my mom's working. She makes soup, like potato soup or pee soup, or some other junk which is obnoxious. I put the Sears catalog under my mattress, and it made a huge lump. John Holton put little red dots on all the boobies on the girls, so I can't let my mom and dad see it now. He's an idiot.

Tanya: I poked a stick up my nose to see how far it would go. It didn't.
  
Mucky: I mixed up in a Dixie Cup some chicken soup, Raid, Lysol, mercura-comb, and I put in some perfume my mom had. To see what would happen. Alla sudden nothing happened, so I stuck it somewhere in my mom's bedroom and ran away. Now I can't remember where I put it.

Tanya: (gently) Do you think it might be in your mom's bedroom, honey?

Mucky: Oh yeah, I forgot to say it's prolly in one of her drawers.  Then I look in a drawer and can't find my experiment, but there was a Dixie Cup in there just like mine and a bunch of clothes smeared with pink, stinky junk. So I shut the drawer and ran away.

Tanya: (taking notes) Interesting! And at one point did you realize that blaming the dog wasn't going to work?
  
Mucky: Yeah. She can't get her head in that drawer.  She's outside. So yeah, it can't be her fault, because she's clear down in the weeds with Tommy Harsh and Glenn and them guys.

Tanya: So you took your mom's dresser and hid it under your mattress, right?
  
Mucky: (Hiding mattress with a dresser under it beneath a pile of clothes)

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Hunt For The Meaning

I'm a nanny, a childcarer. Hunter is 3 and 1/2 and Sienna is 1 and 1/2, the son and daughter of my friends George and Karen. One day Hunter and I were looking out their front window at the colorful leaves of their tree in the yard. I thought I'd get a sense of how well he understands the idea of a whole year, and seasons and all that, so I asked him, "Hunter, do you know what time of year this is?"

Without missing a beat, he piped "SUPPER!" My belly spasming with laughter, I said "I like your answer!" Somehow he misheard this, and asked "There's a HAMSTER?"

Thing Keeps Colby Awake

I didn't sleep so well myself last night. I was awake for hours and the alarm went off just as I was dropping off to sleep. AT one point in the wee hours I remembered when I was taking care of my ex-girlfriend's son, Colby, and in the middle of the night I heard him fussing around so I went into his room and asked him what was wrong.

He said something about "that thing over there" was bothering him. When I asked him What thing? he pointed across the room to some toy or something that was barely even visible in the dark. I had to point to several different objects -- This? Is THIS it? -- before we found the thing that was keeping him awake. It was a doll or something and I had to put it in the closet.

I don't think the mean toy was really bothering him. He just needed me to lay down with him for a while.

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Jon Goes On The Record

There's a story my friend Jeff tells about his son Jon when he was a tiny thing. One morning Jeff woke up and went into the living room only to find a large portion of his record collection sprawled out on the floor. Jon had taken all the records out of the jackets and laid them on top one another and was standing on them and doing this giddy twist with a huge grin on his face, completely butt-naked--twisting back and forth, scritch-scratch scritch-scratch. A look of pure joy.

I think Jeff probably had a talk with Jon so the little episode wouldn't happen agai----pisode wouldn't happen agai----pisode wouldn't…

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Phony Stories Faux Children

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